by D. R. Perry
"Ah." She let go of my hands, reached for her tea, and sipped. "Will you be afraid still, with him there?"
"Yes." I nodded. "Because the test doesn't make me fear for my physical safety."
"You worry that taking it damages mental health."
"Everything went sideways for Dylan after his. Do you know he almost went home with Temperance last year over winter break?" I shuddered while gazing into my tea. "Then there's Richard."
"Richard's childhood environment was more toxic than a nest of basilisks. He hid what he was for decades and avoided the test until he got arrested. Neither of them had the kind of help and support you do."
"He should have asked someone else to be his witness."
"The school should have had a counselor besides the headmaster." She sipped her tea again. "But running that school's not my business."
"You think I'll be okay, then?"
"If you do the work on self-care before and after, yes."
"What work, exactly?"
"Start seeing Ms. Khan now, and make it regularly. Talk to Logan about what you fear and what he can expect. Then afterward, take time and small steps. With help, from them and your other friends and family."
"I'm not supposed to talk about it though."
"You've got a lot of people who care about you, Aliyah. Most of them are brilliant. I think you'll figure out how."
"Especially Logan."
"You two are exceptionally close since last spring. Is this why you asked me about your grandpa?"
"Partly. Noah had something to do with it too."
"Oh?"
"I tried talking to him about love. We think maybe we're too different when it comes to that."
She raised an eyebrow.
"There's no, um, sex in it for me." I winced. "He said he thought you might understand better than him."
"He's right." Bubbe nodded. "It's never been about pretty faces for me. Maybe I'm not wired like the majority of people. There's no shame in that. I experience love a little differently; that's all."
"So what did that mean for you and Grandpa?"
"When we were together, the world felt kinder. Friendlier. A more joyful place. Does Logan make you happy?"
"Not all the time, no." I sighed. "There's been too much misery going around, stuff not our fault."
"Then what's it like when you're unhappy together?"
"We've done an awful lot of crying on each other's shoulders. Over his parents. The test. Professor Luciano."
"Would those times have been harder if you'd cried alone? Or with a different person, even?"
"Absolutely." I looked up. "Bubbe. Crying with Logan is almost like crying with one of you. Like he's part of the family but not another brother. Is that love?"
"I think you're well on the way to an answer." She nodded. "It's your decision, what your feelings mean."
As we finished our tea, Logan came downstairs yawning. Bubbe cleaned up the tea things, leaving him to walk me to the stairs. Although I had a potential name for the place he held in my heart, I didn't dare say it aloud until I was sure.
Chapter Twelve
The next morning, I went to the office before breakfast and requested an appointment with Ms. Khan, saying it was urgent. All through class, I figured she'd be too busy to see me, but on my way to the library, she stopped me in the hall.
"If you're not doing any critical research, I can squeeze you in, Aliyah."
"I've got time."
I followed her down the hall and out of the academic wing. Instead of the office, she brought me down the ramp toward the infirmary. A door I hadn't previously noticed opened off on the wall to the left of the infirmary's entrance.
The door wasn't here until this year.
The voice was right. I could feel it as I opened the door. As I passed through, I deliberately brushed against the frame and felt a tickling sensation like I had in Lab when Hal used space magic to borrow some sunlight. Inside, the room wasn't much larger than the one Logan used at Bubbe's. Except there wasn't a bed or even a desk.
Ms. Khan sat in a chair similar to the coveted comfy ones in the lounge. There were six more in a circle only incomplete to leave room for the door to open. While the one Ms. Khan sat in was neutral beige, the rest were each different colors, all vibrant instead of the pastel I'd so often seen in offices. Red, blue, yellow, green, white, purple. I sat in the blue one and spent a moment glancing around the room.
Instead of motivational posters or medical diagrams, these walls were hung with tapestries, again in multiple colors and geometric patterns. It gave a soothing effect without the blandness that usually came from more formal decor.
