'You notta like the prawn, Ronn-ee?'
I wrinkle my nose. 'No I don't like the taste of fish in my mouth. I much prefer a decent piece of meat.'
Harry steeples his chin on his hand. 'Really? I quite like the taste of fish on my tongue.' He runs his tongue over his bottom lip. 'I'm sure we can arrange a nice serving of meat for you though, Ronnie. How about it Nino?'
Interestingly there's no noise in my ear. They are lapping up the innuendo between myself and Harry. I’m certain Nino doesn't understand what's happening.
'So what do we have for a main course, Nino?' By now, full of champagne, I'm fully enjoying myself.
'Is-sa paella. So both fish for him and meat for you. Is-sa perfect.'
Harry looks at me. 'Could I have a taste of your fish Ronnie?'
'Only if I can have the whole of your meat.'
When Nino brings in the dessert and announces I can have squirty cream I'm done for. I grab the nozzle and put it on the end of my tongue. Then I squirt a heart shape onto Harry's head.
I'm told to wrap it up.
'So I hope you've enjoyed being part of my Valentine's Day dinner. I hope you ladies enjoy your own meat feasts… or dates, with Bob, Ben and Jerry. Don't forget to let The Hub know how it's gone and Molly will be discussing the best stories on the show on Friday.'
I take off my microphone and walk off set. I'm a tad wobbly legged. The Floor Manager comes running over.
'Hi Art. Am I sacked?'
'I really thought you were a gonner, but then it started trending, didn't it. Vibratorvalentines. You got everyone talking. Your company… LoveBug, jumped straight on it.' Thoughts of the company members jumping on vibrators comes to mind. That would be a great job. I think I'll go home and jump on mine.
'Ronnie,' Harry's familiar voice comes from behind me.
'Oh get rid of him, Art. I want to go home.' I say.
Art puts a hand on my shoulder, noticing the tension. 'Valentine's is shit for singles isn't it, love? I'm newly divorced myself. Get yourself off. I'll intercept the Ladykiller.'
I fully intend to get myself off I think, but instead I manage to say thank you.
I spend that evening and the next entertaining both Ben and Jerry. No cards fall on the mat, and no flowers arrive at my door.
I spend the whole of Valentine's Day sorting through the hordes of crap I've amassed. I book a cleaner to come at the end of the month to spruce up the flat in readiness for my guests. I then figure I'll need to clean for the cleaner so I start going through my closets. I quite enjoy myself, boxing up shoes and sorting clothes into piles. There are a few things for charity. Its fun trying my most swishy dresses on. I've been invited to a few Public Relations events since working on Happy Morning. I decide I'll make the effort to attend some premieres and get dressed up. This very morning I received an invitation to the Guardians of the Galaxy premiere, which is taking place when Sam and Mike are over, so I've already accepted that.
I hear the chirp of What did the Fox Say from my phone. I can't stand that song so Col had set it as my ring tone, knowing I'd have no idea of how to change it.
'Hello?'
'Hi. Is that Ronnie?'
'It is yes, and you are?'
'It's Lulu from OK Magazine. We were wondering if you'd be interested in doing an 'at home' feature?'
Oh my God. I start fanning myself around the face. I've had a subscription to this magazine forever and they want to come and feature me?
'Of course. I'd be honoured. When would you like to come?'
'Sorry for the short notice but the only date we have is Friday the seventh of March. We got let down by that vacuous Z-lister Ophelia Whatmore, so it's left us a slot to fill.' I have a vague vision of the glamour girl wannabe showing her minge after that statement.
That's when Sam and Mike will be here. Why does everything always happen at once?
'I'd be delighted. You can fill my slot, I mean I'll fill your slot.'
'That's great, Ronnie. The location team will be in touch.'
After the call ends, I lie back on a pile of clothes and kick my legs in the air.
I'm so chuffed I rush down to the coffee shop. To hell with our arguing. It's Valentines Day and I'm calling a truce. I'll just burst if I don't tell him.
'Ronnie?' Col's eyebrow is raised at me.
'I have great news. But first, could I have a hot chocolate?'
'No coffee?'
'No I fancy something sweet.'
