I don't pack too much. Just make sure I have my favourite make up and skin care products and my cashmere pashmina. It doubles as a comfy pillow for the plane when folded, or a warm blanket.
I hear the door open and close and Col walks in.
'Today has been so busy. I'm glad to be able to take the weight off my feet.' He looks at my case.
'I don't remember you saying you were going anywhere?'
'I'm not sure if you would have paid attention if I had. However I didn't tell you because I didn't know myself. I'm going to stay with Stella for a week. She wants a hand with the wedding planning.'
'Don't you think you should have discussed going away with me? I thought we were a couple. Don't plans get discussed and agreed?'
'Are we?'
He looks blank.
'Are we a couple? You barely speak to me at the moment. It's like I committed a murder. Not that I got drunk and was vilified by the press.'
'Do you know how much I've had to defend you to my mother?' He snarls. 'She doesn't think you’re good enough for me. You keeping your head down is helping.'
'Do you love me, Col?'
'Of course I do. Why would I go to all this trouble if I didn't?'
'Right so let's start looking for a new house tomorrow.'
'We don't need a new house. This apartment is perfect.'
My voice rises in decibel level as I speak. 'Did your father suggest we shouldn't buy the other house?'
Col goes silent and a guilty look flashes across his face before being replaced by an almost cunning one. Something is off.
'Col,' I say, suspicion building. 'Did you have something to do with the house falling through?'
He shakes his head but I can see straight through him. One thing I know is that he now has form for being a lying fucking cunt. Secondly, when it comes to his father, he can't say no.
'You need to grow a pair of balls, Col.'
He shrugs. 'I did what was best for both of us. This is perfect, and in time you'll realise you are better as a Businesswoman. If you like you can do your Garden Design business. Though I had really hoped we'd run the coffee shops together. Build our own empire.'
My temper rises. 'When I first met you I thought you were a happy go lucky man, and the only reason I didn't want you is because I was mistaken in thinking I had to have a rich boy. I grew up. Meanwhile, you are still residing in fucking LaLa land where you want a Stepford wife who will please your parents.'
'I don't. I love you. I want you.'
'No you don't. You want to change me. Restrict me.' I'm in full flow now. 'I am the Queen of Chaos. I'm rude and lewd. It's who I am. I'm sick of people fucking judging me. This is who I am. If you want me Col, then we’re getting a house together. Quit trying to please your parents, and stop trying to control my life. Can you do that?'
He takes a deep breath. 'I don't know. I need time to think.'
'Well I don't. I wouldn't have been able to trust any answer that came out of your mouth. How about that Col?' I just keep thinking about what other lies you might have told me. Who is the real Thomas Colin Fernsby jnr? 'I didn't even know your proper name for more than a year. That makes me feel pathetic. I’ll arrange for a removal company to come for my stuff while I'm away. I'd be grateful if we can remain adult about this. It's over Col. I'm done.'
I pick up my case and walk out of the door. If he shouts me back, what will I do?
I don't have to worry. He doesn't say a word, just lets me leave.
I feel like Dorothy, clicking my heels as I skip down the corridor, leaving the cowardly lion in my wake. Though tears roll down my face, it feels like the best decision I've made in a long time. It's time for the real Ronnie to step up. This reticent Ronnie of late is not me. Fuck apologising. I haven't done anything wrong. The world better watch out. I'm coming back.
CHAPTER 6
May 2014
Discarding unwanted items.
Thursday 1 May 2014
It's early afternoon in New York when I arrive at Stella's brownstone. She answers the door and I'm embraced in a huge hug.
'Oh my God babe, it's been far too long.'
'Please tell me you aren't going to call me babe the whole time I'm here. That's your husband to be's thing.'
She bites her lip. 'I'm really trying to stop it. I know it's a habit, but it's difficult when my fiancé won't stop saying it.'