"They let me choose my trappings." She smiled. "How would you have decorated, Aliyah?"
"That's an interesting question." I sat up straight and thought about it. "The ocean. With sailboats and a wharf, like in town."
"Ah, the seaside is certainly a popular favorite." She nodded.
"What's another? Popular one, I mean."
"Well, mine's a frozen lake with skaters. That's unsurprising for an ice magus like me."
"So the ocean is a surprise from a fire or solar magus?"
"After twenty years’ worth of answers, none quite surprise me." She sat back in her chair. "So, what brings you here?"
"First, I have to ask you a question to be sure I can speak freely." I paused, unable to properly phrase everything at first. "It's tricky."
"Okay."
"Last year, Dylan asked me to witness something for him. And this year. Well, if there'd been a counselor here, could he have come to them about it?"
"No." She shook her head. "Unless it was me. As his mother, I already knew about the test. I was under the impression you'd done yours over the summer, however."
"No, I asked to postpone it. It's coming up in a few weeks." I cleared my throat. "My grandmother said I ought to get into a routine to prepare, including counseling."
"She sounds wise."
"I left things a bit to the last minute though. Or maybe this is too soon. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's never too late to ask for help. Or too early. Especially when you know harsh terrain lies ahead."
"That's a relief." I leaned back in the chair and let the back of my head rest against the cushion. "Maybe the second one since my birthday. The test is brutal, and I'm afraid I might not come out, well, healthy on the other side of it."
"I've done some reading on the subject, and you're right to worry."
"Really?" I blinked. "That's not what I expected a counselor to say."
"I'd be doing you a disservice to dismiss a true concern, especially about a clearly risky ordeal." She shook her head. "Constant positivity isn't counseling. We're getting short on time, so I want you to make some lists. The things that worry you most for getting through the test, your biggest fears about what might happen afterward, and one list of things you're happy with about yourself now."
"That last one doesn't seem like it fits."
"Think of your version of soothing decor, Aliyah. The ships on the ocean. Don't they go out and encounter storms at sea?"
"Yeah."
"You included a wharf with your seaside. Why?"
"Because it's part of Salem, my home." I gasped. "Oh! The sailors need to know where home is."
"Exactly. So, work on those lists. I'll see you back here again tomorrow. Is there a better time than your library period?"
We figured out a schedule, with visits four days per week. By the time I headed back in time for Lab, I knew I'd made the right choice.
Mrs. Onassis showed up to Bishop's Row practice. Her familiar was a basilisk, but otherwise unlike Alex's in every way. Instead of green like Asceco, this one was purple and much larger, with fangs that protruded slightly past her lip scales. While Mrs. Onassis feigned indifference from the top of the bleachers, the basilisk watched me so intently that I shuddered a few times.
"Ignore Pharmaka, Morgenstern." Alex said while retrievi
ng his ballistae from the equipment chest.
"A basilisk named remedy?" I blinked. "That's ironic."
"It's not." Alex adjusted the Velcro on his left wrist. "Double meaning, like a lot of Old Greek."
"What's the other one, then?" Dylan raised an eyebrow.
"Poison, of course." Alex rolled his eyes. "Anyway, like I said. Ignore her. She only gets worse if you pay attention to her."
"Like your mom." Grace snorted.
"Exactly." Alex cinched his cestus.
Grace blinked. Lena caught her eye and slowly nodded. When Grace opened her mouth, Lee put a finger over his lips.
"She sucks. Might as well own that." He shrugged. "Anyway, see you on the court."
He turned and jogged away, beginning a warm-up lap. Grace looked about as shell-shocked as I felt. Dylan patted the top of her head, then elbowed me.
"I think that's the most pleasant conversation our lot's ever had with the prince of darkness."
"Earl, not prince." Lena fished her equipment out of the chest.
"Same difference to this blue-collar boy." Dylan shrugged.
"His collar looks more cerulean every day." Faith stood from where she'd been leaning on the bottom bench. "If he's nobility and his mother's loaded, why's he working in the cafe?"
