His hand wrapped around the back of my neck, urging me forward until our lips touched. It was a simple kiss. One with no pressure, no expectations; just soft lips that I had to close my eyes to feel better.
He let me go again, and I stepped away, my feet moving on muscle memory alone until I opened the driver’s side of my cab.
My truck started on the first try, and I waved to him out the window as I pulled out of the parking lot, silently kicking myself the whole way home for not asking him to follow me.
Chapter NINETEEN
Tuesday
I arrived at the shop extra early the next day. Not because of work, nor because I needed to get things done, but because I hardly slept a minute and couldn’t stand my own thoughts any longer.
The only thing that distracted me, that ever calmed me, was work. It was something I could do without thinking, something I could get lost in, and I needed that today.
I don’t know what I was thinking last night. That I could have sex with a man after a night like that and not fall in love a little bit? It was the best date I’d had in a long time—possibly ever. No, I was one hundred percent positive it was the best date I’d ever had in my life… The best sex I ever had in my life, and now I was supposed to go back to work and pretend nothing happened.
The crew’s trucks were lined up in the parking lot like they always were, and like always, John’s was the first. In the exact spot where we’d had our impromptu picnic last night.
I pulled in a breath, took the box of donuts from the front seat, and hopped down from my cab. I had to get through today. The next would be easier. And the next easier after that.
When I opened the door, John was standing at the register, his tool belt low on his hips as he examined one of my shelves. My heart leapt to my throat at the sight of him. I knew he shouldn’t affect me so much, but he held a bottle of lotion in his hands, playing with it between his large fingers. “I was just looking at all your products.”
He wasn’t smiling now, and I wondered how long he’d been there, checking out my products and invading my space. I bit my lip, placed the box of donuts on the counter, and ran my hand through my hair. I wasn’t sure what bothered me about him looking through my things. It was something I invited thousands of strangers to do on a daily basis, but somehow with John, I didn’t like it. It made me feel exposed, as if he was seeing a part of me I wasn’t ready to show him. Because he already took a piece of me last night, and I wasn’t sure I could part with anything else just yet.
“They’re named from song titles, book titles… Aren’t they?”
I nodded, wondering how he’d figured that out so quickly.
His brow furrowed and he picked another bottle off the shelf. “Blister in the Sun. That’s what you wear.”
My throat constricted and I nodded. I wasn’t sure why it mattered so much that he knew what scent I wore, but nevertheless… it did.
He moved closer, stopping at the counter to lift the lid on the donuts but didn’t take one. “You okay?”
It was such a simple question, one that if asked by any other person would have meant nothing, but coming from him…
I closed my eyes and nodded. I knew exactly what he meant. He wanted to know if I regretted last night, if I wanted to take it back. But what was crazy, even though things had become awkward between us, even though I was worried my heart would break at the end of all this, I wouldn’t take it back for the world. Not one second of it. I smiled a little. “I’m fine.”
His lips lifted at one corner, but it was just enough—I knew he didn’t regret it either. His eyes met mine again, and he took a donut out of the box. “Well, I better get to work.”
I nodded, my throat tightening from the seductive way he looked at me. “Me too.”
He opened the door to the back room and looked over his shoulder one last time before he pulled it closed again behind him. I placed my hand at my throat, drew in a deep breath, then took a glazed donut from the box. I bit into it, savoring the sweet, buttery texture, begrudgingly realizing he’d ruined me for life.
It was quarter to three when my last interview left for the day. Though it was as much an interview of me as it was for the vendors. I was the person they were entrusting with their products. The face to represent them, and my shoulders had been tense all day. It was a big decision, who I chose to consign at the shop. The decision could make or break me. Yet, I couldn’t think clearly enough to focus on business…
I looked to the door leading to the back room, knowing John was only a hundred feet away, through a piece of wood that couldn’t have been more than three inches thick. And somehow, even though I knew it wasn’t possible, I could feel his energy surrounding me, wrapping around my body, and pulling me in his direction by the hips.
I picked up a locket off the counter, a sample that one of the local vendors had left for me, and began playing with it between my fingers. Flipping it open then clicking it closed. Over and over.
Becky was supposed to come in today, but she’d picked up a last minute freelance job with a comic convention. I’d be lying if I told myself I wasn’t relieved, because even though I was able to convince myself I could handle this, Becky would be harder to convince.
I was the girl who didn’t just have a crush on Bobby Peterson in fourth grade like everybody else; I loved him. I loved his blond hair, his blue eyes, and the scar on his left knee. I was ruled by my emotions, and she knew it. Which was why she’d know, without me saying a word, that things had moved in a direction with John that would only lead to trouble. But I couldn’t stop it… I didn’t even want to. I was caught in the tide, and I didn’t even want to fight my way out.
I clicked the locket closed and left it on the counter. I’d been avoiding the back room all day, but I couldn’t let this craziness between us interfere with my shop. I may be willing to lose my heart in all this, but my shop was something that was far too precious to me.
