He shrugs. “Kade called, had me get the key and here I am. Ready to go?”
“He’s not picking me up?”
“Nah. He’s busy out at the Capps’. Said he’d be at the house soon, though.”
Hm. Double-edged sword there. On the one hand, if he’s busy, I won’t have to face him at his parents’ which means the emotional load will be less, but on the other, if he’s not at his parents’, that means he’s spending time with Peyton. But again, why do I even care? “Let me grab my scarf then I’m ready,” I tell Brody as I go to the closet and get the soft, plush aubergine scarf I bought at Piper’s off a hanger and wrap it around my neck.
“Hey, you got some new stuff,” Brody comments looking around the apartment.
“Yeah. Went to Piper’s. Isn’t it all adorable?”
“Sure. Adorable,” he says with a roll of his eyes.
“Speaking of Piper…” I start.
“Ready? Let’s do this,” he cuts me off and heads down the stairs.
This is not lost on me, but I plan to talk to him about her in the car so I let it lie for now. Grabbing my purse and keys, I follow him down locking the door on the way out then we get in his Jeep and head north of town. The Kelly’s ranch is eight miles straight north of town then five west, and there once was a time I think I could’ve driven there blindfolded. That thought makes me sad and not a little anxious, so to avoid feeling this way, I think I’ll badger Brody.
“So about Piper,” I begin again.
“Don’t go there, Mill,” he warns.
I turn as much as I can in my seatbelt and face him. “Really, Brody? You broke up over kids that you don’t even have?”
He scowls as he stares at the road in front of him. “Leave it alone.”
“But that’s ridiculous!” I say. “You and Piper are perfect together, can’t you see that?”
He cuts his eyes at me. “How about you ask me anything you want to know about Kade and I’ll tell you, if you’ll stop talking about Piper and me.”
Hm. Well, that is pretty tempting.
“Okay, why’s he with Peyton?”
“Don’t know.” There’s that guilty look again. Just what’s going on with her?
“Well, you said they’re together together as in having sex, right?” I ask.
“Far as I know,” he answers with a shrug.
“Kade says they’re not.”
He shrugs again. “He says they’re not then they’re not.”
“Lotta good you’re doing here, Mr. I Don’t Know Jack about My Brother,” I scoff.
He chuckles. “You know how he is, all broody and shit. Keeps everything to himself. I mean, it’s not like we go get mani-pedis and talk about our feelings.”
“You know,” I look over at him sizing him up, “I can totally see your nails painted with Essie’s ‘Size Matters.’” I giggle at the look he gives me.
“Seriously?” He shakes his head at me then grabs his crotch. “Nothing wrong with my size. One-hundred-percent all man here, baby.”
“Whoa! No need for package grabbing especially from someone who’s like my baby brother. Gross.” He looks over and grins at me. “You’re such a dork.”
He frowns now. “Not a dork. I’m cool as fuck,” he mutters with a pout.
I snort at him but continue with my questioning hoping to get something out of it. “Okay, back on track. Answer me this, if Kade and Peyton don’t have a relationship, per se, why’s he with her?” I do air quotes when I say “with.”
Another guilty face. Hm. “Not sure. Know he likes her kids. Cruz is gone a lot. He’s a construction manager, travels a bunch but he’s a pretty good guy.” He shrugs again.
“So the dad’s pretty active in their lives?”
“Don’t know.”
“Just a veritable fountain of information, aren’t you?” I say, heavy on the sarcasm.
“Look, Mill, all I know about Kade is, after you left and after he was discharged, he was messed up, totally screwed in the head, fucked everything that had tits.”
“Don’t want to hear about that again, Brody,” I mumble.
He keeps going as if I didn’t just speak. “Bought Pettyman’s six months after he got back. After it was up and running, he started talking about the house. A lot. But I guess the store took most of his finances so he couldn’t get it right away. Mom and Dad told him they’d loan him, but he knew they were strapped with the ranch and all, so he didn’t want to put them out. Anyway, guess he found some funds because he got the house about three months ago and started working on it practically the next day.”
