by B. B. Hamel
22
Will
I’m nervous as I walk down the path toward the old familiar fork. I know Addie’s there waiting for me, although I never really thought that was going to happen again.
I got my shit together. I guess that’s putting it mildly. I took over the Weston JV hockey team a week after that fateful night in the Tuned Piano, and I threw myself into my work. The pay isn’t amazing, but it’s something, and it’s making me self-sufficient.
And it turns out I love the job. I love coaching these kids. They’re not all superstars, but that makes it even more fun. I can try and improve their skills and create a team that actually wins games, which apparently I did really well, because we made it into the playoffs and won our first game. Who knows how far we’ll go, but that’s a seriously good start.
I’ve been trying to keep in touch with Eleanor, as much as she’ll let me at least. I call her once a week, just to ask about Addie and Cara. She gives me a quick rundown, asks how I’m doing, and gets off the phone when I’m done. The conversations would last for maybe five minutes, but I looked forward to those conversations more than anything else. They were my only life line to Addie and Cara.
Until Addie texted me out of the blue last night, right after our victory, telling me to meet her today at the usual spot. Of course I knew where she was talking about. I barely slept last night in anticipation and excitement. I’m like a kid before Christmas, buzzing with energy.
My knee feels pretty good. I’ve been keeping up with my exercises, and I’ve strengthened it enough to walk without a limp and without the help of a walking stick. I stride confidently toward our meeting spot, although inside I’m freaking the fuck out, terrified of what Addie’s going to say, but mostly just excited to see her again.
I come up over a rise and spot her at the bottom of the hill. She looks up and smiles, the sort of smile that splits the sky apart. She starts toward me and my heart starts beating so fast I can barely breathe.
“There you are,” she says. “I thought you were still a gimp, you’re so slow.’
I grin at her. “I had a lot further to walk, you know.”
“Poor excuse, Eaton.”
I laugh a little bit. She’s smiling huge, and she only uses my last name when she’s teasing me.
“You look good, Carter.”
She shrugs a little. Her hair’s pulled back into a ponytail, with a hat pulled low over her eyes, khaki shorts, and a navy blue top. “Same to you,” she answers. “No more walking stick?”
I shake my head, flexing my knee. “Healed a lot, actually.”
“Skating yet?”
“A little bit, with the team.”
“I heard about the team.” Her smile doesn’t waver one bit, and my heart keeps beating fast. She seems happy to see me. “JV coach and made playoffs in the first year? That’s pretty impressive.”
“Thanks,” I say, rubbing the back of my head. “Turns out I’m pretty good at coaching, and I really like it.”
“Go figure.”
“Getting injured was actually a good thing, in retrospect.” I laugh softly and meet her gaze. “Forced me to decide what’s important.”
“What is important, Will?”
I cross the last few feet between us and stop so close I could kiss her. She looks up at me and doesn’t move, doesn’t stop back.
“I should’ve done this a long time ago,” I say softly, taking her by the back of the neck and pulling her close. I kiss her hard and she kisses me back. When we slowly part, I kiss her one more time softly. “I love you, Addie. I’ve loved you for a long, long time.”
“I love you too,” she whispers.
I kiss her again, excitement and joy whirling through my mind. “Why now?” I ask as we slowly break away.
She shrugs. I pull her tighter. “Something Eleanor said,” she whispers.
“What did she say?”
I feel her shake her head against my chest. “That’s just for me.”
I smile to myself and hold her like that for a little longer. I want to exist in this moment forever, before real life comes in and makes things harder like it always does. I want to exist here, in this happy place, before it can be taken away. But that’s not how things actually work.
She slowly pulls back and looks up at me. “We should talk, right?”
“I guess.” I frown a little. “I don’t feel like it though.”
‘What would you rather do?”
I smirk. “I’d rather take you behind that waterfall and fuck you until real life disappears.”
She. Blushes and laughs. “We can do that later.’
“Promise?”
“Come on.” She pulls back and takes my hand. “Let’s walk.”
