by Natalie Dean
Sarah looked at Billy. There was something in his mannerism that reminded her of her father. It was perplexing. Jane was the image of Katie and Billy looked like her dad. Sarah knew she must be imagining things. She washed out her clothes and hung them up to dry. The sun was hot, and she figured it wouldn't take long for the clothes to dry in this heat.
She took the children for a walk although Billy was hesitant about leaving the cabin. It was dusty. Lola began to bark, but Sarah couldn't see what had attracted the dog's attention. Then she heard the hiss. It was a snake. Jane cried out, and Billy was telling Lola to come back to him. Sarah pushed the children behind her, out of harm's way. A shot rang out, and the snake was scattered into pieces. Sarah screamed at the sound of the shot. She looked up to see Carson bounding towards them on horseback. He jumped off his horse and hugged the children.
"Why did you come out here? There are snakes everywhere. The children or the dog could have been bitten," he shouted at Sarah. Sarah began to cry. She didn't know about snakes, no one told her. For a moment, it felt like she was back in the big house again, expected to know things she didn't.
"Go back to the house and stay there. This isn't the city where you can go wandering about," Carson was annoyed with himself for getting angry with Sarah, but he was so afraid of losing the children. Although it hadn't escaped his notice how she put herself in the line of danger, protecting the children. Maggie had wanted a dog for protection and Lola had saved them today. But Carson had let Maggie down by taking Lola with him. He watched Sarah run away. She was so young and knew nothing of country life. Carson felt guilty. He didn't want Sarah to leave.
"Papa, why are you angry with Mama Sarah?" Jane asked as he carried her and her brother back to the cabin.
"Papa shouldn't have gotten angry, but I was afraid something bad would happen. I'll apologize to her. You like Sarah, don't you?" Carson asked.
"She smells nice," Jane said, and Billy agreed as he added that Sarah reminded him of his mama. Carson was put out to see Cecilia arriving as they neared the cabin. He needed to talk to Sarah. Would Sarah leave and never come back?
As Sarah ran back to the cabin, she told herself she would leave this place forever. She didn't belong anywhere. No matter how much she loved the children already, she didn't think she could cope with life in Bannack. Wiping away her tears, she was glad to see Cecilia. Cecilia was waving at her, expecting the day to have gone well.
"What happened?" Cecilia asked. She could see Carson and the children coming closer. She knew it wasn't her place to make judgments, but she felt responsible for Sarah's being there. Sarah told her what happened without any embellishment.
"I'm sure it's a misunderstanding Sarah. We didn't tell you what happened to Maggie. Carson was in the fields and came back to find Maggie shot dead, lying on the ground. I think his anger was masking fear. He is a good man, I've told you before," Cecilia put a comforting arm around Sarah as she spoke. As she comforted Sarah, Cecilia couldn’t help but wonder what on earth her new friend was wearing.
Carson approached the women and passed the children to Cecilia. He took Sarah by the arm and walked her away from Cecilia.
"Sarah, I'm sorry for speaking to you like that. I'm on edge since what happened to Maggie. I see danger everywhere. I forget that you don't know about snakes and things like that. I should have warned you. Please don't leave us. The children would miss you. I see how attached they are to you. I can't promise, though I'd like to, that I'll never raise my voice again but I'll do my best." Carson looked away. He didn't know how Sarah would react to his words.
"No one has ever apologized for speaking harshly to me. Thank you for that. If I'd known about the snakes, I wouldn't have endangered the children. I'll go back to Bannack with Cecilia now, but I'd like to visit again tomorrow. I want to be sure of my decision," she said in her softly spoken voice. Sadness and grief were emotions she could understand. It took a strong character to admit he was wrong.
The day had taken its toll on Sarah, and she was ready to return to the Lavery Hotel. She kissed the children goodbye, but Jane began to cry when she saw Sarah leave.
"She's never done that with Lottie or me," Cecilia noted, "she's very attached to you."
