by Ailsa Wild
‘Now we just have to go with Alice to university tomorrow,’ I say.
‘It’s obvious,’ I whisper to Jessie. ‘The Dodgies are part of a criminal gang called The Partnership who are going around stealing expensive equipment from all the science places.’
We’re huddled in the dark on Jessie’s bunk, lying on our tummies with our heads together.
‘Squishy,’ Jessie replies, ‘there could be so many explanations for what we saw.’
‘But they’re dodgy!’ I say. ‘They didn’t wear lab coats in the science lab, or museum uniforms at the museum.’
Vee chimes in from the other side of Jessie, ‘Plus his beard is so scraggly!’
Jessie snorts. ‘Not everyone with a scraggly beard is dodgy. Sometimes Tom gets a scraggly beard.’
We all giggle because it’s true.
‘Kids!’ Dad calls, as if he can tell that the joke’s about him. ‘We can hear you!’
We laugh even harder.
‘Don’t make me come in there!’ Alice shouts in a more serious tone.
Vee and I scramble back into our own bunks. But I’m not ready to go to sleep yet. My brain is too full of questions and mysteries.
I whisper, ‘Jessie, you said that the equipment in the uni lab was expensive. And why else would they have that silver suitcase they keep carrying everywhere?’ But Jessie even has a response to that. ‘I was talking about the DNA sequencing machines being expensive,’ she says. ‘Those machines are too big to fit in any silver suitcase.’
I lie in the dark, thinking about the Dodgies and their silver suitcase. I know I’m onto something.
‘Mr Hinkenbushel was definitely investigating them,’ I say, remembering our conversation in the lift.
‘All we really know is that he was shouting at them,’ Jessie replies. ‘And Mr Hinkenbushel shouts at everyone.’
‘The question is,’ Vee says, ‘what are the Dodgies carrying around in that suitcase?’
In the morning, Dad drops Baby at daycare early and goes to work. Alice’s lectures don’t start until later, which is annoying, because we want to catch the Dodgy Duo as soon as we can.
She finally takes us to uni on the tram.
‘Tom should be done by three, so be back in my office by then,’ Alice says as we set off through the hot midday sun.
We’ve just sat down on South Lawn when I hear Vee gasp.
‘It’s them,’ Jessie hisses.
The Dodgies are strolling across South Lawn with coffee cups, looking totally innocent and as though they’re supposed to be here. Red Sneakers is carrying the silver suitcase.
This is brilliant.
I don’t have to say a word to my bonus sisters. We all glance at each other with excited eyes then silently watch the Dodgies cross the lawn. As soon as they’ve passed us, we climb to our feet and follow their trail, like shadowy ninjas.
They head straight for the same building as last time. Vee is about to pull open the door while we’re still a metre or so behind them, but Jessie grabs her arm.
‘Wait. Let them get ahead,’ Jessie whispers.
After what seems like half a century Jessie decides we’ve waited long enough. We tiptoe down the corridor. The Dodgies are in the same lab as last time. The door is open and light shines through. I can hear them both moving around and Growly Voice talking. Just as we get close enough, Red Sneakers interrupts him.
‘OK, OK,’ Red Sneakers says. ‘Let’s get moving and get some results before that crazy cop comes after us again.’
Growly Voice chuckles. ‘Scared he’s gonna take you down?’ he asks.
I pull my bonus sisters down the corridor so we can talk. ‘You see,’ I whisper. ‘They are trying to hide from Mr Hinkenbushel. And whatever it is they’re doing, they’re doing it right now.’
Jessie is wrinkling her forehead like she thinks I might be wrong.
‘We have to help Mr Hinkenbushel by catching them red-handed,’ I declare.
I realise I have no idea how to do this.
‘Maybe,’ I say, ‘two people should keep watch while someone goes and calls Mr Hinkenbushel.’
‘Great plan,’ Jessie says. ‘Do you have his number?’
I don’t.
‘Maybe it’s time to talk to Alice,’ I say.
But the twins look horrified. ‘You never interrupt Alice’s lectures,’ Vee says.
Jessie looks thoughtful. ‘By the time we find out his number, the Dodgies might leave again. The point is to catch them red-handed. That means now.’
