by Amy Brent
I added the best ingredient, cinnamon, to the pancake batter. As I was pouring it on to the pan, Allie emerged from my bedroom. Her hair was up, and she was dressed in her clothes from the night before. She looked sleepy, but cute as ever as she sat down at the counter.
“Pancakes?” she asked, smiling up at me. “I’m so spoiled.”
“You know it. Your favorite.”
We were quiet for a while. I flipped the pancakes, and Allie watched me contently.
“Steven,” she said abruptly. “You need to give me my diary back.”
“Awh, come on, Allie. It’s too good. We never would have done any of this had I not read it.”
“I want you to stop reading it.”
“Why?” I asked, unable to stop myself. I knew it was private for her, but I was sure she had enjoyed the sex as much as I had. I had fulfilled her fantasies. What was the downside to that?
“Because it’s not fair. At the moment, the sex is great. But afterward, I feel confused. I know you said no labels, and that this can be just a friends with benefits kind of thing. But Steven, I don’t know if I can do that. I need to know. I need to know how you feel about me. Please. I need the truth.”
Deep down, I had always known how I felt about Allie Wright. It was a no-brainer. She was the one person on the planet I couldn’t live without; she was the only one who knew who I really was.
“I’m in love with you, Allie Wright. I think I always have been,” I said, holding her stare. She wanted the truth. There it was. Plain and simple and out in the open.
She blinked. At first, I thought it was because she was so shocked by my answer. Then, as her eyes grew glassy and wet, I realized she was trying not to cry.
“Allie,” I said hurriedly, “please, don’t cry. It’s okay. We don’t have to let this ruin anything. Forget I said it.”
“Shut up, Steven,” she said, tears clinging to her bottom lashes now. “I love you, too.” She dabbed at her eyes and sniffed in a not so ladylike fashion. I had for force myself not to laugh at her. She looked so damn cute.
“These are good tears, right?” I asked.
She nodded, still dabbing her eyes. “Yes. Now give me my diary back. You know my deepest darkest secret now. There’s nothing else for you to read in there.”
“That’s your biggest secret? That you love me?”
“Yes,” she said, nodding once.
“Alright,” I said, pointing at the pancakes. “Make sure these don’t burn. I’ll get your diary.”
I returned to the bedroom and grabbed her diary while mulling over her words. She loved me too. How had I been so oblivious all these years? How long had she felt this way? As long as me?
I brought it back to her, telling myself that if I ever really wanted to read it again, I would be able to find it. She had always been bad at hiding things. In high school, she had written a book of poetry and had been horrified when I found it stashed in a basket on top of her parents’ fridge. Being a tall guy, I had spotted it from across the room. I figured it hadn’t occurred to her since she was so short.
Back in the kitchen, I handed her the diary.
“Thank you,” she said, clutching it to her chest the way a toddler might a teddy bear.
I shrugged and transferred the pancakes to a plate. I set out the maple syrup and butter, and we sat and enjoyed our meal together. Allie’s diary never strayed more than a couple feet from her side. Me having it must have really been bothering her. This only made me more curious about what the other entries said.
“Want to spend the day together?” I asked, popping a bite into my mouth.
“I would love to,” Allie said, looking up at me apologetically. “But Melissa and I have plans to go shopping together this afternoon. She needs new business clothes for work.”
“Business clothes,” I said dryly, “that sure sounds fun. Staying here with me would be worth your while, I assure you. We could watch movies all day. I could go get us snacks while you shower. Then, you know, we could take a break every hour or so and just fuck around.” I winked.
“Steven, I can’t. Melissa needs my help. She has clothing commitment issues.”
I arched an eyebrow. “You’re going to say no to all of this?” I laughed, gesturing at myself.
“Believe it or not, yes, I am.”
“Is this punishment for stealing your diary?”
“If you want to look at it that way, you can,” she said.
“Are you upset with me?” I asked, starting to feel a little worried that maybe I had taken things too far.
“No, Steven, don’t worry about it. Everything is fine. You gave it back. No harm done. I don’t like backing out of plans. You know that about me. Especially with Melissa.”
“Alright, alright,” I conceded, trying not to let her see how disappointed I was. “Another time then, I guess.”
She smiled at me, and the warmth in her eyes chased away some of the worry in my gut. We continued eating our pancakes, and soon, Allie was joking about that state of my disastrous kitchen. Things felt normal, despite the now ever-present sexual tension between us.
Try as I might, I couldn’t think of anything besides fucking her again.
Chapter 10
Allie
I had left Steven’s house a little after ten in the morning. He had tried to seduce me into staying one last time at his front door by hooking a thumb in the belt loop of my jeans and tugging me against him. It had almost worked. Had he kissed me, I might have still been there, lying with my legs in the air with his cock in me again.