He walks away to get it.
Returning he places my drink on the table instead of handing it to me. 'Yes?' he sighs. I'm not getting a very excited vibe from him.
'My apartment's going to be in OK magazine. They're coming to film in March. Not only is that one of my lifelong ambitions, but think of the publicity before I sell it. That'll have a knock on effect for you too. I bet you'll sell more apartments, and coffees.'
Col brings out a can of squirty cream from behind his back and holds it over my hot chocolate. I notice my chocolate is in a 'to-go' cardboard cup.
He squirts a heap of cream on top of the chocolate and then puts some in his mouth. He then licks his lips in an over the top provocative manner.
Oh.
'Why don't you get Harry to come and appear in it with you?' he says. He's wearing a look of complete and utter disdain that threatens to strike me down where I stand.
I leave the drink and run back to the safety of my apartment. It's the worst Valentine's Day ever.
Col doesn't make any attempt to speak to me for the rest of the month. It would appear that although I've found a new house for my body, my heart has lost its home.
I'm playing a Col-ender Game.
CHAPTER 4
March 2014
Friends
Monday 3 March 2014
I don't have friends and I don't have a boyfriend. I am so fucking lonely.
I've taken to watching animal programmes on the television. Paul O'Grady is my total hero, showing us all the lovely dogs at Battersea. I sit with a box of tissues and bawl my way through the episodes.
I've watched all of my Game of Thrones box-sets.
On the plus side, I have tidied the apartment and started filling packing boxes in readiness for my move.
All of what I've come to see as mystery paperwork, for example bank statements, are in a box ready for when I'm brave enough to show my father. I just can't take someone else being disappointed with me at the moment, so I'm procrastinating. The box has a lovely lid and if I can't see it, I'm going to pretend it doesn't exist.
I think I may be in mourning. I have to accept that Stella can't be in my life as before. I'm so used to her being here that it's a bit like she's died. I was in the city centre the other day when a bus passed me. It had my photo on it and an advert for the Vagina Smart charity. I wanted to point to it and say don't I look a twat, but I had no-one to say it to. Chatting to Sam the other night he said I needed to make new friends. He told me he makes new friends all the time and he'll help me when he comes over, which is anytime now. I'm itching for Sam and Mike to turn up. Any longer in this apartment on my own and I'll go insane.
I sit and listen to the tap drip in the kitchen for ten minutes. My apartment buzzer goes off and I leap up to answer the intercom.
'Hey Ronnie, we're here.' Mike says.
'Get the lift to the thirteenth floor. I'll meet you.' I answer.
I head down to the lift area and wait for the doors to open. I feel so nervous. Then they appear. Mike and Sam step out of the lift towards me. Sam's grey eyes quiz me.
I shake Mike's hand. 'It's lovely to meet you in person.'
'Likewise, and thank you so much for letting us stay. Sam hasn’t stopped talking about it. Have you Sam?'
I do a little squeal. 'Sam you're here.'
His shoulders relax and he leaps over. At eight he's heavier than I was expecting, and to protect myself I almost fall backwards.
'Take care with Ronnie, Sam.' Mike says.
/>
'Sorry.' Sam laughs. 'I'm here, Ronnie.'
I throw my arms around him. 'We are going to have so much fun. However I guess you will be tired from travelling, so let's get you inside the apartment and settled. Then I'll order food.'
'Can we have pizza?'
'Is pizza okay with you, Mike?'
'Anything is okay with me. Airplane meals do not fill a man.' He rubs his stomach.
I show them to their room. The apartment layout is a room and bathroom on each side of the living and dining space, and the kitchen. So they'll have some privacy. The room looks out over the Thames, as do both mine and the living area.
Mike walks out into the living area.
'The room's great, Ronnie. What a view.'
'I know. It gets hypnotic. Are you sure you're alright sharing? I bought a sleeping bag in case you wanted to be separate.'
'Oh you shouldn't have gone to all that trouble. Yes we're fine, although the last time I shared with Sam was when Isobel died. I was pushed right to one end of the bed as he was all flailing arms and legs. You better let me know where the sleeping bag is, just in case he does it again.'