“Why do you think he bought the house, Brody?” I ask.
“Honestly?” he asks looking over at me. I nod and his eyes go back to the road. “Think he thought it’d bring you back.”
I shake my head and think about what he said at the station earlier. Bought it with you in mind.
“He thought I’d come back?” I say quietly. “But it’s been five years and what I did to him was horrible. Why would he want me back?”
“He loved you,” he replies.
This makes me close my eyes as I get a pang to my heart. God.
“Look, I know I asked you to stay away from him,” he says. I open my eyes and watch as he scratches his scruff for a second before he goes on. “But if you think there’s still something good between you two, I wouldn’t mind.” He glances at me then back to his driving. “You’ve been in town for going on three days. Haven’t seen him this happy in years.”
I stare out my window as I turn that over in my head and it scares the hell out of me because I realize that even though I still love Kade, I can’t be responsible for his happiness anymore than I can fly to the moon. This shitstorm of emotions I’ve been experiencing lately has been keeping me way off balance and it’s pissing me off. A lot. I mean, I haven’t allowed myself to really feel anything for years because I didn’t think I deserved to, so suddenly having all these… these feelings is very disconcerting. I mean, I think I was more embarrassed over the ordeal with Aidan than torn apart. That’s why it didn’t hurt as much as it should have when I found out he was married. So see? Feelings=bad. Indifference=good.
Okay, I need to take control and nip all this emotion shit in the bud before someone gets hurt. I’ve got a great job and an awesome condo in Richmond that I’ll be going back to when I sell the station which could be tomorrow or two months from now for all I know.
I rub my eyes and tell myself it’s for the best. Because it is.
I think.
Chapter 9
We’re getting out of the Jeep just as Cassie pulls up. She squeals when she sees I’m there, and comes over and grabs my hand tugging me to go inside. When we get to the door, I tense up but she squeezes my hand in reassurance, giving me a smile, and pulls me inside.
“Mom?” she yells as we take our coats off in the foyer.
“In the kitchen!” Carolina hollers back.
Brody grins at us saying, “’Skins are playing,” and heads to the living room where I know Lucas is already watching the game.
“Breathe,” Cass says with a wink. “It’ll be fine. C’mon.” I follow her to the kitchen. “Hey, Mom.”
With her back to us, Carolina says, “Brisket’s in the smoker. Tell Dad that he needs to—” she stops talking when she turns and sees me.
My heart’s about to beat out of my chest as I wait for her to yell at me to get out. My eyes fill with tears as I realize how much I hurt them, my pseudo-family, and I know I was such a heartless bitch for doing it.
“I—I’ll just get Brody to take me—” I begin when Carolina lets out a choked sob and makes her way across the kitchen to me then envelops me in her arms.
And let the sobfest begin. I’m crying, she’s crying, Cassie’s crying. As we stand there bawling, Carolina pulls back to look at me, lets out a cry then wraps her arms around me again, doing this several times. Damn it. I knew it’d be e
motional, and I hate it. Hate that I did this to her.
“I—I’m so sorry,” I sob. I keep saying it over and over hoping it’ll make things better, but it doesn’t.
She finally pulls away and brings the hem of her apron up to her face, wiping away her tears, watching me the whole time. She’s in her mid-50s, about my height and is a little on the heavy side due to having carried four babies and also from sampling her amazing cooking, I’m sure, but she carries it well. Her long, dark hair is as usual, pulled back in a low ponytail and her gray eyes, the same eyes as Kade’s, look much brighter from her crying. She’s wearing jeans, a cotton shirt and boots, her typical attire since she and Lucas run a ranch.
I’m still taking those stupid jerky breaths that come after a hard cry when Cassie comes over and takes my hand, squeezing it in assurance in hers giving me an “I told you so” look.
“I’m so glad you’re home, sweetheart,” Carolina tells me with a smile and I want to burst out sobbing again.
“I’m so sor—” I start but she cuts me off.
“Nothing to be sorry for, honey. You’re here now. That’s all that matters.” Her smile is huge.