‘Well, how about we do a citizen’s arrest on them ourselves?’ Vee suggests. ‘Just march in there and tell them the game is up.’
While she’s talking, I can tell even Vee knows that won’t work. Three kids probably couldn’t arrest one normal grown-up, let alone two dodgy ones. Who knows how dangerous they might be?
‘I know what we need to do,’ I say. ‘We need to lock them in there. Once we know they can’t get out, we’ll have time to track down Mr Hinkenbushel.’
Vee and Jessie both look at me like I’m crazy. But I’m not crazy. I’m deadly serious.
It’s time to take some prisoners.
‘Remember that storeroom door we hid behind?’ I ask. My bonus sisters nod. ‘Remember the bolt on the outside?’ They nod again.
We whisper through a quick plan. Jessie’s not as sure as I am that the Dodgies really are dodgy, but I convince her this is worth it.
‘Look,’ I say, ‘all we need to do is talk to Mr Hinkenbushel. If he tells us to let them go, then we will. It’s not like we’re going to lock them up for days or anything.’
Jessie finally agrees and we march up to the lab door.
‘Hi!’ I say. ‘I’m Squishy Taylor. What are you guys doing?’
The Dodgy Duo turn around and stare at us and suddenly I go blank. I’m not sure what to say next. Luckily Jessie comes to my rescue.
‘Are you biologists?’ Jessie asks, walking into the room. ‘My mum’s a scientist, but she’s in astrophysics. We’re just waiting for her to finish a lecture. Is that a DNA sequencing machine? Can you show us how it works? I’ve always been fascinated by DNA.’
Wow, Jessie is really chatty. I’ve never seen her talk so fast. We follow her into the lab. There are two silver suitcases just sitting there on the bench. I look sideways at them. The larger one is open. It has rows and rows of test tubes in racks. Beside them are what looks like eggshells in little plastic bags. Vee wanders over to one of the biggest machines.
‘Don’t touch that,’ Growly Voice says to Vee, whose hand is hovering over a red light.
‘Vee, be careful,’ Jessie says. ‘These scientists are doing Very Important Experiments. Aren’t you?’
‘Uh,’ says Red Sneakers, half nodding, but mostly looking confused.
‘What are you working on?’ Jessie asks.
Growly Voice replies. ‘We’re testing to see if the DNA on these two samples match. We’re on a deadline.’
Jessie asks another question. She’s doing great. She’s distracting them while I get on with my job – which is probably the hardest. I have to get their mobile phones off them. Not forever. Just until the police come. I wouldn’t do it at all, except there’s no point locking criminals in a storeroom if they still have their phones. They could call their crime buddies in The Partnership and get rescued.
Luckily one of their phones is just sitting on the bench. I swipe it and toss a grin at Vee. Now, where’s the other one?
I look the Dodgies over, and straight away I see that Red Sneakers has a phone-sized shape in the back pocket of her jeans. Tricky. But not too tricky for Squishy Taylor.
While Jessie is looking over Growly Voice’s shoulder at a scrolling screen of graphs, I sidle up to Red Sneakers.
‘I’m bored,’ I say. ‘Do you have any games on your phone?’
‘Uh,’ Red Sneakers says. ‘Yeah, but we’ve got someone coming for these results. We need to get back to work.’
‘I k
now, back to work being scientists. But if you really are scientists why don’t you have lab coats?’
‘We are scientists.’ She looks a bit annoyed. She knows I’m close to the truth: that she’s not a scientist at all. She’s a criminal, doing something super dodgy. Now I’ve caught her off guard, I go in for the kill.
‘Pleeeease can I play a game on your phone?’ I ask.
‘Look, kid, I don’t even –’
‘Pretty, pretty please with a –’
‘Fine,’ she growls, sounding like Growly Voice. She pulls the phone from her pocket, enters a passcode, opens the games centre, and hands it over. ‘But just for five minutes and then you all need to get out of here.’
‘Thanks!’ I chirrup, as cheerfully as I can. Then I shoot a meaningful glance at Vee. My job is done. Over to her. She nods.
I vault up onto the bench and start scrolling through the games on Red Sneakers’ phone.