His eyes locked with mine the second I walked through the door. He was working with a power saw, sweat glistening on his forehead and down his nose. His arm flexed as he held the heavy machinery, and we both paused as if years had passed since we’d last seen each other, instead of just hours.
I took a deep breath, recovering myself enough to move across the room and open the supply closet door. I needed shipping supplies, and I also needed distance from him. All he did was stand there and I was already breathless. You’ll give yourself away if you don’t get this under control.
I began gathering my supplies, cursing myself under my breath, and taking far longer than necessary—because I needed my heart to slow. I needed my breath even, so I could go out there again. I spotted a large box of padded envelopes on a high shelf, and I stood up on my tiptoes trying to reach them. I only touched them with my finger before the light shifted behind me; fading out, and then in again. I swallowed and lowered to my heels. I knew it was him even before I turned around.
He didn’t say a word as he stood there, leaning against the door with his arms draped on the frame above him. I could have stared at him all day. Not just because he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen in my life, but also because he looked at me like I was the most beautiful woman he’d seen in his.
He stepped toward me, slowly, without a care in the world, then both of his hands gripped the straps of my overalls, pulling me slowly but firmly toward him, until our bodies were pressed together. He lifted my chin with one finger and kissed me. But it wasn’t just a kiss; our lips molded together and his tongue forced into my mouth. It was a kiss that made me feel needed, possibly more needed than I’d ever been in my entire life. My whole body melted, and his arm wrapped around my back, holding me tighter. He kissed me as if I were oxygen and he needed air, like he needed me for his own survival.
We both stumbled backward until I was pressed against the wall. He lifted me up, suspending me with the weight of his body as his kiss deepened. I couldn’t stop it, nor did I want to. I didn
’t care that the crew was just outside the door. I didn’t care if the whole world saw us, or if I ever breathed again because all I wanted was John. All I wanted was his mouth on mine, to feel his touch, to just be.
He pulled away a minute later, forcing space between us and lowering my feet to the ground. His head fell back to his shoulders and he groaned. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since you walked in that door this morning.”
I swallowed, pulling in shallow, ragged breaths. His admission made my heart constrict. “Then why didn’t you? This morning.”
He looked at me and placed one finger on the tip of my nose, then trailed it down to my lips until he gripped my chin gently between thumb and forefinger. “Because I was trying to resist you. It’s not working.”
I smiled a little, and he dipped his head down one last time to kiss my lips, though this time was softer, and I closed my eyes so I could feel it better.
Too soon he pulled away. He shook his head slightly then backed toward the door. His lips curved in a slight smile as he walked out of the closet.
“Get back to work!” I heard him yell a moment later.
I pressed my back against the wall, licked my lips, and played the scene over and over in my mind. Because this was a kiss I wanted to hold onto forever and ever.
I didn’t come out of my office the rest of the afternoon, though purposefully I left the door open, just in case he wanted to kiss me again—but he didn’t. He stayed busy renovating the back room, which was exactly what I hired him to do.
This was something I had to keep reminding myself. He was here because I’d hired him, he was here because I needed a workstation for making products, but I really, really wanted him to kiss me again.
Somehow, I was able to stay focused and get my work done for the night, but as the back room became quiet, my whole body tensed with anticipation.
He usually stayed behind to lock up with me. He or sometimes Eddie. But when he left, he always gave me a report of their progress. Every day. But today was quiet. Today I began to worry he’d left without saying goodbye.
Just as I pushed myself from my chair to go check, his large frame filled the doorway of my office. He was filthy from work, his tool belt still rested on his narrow hips. His arms stretched above his head holding onto the frame, which lifted his shirt just enough to show off his stomach. A smudge of dirt swept across his left cheek, and somehow, it made him look perfect. I don’t know why the sight of him dirty, sweaty, and exhausted was such a turn on, but it totally was.
He looked me up and down without saying a word, without a smile, but his eyes penetrated my soul, speaking a kind of language only my heart knew how to speak. It caused my chest to swell with emotion and my palms to itch with the need to touch him.
I knew he wanted me. I could see it in his eyes. I hit save on the computer then rose to my feet and walked in front of my desk, but I didn’t move closer. I didn’t fully trust my legs to get me that far.
He looked over his shoulder then grinned a little. “It’s been less than twenty-four hours, but I want you again. I’ve gone months without sex without having problem, but I sleep with you once, and I can’t stop thinking about it. Why is that?”
His admission caused me to smile. “I don’t know.”
He frowned and moved a little closer. “But I want you in my bed. I want you slow, and maybe more than once. You okay with that?”
I bit my lip and looked down to my feet. He looked so serious, as if he were negotiating a business deal. But then I frowned because maybe he was. Actually, I knew that’s what this was. A business deal. A no-strings relationship where my heart was held as collateral.
I could say no… I should say no… but I found myself looking him in the eyes and nodding in agreement in spite of my better judgment. I didn’t care what this was. I wanted it. It was reckless, but I wanted it. I’d never been reckless before in my life. I did the safe things, the well thought out things, and for once in my life, I was feeling the need to take risks. Maybe it was because I’d already put my whole savings on the line with this shop. Or maybe it was because I couldn’t bear the thought of ending it just yet. Yes, my heart was on the line, but I didn’t care.
