by Kim Black
Was I ready to forgive him about not telling me about his wife, and for sending her to tell me instead of doing it himself? Duh Em, he couldn’t tell you because you wouldn’t let the man speak…
It didn’t help that I couldn’t get Adam out of my head. He seemed like a completely different person, the man I had hoped he would be while we were together. And now, a year later, just as I had finally moved on, he stalks his way back into my head, and into my life.
Julien’s arms were still wrapped around my waist, his morning erection semi hard against my ass. I wasn’t sure if I should start getting ready for work and hope that he would take the hint and leave or should I just stay where I was and let whatever it was that was happening between Julien and I go on. His face was nestled against my neck, tickling me with his warm breath, sending a wave of heat between my legs. Whoa there Em, he’s asleep for goodness sakes. Get it together girl!
The sun had just come up and I knew it was too early to start getting ready for work so instead I turned and faced him, watching him sleep peacefully. I had never seen a sexier man. Everything about him screamed sex! The fact that he was in my bed was exciting, I’ll admit. Never in a million years would I have thought a man like Julien freaking Belmont would grace my Ikea queen sized bed, but here he was at my house, asleep in my bed.
“Admiring me again I see…”
I was smiling from ear to ear at the thought of the morning after our first encounter, pleased that he remembered my staring at him like a cat in heat. “You wish buddy,” I said giggling, shimmying closer to him.
“Ah, there’s my feisty Emily,” he teased, pulling me deeper into his strong arms.
My leg brushed against his thigh and I was greeted with a soldier, high and standing at attention. Ignore it Em, you’ve got bigger fish to fry, I told myself.
I titled my head up in an attempt to see his face, but the look I found on it took me by surprise. He looked… sad…
“Hey, you ok?” I asked as I brought my hand to his face, stroking it gently with my thumb. Given that his friend looked ready for attention, it completely caught me off guard to see him look so pained. What could have him so upset?
“What are we doing Emily? Do you want this?” he asked, as he slid himself away from me, sitting up on the edge of the bed, his back facing me with his hand now cradling his face.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted. On one hand I did want to try and see where this thing with Julien would lead us and on the other hand, this was freaking Julien Belmont! It was the same Julien who was technically married and had creepy reporters following him around; the same Julien that seemed too good to be true. This was confusing!
“I don’t know Julien… Between Charlette telling me about your arrangement…”
“Charlette did what?” he interjected as he stood to his feet, obviously confused.
Was I not supposed to say anything? I played back the conversation in my head and realized she hadn’t mentioned him sending her to clear things up. The fact that she took it upon herself to do so, indicated that not only was she stunning, she was caring as well, and that made me roll my eyes.
“She tracked down my address which by the way, is kind of super creepy and told me everything. I guess she was trying to help,” I elaborated, annoyed at the woman’s generosity.
He let out a long sigh and sat back down on the bed, this time facing me with sorrow in his eyes. He cupped my face, gently caressing my cheek with his thumb. “It wasn’t her place to do that. I should have told you from the beginning but honestly I forgot. My marriage to her has just been such an afterthought that it didn’t occur to me to say anything. I’m so sorry I hurt you,” he confessed.
I knew he meant it. His sincerity was evident in his eyes.
After a long paused, he continued, “Who was that man yesterday?”
I knew it was coming. It was only fair that I tell him about Adam after Julien caught me crying over the man. “He’s my ex,” I confessed.
“He wanted me to take him back… we broke up a year ago,” I continued. I looked away from him, knowing the question that must have been burning in his brain. Do I want to be with him?
I didn’t have an answer. A few days ago the answer would have been crystal clear; a resounding hell no! But, now I wasn’t so sure. He seemed so sincere and broken, which made me wonder if I was wrong in breaking up with him without fully allowing him to explain. Crap, there seem to be a pattern here Em, work on that!
What was there to explain? Adam had cheated on me, with my co-workers. Diana told me everything that I’d needed to know, didn’t she? What else could he have to tell me? And what was with him saying that there was more to the story? I had to admit that a part of me wanted to know but there was also a small voice in my head that wanted to leave well enough alone. I had suffered enough with Adam and now I was with Julien. But was I really with Julien?
A loud knock came to the door just as he opened his mouth to say something and I couldn’t have been more grateful for the distraction.
“Hold on a sec?” I said as I grabbed my robe and throw it on. “I’ll be right back.”
Julien nodded his consent but it didn’t reach his eyes. He was obviously disappointed, and though I knew he deserved to know everything, I needed more time.
There were only two people in the world that would dare to come by at this normally ungodly hour. Diana and Suzie!
EMILY
I opened the door to find Diana standing at my door with two cups of coffee and a plastic bag labeled ‘Regina’s Pastries.’ There was no doubt it contained my favorite pastries from the best bakery in all of the US, or at least that was my opinion. My mouth watered at the sight of the bag and the sweet smell of Hazelnut Coffee. Diana knew me all too well.
“Hey! I know it’s early but I wanted to make sure you were doing ok, because I haven’t heard from you. I brought coffee!” she said as she brushed past me and made her way into my kitchen. “I remembered how hard it was on you after Adam. You never left the house! So I decided to check up on you.”
