See also Apprenticeship Model; authoritarian parenting; connection, parent-child
parents
change in number of working, 68
children viewed as talents by middle-class, 25
developmental impact of parental time, 65
emotional responses of, 93
fearing judgment from other, 207–208
guilt over not being around, 68
hang-ups of, 191–192, 193
ignored instructions of, 6
immigrant, 202
infant brain influenced by touch and proximity of, 41
judgmental, 215
perfect, 58–59, 191–192, 193–194, 202
as problem underlying misbehavior, 145
self-regulation in, 101
social support for, 210–211
“too soft” view of, 51–52
uninvolved, 62
words used by, 133
See also connection, parent-child; modeling, parent; specific topics
Pavlov, Ivan, 32–33
PAX Good Behavior Game
acronym meaning, 154
age of children appropriate for, 87
at Ohio Avenue Elementary, 155–156, 158, 160, 161
chart, 159
Class Dojo app compared to, 213
Davies’s initial skepticism about, 162
gene expression changed by, 157
Medicaid and, 163–164
reading skills improved by, 159
PAXIS Institute, 155
Pediatrics, 70
PEP. See Parent Encouragement Program
perceived criticism measure, 48–50
perfection, parental, 202
personal story of releasing, 194–200
quest for, 191–192, 193–194
tantrums and, 58–59
permissive parenting
characteristics of, 61
comparison of authoritarian, authoritative and, 60–61
era, 60
time and effort concern in authoritative versus, 63
phobias, Poulton research on falls and, 33–34
phones
taking away, 224–225
teenagers’ use of, 14–19
play
in animal kingdom, 28
block, 22
Boston Basics on, 106
Gray on happiness and, 28–29
no time for, 28
outdoor activities and, 67
pretend, 11, 30, 155
research on homework and, 179
rough, 184–185
tolerating active, 218, 219
unstructured, 30–31, 34–35, 180
Plemmons, Gregory, 24
Pokémon TV show, 222
polio, 93, 156
pornography, child, 17
Positive Discipline (Nelsen), 173
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
in children, 32–33, 151–152, 158–159
spouse touch and, 45–46
potty-training analogy, 211–212
Poulton, Richie, 33–34
poverty, 152, 163
power struggles
household chores and, 150
PEP parent overcoming, 71–74
undue attention seeking and, 75
praise
blanket, 117, 128
motivation undermined by, 65
PEP on, 127–128, 132–133
positive labels and, 133
specific, 128, 218–219, 223
substantive feedback and, 133
prefrontal cortex, 40, 41, 44, 52, 54
preschool
hitting by accident incident, 53
household chores and, 147
pretend play, 11, 30, 155
principal’s office, tough boys being called to, 67
problem-solving, 95
brain science and, 40, 130
Central School conversations with Quinn as, 139–142
Ross Greene and, 121–124, 139–142
Project Implicit, 102
psychosocial development, 62
PTSD. See post-traumatic stress disorder
punishment
brain development and, 53
counterproductive effects of rewards and, 53
hitting or berating as, 168
long-term risks of verbal, 52
1950s example of misbehavior and, 55–56
opportunity cost of, 5
puzzle, misbehavior as, 124
quesadillas, Ava’s, 149
Quinn (Daly child), 120–122, 139–142
racial bias, unconscious, 102
Reach Out and Read campaign, 107
reading, PAX game as improving, 159
recess
academic focus replacing, 30
decreased time for, 20
reduction of play and, 30
red-green-yellow behavior charts, 161
reflective listening, 124–125, 137
research scientists, condition variations limited by, 50
Retic, Mikki, 68
retrospective studies, 61
reward-punishment scheme, 53, 90–91, 213
rewards, 91, 154
Reynolds, Kate, 204–205
Riggio, Heidi, 146–147
Rights of the Child, UN convention on, 31
risk-taking behavior, screen use and, 22
Risley, Todd, 105
Roberts family, Erika (mother), Tyrone (father), and Evan, 57
power struggles ended by Tyrone, 72–74
rodents
ADHD model for, 21–22
infant separation in, 100–101
play and, 28
role-plays, PEP class, 93–94
Romanian orphanages, 41
Rossman, Marty, 147
rough play, 184–185, 225–226
routines, value of predictable, 80
See also morning routine
Rowley, Lisa, daughter Ella and, 126, 132, 135–136
Russell, Jasmine and A’Zayah, 110–114
Ryan, Richard, 52, 90
sailing analogy, 226–227
saliva test, 99, 137–138
Samantha (oldest child), 7
Santa Fe, 8, 194, 196, 201
See also Mountain Cloud Zen Center
schedule
ADHD and, 32
of high-achieving children, 27
overscheduling causing anxiety, 32
play missing from, 28
pressured, 26–28
review, 129
See also morning routine
schizophrenia, 46–47
school
Greene on home life and, 142
morning routine for getting to, 72
school year, length of, 70
schoolyard incident, of rough play, 6
screen use
limits on, 183–184
Maddie’s screen time, 165–167, 186–188
parent modeling and, 193
research on TV and, 20–23
in young children, 20–21
Sears, William, 60
self-blame, parent apology and, 84
self-determination theory, 25, 26
self-esteem, in children, 61
movement, 128
words and, 132
self-regulation and self-control
ability to distinguish real from imagined threats, 42
arousal-relief cycle in, 51
brain and, 42
decline in ability, 42
empathy for strengthening, 137–138, 208
erosion in children’s, 5, 11–12
experiments to understand, 103–104
importance of playtime for, 34–35
1948 and 2003 studies on, 11–12
in parents, 101
PAX game and, 156, 157–158
Quinn’s case, 120–122
Simon Says for, 29
socioeconomics in crisis of, 31
teachers and, 161