She turns to Gabe who is standing behind her. She lets me go and he opens his arms and envelopes me in a bear hug. I feel protected in his warm muscular arms, and wonder if I could just stay there. Then I realise there's no Athena.
'Where's the kid?'
'She's down for a nap right now.'
'Oh right. I thought you were hiding her away from me in case she started screaming.'
They look at each other.
'For fucks sake… you are! Please go and get your daughter. I'm staying a while so it's got to happen sooner or later.'
Gabe goes to fetch her while I walk through to the lounge. I go into my bag.
Carried in her father's arms, Athena takes one look at me and starts screaming her head off. Gabe passes her to Stella and says, 'What are we going to do?'
I open the packet in my hand. The crinkling distracts Athena who looks at me suspiciously. Her chin wobbles while she tries to work out what I'm doing.
'Look Athena. British chocolate.' I break off a piece of a Freddo Bar and hold it out to her. She reaches away from Stella and goes into my arms, grabbing the chocolate with a chubby fist and cramming it into her mouth.'
'Thought so. Her mother's fucking daughter. Chocolate addict.'
'Ronnie you'll have to mind your language, she might pick it up.' says Stella.
Gabe hasn't noticed. He’s looking at Athena with a stunned expression. 'Well little Miss Gregory, you should be ashamed of yourself.'
Stella makes a wailing sound. Both Athena and I look at her oddly.
'I want British chocolate too.' she pouts.
Friday 2 May 2014
Gabe is spending the day with Athena so Stella and I can hit central New York together.
'All day,' Stella squeals at me. 'Baby free. Time with my best friend. I am so excited. Right, come on. I know a bar near Central Park that sells amazing coffee.'
'A bar? For coffee.'
'Yes. Believe me, it's worth forgoing a drink.'
'That must be some bar.'
The Antica Bottega del Vino restaurant is situated a little further up from FAO Schwarz toy store. However despite Stella being the one with a child, she has to drag me away from the toy shop doorway, because there's a rather fit man there dressed as a Soldier.
'Stella, he just offered to dance for me,' I whine.
'Please. No toy shops or anything to do with children today,' she says.
'And there I thought you were besotted with your daughter and unable to leave her.'
Stella snorts. 'I love her to pieces. She's amazing, but Ronnie, you have no idea how I've wanted to just be myself for a day. No thinking of a tiny person. I can talk crap and shop.'
'Well just a mo, cos I've seen something I want.'
Stella sighs. 'I'll wait here. Do not be long and leave that soldier alone.'
I stick my tongue out at her, then make licking motions towards the soldier.
Reaching the restaurant we head through the entrance. Stella speaks to a waitress at the reservation area and before long we are escorted to a dining area with comfy seats. The restaurant has bright yellow walls. It's a little ray of sunshine. We're left a few moments and then a waitress comes and takes our order.
Stella leans over the table and rests her head on steepled fingers. 'I know you told me a little of what's been going on, but I want to know it all now. From the beginning…'
God, she's bossy, but I do. I tell her about Col and how he appears to have no backbone. I tell her about Harry and Ophelia.
'So the only real friend I seem to have is Nina. I don't see her very often t
hough as her work often goes late into the night and she ends up cancelling.'
'Oh, Ronnie. We've never been good at making friends have we? I miss you. Can't you come and live here?'
I pause. 'I've never considered that, you know. Actually moving nearer to you. I will do. Honestly. But right now I don't know what I want. Other than to finish my gardening course. That's the one thing that I love, and I'm doing it for myself.'
'Sorry. I'm adding even more pressure with my suggestion. I'm being manipulative because I miss you.'
'Anyway, enough about me… what's happening with your wedding?'
Stella groans and covers her ears. 'Oh not today, please. It's all I hear from Maddie. Wedding, wedding, wedding. Today is Stella and Ronnie Day. Protected time.'
'Anyone would think you don't want a wedding.'
'I'm just not into the whole fuss about it. I want the marriage, but I couldn't give two figs about what colour material they put on a chair for guests. Pur-lease.'