“Hey D… um… this really isn’t the best time,” I whispered, following her into the kitchen as I nervously glanced at my bedroom door. “I’m kind of in the middle of something really important.”
“Uh, what’s wrong Em?” she asked, following my gaze to the bedroom, her brows wrinkled in confusion.
I shifted from one foot to another uncomfortably, trying to figure out how to tell her that the married man that I swore I would never speak to again was now in my bedroom, in my bed, damn near naked, after a long night of good old fashioned hot and steamy sex. Slut much? I know!
“Ewwwe… please do not tell me that you shagged some random man just because of that Julien guy.” She said as she looked at me with horror on her face. “Oh Em, he really isn’t even worth it sweety,” she said while grabbing both of my hands, her concern evident in her eyes.
I rolled my eyes, “Really Diana, you know I wouldn’t do that!” I retorted, still sneaking a glance from the corner of my eyes at my closed bedroom door, wondering what Julien was doing all alone in my room.
“Oh, well… thank God,” she sighed before dropping her hold on my hands. She placed the coffees on the white kitchen island, sat on the stool, and reached into her bag of treats, pulling out a white chocolate éclair, which was my absolute favorite.
“Well…” I said, as I tried to stall the inevitable. “Julien’s here… in my room,” my eyes falling to the ground like a child caught by her parents who’d been out of town and came home early to find some horny teenage boy deflowering their daughter. It was silly that at that moment I felt a little ashamed. I mean, I am a grown woman and I shouldn’t have to explain myself to anyone, married or not but… I was in fact… ashamed.
“What! I thought you said he was married,” she shouted, her eyes wide with disapproval.
“Shhh… yes he is married but it’s not a real marriage, I’ll explain later.” I whispered while pulling he
r away from the kitchen, urging her into the living room, a few feet farther away from my room and hopefully far from Julien’s range of hearing.
“Not a real marriage? Oh, he’s playing you sweety. Can’t you see that?” she babbled as she stared at me with saddened eyes and disappointment etched all over her face.
I didn’t really expect Diana to understand the situation, especially since I didn’t quite fully understand it myself. Diana was the good girl of the group. She was always the voice of reason and encouraged me every time I found myself in a hard spot. She was safe and very different from Suzie. While Suzie was full of life and lived a Carpe Diem lifestyle, Diana was responsible and planned every aspect of her life. The three of us were completely different but loved each other something fierce.
“Can you just keep your voice down,” I urged, but just as I said that, Julien appeared in the foyer. He was fully dressed in his sexy blue pin striped suit and matching tie, the same suit I had ordered him out of a little over twelve hours ago. God he’s sexy!
“Hello,” he began, as he walked over to Diana, extending his hand to her. “I believe we met briefly the other night. Nice to meet you,” he said while flashing the sexiest smile I think I’d ever seen.
“No, you met Suzie, we didn’t speak,” Diana retorted, taking his hand. She gave him a look of pure disgust which caused me to roll my eyes at her. Having friends that care is so annoying sometimes but I had to admit that if the shoe was on the other foot, I would have behaved just the same.
“Well, I’m leaving. I can see that you have some things to discuss…” He turned to face me and continued, “So Emily, can I call you later so we can finish our discussion?” He sounded very business-like but I guessed that he was doing that for my benefit, not wanting me to feel embarrassed that my friend was here while he was leaving my house at six thirty in the morning.
“Yeah, call me after work,” I said as I followed him to the door. It was weird but I was sad that he was leaving, even though I knew that Diana wouldn’t leave until I explained everything to her. Still, a part of me wished he would stay. The man is a multi-billionaire Em, with a huge corporation to run. He can’t stay in your bed all day!
When we made it to the door, he turned around slightly and kissed my cheek softly, “Please don’t disappear again, Mon amour.”
“I’m sorry about that. I should have let you explain that day.”
“No apologizes necessary just don’t t run away again!” He had a raw power in his tone and when he continued by saying, “I’ll call you later Ma belle,” and planted a kiss on my forehead, it sent a shudder down my spine.
I nodded and he rewarded me with his sexy smile before walking away. I stood there watching him as he headed to his black Bentley, trying to convince myself that I was just missing the sex with him but as he drove away, I realized that I just missed him. Crap!
By the time I turned around, I found Diana standing in the middle of my living room with her arms folded across her chest. “Start explaining Em or I’m calling Suzie,” she threatened, knowing that Suzie was the last person I would want to speak to. Knowing Suzie, she would have punched Julien in the face on sight. The thought made me chuckle and shake my head. Damn friends…
“Fine! But can I at least get a sip of my coffee first and an éclair?” I asked, gesturing to the lonely cup of Joe gracing my white wood kitchen island, my stomach growling as if on cue.
She nodded her consent and I grabbed the cup off of the table and took a much needed sip, the first of many for the day I was sure. I pulled out two éclairs and stuffed them both into my mouth. The beautiful treat was nearly better than sex with Julien, nearly. I moaned with enjoyment.
“Start talking Em,” Diana screeched.