The next two days at the Edwards farm went without incident, mostly because Carson left Sarah alone with the children for the bulk of the day. Sarah wanted to be of more use and seeing that the windows needed cleaning, she set upon the task of house maintenance. Billy and Jane were learning Irish songs from Sarah which they would recite at night to their father when Sarah was gone. Carson was impressed by Sarah's closeness with the children. He was secretly hopeful that she would indeed decide to stay. However, he was cautious of frightening her again. Despite a lack of physical time spent together, he was aware of Sarah's influence.
A home needed love and constant attention, just like people did. He knew he couldn't maintain the farm and the home on his own. And in the few weeks since Maggie's passing, it had certainly lacked love. Until Sarah showed up.
Every morning, he had the fire going for Sarah's arrival, and she was learning how to bake and cook. Carson had missed the aroma of mealtime wafting to him as he returned home after a hard day's work.
In the evening, with the children asleep, Carson would look around. Signs of Sarah's presence were visible to him, from the wildflowers on the windows to the freshness of the curtains and the smell of her cooking. It filled his heart with warmth to feel love again. The children were happy. The forlorn look was gone from their sweet little faces. It was a look he had noticed when he'd seen them with Lottie or Cecilia. They were so kind to the children, but he knew the children needed a mother of their own. Lottie and Cecilia were right. It was what Maggie would want. Someone who loved the children and whom the children loved too.
As he stared into the fire, there was something else at the back of his mind trying to come through to the forefront. It was a glimmer, a flash, something so fleeting that he kept pushing it back. To a casual onlooker, the children would pass as Sarah's children. He had noticed it before. Sarah had the same look that Jane would give from time to time. Even Billy's mannerism of one raised eyebrow was a look he had seen in Sarah that day he had shouted at her. But it had disappeared quickly when she became upset. She had come from New York. But Sarah was too young to be the children's mother. Anyway, the nuns said the mother had died in childbirth, and the father couldn't cope. But why couldn't he shift the feeling that the children were connected to Sarah in some way?
Chapter 7
"I don't mean to alarm you, but Lance has gotten word that the bandits who killed Maggie may be headed back this way. They left a trail of destruction and Maggie wasn't the only victim. I don't understand why they'd come back. I'm only telling you this in case Carson acts up in any way. It's not you, it's him and his grief and guilt. It eats him up that he took Lola with him and left Maggie, in his mind, undefended. But I reckon they'd have just killed the dog too," Cecilia warned Sarah as she brought her to the homestead.
"Will the Sheriff tell Carson?" Sarah asked, but Cecilia shook her head.
"Only if he feels it necessary but people talk. Other farmers may cross paths with Carson and tell him. How are things anyway? You were quiet last night. Mrs. Lavery said she tried to wake you for dinner but couldn't."
"I worked hard as a maid, and that house had three floors. So I’m not sure why I’m so tired. I guess it's the heat plus the children. I never knew they required so much energy." Cecilia laughed, becoming a mother had indeed been a shock to her system.
"I thought the children would fit into my schedule. Lots of theory and no practice, now I've lots of practice but no theories! Perhaps someday you'll have your own children," Cecilia frowned when she saw the look of sadness on Sarah's face. "What did I say?"
"It's not my plan to have children. My mother and sister both died in childbirth. The whole idea frightens me."
"I'm sorry to hear that. That's quite a fear to car
ry but look at those little faces waiting for your arrival. That's love, Sarah."
As Sarah stood up on the wagon, Carson came around to lift her off. She felt her stomach jump as he lifted her into the air. Sarah felt his hold linger as she looked into his face. It was the face of a man who had her heart, but she knew he could never love her, not after the loss of his beloved Maggie.
"Ahem," Cecilia said, and they jumped apart, "I'll be back later this evening. Lance has to ride out, and with the children being sick, I don't want to bring them out in the wagon."
"It's okay Cecilia. If Sarah doesn't mind, I'll take her back to the hotel. We've taken enough of your time, and it's time I did my share," Carson said, walking away. With that, Cecilia raised her eyebrows at Sarah. It was a good sign, Cecilia thought. He's taken with her. Cecilia couldn’t wait to get back to town to tell Lottie.
"The children are fed, Sarah. I'm going to teach you how to ride. I don't want to be presumptuous, but there's no harm in trying it out," Carson said with a smile. Sarah wasn't sure. Being on a wagon was one thing but on a horse. Would she remember how to ride?