He pushed himself from the doorway, his brows furrowed, and I realized everything I’d just thought must have run over my face.
“Or we can go to your place if you want?”
I took a deep breath and shook my head. “Yours is good.” I forced a smile and walked a little closer, worrying my lip with my teeth.
Somehow, his place seemed the safer option. Going to mine was giving him too much, and he already held a piece of the little girl heart that still hoped he’d fall for me too.
Chapter TWENTY
Tuesday
I followed him to his condo, which was only about five miles from the shop, though in the opposite direction of my house. He directed me to guest parking thirty feet away, then pulled into his space in the garage. When he met me halfway through the parking lot, he took hold of my hand. He didn’t smile, which I was becoming used to, but his expression wasn’t angry either.
He looked as if he had as many reservations as me; he wasn’t sure he should be doing this—that we should be doing this. But before long he nodded, as though silently making up his mind, and turned back to the building. He led me up the concrete steps, going faster than my short legs could keep up with. I would think he was in a hurry if it wasn’t for the fact he’d led me through the zoo the very same way.
We finally stopped at the third floor, where he hesitated at the door. He turned to face me and cringed. “I have to warn you, she can be extremely jealous.”
I looked into his dark, stormy eyes and swallowed, suddenly wanting to forget the whole thing. Wondering why he’d bring me here when his roommate was inside.
He pushed the door open and a ball of golden fur immediately rushed toward us. She was wagging her tail, prancing and panting, and John fell to a squat before looking back up at me. “This is Ginger.”
I smiled and let out a breath. Both in relief his roommate was an dog, and because Ginger obviously missed him a lot. It was adorable really, something that made him even more human, more real. “Is she a golden retriever?” I asked.
He nodded, but then Ginger, who was ignoring me until this point, started to bark. She was loud and intimidating for such pretty dog, and although she looked scared at the same time, she still stood in front of John like she would protect him with her life.
I shook my head and squatted down, holding my hand out so she could smell me. “Don’t worry Ginger, I won’t hurt him.”
She came toward me, sniffing the air apprehensively, then walked closer until her nose touched my hand. She gave it a quick lick, then after a few moments, her tail began to wag and her stance softened. She licked me once more, and I reached out to scratch her behind the ears. When I finally looked over at John again, he was watching me with an unreadable expression on his face.
He stood up and grabbed her leash from the top of the banister before turning back to me. “I need to walk her or she won’t leave us alone all night. You can wait here if you’d like.”
But it didn’t sound like a question. I nodded, only because it seemed like that was what he wanted me to do, and I walked farther into his condo.
Ginger began prancing at his feet, and he lifted his chin to gesture down the hall toward the kitchen. “I don’t have much, but whatever’s in the fridge, you’re welcome to.”
I smiled, nodded, then watched as Ginger led him out of the apartment. He closed the door behind them.
I found the braid of feathers in my hair and started twirling This was awkward. Being in his house alone. Being here at all. I turned around to the door again, wondering if I should have gone along with him, but he really looked like he hadn’t wanted me to, and I wanted to respect his space. Walking a dog together was something a couple would do. Although I didn’t know what to call what we were doing, a couple was definitely not
it.
I shook my head, trying to figure out how I got myself into this mess, then turned toward the kitchen. His home was cleaner than I’d expected. I didn’t think he’d be a slob or anything because he and his crew were pretty clean, but the dark wood floors were actually shining. There was also a faint smell of lemon, mixed with the telltale fragrance of John’s intoxicating masculinity, floating in the air. I inhaled deeply, relishing the smell I couldn’t get enough of.
The kitchen was simple. Stainless steel appliances, white cabinets, black counters. I opened the fridge out of curiosity but quickly closed it. There wasn’t much in there besides old pizza and orange juice. I hadn’t eaten all day, but I wasn’t the least bit hungry. I was alone in his house, nervous as hell, plus, I really had to pee.
I headed in the opposite direction, looking for the bathroom. Searching for a glimpse of anything that would tell me a little more about him. A photo, a poster, a football jersey, but there was nothing. Nothing but a spotless house and a home decorated in a way that looked to have been done by a professional. Large prints on each wall—modern, abstract, nothing that reminded me of him. I don’t know why, but it bothered me a little bit.
I walked past the bedroom that was furnished with a king-sized bed, an office with one desk, a laptop, and a pile of papers perfectly stacked and found the bathroom at the end of the hall.
By the time I was done with the bathroom, I was nervous again. I was sitting on the edge of the couch, trying to keep my leg from shaking, when I heard ringing. A landline phone that sat in the middle of the coffee table. I didn’t have a landline myself, and for some reason, it surprised the hell out of me that John did.
Then I heard his voice blare through the speaker and realized that not only did he have a landline, he also had an answering machine.
Waiting for Tuesday: Suspicious Hearts Book Two Page 14