I lifted my hand and pointed to my mouth, indicating that my mouth was full and to give me a minute. When I finished the éclairs, I took another swig of my coffee and walked right past Diana and headed to my bedroom, knowing she would follow. And she did.
“So?” she asked as she entered my bedroom. She stood at the foot of my bed with her fisted hands placed firmly on her hips.
I placed the coffee on my night stand and sat on the side of the bed. “His wife’s name is Charlette and she came by and explained everything. Apparently they got married because their parents pretty much pressured them into it. She claims that it’s only an arrangement, not a real marriage. Anyway, Julien came by my job to explain; apparently his wife hadn’t told him that she would speak to me. I’m not sure what happened, but after I spoke to Adam, I kind of just ended up inviting Julien over.”
“Wait, what? Adam? When did you speak to Adam?” Diana demanded, her voice going up a whole octave at the mention of Adam, as I knew she would be mad. What friend would want to watch their best friend go through all of that heartache all over again?
“He was waiting for me outside the restaurant,” I started, staring at my hands as I recalled the pained look on his face both before I slapped him and especially after. “He wants me back D., he said there was more to the story and seemed so damn sincere…” I sighed. “I don’t know what to do or what to believe.”
Diana stood there with a horrified look plastered on her face. She looked sick even as I went on to tell her everything he said and how I slapped him. When I finished, I looked up to find Diana had shed silent tears, making me stand to my feet and run over to her to offer comfort.
“Hey don’t cry… one conversation doesn’t change anything. Just because he said there is more to the story doesn’t quite mean that I will get back with him. Plus I have this thing with Julien and it’s amazing, terrifying and yet wonderful. I have to see that through,” I said while hugging her.
Ok, I wasn’t exactly sure I wanted to see it through with Julien. What I wanted was sex… just sex, nothing more! A confused woman should never commit to anything or get pulled into a web of crazy when she herself had her own cob webs to deal with but I knew that reassuring Diana would ease her worrying and it did. Her stiffened body began to relax, allowing me to continue.
“You don’t have to worry about me. As soon as I speak to Adam and hear what he has to say, I’ll be able to fully move on with no regr….”
Diana cut me off, “Speak to Adam? Em you can’t!” she urged as she pulled away from me, her crystal blue eyes were wide and showing nothing but fear.
I stared at her, confused as to why she seemed this scared at the prospect of me speaking to Adam. She was behaving as if the man had been abusive to me. It didn’t make sense. She mirrored her ghostlike look she’d had when she came by my house a little over a year ago to tell me of Adam’s affairs. Was she reliving the moment? As hard as it was for me to hear the sordid details from her that day, I imagined it wasn’t easy for her to be the one to tell me, but she was as loyal as they come and felt it was her duty to tell me about Adam, even if it nearly killed me.
“D., I know you think I can’t handle speaking to him, but I can. Don’t worry, ok?”
She nodded her head but didn’t seem convinced. I gave her another hug, “Ok, enough worrying… I’ve got to get ready for work.”
I pulled away and gave her a smile but she, although she tried, couldn’t reciprocate.
Chapter Eight
“Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself”
~ Kahlil Gibran ~
EMILY
“Emily, I need you to chop up these scallions for the soup special,” Thomas ordered. This was the tenth time Thomas had approached me today and I was beginning to lose my patience. Just ignore him Em! He just wants you to react and lose your job. Don’t punch him in the face! I tried my hardest to reason with myself but from time to time I felt my hands ball up into a fist at my sides. There was obviously a mystical force keeping me from assaulting the man.
“Yes,” I simply replied before I turned to walk away from the annoying man when he cleared his throat. I turned around to face him, my hands still balled into fists.
“Aren’t yo
u forgetting something Emily?” he asked with the most ridiculous smirk on his face. “Yes, what?” he continued.
He stood at about six foot three in his pristine white chef’s uniform. The man had no real muscle or definition to him. He was puny, weak and I knew I could take him but I had my future to think about. Despite my knowing how satisfying it would be to finally give him all he deserved, I had to go against everything that was brewing within me. Through a clenched jaw, I responded, “Yes Chef…” and spun around and walked away.
The rest of my morning consisted of avoiding Thomas at all costs. Each time I spotted him walking towards me, I ducked! It was working for the most part but when he couldn’t find me himself, he sent one of his apprentices to-be to track me down and order me around.
When lunchtime came I was beyond thrilled because it gave me a chance to forget about the tyrant long enough to head to the one place that I swore over a year ago that I would never step foot in again, Tajh. I had texted Adam before leaving for work and I asked him if it would be ok if I stopped by for lunch so that we could talk and a whole fifteen minutes later he responded with a simple, ‘sure.’
As I peeled out of the parking lot of my job into traffic, after spending ten minutes tearing off my black chef’s coat, running my hands through my hair and applying a little makeup, I started to feel nervous.
It was silly really. If anyone should feel nervous it was Adam. He was the one who had cheated on me and embarrassed me in front of the whole restaurant. Although I probably shouldn’t have dated someone I worked with. Still, I knew the way the place worked, no one there would ever pass up an opportunity to spread juicy gossip. Nonetheless, here I was going to Tajh after avoiding the place for over a year, to meet Adam.