Sam comes out rubbing his eyes. I hand Mike a menu. 'Here, see what you want and I'll get it ordered. It looks like your son won't be awake much longer.'
'Oh, he'll do his best to fight it, Ronnie, believe me.'
The pizza arrives and we sit on the sofa. As I'd only ever seen Mike on a computer screen, I thought it might prove awkward but he is amiable and chatty. I really enjoy having other people in my apartment. They've brought it and me, to life.
'When will I see Col?' asks Sam, munching on a slice of margarita pizza.
'Tomorrow I would think.' I turn to Mike. 'Oh that's something I need to talk to you about. What time will you be leaving for work? I have OK magazine coming tomorrow to do a photo shoot with me.'
Mike stops eating his pizza.
'Really? An OK photo shoot. Ronnie, that's huge. You really are a celebrity over here then?'
'A little bit, but I'm hardly A-list.'
'Don't put your success down, Ronnie. It's great.'
I smile.
Mike rubs his chin. 'I'll be leaving around seven. Can I ask that they don't take any pictures of Sam though.'
Sam jumps up and down. 'Awwww Dad, I want to be in the magazine. Pleeeeeasse.'
I put my hand up. 'I'm with your Dad on this one Sam. They will just be taking photos of the apartment and myself. But you'll be able to watch the whole thing. Or if you prefer you could go and hang around the coffee shop with Col?'
Sam pouts. 'It's not fair. I'm never allowed to do anything.'
'Yeah,' Mike smiles. 'You're really hard done to. Oh that's right, I just brought you to London.'
Sam still pouts. I get a glimpse of an eight year old boy’s brain. Oops.
Mike points at Sam. 'Are you sure you still want to look after him?'
I giggle. 'No you've got to take him back. I'll go and get my computer to look at flights.'
Sam's head flicks between mine and his dads and then he sees we're smiling.
'Grownups are so lame,' he says and goes back to eating his pizza.
Tuesday 4 March 2014
I am completely unprepared for what happens at six the following morning. The buzzer sounds and I drag myself out of bed. I find Mike in the kitchen fixing himself a coffee. His eyes go wide before he goes back to his drink. First thing in a morning Ronnie is very different to the immaculately presented person I am after I've hit the shower.
'Yes,' I rasp into the buzzer.
'Hi, Ronnie darling. It's Lulu from OK magazine. The team are here, can you let us in?'
I'm opening one eye and then the other in a weird winking game to try and get my eyes to focus properly. 'It's six am...'
'I'm well aware of that. Surely you were told when we'd be arriving? We have to catch the best of the light. It starts fading from the afternoon.'
I try and hold myself up by propping myself against the wall. 'No. I wasn't. I'm not even dressed.'
'Oh, we have wardrobe and the make-up artists here. We've had to make haggard has-been actresses look fit for purpose. A twenty-three year old woman will be a piece of cake. Are you letting us up now?'
I shrug at Mike, who tells me he's off to get showered and dressed.
I buzz the team up.
I was not expecting the amount of people who arrive. Lulu, make-up artists, cameramen, lighting specialists. It just goes on. The noise they make is incredible and I know I'll be fielding off complaints from other apartment owners for days.
Sam comes running out in his pyjamas to see what all the noise is. He asks about a hundred questions. I make him a hot chocolate and a slice of toast and sit him at the dining table, the only area still free.
Mike walks out of the shower, a towel around his waist. He sees the camera crew and hurtles into his room. I'm pleasantly surprised by the view of tanned pectorals first thing in a morning. Mike's not my type, but he's obviously a gym bunny, and I can think of worse things to view in a morning.
Lulu almost purrs, 'Ooh. I didn't know you had a man. Can we get him in on some of the pictures? I wasn't told you had a son either. I'm going to have these Researchers sacked.'
I shake my head. 'Mike's a friend who's staying with me. He's from New York and work has brought him to London. I'm looking after Sam.' I nod towards the kid chewing toast like I've given him wet cardboard to eat.
He smiles at Lulu like butter wouldn't melt. 'I want to be on the pictures, but Dad won't let me.'