I meet her mid-stride and we walk side by side. I realize this is the first time we’ve walked together where I didn’t have a limp the whole time. She glances over at me through the gorgeous autumn light, the leaves all falling down around us, and I sweat we’re in a move. The wind picks up slightly and she laughs.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing. You’re just giving me that look again.”
“Which look?”
“The one that means I’m going to end up in your bed.”
I grin at her. “You know me so well.”
She squeezes my hand before letting it go. “We need to talk first.”
“I know,” I say softly. “I’m still just happy you came.”
“Cara’s your daughter.”
She says it so simply and without any preamble, and practically out of nowhere, that I’m not sure she actually said the words at first. Slowly though, it hits me, and I grin ear to ear.
“I knew it,” I say, laughing. “You wouldn’t admit it, but I knew.”
She nods, smiling a little. “And that doesn’t freak you out?”
“Not at all.” I can’t suppress a giddy laugh. “I have a daughter!”
Addie nods but doesn’t say anything. We keep walking and I can sense that she’s thinking about something else. I don’t push her though. I’ve learned over the years that Addie will say what’s on her mind, but on her time, and pushing won’t help.
We round a bend in the path. She stops and breaks a low hanging branch off, snapping it over her knee. She throws one half away and uses the other as a walking stick, not saying anything as she does this. I just watch, waiting.
Finally, she speaks up. “That first night we slept together, you said we’d talk about how we felt in the morning.”
My eyes narrow a bit. “I did?”
“You did,” she confirms. “But it never happened. That really hurt, Will. I thought…” She trails off.
“Oh shit,” I say softly. “That’s it, isn’t it?”
She shrugs, a little motion. “You blew me off.”
“Addie, wait.” I turn to her, forcing her to stop in front of me. She won’t meet my eyes. “I’m so, so sorry I did that. I was afraid to talk to you about it in the morning. I was afraid we’d ruin whatever we had. I was afraid that I loved you.”
She finally looks up at me. “Did you?”
“Yes,” I say. “God, I loved you so much. I missed you every day when I left. When you stopped talking to me, it was like… it was like a piece of my body got ripped off. It almost broke me, Addie, but now I get it.”
“I was afraid,” she whispers.
“I was terrified.” I laugh a little bit, which makes her frown more. “I’m still fucking terrified. But I know that I love you, and I want to be Cara’s father. I want to be in your life. I was too young and too stupid back then to realize it. I chased some childish dream half way across the world when all I really needed was right here with you.”
She’s blinking fast now and I know she’s about to cry. I pull her against me as the sobs come, and I hold her tight. I just hold her and hug her as she slowly calms down. “You don’t know how much I’ve needed to ear that,” she says finally. “Seriously Will. I really needed t
o hear that.”
“It’s the truth. It’s you, Addie, always was. Always will be.”
I kiss her, just to make sure she really gets it. She kisses me back just as deeply, and I know she does.
We break apart and keep walking. We’re close to the waterfall now. Soon we’ll be out on our rocks together, like in the old days.
“One more thing,” she says, cutting into the silence. “Cara.”
“What about her?”
She hesitates. “I know you’re her biological father, but… you don’t have to be in her life, you know. You don’t owe her anything.’
I laugh and squeeze her hand. “I owe her a lot, actually.”
“You don’t. It’s not your fault I never told you.”
“It’s my fault,” I say over her protests. “It really is, believe me. And I’m ready to make it up to both of you. I’m ready to be a father.”
She laughs at that. “I’ve been wanting to hear those words for a long, long time.”
“Addie, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
We make it to the falls. She goes first, and I watch her with a huge smile. She climbs down easily, taking practiced steps, until she reaches the end. She stands on that last rock, out near the edge o the falls, and she look over her shoulder. Her hat blows off her head suddenly, making her whoop and laugh as it spills over the edge. Her hair blows around her face and I laugh, unable to stop myself. The moment is so beautiful and perfect as she gets her hair under control.
“What are you waiting for?” she calls out to me. “Are you coming?”
“Fuck yeah I’m coming,” I say softly to myself, grinning huge.
