“What would you do if you didn’t have your parents?”
“I…huh?”
“If your parents weren’t around, or if your parents weren’t a part of the equation…what would you do?” Dr. Forbes asked this question with a tilt of her head. Bethany knew this was a cue for a ‘turning moment’ in this particular session.
“I guess I would suck on my own?”
“Would you be this upset?”
“Um…maybe not? Maybe I would have just sucked for a moment and then found some other way to waste my own money.”
“Bethany, I want you to think about something.” The therapist set her pen on the desk. This was never a good sign. It usually meant something incredibly difficult was about to be said. Something was about to be suggested as a task. Something Bethany would not want to do. “You need to be more independent. You are basing your sense of yourself on the voices you hear in your head—your parents. If they are not a part of the question, then maybe you will feel more successful. If you feel more successful, you might just define yourself that way.”
“Okaaaay…how do I do that? How can I be more independent? I just lost my job. Another one.”
“Have you thought about taking a job somewhere separate from your family? You’ve mentioned a friend who lives in Taiwan. Have you thought about visiting her while you think about what to do next? I think you need a space where you can think outside of your family’s definition of who you are and where you can be more independent in your choices. Co-dependency is best broken by removing the ability to rely on what you’re dependent.”
*
Standing in front of a mirror in the dressing room, Sano practiced lines for a news report. “A plan to inject 10 trillion yen in funds to the economy begins today, a move that will devalue the yen. Japan hopes to stem appreciating exchange rates which threaten to harm export competitiveness. This follows gains in the yen that saw it approaching a postwar high against the US dollar. Companies such as Toyota Motor Corp. support the proposal, viewing a strong yen as a brake on growth.” He studied his face in the mirror, trying to find an expression that was serious and reassuring. He rubbed his fingers over his forehead, working at the tension headache that was growing.
Kishimoto, his manager and the head of KM entertainment, had confirmed that next week he would add Newscaster for NHK to his résumé. A little bit out of the way for an idol potentially, but everyone was excited about it. NHK, Nippon Hoso Kyokai was Japan's national public broadcasting organization. And Sano, The Idol, a former graduate of the University of Tokyo, was finally using all that knowledge for something useful.
It would please his mother.
It would also give his band some legitimacy with older fans. It might even extend their fan base. These were the reasons that satisfied his manager and the members of Tenshi. Sano, though, did it because he needed the added challenge.
His regular schedule was daunting, and he was consistently busy: a new album every year and a tour every summer and all the planning and practice involved in that, three different one-hour variety programs, two of them syndicated in other countries. His routine required much. He slept little and worked often. They all did. Everyone in the band had their own reasons.
Gakino did it for the simple excitement. Hiro, because--when he wasn’t bored and sleeping off his schedule--he had an artist’s interest in music and dance. Ryo, too, loved music, but he had grown up poor, and being an idol was the way he cared for himself and his family back home. Shun, with all his perfectionism, saw the entertainment world as the ideal setting for his ambition. But recently, especially since Gakino had started dating Eloise, Sano’s mind raced when he wasn’t working, and he’d grown nearly allergic to time off. Besides, there were too many eyes on Tenshi to relax now.
Avoidance technique or not. Sano didn’t want to look at what he felt too closely. It was enough to tell himself Ganbare and keep moving forward.
But he knew his mother could make things worse and often did. He hoped she would have only positive things to say about this new venture because he didn’t want to spend weeks soothing her damaged ego and affronted sense of dignity.
Most of the band members had tried additional projects: TV mini-series, radio shows. A year ago, when KM pressured him to accept one of the starring roles he’d been offered by their sister company, Tokyo Broadcast System, he had chosen a psychological drama. Mostly because his mother scoffed at the clichéd romances the other Tenshi members had accepted. He had hoped it would displease her less. He’d been wrong.
“All of Japan can see this. When you cry and scream like that, in front of so many people, don’t you feel shame?”
She’d always been unhappy with his decision to join Tenshi. But at fifteen, three years after his father’s divorce and subsequent disappearing act, he’d wanted a career, not a part-time job. He’d needed something demanding, and KM offered that. He’d started at the bottom of the company as a back-up dancer for more popular groups. Then he’d been assigned to Tenshi. When his manager asked him to write lyrics for the music, he had agreed, hoping to legitimize the musicality of his band for their fans and for his mother. He learned later that he would be writing and performing rap sections. KM wanted to bridge the pop and hip-hop markets, with what they called hip-pop songs.
He had not needed to speak with his mother to know how she would feel about it.
But his success with Tenshi had been more than he’d ever dreamed, and he didn’t regret a moment. If it left him with little time to see his mother and with no hope of a personal life, all the better.