Lulu, buying the whole angel act, looks thoughtful. 'Well how about we take some photos of you with Ronnie, but we don't put them in the magazine? I can have them printed off and you can put them on your wall at home. A keepsake. How's that sound?'
'Yeaaaahh.' yells Sam. 'I'm off to get changed. Dad, where's your hair gel?'
Lulu looks down a checklist. 'I'll need some time with you later to do an interview. I'll chat between shoots as well. For now though I think we'd better get the hairdresser sorting out the follicle fight happening on your head.'
The photographers do take a few pics of Sam, but he soon gets bored. At eight I phone down to the coffee shop to let Col know that a runner from the crew has a massive list of coffee and cake requirements and will be on his way down shortly.
'Has Sam arrived?'
'Yes. I wondered if he could come hang with you as he's getting bored?'
'He can come help tidy the tables.'
'Great. I'll bring him down.'
'No, I'm sure you're really busy up there. I'll come and collect him. Tell the runner I'll pick up the order when I come up.'
'Okay, well thanks.'
'It's no problem.'
I open the door minutes later. Col nods at me and looks past my shoulder for Sam.
I hear Sam's footsteps thump across the laminate and his voice sing-songs from behind me. 'It's okay, Ronnie. You can give Col a kiss. Only on the cheek though, or I may vomit.'
I laugh. 'Go and have fun with Col, and don't be a nuisance. Tonight I'll take you and your Dad into the centre of London and show you around. I'm sorry we aren't getting to spend the day together when you've just arrived.'
'Can Col come?'
'I think he'll probably be busy tonight.'
'Oh please?' he wheedles.
Col looks at me and then back to Sam. 'I can't make it tonight Sam. I have work to do at the coffee shop.'
'But I'm only here for three days.'
Col looks at me again, then at Sam. 'We'll see, okay?'
When Sam's not looking I glare at Col. I don't want him there. Then I remember that I did ask Col to pretend we were still together. 'There, Col says he'll try. Now leave him alone.'
'Come on, Col, we have coffee to serve.' Sam gets hold of Col's arm and starts dragging him away.
I sigh and close the door.
'Whoa. Who is that hunk of brooding goodness?' asks Lulu. 'How come you have access to all these hot
men? Are you a Madam?'
'He's my ex-boyfriend.' I sigh again. 'Sam doesn't know we've split up, so we're pretending to still be together.'
'Well, I couldn't tell with the tension whether you wanted to fuck or kill each other.'
I shrug my shoulders. 'I don't think we know either.'
'I'm looking forward to interviewing you Ronnie. So far a half-naked man has strolled out of your shower and another complete hunk arrives at the door. I think you're a woman of mystery.'
'Yeah right. There's no other man in my life.'
The buzzer goes yet again and I press it to let the runner back up with the drinks.
It's a shock therefore, when about four minutes later, Harry pushes open the door I've failed to close properly. He gives me a massive hug and a kiss on the cheek, then winks at Lulu. 'I'm her secret lover.'
I growl at him.
'Calm down, woman. I'm just messing with you. What's happening here? You tackled a kidnapper again?'
I extract myself from his arms and see Lulu's bemused face as she stands near me with her arms folded.
'No other man in your life hey? That's not what the tabloids say and look who we have here.'
'Harry Taylor.' Harry extends his hand and makes sure his Scottish accent is is full on sexy drawl. 'A pleasure to meet ya, Miss ...?'
'Lulu. Call me Lulu.' She starts shaking her head so her hair moves from side to side. She has cornrows. It's like one of those desk ornaments with the silver balls on. I watch the beads on the ends hit each other as they swing. Clack. Clack. Clack.
'I came to see if you fancied going out, Ron. I was bored,' says Harry. 'If it's okay with you, I'll hang around here for a bit.'
'Well—'
'Of course you can. Perhaps I could interview you too, while you're here? We could take some photos of the two of you together. The public would love that.'
'But we aren't together,' I say.
'Yes, but the public don't know that, and you've told me yourself you're currently single. It would be great publicity for the magazine. What about if we say we'll make a contribution to your charity based upon the issues sold?'
The Calendar Game (The Alpha Series Book 2) Page 7