Growly Voice explains to Jessie what he’s doing as he types on a keyboard. They’re deep in a complicated conversation that sounds like jabber to me, but they both seem happy. Red Sneakers has started to look interested too.
I admit to myself that they’re obviously not burglars. But burglars are only one kind of criminal. They could be doing any kind of dodgy thing. And Mr Hinkenbushel definitely wanted to arrest them, he just needed evidence.
While they’re busy, Vee wanders over to the storeroom where we hid last time. She slides open the door and ducks inside.
‘Well,’ Growly Voice says, typing one last thing, ‘that’s started. Now all we have to do is wait.’
Five seconds later, there’s a massive crash in the storeroom and Vee screams. It’s a pretty good scream for a fake one. Even I jump.
Red Sneakers and Growly Voice spin around.
‘Cripes! What was that?’ Growly Voice asks.
Both the Dodgies bolt into the storeroom.
‘Are you OK, kid?’ Red Sneakers calls.
Jessie and I chase behind them.
‘Ow ow ow!’ Vee howls.
I peer in, behind Red Sneakers. Vee is sitting on the floor, clutching her leg and crying loudly. With no tears. There are several metal objects on the floor but nothing looks broken.
I do sympathetic sister voice. ‘It’s OK, Vee, you’ll be all right. Come on out into the light where we can see and let the nice scientists tidy up.’
Vee leaps to her feet like a ninja and dodges between the grown-ups towards us.
Jessie slams the door on the Dodgies and I slide the bolt.
We’ve got them.
‘Oi!’ they shout. ‘What are you crazy kids up to?’
‘We know you’re criminals and now we’ve caught you,’ I reply.
There’s a silence.
‘We’re calling the police,’ Vee says, ‘and you’re not getting out until they come and arrest you.’
‘The police?’ Growly Voice asks. ‘What are you going to tell them?’ His voice is trembly, like he’s shaking. Or maybe he’s laughing. ‘OK kids, we’ll just settle back and wait right here.’ He sounds like he’s having too much fun for a criminal who’s been told the police are coming.
I tap through to the keypad on Red Sneakers’ phone.
‘Squishy,’ Jessie says, as I dial triple zero, ‘I think they might actually be proper scientists.’
‘We’ll find out soon enough,’ I say and hold the phone up to my ear.
‘Police, fire or ambulance?’ a voice on the phone says.
‘Police,’ I say.
Muffled voices come out of the storeroom. ‘This isn’t funny!’ calls Red Sneakers.
‘Yes it is,’ says Growly Voice.
The problem with being a kid is, even your prisoners don’t take you seriously.
‘This is the police, what’s your emergency?’ says a businesslike voice on the phone.
‘I’ve caught some criminals,’ I explain. ‘And now I need the police to come and arrest them.’
The voice on the phone turns suspicious. ‘Is this a game?’
‘No!’ I say. ‘It’s for real. They’ve been burgling expensive science things from the museum and the university and I’ve caught them.’
‘Are you in any immediate danger?’ the voice asks.
‘Uhhhh,’ I look at the door. It’s not going to open any time soon. ‘I guess not.’
‘This line is for emergencies,’ the voice says. ‘It’s really important not to tie it up with silly games.’
‘But it’s not silly. My next-door neighbour is an undercover policeman working on the case. Can you get me his phone number?’
‘Listen, kid, even if you were for real, there’s no way I’m giving you an undercover cop’s number. I couldn’t get it myself if I wanted to. What’s your name?’
‘Squishy Taylor,’ I say.
There’s a pause and then the phone goes dead.
‘What did I say?’ I ask.
Then I remember the gangster, Squizzy Taylor. The person on the phone must have thought I was playing some kind of joke. It’s the first time I’ve ever wished my name didn’t sound like a real-life gangster.
‘The police won’t help us,’ I tell my bonus sisters, and slump against the bench.
The Dodgy Duo are muttering to each other behind the door.
‘What do we do now?’ Vee asks. ‘We can’t call Mr Hinkenbushel and the police won’t help us.’
‘Well,’ Jessie says, ‘we might just have to let them go.’