God. I love her so much.
I nod and try out a small smile.
“That’s my girl,” she says, taking my other hand and giving it a squeeze before letting it go. “Okay, well, Cass, go tell your father he needs to get the brisket off the smoker. Amelia? Can you get the plates and silverware and set the table, please?”
And just like that, everything’s okay.
Cassie gives me a grin then goes to get Lucas. I get six plates from the cabinet where I know they’ve always been and take them into the dining room, setting them at each place on the table before going back to the kitchen for the cutlery. As I’m placing it on the sides of each plate, the front door opens and Kade walks in. He stops and looks at me for a moment, his eyes holding mine and doing that smoldering, molten thing again which makes my body go weak and I drop a fork onto a plate scaring the bajeezus out of myself. I pick it up and look back at him and now he’s got a half-smirk going on which is so frickin’ sexy. God! Why can’t he be ugly? But he’s standing there with his windblown hair messier than usual, his cheeks ruddy from being out in the sun and I know he’s been riding horses with Peyton’s kids, which doesn’t send a jealous streak through me at all since I saw how he was with her this morning. The fact that he told me he hasn’t slept with her also makes me feel better for some ridiculous reason.
You’re not getting involved with him again, stupid. Someone’s just going to end up getting hurt. Remember, you’re leaving when you sell the station.
I look away and continue setting the table.
~~~
We’re in the middle of lunch now. Earlier Lucas had come into the kitchen as I was grabbing the potato salad to set on the table, gave me a huge bear hug, kissed my cheek, said, “What’s cookin’, good lookin’?” and that was all it took to make up with him.
The dining table is rectangular and we all know that Lucas’s and Carolina’s seats are at either end, but I swear, Cassie and Brody scramble to sit on the same side like a couple of ten year olds, thus sabotaging my plan to stay away from Kade leaving me to sit by him. Jerks.
Actually, everything’s going pretty well. I’m not having to talk too much because Brody’s regaling us with a story about one of the guys he works with at the fire station whose three-year-old son somehow got hold of his mom’s cell phone, dialed 911 and said their house was on fire but he didn’t know the address. The dispatcher traced the cell, called it in, the guy of course freaked out since it was his house, he and the rest of the firefighters got in their gear and on the truck and showed up at the guy’s house. When they got there, the little boy was riding his tricycle outside but there was no smoke coming out of the house. When asked what the deal was, the little boy said he just wanted to see his daddy.
We’re laughing at that when the doorbell rings. Lucas gets up and answers it as Brody starts on another story. We’re chuckling as he’s imitating different people in town when I hear a voice that I was hoping not to hear for a very long time.
“Oh, hey, Carolina. Sorry to bother you during lunch, but I’ve got those Mason jars you asked Momma for,” Peyton says, stepping into the dining room holding a small box.
“Come on in, Peyton,” Carolina says getting up. “You didn’t need to bring those over this soon. I won’t need them until December.”
Peyton’s eyes land on Kade then slide to me and the glare she shoots my way could unnerve a lesser woman, but she doesn’t scare me. When I don’t flinch, she looks back at Carolina and the phony demeanor returns and she’s all peaches and cream sweet again. I look at Cassie who rolls her eyes in disgust.
“Well, Momma was going through the pantry for something and found them, so she asked me to bring them by,” Peyton says going into the kitchen and setting the box on the counter. When she comes back to the dining room she says, “Kade? Can I see you for a second?”
I can feel the tension rolling off him in waves. He lets out an annoyed sigh and shoots Brody a look, then scoots his chair back to get up and walks over to Peyton, taking her by the elbow and leading her outside. I look at Brody to see him looking remorseful. What the hell is going on with them and Peyton?
We all just sit there in silence eating for a few moments before Lucas says, “Nice girl, that Peyton.” He starts chuckling then Brody, Cassie and I burst out in laughter at his sarcasm.
“Lucas!” Carolina scolds but she’s having a hard time holding her laughter in, putting a hand over her mouth.