But I wasn’t. I was at home brushing my teeth and getting ready to meet Melissa. I had been considering whether or not I was going to tell her about Steven and me hooking up. I decided that I should because she had always been such a good sounding board for me. She gave me the best advice, and I knew this was something that I shouldn’t carry around with me without telling someone. I needed to share the burden.
I met Melissa at the mall outside her favorite shop. We wandered through the racks, and she pulled out several pencil skirts, blouses, and blazers and asked me for my opinion. I nodded along with her, not really paying much attention.
“Okay,” Melissa said finally, leaning up against one of the sales racks. “What’s the deal, Allie? You’re acting super weird. Is everything okay?”
“Oh. Yes. Sorry. I’m okay.”
“I’m not convinced at all by that answer,” Melissa said.
I stepped closer to her and lowered my voice. “I fucked Steven.”
“What?” Melissa exclaimed loudly. I shushed her as my cheeks burned. “Oh my God, Allie,” Melissa gushed, “are you serious?”
“Yes, we hooked up. In all honesty, we hooked up like five times, but that’s beside the point.”
“Um, no it’s not. You fucked him five times? How was he?” Melissa asked, giggling sheepishly and covering her mouth.
“You have no idea,” I said, feeling that stirring desire again below my belly at the thought of the sex. “But it’s afterward that things got complicated. I told him to give me my diary back. And at some point in the conversation, I ended up confessing my feelings for him.”
“What exactly does that mean? What feelings are we talking about here?”
“I told him I loved him.”
“Holy shit, Allie. That’s a huge deal! What did he say?” Melissa’s eyes were glittering with curiosity.
“He told me he loved me too.”
“What?” Melissa clapped her hands together and squealed. “This is huge! What does this mean? Are you guys a couple now?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head before she got too excited. “We’re just friends. Like always. Just friends. We’re going to keep hanging out.”
“You’re going to keep fucking him, in other words,” Melissa said with a not so subtle eye roll.
I didn’t bother disagreeing with that statement. I already wanted to fuck him again.
“Does he know about,
you know,” Melissa said. “Andrew? Do you think he read that entry?”
“No, he doesn’t know. I’m positive. And I don’t plan on ever letting him find out. If he knew Andrew and I had kept that secret from him for so long, it would destroy him. He doesn’t trust a lot of people as it is. Andrew and I are two of very few.”
Melissa groaned and pressed her hand to her forehead. “Allie, you realize how foolish that sounds when you say it out loud, right? He’s going to find out one day. You should just tell him. Wipe the slate clean. He would understand it better if you could explain it to him properly. If he finds out from someone else, well, that’s bad, Allie. You need to tell him.”
“No, I can’t. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“You’re going to make it worse now that you’re a couple. Sex complicates things. Feelings are involved now. You have to believe me,” Melissa said.
“We’re just friends. Nothing has changed. He doesn’t need to know.”
“If you say so, Allie, But I mean it. You’re making a big mistake.”
Later that evening when I was home alone, I couldn’t get Melissa’s words out of my head. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was right. Maybe Steven did need to know. It had been ten years, after all, and nothing had really happened.
Andrew and I had been young and stupid. I was only sixteen after all. He had been twenty-two. We regretted it right away. Then, when we thought I was pregnant, we thought everyone was going to find out. We thought our lives were over. Andrew was a good guy. He told me then that he wouldn’t leave me, and that he would support me no matter what I decided to do about the pregnancy.
It never got far enough for me to have to make that decision. After two weeks of thinking I was going to be a teen mother, Andrew showed up at my house and took me to the doctor. They did a pregnancy test. He sat and held my hand the whole time. It came back negative.
The doctor gave us the news and left us alone in the room. We had agreed, right then and there, that we would never speak of what had happened again. We both had been idiots. We both had made mistakes. No one needed to know, because nothing had happened. We never had sex again. In fact, we never did anything again. It had all been one, crazy, wild night, where both of us gave in to our desires rather than use our heads.
All of that was so far in the past now. Ten years. It hadn’t affected anything. Andrew and I never had feelings for each other. Even now, when we saw each other, it wasn’t weird. We were friends. There were no hard feelings. We wanted the best for each other.
I knew, though, Steven wouldn’t understand. And I couldn’t bear the thought of being the person who hurt him. He trusted me. He knew I would never do anything to hurt him. But I already had done it. Years ago.
But Melissa had a knack for always being right. Secrets always managed to sneak their way out into the light, no matter how hard a person tries to bury them. How Andrew and I had already managed to keep our secret under lock and key for ten years, I had no idea.
One thing was for certain: eventually, Steven would found out that his brother and I had had sex. He would find out we had been lying for ten years. Then things could only get worse from there.
Honesty was always the best policy. I knew that.
I picked up my phone and called Steven. He answered almost right away.
“Hey, Steven,” I said, a tight knot of nerves forming in my belly. “Are you free tonight?”
“I can be,” he said, a deep chuckle coming through the phone.
“Do you want to come over?”
“When?”
“Anytime. I just got home,” I said, twirling a strand of my hair nervously.