"My father had a horse, so I did ride as a child, but it's been so long. I do remember I wasn't a natural at it."
"It'll come back to you. It's quicker to ride than hitch a wagon in case of emergencies. I've saddled Tulip for you. She was Maggie's horse, so she's gentle and used to a woman handling her. I'll give you a leg up." Before Sarah could say anything, Carson had her on the horse. Billy and Jane looked at each other but said nothing.
She gently nudged Tulip who responded to her. Sarah was controlling the horse. Carson was right, it was coming back to her, and it felt good. It was better than she remembered.
"Walk her out that way and then circle back," Carson directed, and Sarah moved out. Sarah could hear Billy saying something to her, and she looked back to smile and wave at the children. But Sarah's inexperience meant she didn't notice Tulip's twitching ears. Something was spooking the horse, and she reared up and galloped off with Sarah still on her back.
"Billy, Jane, stay here," Carson said as he jumped onto his horse in pursuit of Sarah. Please, Lord, don't let anything happen to her. Not again, please don't deprive the children of another mother, he prayed. "Hang on, Sarah," he called out, but he knew there was no way Sarah could hear him. He could only watch as Tulip went to jump one of the fences he had created and this time, Sarah was thrown.
Carson screamed out as he watched Sarah land like one of Jane's rag-dolls when she threw it on the floor. He couldn't believe it when he saw blood coming from Sarah's head. What was wrong with this place? He ran to Sarah's side and cradled her head in his lap. But she wasn't dead. She was alive but unconscious. He felt relieved that at least she was breathing. Carson carried Sarah to his horse and rode back to the cabin. Tulip would find her way back home. He had to get the wound cleaned up.
"Papa, you found Mama Sarah," Jane sang with glee but then she noticed Sarah's eyes were closed. "I don't want her to be dead like Mama!" Jane said as she began to wail.
"Jane, she's sleeping. Help Papa take care of her."
Jane ran ahead of Carson into the home as Carson lay Sarah on his bed. Jane came running into the room with her dolls and propped them beside Sarah. If he weren't so concerned about Sarah, Carson would have cried. Putting the handmade dolls beside Sarah was what Maggie used to do when Jane was sick or upset. As he returned to clean the wound, Jane was rubbing Sarah's forehead. "Gently now, Jane. Sarah's head is sore. Lola, off the bed," he said but the dog refused to leave, and Carson relented.
Billy, meanwhile, was on the look-out for Tulip's return.
Sarah was still unconscious. She looked so pale and fragile. Carson wanted to get Doc, but it would mean leaving Sarah by herself. He was torn. He couldn't leave her in case she took a turn for the worse. He sat by her side as Jane lay beside Sarah. Carson could hear Billy talking. He assumed Tulip had come back. Then he heard footsteps coming into the cabin. It was Sheriff Lance.
"Billy said Sarah fell off Tulip. I'll get Doc," Lance said as he rushed back out and rode off towards Bannack. He prayed that history wasn't about to repeat itself. It wouldn't be fair to the children or Carson.
Doc could do no more for Sarah than Carson had done. Head injuries were unpredictable, he said. We had to give her time and the next twenty-four hours would be critical. When she woke, she may not remember much or her memory could be intact. No one could say what was going to happen until she woke up. She had to stay with the Edwards until she regained consciousness. Lottie arrived to help Carson care for Sarah, as someone would need to be with her at all times.
"I'll take the first watch, Carson. You get some rest," Lottie said after she waved her husband goodbye. Cecilia was caring for Lottie's children.
"No, I'll sit with her, Lottie. I feel responsible. I thought Tulip would be a gentle horse for her. It must have been a snake," Carson said as he kept watching Sarah. He looked haggard from the day's ordeal. Lottie made soup, and only Billy came to the table as Jane stayed beside Sarah, and Carson continued his vigil.
Lottie had fallen asleep in the rocking chair with Billy on her lap. The fire had died out, and the place was cold. The house was quiet and peaceful, but Carson was troubled. He took Sarah's hand in his. "Please come back to us, Sarah. We need you. Don't leave us. Don't leave me," he whispered, and his body began to shake as he cried. He rested his head on the bed.