"He said it was none of my business when I asked," Lee offered.
"I think there's family trouble." I told them about the hearing, how Konstantin Onassis showed up with Alex to help him testify against Temperance.
"I bet it's one of those situations where the titled family went broke and married money." Faith took a casual glance over her shoulder and aimed a lazy grin at Alex's mother. "She knows my mom from way back. Logan's too. Debutantes all. So my guess is, he rebelled and she’s cut him off to retaliate."
"Yeah." Lena nodded, then took off for her laps.
"Whoa." Dylan shook his head. "Like the evil version of you three." He indicated Faith, Grace, and me.
"Don't forget obscenely wealthy." Grace chuckled. "Because the three of us sure aren't."
"Two out of three," I corrected.
"Don't look at me." Faith did a few side stretches. "If all goes well, they'll write me out of the will."
"How does that mean going well?" Dylan asked.
"Wait and see." Her grin reminded me of a locked diary.
Coach Pickman ended our conversation with a blast on her whistle. We jogged out to run laps with Alex, doing our best to ignore his mother and her creepy basilisk.
"No Azrael?" Soda overflowed and splashed Dorian's sleeve. "Are you two okay, Grace?"
"We're fine." She handed Dorian a wad of napkins. "Gallows Hill has a craft fair that runs right over Parent's Night so I'm going stag. We'll meet up the next day off-campus."
"That's good." He dabbed at the spill, then mopped it up off the counter after he'd saved his blazer. "What about you, Aliyah? Who are you going with?"
"Hoo?" said Julia.
"Logan." My face heated up so I grabbed the sodden napkins and turned to toss them in the trash. "We've got, er, an agreement. About all the dances and stuff."
"Peep!" Ember stood up on my shoulder and flapped. Then she groomed the hair she'd blown out of place.
"Oh, right." Dorian chewed his lower lip, then opened his mouth and closed it again.
"Were you looking for a date?" I asked. "How about Dylan? He's not going with anyone."
"Not for me." Dorian shook his head. "I'm the DJ."
"Whoa! Congratulations!" Grace held out her knuckles for a fist-bump.
"Thanks. I've got some big shoes to fill, though." He sighed. "And someone to find a date for at the last minute."
"Right." I nodded. "Zeke's still staying in town."
"I know. I met up with him at your grandma's office to get his music files. Anyway, for a centuries-old vampire, he knows a lot about audio technology."
"Who are you playing matchmaker for, then?" Grace scratched her head.
"I'd rather keep that to myself for now." He set the fresh cup of beverage roulette on his tray and waved as he strolled away.
Grace let out a frustrated growl, and Lune stamped his foot.
"What's wrong?"
"Not knowing's going to bug me the rest of the week. Whoever it is, they were going with Dorian until he got tapped as DJ."
"We'll find out soon enough, I guess." I shrugged.
"Do you think it's Arick?"
"He's going with Hailey again." I grinned. "I think they're a couple."
"Lena?"
"A first-year guy asked her."
"Coach Pickman?" Grace wrinkled her nose. "Ew. Didn't mean to remind you of you know who."
"It's okay if we don't know, Grace. It's only a date."
"I want to help, is all." She sat, stirring her soup. "And see Dorian happy."
"I know. Look at it as a break. Social maneuvering's so last year."
"So's you and Logan being just friends, apparently."
"We are friends, though. In a bigger way."
"Really?" She raised an eyebrow.
"It's like Izzy says. There's no just about this friendship."
"I don't understand it, but if that's how you two want to do things, I'm in your corner."
"Thanks, Grace."
After lunch, I headed straight to Lab. We had time in the library, but I wanted to check on the plants we had growing for the end of the semester. They were a big part of the mid-term practical, where we'd use their roots to concoct a sleeping draught for familiars.
