by Roald Dahl
My long-lost nephew from the past!”
The boy exclaimed, “My dear old trout,
I don’t know what you’re on about.”
“No no!” cried this old Scots carbuncle,
“I swear that I’m your long-lost uncle.
Tell me your name. Mine’s Jock MacFaddin.”
The boy replied, “My name’s Aladdin.”
Jock said, “I’ll give you seven yen,
I might go up as high as ten,
If you will help with something small.
I am your uncle after all.”
The boy said, “Uncle! Oh my hat!
I’m dashed if I’m believing that.
You don’t look any more Chinese
Than chalk looks like a Stilton cheese.”
Jock said, “I’ll raise my offer then,
I’ll go as high as twenty yen.”
The poor boy cried, “You tempt me so!
Oh gosh, all right then, off we go!”
So when they reached the mighty cave
Jock said, “You must be swift and brave,
Don’t pause or stop for anyone,
Just grab that lamp and out you run.”
“I don’t quite see,” Aladdin said,
“Why you can’t get the lamp instead.”
Jock cried, “Aladdin, little love
(Giving the boy a good old shove),
Inside that cave is paradise,
It’s full of everything that’s nice
Like bags of sweets and chocolate bars,
There’s Aeros, Kit-Kats, Crunchies, Mars!”
Aladdin said, “I still don’t know
Why you are not so keen to go.”
“I’m old,” Jock answered. “All that damp
Will give me rheumatism and cramp.”
Aladdin said, “What if I meet
Some brute that thinks I’m good to eat?
A Gorgon or a Hippogriff?
A Doodlewhang, a Boodlesniff?
There’s lots of dangerous things around
In murky caverns underground.”
Jock whispered lecherous and low,
“Now, if you really want to know,
The only dangerous things down there
Are dancing-girls with bottoms bare.
I think you might enjoy a fling
With some curvaceous little thing.”
Aladdin yelled, “That’s what I crave!”
And shot into the giant cave.
Inside the cave – The gilt! The chrome!
Oh, what a mighty pleasure dome!
A cavern measureless to man!
Just like it was with Kubla Khan!
Aladdin saw the jewels and pearls,
But where were all the dancing-girls?
Just then he spied the little lamp
And thought, I wonder why that scamp
So badly wanted me to snatch
That thing for him. Now what’s the catch?
He touched it gingerly and WHAM
There was the most almighty BANG
And suddenly in clouds of smoke
Appeared the most amazing bloke,
A sort of genie or a djinn,
An ugly brute with scarlet skin
And purple tassels in his hair
And nothing on but underwear.
The bloke cried, “I’m your magic djinn,
Feel free to ask me anything!
Just make a wish, I beg of you,
And I will make your wish come true!”
Aladdin said, a trifle comic,
“If you’re the djinn then where’s the tonic?”
The djinn yelled with a mighty shout,
“You think I’m joking! Try me out!”
Aladdin said, “Oh mighty djinn,
Although my hopes are pretty thin,
My only wish, I tell you true,
Is to become a djinn like you!”
The djinn was stunned. He couldn’t speak.
At last he said, “You’ve got some cheek!
I’ve never heard, I’m pretty sure,
A crazy wish like that before.
This isn’t just the sort of job
That can be done by any slob.”
Aladdin cried, “Believe you me,
I promise you I want to be
A magic disappearing djinn
Who disappears both out and in.
I want a little lamp like yours.
I want to go to distant shores.
I want to say to anyone,
‘Just make a wish,’ and then it’s done!”
The djinn cried, “Right! Farewell! Be brave!”
A vast explosion filled the cave,
Then thunder roared and lightning flashed
And walls caved in and ceilings crashed!
Aladdin felt as though his belly
Was being filled with boiling jelly,
As if his blood was being dried,
As though his flesh was being fried,
As if his body and his soul
Were cooking in a casserole,
As if the whole of him, no less,
Was in a mighty trouser-press,
His nails, his teeth, his bones, his skin
Were being squished and squashed so thin,
Until, just like a wind-blown feather,
He disappeared altogether.
Aladdin of the Magic Lamp
Had gone into the other camp,
He had become a mighty djinn,
A wondrous being who could spin
Around the world in half a shake
Dispensing magic in his wake.
That happened, I will have you know,
At least five hundred years ago.
He’s still around and when he can
He picks upon some lucky man.
The lamp is touched, a wish expressed,
Aladdin simply does the rest,
And greatness dazzling as the sun
Then falls upon the lucky one.
He once allowed an English scamp
To touch and rub his magic lamp.
The man said, “Oh I beg, I pray,
Please help me with this lousy play.
I’m finding it extremely hard,
This struggle to become a bard.”
Aladdin helped him with the plot.
Will Shakespeare murmured, “Thanks a lot.”
Another time a little child
Who was no more than four or five
Said, “Help me please compose some bars
Of music that will reach the stars.”
Aladdin took his hand and said,
“I’ll sprinkle star-dust on your head.”
All sorts of symphonies and things
Came pouring out on silver wings.
Aladdin’s lamp had made him play,
And Wolfgang Mozart cried, “Hooray!”
This sort of marvellous magic wheeze
S’been going on for centuries.
Aladdin suddenly appears
(Not more than once in fifty years)
But when he does, oh boy, oh then
Great genius is born again.
Just think, next time he passes through,
The lucky person might be you.
PUFFIN BOOKS
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First published by Jonathan Cape Ltd 1989
Published by Penguin Books 1990
Published in Puffin Books 2008
Text copyright © Roald Dahl Nominee Ltd, 1989
Illustrations copyright © Quentin Blake, 1989
All rights reserved
The moral right of the author and illustrator has been asserted
ISBN: 978-0-14-196347-1
THERE’S MORE TO ROALD DAHL THAN GREAT STORIES …
Did you know that 10% of Roald Dahl’s royalties* from this book go to help the work of the Roald Dahl charities?
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Roald Dahl’s Marvellous Children’s Charity exists to make life better for seriously ill children because it believes that every child has the right to a marvellous life.
This marvellous charity helps thousands of children each year living with serious conditions of the blood and the brain – causes important to Roald Dahl in his lifetime – whether by providing nurses, equipment or toys for today’s children in the UK, or helping tomorrow’s children everywhere through pioneering research.
Can you do something marvellous to help others? Find out how at www.marvellouschildrenscharity.org
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The Roald Dahl Museum and Story Centre, based in Great Missenden just outside London, is in the Buckinghamshire village where Roald Dahl lived and wrote. At the heart of the Museum, created to inspire a love of reading and writing, is his unique archive of letters and manuscripts. As well as two fun-packed biographical galleries, the Museum boasts an interactive Story Centre. It is a place for the family, teachers and their pupils to explore the exciting world of creativity and literacy.
Find out more at www.roalddahlmuseum.org
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Roald Dahl’s Marvellous Children’s Charity (RDMCC) is a registered charity no. 1137409.
The Roald Dahl Museum and Story Centre (RDMSC) is a registered charity no. 1085853.
The Roald Dahl Charitable Trust is a registered charity no. 1119330 and supports the work of RDMCC and RDMSC.
* Donated royalties are net of commission