“She’s a ‘See You Next Tuesday’ for real,” Cassie mutters which makes me snort, especially when Carolina chides her too but then lets out her own small snort.
Oh, my gosh. I so love this family.
Brody shushes his sister and holds up a hand for everyone to be quiet, and I see his face get dark as we hear Peyton yelling, “But you promised! You’re a fucking bastard, Kade!”
Whoa. I look at Cassie who bugs her eyes out at me as if she wants me to do something about it. Uh. I look back at her confused, which makes her bug her eyes even more. What in the world does she expect me to do? I mean, it’s really none of my business.
I guess Brody’s had enough of his brother’s being verbally abused by that bitch because he stands to go out, but at the same time Kade comes back inside. I’m expecting to see him pissed off, sporting “The Look” but he’s wearing his trademark smirk, which makes me bite my lips to keep from giggling.
He comes into the dining room and we’re all just looking at him, no one saying a word until Lucas speaks up.
“Piss another one off, son?”
Kade chuckles as he sits down beside me then puts his hand on my chair back and starts smoothing his thumb over the nape of my neck.
Oh, my.
“It’s my specialty,” he mumbles his eyes on me as he watches me shiver at his touch.
Dear God. Just the man’s thumb on me can make my body crave him. This does not bode well for my future.
~~~
Kade’s now driving me home.
When we finished lunch, the men went and watched football, Cassie and I had helped Carolina clean up, she’d made me promise to come back out to see her soon and we’d had a tearful goodbye, but in a good way. I hadn’t even known I’d missed them all as much as I had or how big a part of my life they’d been, and it feels good to finally breach the wall that I’d put up between us. But now I’m exhausted, just emotionally spent.
When we pull up to the station, I see that the window’s fixed, but now it’s just blank without Papaw’s little motto on it which makes me sad. I turn to Kade and start to thank him for getting it fixed but he’s already out his door and coming around to my side.
When he opens my door, I say, “Thank you for having the window fixed. You can bill me for the cost, but, uh, I’m kinda tired now. Thought I’d take a nap
.”
“Didn’t finish what we were talking about earlier,” he replies, holding a hand out and helping me down from his truck.
My adrenaline spikes at his touch (jeez) and suddenly I’m not so tired anymore. We do need to talk and set some parameters to what’s going on with this mad attraction between us. At the station door, we stand for a few seconds until I look up at him. “What, you’re not gonna do the honors of unlocking the door?” I give him a wry look.
He smirks down at me. “Brody has the key. Forgot to get it back from him.”
I roll my eyes and let out a dramatic huff as I dig my keys out of my purse. As we go inside, I inform him, “Well, when you get it back from him, I need it back from you.” He nods, ignoring my snippiness, then locks the door behind him and with a hand at the small of my back, pushes me toward the stairs at the back. Guess we’re going up. When we get upstairs, I take off my coat hanging it on one of the hooks on the wall then throw my purse onto the table underneath. “Okay, talk,” I say, walking over and plopping down into my new chair.
One side of his mouth curls up at my attempt to appear aloof as he sits on the loveseat across from me. Putting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands in front of him, he stares at the floor for a moment before looking up at me. “Been stuck, Mill.”
I take a deep breath, tired of the code he’s been talking in. “Kade, I know you’re all about action and not speaking because you’re a man, on top of being a badass ex-SEAL, but can you just, please, tell me what you’re wanting to tell me?”
His amused look is back but then his eyes narrow and fix on mine, holding them. “Life’s been shit since you, Mill. Had everything and let it get away from me.” He takes a breath and blows it out. “Took it all for granted. I know that now. Should’ve done everything to make you happy and I didn’t. I’m sorry.” His gray eyes burn into mine as he says this, his anguish coming through loud and clear.
Wait. He’s apologizing to me? No! I should be the one apologizing to him.
“Kade…” I whisper shaking my head. God, he’s such a good guy. So like him to take the responsibility for everything. “It was me… my fault… I’m the one who should be sorry.”
Bigger Than the Sky (Serenity Point) Page 8