Inside at the teacher's bench stood a man I didn't recognize. The creature on the table was a different story. He sat on his haunches and tilted his head, bright blue eyes peering at me from a mask of red and white fur. He glanced at my shoulder and yipped. Ember flew off to join him, peeping good-naturedly.
"Hello, Zephyr."
"Hmm." The man closed Professor Hawkins' lab binder with one gnarled hand. "Miss Morgenstern, is it?"
"How did you know?"
"How else would you know my critter's name?"
"Good point."
"You're an overachiever, is that it?"
"No. Just interested in plants." I headed toward the trough that held my specimen, beside Dorian's. "I'm Aliyah."
"I'm informal." He grinned and shuffled toward the experimental garden in the window. "I'd like you to call me Hank, but that's not flying in here. So call me Mr. Thurston."
"Okay, Mr. Thurston."
"Aren't you surprised to see a trustee here?"
"Not really." I shrugged and examined a mottled leaf on the plant. "After last year… Look, I was in the room when magic with the power of a solar flare almost ashed the school. It's hard to believe it could be worse."
"A threat exists whether you believe in it or not." He shook his head, grin fading like blooms in frost. "Be prepared."
"Why?"
"You don't get to be my age by letting your guard down."
"Great." I sighed. "More danger. Exactly what we wanted."
"Keep your ears and eyes open, Miss Morgenstern."
"If it's so bad and you know about it, can't you say more? Or do something?"
"The people you've got to worry about are good at keeping their secrets. All this old air magus can do is show up. I'd rather be back on Block Island taking in the sea air."
"Okay." I nodded. "Anyone in particular I should watch—"
"Miss Morgenstern, please return to the library." Professor Hawkins stood at my elbow. "I've got to prepare the lab for class later."
"Yes, sir."
I collected Ember, who seemed dismayed about leaving her new friend, and headed down the hall where I sat with a botanical book until the bell rang. By the time Lab started, there was no sign of Mr. Thurston or Zephyr.
All week, I waited for Grace to bring outfits around like she had the year before. It never happened. She had the dresses and suits, but on Thursday she invited people to the room for them instead of dragging a rack through the hallways. Which wa
s a good plan because there was no way she could have gotten it on the stairs. Somehow, she'd made garments for Lena and Arick too.
And Alex. She gave me ten minutes’ warning before he arrived.
"Why him?" I asked with my back to her as I buried my nose in history notes.
"He's trying. I know what it's like, not being able to afford something decent to wear." She poked my shoulder and waited until I looked up at her before continuing. "Remember that dress you lent me our first year?"
"Yeah, but—"
"No buts. This is how I pay it forward."
"You're no moneybags."
"Neither were you. Didn't stop you. Anyway, I gave you the heads-up. You can take your homework to the cafe if you want to."
You don't.
"Whatever." I shrugged. "Mean people suck, nice people rule. Queen Grace forever."
"Thanks."
I couldn't fault Grace for paying it forward. Last year, doing the right thing had felt like an act of rebellion. Supporting a friend, doubly so. The main reason I stuck around was curiosity. I wanted to see what she'd made for him.
When Alex arrived, he mostly ignored me. His nonchalance was a relief. However, it didn't stick. He didn't indulge my curiosity either. Grace handed him the garment bag, which he unzipped only enough to reveal velvety purple fabric.
"It's beautiful."
"Thanks."
"You shouldn't have."
"I did for everyone else. Why not you?"
"Because." His voice cracked and his breath hitched. Then he said something too softly for me to make out.
"I don't care whether you wear it or not, but take it with you when you go. I don't have the room for it."
He walked toward the door, back stiff but shoulders shaking. He paused, and the tremors stopped. Alex turned his head and glared at me, but addressed my roommate.
"Not a word about this, DuBois."
"About the suit?" Grace raised an eyebrow.
"No, that's fine. Everything else, keep your mouth shut. Especially you, Morgenstern. Or else."
"Mum's the word." I narrowed my eyes.
"Nice double entendre. Remember it."