'Okay. No wedding talk today either. There is something I wanted to ask you.'
'Oh yeah?' Stella raises an eyebrow.
'How do you have sex now you've used all the letters of the alphabet? Do you know what to do, or have you had to invent a new game?'
Stella punches me in the arm. 'You cheeky sod. All is very well in that department thank you, and it's nice to be able to do what we fancy now, rather than fit it around letters.' She sighs and looks into the distance. 'Fucking amazing times though.'
'Col was really good at sex. I think that's why I stuck things out longer than I should. That and I guess when you're in love you discount their faults. Make excuses for their behaviour.'
Stella blushes. 'I feel really guilty that I knew he had money and didn't tell you. I had no idea it would take him a year. I trusted that he knew what he was doing. He seemed like such a nice guy.'
'He is a nice guy. But he has no backbone when it comes to what his parents want for him. I can't live my life like that. Can you imagine if I'd married him? He’s started trying to control me because of his cowardice towards his parents. I can't believe I went along with it for all that time.' I wave my arms about. 'I feel free right now. A little sad, but mainly relieved. That's not right is it? I thought I loved this guy. I shouldn't be relieved that it's over.'
She puts a hand over mine. 'No. If you really loved him, you'd be devastated.' I know she's thinking back to times when things seemed to be going wrong for her and Gabe.
'Well I'm done with playing the victim, and I'll tell you another thing.'
'Yeah?'
'I'm going to make them all pay and you, as Queen of Ultimate Revenge, can help me plan it. This is what I figured out for starters ...'
I proceed to tell her my plans for Harry Taylor.
'Ronnie, I think I'm going to have to hand over my crown.' she says.
We spend a glorious day hitting Macy's and Bloomingdales. We leave all the purchases to be picked up later and head off to do something I've always wanted to do—a carriage-ride around Central Park. Our driver waits while we fuss the horse and then he helps us into our seats, covering us with a velvet throw. He sets off around the park. It's magical. I can see why Stella was happy to move to Manhattan.
'So what are you going to do about a place to live? I'm guessing you don't want to stay around Riverside anymore?'
'That place doesn't hold many happy memories for me. I want a new house with a garden. I'm thinking about renting.'
'Can I suggest something?'
'Of course.'
'In light of your plans for Harry, why not ask if you can move in with him? If he chooses you over Pheely that's a win. Then you're already in-situ for your act of vengeance. It would also take care of Pheely.'
I press my lips together while I consider it. 'Hmmmm. There's an idea.'
'It might mean you have to get your hands dirty…'
I open my mouth wide and place my fingers over my lips. 'What are you suggesting Stella?'
'Well what is he famous for? Apart from sport.'
'His ladykiller status?'
'Bingo. So you also need to work out how to ruin that for him.'
'What do you suggest?'
She tells me and we burst into laughter. Seeing Stella has already been better than any therapy I could have paid for. Speaking of which…
'I thought I might see Rebecca again.'
'The Priory Therapist?'
'Yeah. She has her own practice now. She left after what happened to me, didn't feel safe.'
'I dread to think what would have happened if she hadn't found you when she did.'
'I know. That's another thing. I told the police. They're investigating. They weren't very impressed that I hadn't come forward at the time. I tried to explain that I told all and sundry about it, but no-one would believe me. I'm not sure they believe me now, but at least they agreed to look into it.'
Stella's voice cracks. 'I feel so responsible for what happened to you.'
'Well don't. Arnie was the Devil. The end result is that he's no longer around to cause any more pain. Anyhow, I liked Rebecca. She made me see that a lot of the baggage I carried was due to my parents and upbringing. I think I'd like to check in with her about how I'm feeling. I want help to get my thoughts in order. Sort out what's an emotional response, and what are sensible decisions.'
'That sounds wise, Ronnie.'
'Yeah. I think I'm actually growing up, you know, Stel.'