Opening his calendar on his PDA, he scanned what lay ahead in the next few months. As he put his schedule into order, he calmed. Learning English, rehearsing the choreography for the latest singles, writing lyrics for two songs on the next album, dozens of meetings and conference calls, script readings, blocks for filming. It was a way of creating order in chaos. It put him at the center of something.
And soon he needed to schedule some wedding planning with Eloise’s friend, Bethany Danea. It promised to clutter his entire schedule. Being best man was going to keep him busy, and he couldn’t be happier.
*
Bethany had been avoiding the truth for the last ten minutes, but the time for chit-chat was over. Eloise hated long conversations, and limited most calls to less than twenty minutes. She loathed lulls in conversation. It’s best to stop talking when you still have something to say. Makes you want to call again soon. But Beth couldn’t leave her upcoming and precipitous trip unmentioned a second longer. She took a deep breath and dived in. “So, I sold my car. I bought my ticket, and I’ll be there sometime tomorrow night, I think,” she said in the peppiest tone she could manage.
“What?”
“Well, your tomorrow night, I guess. I lose time flying that way. It’s got me a little confused.”
“You’re coming here now?”
“Yup. I’m at the airport. My plane boards in a few minutes.”
“Bethany what are you talking about?”
“I think if I can just get out of here and maybe get a fresh start, I’ll be able to do this.”
“I thought you were just coming to help plan the wedding. You’re moving here?!”
Bethany tried to ignore her best friend’s screams through the phone, but the last one was a bit volcanic.
“Eloise…I’m sorry. Just stop yelling, ok? I’m nervous enough. I know I’ll be putting a lot of pressure on you, but…I just can’t be a screw-up anymore. Dr. Forbes suggested I might come for a visit, but…if I’m going to do this…I think I just need to actually do it.”
“Bethany…do what? You know I’m excited to see you. You know that. But are you really saying that you’re MOVING here?”
“Yeah, I mean…you really love it. I’ve missed you, anyway. Won’t it be great being so close?”
“It will be great. I can’t wait to see you. I’m just a little surprised.”
Eloise’s mood changed
like a switch and her words softened. This must be her teaching voice. The one she saves for hopeless cases. At the moment, though, Bethany would take any support she could get. Feigned or not.
“Yeah…I know. I kind of just did it. I told my family I was coming for a visit this morning. I’ll drop the bomb on them when I get there. I was coming anyway.”
Bethany had long-standing plans to visit her best friend Eloise who’d been teaching abroad. At first, it had seemed like an imposition. Hey, I know you’re new to your job and your country, but could you play tour guide for me? But after Eloise started dating a Japanese celebrity all plans derailed. It was never the right time to be the third-wheel, especially after the love birds married secretly a mere three months ago in Taiwan.
Bethany, Cass, and Maia were crushed not being there for the event, but, finally, Eloise had called with the perfect excuse for a trip. She had to stage an elaborate made-for-the-press wedding in Japan, and she only had a few months to get everything arranged. And Eloise needed help.
Bethany was just moving up the schedule. A little bit. And, well, planning on never leaving.
“So what are you going to do, Beth? You know you can stay with me as long as you need, but do you have a plan?”
Bethany smiled into the phone. Of all of her friends, Eloise was the most pragmatic. “Yeah. I’m going to open a bakery.”
“A…bakery? Seriously?”
“Yeah. You know how I love to bake, so I thought I would just turn it into a business. You told me you can’t find any real cookies there… or brownies… or butter cream frosting… why not fill the need?”
“Well…that sounds like a plan.”
Bethany could hear the smile in Eloise’s voice and her heart clenched. Maybe the support wasn’t entirely pretend.
“Eloise…I’m not being crazy here, right?” She couldn’t keep the air from escaping her lungs when she asked.
“No. Bethany, I think you’re doing what you want to do. So…let’s see what happens, hmm?”
“You really don’t mind if I stay with you for a little while? I know you haven’t been married very long. I promise to get my own place soon!”
“No, don’t be silly. Gakino will love seeing you. He should be back in a few days actually.”
“Did he just finish his concert tour?”
“Yeah! He flew me out to see him in the Tokyo Dome two days ago. The crowd was massive, and Gakino kept waving at me and doing this winking thing whenever--” Eloise’s voice cracked and she coughed. “Sorry. My voice gets really high when I talk about Tenshi in concert. Oh, there is goes again!”
She paused and Bethany could imagine her putting her hand on her cheek in familiar gesture. It was past time they saw each other again.
“Anyway, he’s just wrapping some stuff up before he can come back here.”
“Hey, Eloise.”
“Yeah?”
“Who would have thought you’d be picking up an idol’s underwear off of the floor?”
She hung up the phone, hoping Eloise’s laughter would be enough to carry her through the hell of three flights, two long layovers, and a thirty-hour trip.
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How to Date Japanese Idols (The Tenshi Series) Page 29