Sarah opened her eyes. For a moment, she was disorientated. Why was this man holding her hand and crying? Then it came back to her. She pulled her hand away from him and rested it on his head. Sarah could feel an arm around her, and she looked to the other side and the little head that nestled beside her. As she moved, Lola jumped up and wagged her tail, trying to nuzzle Sarah.
Carson looked up, "You're awake! Do you remember what happened, Sarah?" His face was eager with anticipation as he tried to push Lola away. "Lottie," he called out, "she's awake." Billy and Lottie jumped up and came running into the bedroom. Sarah looked at the faces, waiting for her to speak. They all looked worried, and their worry was for her. She became emotional and started to sob. The realization that they were all there for her was overwhelming, and this pain in her head wasn't making it any better.
"Why don't you leave her with me? Get some air. You too children. Go with your papa. I'll help Sarah freshen up," Lottie directed, and reluctantly Carson carried the children out of the bedroom.
"Do you remember where you are, Sarah?" Lottie asked. Doc had told her not to overwhelm Sarah with information or questions when she regained consciousness.
"I'm in Bannack, and you're Lottie. That was Carson and Billy and Jane. I remember, Lottie. It's been so long since anyone cared for me. You've only known me a few days, the same with the family."
Lottie sat by Sarah's side. "Time moves very quickly in these parts. It has to. But I tell you, Carson sat by your side all night. He wouldn't let me take over. While we brought you here for the children, you have found a place in Carson's heart."
Sarah nodded. It seemed odd to her that emotions could develop so quickly and deeply, but she felt that connection to the children from the moment she had met them.
"Let's get you freshened up. You'll have a sore head for a few days, but otherwise, you're all right." Lottie began to clean the wound. She had brought a change of clothes for Sarah too. The children came running back in.
"I couldn't keep them out any longer," Carson apologized. "I'm glad to see you well, Sarah." She smiled shyly at him as the children tugged at her to pick them up.
Sarah decided to stay on the farm for another while. She didn't fancy being on the wagon just yet. Lottie left them alone. Cecilia was right. Sarah would stay in Bannack, but the strangest thought crossed Lottie’s mind. The children could pass as Sarah's. Cecilia had told her about Sarah's mother and sister dying in childbirth, but the Edwards had arrived with the children. It must be my imagination, trying to make Sarah fit with the family, she told herself
.
Chapter 8
Sarah happily sat and watched as Carson and the children attended to her. Jane brushed her hair while Billy tried to teach Lola new tricks to make Sarah laugh. To the casual observer, they looked like a happy family and not like people brought together in the last few days.
As the children rested, Carson sat beside Sarah on the porch. He asked her about her past life. Why she had left Ireland and why she was alone.
"It was fine while I lived with my sister, Katie and her husband. But when she died giving birth, I was sent to work in service."
"What happened to the baby?" he asked curiously.
"She had twins, a boy, and a girl. Her husband couldn't cope, and the priest decided it was best to take the children. I was too young to care for them myself. I put my mother's locket with the baby girl. I hope it's something that was given to her new parents. They'd be almost four by now. It sounds silly, but every day I pray that someday I'll be reunited with them. I know they have their own family now. You know I went to the orphanage to inquire about them and was told a couple from Buffalo had adopted them. I hope they're happy," Sarah gave a sad smile as she looked over the horizon.
A cold sweat enveloped Carson. It couldn't be, could it? Had many couples from Buffalo adopted twins at the same time? It was highly unlikely. He was fidgety and didn't know what to say or do. Were his children Sarah's niece and nephew?
He felt relieved to hear Jane call out. He needed to go to the barn. She wanted Mama Sarah. He was piecing together that the children were possibly related to Sarah and the familiarities now were starting to make sense. He wanted to check the old tea chest that stored remnants of their past life. When they had adopted the children, Maggie had been given a locket that belonged to the children's mother. It was her plan to give it to Jane when she was older although they had no plans to tell the children they were adopted. Sarah's mention of the locket was the proof he needed. He was looking at the locket and didn't notice the man creep up behind him and bash him on the head, grabbing the locket from Carson's hand.