She starts spluttering with laughter which I think is very rude. Just because I've got an Elsa from Frozen tiara on my head doesn't mean I can't think like an adult.
Saturday 3 May 2014
Stella has organised a family dinner. Athena now toddles around after me, saying something that sounds suspiciously like choc-choc. She insists on giving me wet kisses with her mouth wide open, which are completely gross, but much more preferable to her screaming, so I'm going with it.
Seated around a vast table we have Maddie, Gabe's mother. Then there's Gabe and Stella, with Athena in her highchair at the side of Stel. Then there's a surprise. Mike and my favourite boy in the whole world are here. Sam chooses to sit next to me and puts his father at his other side. Muddling up Stella's seating arrangement and making the beginning of the meal time look like musical chairs.
Sam winks at me.
'Why haven't you brought Col?'
I take a deep breath. 'I don't date Col any more Sam. He was mean to me.'
'The bastard.'
'Sam,' says every other adult sitting around the table.
'Sorry.' Sam looks contrite. 'But I don't like anyone who is mean to my Aunt Ronnie.'
'Thanks pal.'
'Whoo hoo. Hey, now you can come and live over here.'
I smile at him. 'Look. How about I agree to think about it after I finish my course? I can't promise because my Mum and Dad live in England. Maybe I can just arrange to visit more often? I'll be able to schedule gardening jobs and I won't have my weekly course commitments anymore.'
'Okay. Either you have to visit every single month, or you live here.'
'Sam, that's quite enough. Leave Ronnie alone now. I do apologise,' says Mike.
'No worries.' I ruffle Sam's hair. 'He's funny.'
'You should have brought Nina with you,' adds Sam.
Mike blushes.
'You remember Nina?' I ask Sam.
'Sure. Dad's always chatting with her on Skype.'
Mike goes almost puce. 'How do you know?' he asks Sam.
'I eavesdrop sometimes,' Sam says like that's perfectly normal. I suppose it is when you're eight.
Mike puts his head in his hands.
I start laughing and turn back to Sam. 'I want all the details. I'll pay you for them.'
'Se-weet.'
I voice my thoughts out loud. 'How come Nina hasn't mentioned any of this to me?'
Mike pulls at his collar. 'I… I asked her not to. I thought if nothing came of it, well, it might make things awkward.'
Stella meets my gaze. She can read my expression. I'm now thinking that someone else is keeping things from me. Can I actually trust anyone? Is there something about me that people are unable to confide in?
I straighten my shoulders. 'So how's it going?'
'We get along really well. We're becoming good friends. It can't be anything else. She's over there.' He shrugs.
'That's a shame.' I say.
There's a pause in conversation, which Maddie takes as a cue to start talking about the wedding.
'Ronnie. I for one am so pleased you are here. After lunch, could I bend your ear about this wedding? Stella’s unable to make a decision about anything.'
Stella looks at her future mother in law and smiles. 'I can't help it. I'm just not that interested.'
'See?' Maddie points at her. 'This is what I'm up against.'
'We'll have a chat. Most definitely. I have an idea,' I tell her.
Maddie beams. Stella frowns at me. 'I'm not sure I like the sound of this.'
We retire to the lounge to let our food digest. Maddie takes a seat at the side of me.
'I do hope you can help. There's only seven months left. I'm getting rather frazzled by it all.'
'Well,' I say. 'Have you ever seen the TV programme Don't Tell the Bride? Is it on in the US?'
'I've not heard of that. It could have been.' She rubs the back of her neck.
'Well basically the Groom is given a certain amount of money and he has to arrange it all. He can have assistance, but the bride sees none of the details until the actual day.'
'That sounds like a potential disaster.'
'It is a lot of the time, but sometimes the Grooms do a great job. The difference is… that if Gabe did it, he wouldn’t have to stick to a small budget, and he could cheat and ask us to help.'
The Calendar Game (The Alpha Series Book 2) Page 13