“Should I bring anything?” he asked.
“Just yourself,” I said.
“Alright, I’ll see you in a few.”
When he said a few, I had figured an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Steven was the kind of guy who usually got distracted by something and rolled around whenever it suited him best. However, he arrived only fifteen minutes after getting off the phone with me. I buzzed him up, and he let himself in.
He found me folding laundry in my living room. I had built four neat little piles of clothes and was in the middle of rolling my socks into pairs when he hugged me from behind and kissed my neck.
I giggled and tried to squirm out of his grasp. I needed to talk to him. I wanted to put this whole mess behind us. Then, maybe we would be able to move forward with whatever this whole thing was between us.
“Steven,” I pleaded, wriggling free from his hug. “Stop it.”
“Why?” he asked, following my retreat with pinching fingers and a wicked grin. “You invited me over, don’t play hard to get now.”
“I’m not playing hard to get,” I said, slapping his hand away.
He laughed defiantly and tried to grab my sleeve. I couldn’t help the bubbling laughter that came out of me as I scurried away from him and sought cover in the kitchen. He followed me, the sound of his laugh mingling with mine. He caught up with me and grabbed both my wrists.
“Why are you running from me, Allie cat?”
I bit my bottom lip. Tell him. Like a Band-aid. Nice and quick. “I—”
Steven pressed his thumb against my bottom lip, pulling it free from my pinching teeth. “You what?” He purred.
He was making this way too hard. His bright blue eyes held the promise of a sexy adventure. He was thinking dirty thoughts, and they were leaking over to me. I wanted to take him, right then and there. Telling him about Andrew could wait. Couldn’t it?
“Nothing,” I whispered, shaking my head. My hair fell over my shoulders.
Steven grazed my cheek with his thumb. He traced my jaw and tilted my face up to his. “You’re sure? Speak now, or forever hold your peace.”
“Forever?”
“Well,” he said, shrugging slightly, “until you can speak again. I plan on making that a little difficult for you in the next couple minutes.”
“Are you taunting me, Steven Marx?”
He threw his head back and laughed. His hair fell over his eyes when he looked back down at me. Fuck, he was so hot. That little voice in my head was screaming Andrew’s name, but my body was already forgetting who he was. Steven’s closeness was too distracting. The smell of him flooded my nose: pine and sandalwood.
“I would never taunt you, Allie, not on purpose at least. I’m just letting you know what’s about to go down.”
“And what’s that?” I asked curiously. “What exactly is about to go down?” I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to hear the words on his lips.
His lips curled upward. He put his finger under my chin and stared into my eyes. “I’m going to eat you up, right here in the middle of the kitchen. I’m going to take you and fuck you over that sink. And I’m not going to stop until you’re screaming my name.”
All thoughts of Andrew disappeared. The itch that I couldn’t scratch grew as I stared into Steven’s eyes. “Yes please,” I whispered, wanting nothing more than what he had just promised me.
“I’m sorry,” Steven said, tilting my head up even more. “I couldn’t hear you. What did you want?”
“I want everything,” I said. “I want you to fuck me. Here. Now. Over the sink. However you want.”
“That’s what I like to hear,” Steven said breathlessly, his fingers leaving my chin. His hand strayed to the back of my neck. He drew me to him and kissed me. That flutter of need consumed me again. I clutched at his shirt, balling it up in my fists and using it to hold me to him. I moaned into his mouth, and he matched my eagerness with a breathless sigh of his own.
Chapter 11
Steven
Allie returned my kiss with more intensity than what I was expecting. She wanted this just as much as I did. I wasn’t going to hold back.
I pulled her sweater over her head. Her hands got caught up in the sleeves. She laughed, and so did I, as we struggled to peel it off her. Once she was free, I cast it aside. She was wearing f
orm-fitting black leggings that were driving me wild. She shimmied them down over her hips and thighs. I watched as she stepped out of them. Then she pressed herself up against me once more.
I undid her bra. It fell between us. She wore nothing but her hot pink thong, which was begging me to get up close and personal with its pink lace.
I lifted Allie and placed her on the kitchen counter. She leaned back on her elbows, and I crouched down, hovering between her thighs. She watched me with wet lips as I pulled her pink panties aside. Her pussy looked so ripe and juicy.
I ran my tongue over her clit. She flinched beneath my touch and sighed. Her head fell back as I continued tasting her. Her hair fanned out on the counter beneath her as her breathing quickened. I sucked her clit and teased her with one finger, never entering her. I liked the way she lifted her hips closer to me—as if her body was begging me to put my finger in her.
I straightened and rained kisses up her stomach. She slid off the counter and went to her knees in front of me. I watched in awe as she undid my belt. She took her time. I suspected she was paying me back for teasing her. When my belt was undone, she slid it out of my belt loops. It hummed against my jeans, and she dropped it on the ground. Then she popped open the button of my fly and undid the zipper.