I’m already feeling bad about them being locked up. And I’ve remembered something from when Mum worked with Amnesty International. ‘Mum says it’s bad to lock up people for a long time without giving them a trial.’ I think for a bit. ‘Also, you have to treat prisoners properly. Give them food and things. It’s because of Human Rights.’
I realise it’s really bad to lock them up without Human Rights.
I bang on the door. ‘Hey Dodgies, listen up!’ I shout.
‘Yes, oh prison guard,’ calls Growly Voice. ‘We’re listening.’
‘The police are coming soon, so I promise you won’t be prisoners for long. I’ll make sure you have Human Rights. Like food and water.’
‘Human Rights would be good,’ says Red Sneakers. Was that a nervous giggle? They must be afraid about the police coming. They’ve been caught red-handed. They talk quietly to each other but I can’t hear most of it.
I hear Red Sneakers say, ‘… wait here anyway … program’s not done …’
Growly Voice’s reply is something about ‘smart kids’.
That’s right, I think. Smarter than you.
I turn to my bonus sisters. ‘I’m going to get them food. You try the police again. Jessie, maybe you can do your grown-up voice? If that doesn’t work, see if you can think of another plan.’
‘I could,’ Jessie says, ‘but Squishy –?’
‘Great. Do it,’ I say and make a bolt for Alice’s office, where our snacks are.
When I push the lab door open, I’ve got my galaxy water bottle with the flip straw, half a box of rice crackers and a whole packet of jelly snakes. Jessie is right next to the door listening to one of them, who is talking. She looks a bit worried.
‘Squishy,’ Jessie says, ‘I think we might have this a bit wrong.’
I interrupt. Human Rights are not wrong.
‘Hey, Dodgies. I’ve brought you jelly snakes but you have to promise not to break out if I open the door.’
‘You’re giving them our jelly snakes?’ Vee asks.
‘They’re our prisoners,’ I explain. ‘That makes them our responsibility. What do you want to do? Starve them?’ I don’t want them to be like the cockatoos we saw on the internet. I turn back to the door and knock again. ‘Will you promise not to break out?’ I ask again.
‘Kid, are you saying you’ll open the door if we promise to stay in here?’ Red Sneakers asks.
‘Yes, well,’ I say, ‘it wouldn’t be fair of you to break out, since I’m just a kid and you’
re big grown-ups.’
‘First time I’ve ever been called big,’ says Red Sneakers.
The Dodgies talk quietly. All I hear is, ‘… have to wait anyway … seem pretty harmless … the smart one might …’
I take three green jelly snakes from the packet, one for each of us.
‘What about a couple of chairs?’ Red Sneakers calls. ‘It’s pretty uncomfortable on the floor in here.’
I feel a bit bad that I didn’t think of that earlier.
‘OK,’ I say. ‘But do you double-promise not to break out?’ I ask.
‘We double-promise,’ Growly Voice says.
‘Whatever that means,’ Red Sneakers mutters.
Vee tugs two chairs over to the door. We open it up, push all their Human Rights through, then close it quickly and lock it again.
‘We tried the police again,’ Vee says to me, waving Red Sneakers’ phone. ‘But even Jessie’s grown-up voice didn’t work.’
‘Squishy,’ Jessie says, ‘I think they might actually be scientists.’
I wrinkle my forehead at her. ‘But what about the lab coats?’
‘Not all scientists wear lab coats!’ Jessie says.
Vee nods. ‘Alice is a scientist and she doesn’t wear a lab coat.’
‘So what are they doing?’ I ask.
Jessie takes a deep breath and explains. ‘They say they’re trying to get a DNA match for some eggshells in the silver suitcase.’
Vee jumps in. ‘They reckon they’re working for the police.’
Jessie nods. ‘They borrowed samples of black cockatoo DNA from the museum. They’re hoping the samples from the museum match the smuggled samples. That will prove the person they caught carrying the suitcase was smuggling black cockatoos.’
Vee leans in close and looks at me seriously. ‘Squishy, the Dodgies say they’re helping the police to catch the cockatoo smuggler!’
‘They could be lying. It could just be a cover story,’ I say, biting the head off my jelly snake.
Jessie nods slowly. ‘Could be.’
‘And what if they are criminals and we let them go?’ Vee asks.