I step down onto the rocks and walk out toward her, feeling steadier, stronger, happier than I’ve ever felt in my whole life. I walk out to the edge of the falls to be with the woman I love, finally moving beyond the past, and into something better.
23
Addie
Two Years Later
The crowd goes fucking nuts.
I clap my hands raw, Cara at my side, cheering along with everyone else. I think she understands what’s going on even better than I do, mostly because Will’s been giving her special lessons on the side.
“She’s gonna go pro,” he keeps saying with this big dorky grin. “She’s gonna make it.”
I just roll my eyes at him, but as long as they’re having fun, I don’t care.
Will looks over his shoulder and catches my eye. I grin at him and he winks as he turns back to the ice and his players, shouting and high-fiving every guy that skates past. The Weston Trojans are up four to three in the final period with only two minutes to go. It’s the biggest game of Will’s career, and maybe the biggest game in Weston history.
A first-year varsity coach has never taken his team to the state championship game before, let alone been in the position to win it all. He’s up in the series, and all he needs now is to hold on, and he’ll make history.
This is what he’s been working toward ever since he took the JV job. Every day he spends trying to improve himself as a coach, and the school board saw it. He got the varsity job this year, although he felt bad about it. He said they passed over a good friend and a good guy for him to get it, but he couldn’t turn down the offer. Mitch landed on his feet apparently, working at a rival school.
Meanwhile, I’ve been full time at Teddy’s company. Turns out, the paper business isn’t so boring, at least it isn’t if you throw yourself into it. Teddy keeps talking about promoting me, giving me more responsibility, but I like where I am. I have flexibility, I make decent money, and I get to spend a lot of time with my daughter.
We all moved into a single-family home six months ago. Turns out, Will had more saved from playing hockey than I realized, and he bought the place in cash. Now we live five minutes from Eleanor, and maybe a fifteen-minute walk from the falls. We go down there all the time, and we bring Cara whenever we can. She loves climbing out onto the rocks, although we never let her go to our spot, not yet at least. Maybe one day when she’s old enough.
Now though, things are incredible. The feeling in the arena is unbelievable as the seconds slip by. The opposition puts up a great fight, but it’s just not enough. In the end, Will’s players hold on, and the crowd goes absolutely wild. I pick up Cara and scream Will’s name. He turns around and gives me a wave before joining his players out on the ice to celebrate.
A few hours later, out in the parking lot, I throw my arms around him. “You’re amazing!” I say, making him laugh.
“I just stood there in my suit, the guys did all the work.”
“Don’t sell yourself short,” I say.
He pulls back and picks Cara up. “Daddy you’re so good!” she says and he laughs, hugging her tight.
I give him a kiss, and I stand there enjoying this moment. He’s a champion now, the coach of the best team in the state. There will be more games, more losses and victories, but right now is all that matters to me. I squeeze his hand and kiss him one more time, and he gives me that look again, the one that always ends up with me in his bed. My favorite look in the whole damn world.
“I love you guys,” he says, putting Cara down. “But I think I have to go shake some more hands. You know, drum up donations for the PTA and all that.”
“Good luck, coach,” I say, kissing his cheek.
“I’ll see you tonight,” he says, giving me a look.
I smile and blush and he’s off, heading out toward the crowds of people milling about, shaking hands with a few older people as he goes.
I get into our little SUV with Cara and slowly drive back to my beautiful house. “When will daddy get home?” Cara asks me as I put her to bed.
“Soon,” I say, giving her a kiss.
And when Will does finally get home, he pulls me into his arms. I feel so safe and warm there, and I know nothing can hurt me so long as he holds me.
“You’re a good dad,” I say to him. “You know that? I don’t tell you enough.”
“Thanks,” he says softly, and laughs a little bit. “I can’t believe we’re here.”
“I can’t either,” I say. “But I’m really glad I’m here with you.”
He doesn’t answer. He just kisses me, more deeply this time, pushing me up against a wall. I know what he wants. I want it too.
And I’ll give it to him, over and over, for the rest of my life. That’s what I need. Will and love and family, making new memories all the time, making our lives move as slowly as possible. With him, I know it’ll always be getting better and better.
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