See also executive function
; sexting, 17
sibling fights, 184–185
Siegle, Greg, 50–51
sign language, 113, 130
Simon Says, 29, 154
Skenazy, Lenore, 34
Sky Center, 197, 198
sleep, recommended number of hours, 88
sleep difficulties
anxiety and depression from, 88
1982–1984 versus 2012–2014, 13
Smirnova, Elena, 11–12
snack time, limits and routines, 169–172
Snapchat
nude images on, 17–18
streak, 15
social interest theory, 89
social media
depression linked to, 14, 19
Durrant family issues of, 14–19
social pediatrics, 107
social support, among parents, 210–211, 222–224
socioeconomics, self-regulation crisis and, 31
Sonnon, Scott, 214
specific praise, 128, 218–219, 223
spelling, 180
spleems, in PAX game, 154
spouse, brain response to touch during threats, 44–45
standing still experiment, 11–12
strength-based approach, to parenting, 214
stress
Boston Basics and, 105
PAX as removing, 154
saliva tests on empathy and, 137–138
substance abuse and addictions, 4, 48, 193
suicide, 24, 156, 204–205
suspension, 122
suspension rates, for children with disabilities, 121
talking
overcoming child’s resistance to, 139
PEP do-nothing-say-nothing week, 83–86, 125, 136
talk, sing, and point, 105
teachers
discussing homework limits with, 180
self-regulation techniques used by, 161
trauma-informed training, 162
See also Parent Encouragement Program
Teasdale, John, 48
technology
challenges and opportunities from pervasive, 208
Jackson family and, 145
research on misbehavior and, 20–23
taking away, 87–88, 224–225
teenagers
challenges and Apprentice Model focus for, 96
household chores and, 148
mental illness percentages for, 23
social media use by, 19
suicide rate among, 156
television (TV), 56, 60–61
ADHD and, 20–23
average of children starting to watch, 20–23
brain development and, 20–23
mice experiment with, 21–22
temper tantrums, 117
capability approach to, 143–144
Hoefle on meltdowns and, 134
increase in, 68
over donut trip being thwarted, 219–222
perfect parents scenario, 58–59
viewed as not disobedient, 53–54
threats
Coan data on brain’s response to, 44–45
differentiating true, 102
time
development impact of parental, 65
scheduling special, 89–90, 96, 115, 117
time-outs
distance created by, 94
failure of, 83
negative results from, 5
Ohio Avenue Elementary and, 161–162
toning, arousal response and, 102
Tottenham, Nim, 97, 98, 99, 101
emotional biology study of, 103
Lewis family exclusion from study by, 118
touch
anxiety, criticism and, 51
power of spouse, 44–45
tough love, 51–52, 74
toys, 151
fidget, 158
trauma
CDC study of ACEs, health and, 42–43
in Davies students’ lives, 158–159
Davies students’ misbehavior resulting from, 151–152
early twentieth-century view on, 32–33
impact of child’s history of, 151–152, 154, 158
lack of protection against, 31
TV. See television
Twenge, Jean, 12–13, 25
Tyrone. See Roberts family
UN. See United Nations
unconscious racial bias, 102
undue attention. See attention seeking
uninvolved parents, substance use in children of, 62
United Nations (UN), 31
United States (US), Rights of the Child convention and, 31
values, PEP question on parent, 57
verbal abuse, 43
victories, listing as strategy for behavior change, 225
vocabulary, emotional, 138
Wang, Jennifer, and family, 26–28
Wang, Ming-Te, 43
water phobia, 34
Watson, John B., 32–33
weight loss, buddy groups and, 210–211
“when-then,” setting limit with, 131
Williams, Olympia (principal), 159, 160–161
words
code, 155
heard by infants, 105
power of, 132, 133
yelling, 43, 67–68
yoga, 197
Zuckerman, Barry, 107
PublicAffairs is a publishing house founded in 1997. It is a tribute to the standards, values, and flair of three persons who have served as mentors to countless reporters, writers, editors, and book people of all kinds, including me.
I.F. STONE, proprietor of I. F. Stone’s Weekly, combined a commitment to the First Amendment with entrepreneurial zeal and reporting skill and became one of the great independent journalists in American history. At the age of eighty, Izzy published The Trial of Socrates, which was a national bestseller. He wrote the book after he taught himself ancient Greek.
BENJAMIN C. BRADLEE was for nearly thirty years the charismatic editorial leader of The Washington Post. It was Ben who gave the Post the range and courage to pursue such historic issues as Watergate. He supported his reporters with a tenacity that made them fearless and it is no accident that so many became authors of influential, best-selling books.
ROBERT L. BERNSTEIN, the chief executive of Random House for more than a quarter century, guided one of the nation’s premier publishing houses. Bob was personally responsible for many books of political dissent and argument that challenged tyranny around the globe. He is also the founder and longtime chair of Human Rights Watch, one of the most respected human rights organizations in the world.
For fifty years, the banner of Public Affairs Press was carried by its owner Morris B. Schnapper, who published Gandhi, Nasser, Toynbee, Truman, and about 1,500 other authors. In 1983, Schnapper was described by The Washington Post as “a redoubtable gadfly.” His legacy will endure in the books to come.
Peter Osnos, Founder
The Good News About Bad Behavior Page 31