by Teresa Hill
"I'd marry you," she said.
And he looked happier than she'd ever seen him.
"I think I'm going to enjoy the time it takes to convince you," he said, as he kneed her thighs apart and lay cradled between them, his body hard and throbbing against hers. "How about it? Feel any more certain than you did an hour ago?"
"I'm not sure," she said, opening her body to him. She was still halfway aroused from the first time, and her body was soft and welcoming.
He kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, her cheeks, her neck, and finally her mouth, then began to push his way inside.
"There we go. Right there," he whispered in her ear, flexing his hips.
One more smooth, controlled thrust, and he was inside her completely, their bodies flush together, his mouth locked on hers. She squirmed and wriggled and tried to get closer, tried to simply climb inside him. The feeling seemed to get stronger each time they did this, until she couldn't imagine being just her anymore, and not attached to him. Like she wouldn't be complete. Like she never had been.
"I love you," he said, and she came in a rush. There was no stopping it. No control. Just pure, honest need. He came right after her.
She felt tears in her eyes in the aftermath. The man simply overwhelmed her.
"Don't do that," he said, his hand on the side of her face, kissing her softly. "Don't. It's all going to be fine. You'll believe it, Julie. I won't stop until you do."
She lay there sniffling and trying not to cry, and he fussed over her, wiping away tears and rubbing her back and kissing the sides of her face. She finally just let it all go, all the worries, all the doubts, and let him take care of her. Let him just be here beside her, imagined always having him, no matter what.
* * *
He was persistent. She'd give him that. And the man could do anything, from being both delightful and mind-blowingly awesome in bed to handling her mother and stepfather's legal issues. Part of that included the house being sold to his father and Rye's construction company. They were just waiting on all the paperwork to be ready for the deal to be finalized.
Zach, who liked to stay busy, was at the house most every day, usually demolishing something on the third floor under orders from his father. That was the phase of construction they were in, he explained, and he was quite happy to be tearing things apart. He found it highly therapeutic. She'd been uneasy about all the work they were doing before the sale went through, but Zach said one way or another, the sale was going through, and at the moment her mother still owned the house, and she was fine with the work going on.
So Julie left for work with him busy in the house, usually worked through lunch, then hurried home for a precious hour in bed with Zach before Peter got home from school.
Then she either stayed and worked from there or went back to the office. Zach would show up, like they hadn't been in bed together that afternoon in bed, and sometimes he'd stay there with Peter, who'd been drawn into the fun of demolition and actually liked it.
Zach often ate dinner with them, and sometimes—much to Peter's delight—they went to his parents' house for informal family gatherings also attended by Emma's family, including the beautiful Dana. Peter was smitten and actually capable of being pleasant, Julie soon realized.
Most nights, Zach sneaked into her bed very late and was gone when she woke up.
She felt oddly content, even in the midst of the chaos of life with Peter and with her mother and stepfather in jail, and of living in a construction zone and in a town she'd thought she'd never see again.
One afternoon, a few weeks later, she was lying in bed with Zach, and she must have dozed, because the next thing she knew, he was dressed, mostly, leaning over her and kissing her good-bye.
"What?"
"I've got to get out of this bed. Peter's going to be here any minute."
"Hmm?"
He laughed. "You have to get up, too. Unless you want to get caught like this."
"I do?"
"Yes. Up. I have to run, or he's going to see me leave."
"Okay," she murmured.
"You'll get up?"
"Yes."
Zach laughed again.
Next thing she knew, the phone was ringing. She jerked awake at the sound, disoriented for a minute, then remembered she kept the cordless by her bed. She put the phone to her ear and said, "Hello?"
"You didn't get up," Zach said, still sounding amused.
"No," she grumbled. "I didn't. You're gone?"
"Not far," he said. "I'm right down the street."
"Oh, okay."
"I still love you, Julie. Just in case you were wondering. I haven't changed my mind."
She rolled over onto her back, pulling the covers up over her naked body, missing him already. "Just in case?"
"Yeah. I was thinking. We can do this every day. As long as you need to. Until you believe me. I'll just stay right here and keep saying it."
"Oh. Well... that would be good."
"Now get dressed. The kid's probably halfway down the block, and somebody's truck just pulled into your driveway."
"What?"
"A truck. Were you expecting someone?"
"You're not serious."
"I am. I'm surprised you haven't heard it."
Come to think of it, she did.
Someone was really outside. She gave a little squeak of protest. Zach laughed and said he'd talk to her later. She scrambled into her clothes,. The doorbell rang for the second time as she ran down the stairs, feeling like she was wearing a T-shirt that said: Spent the Day in Bed With the Sexiest Man on Earth. Surely it showed all over her.
She pulled open the door and tried her best not to look guilty. An older man with a clipboard and a pencil stood there. "Ms. Morrison?"
"Yes?" she said.
"I'm from the bank. I'm here to appraise the house," he said. "I tried to call, but I didn't get an answer. I had a cancellation today and I was close, so I thought I'd take a chance. I hope I'm not... interrupting anything."
She turned six shades of red and swore that he wasn't, wishing that was one lie she could have told with more skill. Then she tried to explain as best she could why the door to her teenage brother's room was locked. The appraiser just laughed.
"He should be home soon. I'll have him open it."
With that, the man went to work. Julie looked in the mirror, seeing a little reddish mark on her neck. What in the world had Zach done to her?
Peter came home while the appraiser was still there, and he wasn't happy. She'd barely closed the door on the appraiser when she heard Peter behind her.
"What's he doing?" he asked, with the belligerence he reserved only for her.
"He was here to look at the house."
"Why? You're selling it anyway? Even after you said we got to stay?"
"No, Peter. I explained it before, and I thought you understood." Although, she was discovering, he often didn't listen to things he didn't want to hear, or things that scared him. "The bank was going to foreclose because the mortgage hasn't been paid in months."
He looked confused, then resigned and finally bitterly angry. "So you're going after all? And I'm going back to the group home?"
"No. Zach's father is buying it, just like I told you he wanted to do. The appraisal is a part of him buying the house. And he said we could stay here for a few months at least, while he's renovating it."
"And then what?"
"I don't know. I guess we'll figure something out." Like whether they could stay in this town. Where their parents were going to be. What was going to happen with her and Zach? Her and Peter? Everything?
"Don't you have a place to live? Back in Memphis?" he asked.
"I did. But I gave it up when I came here." Okay, technically, she'd given notice because she thought she was going to be married to Steve, but she didn't have to explain that complication to a thirteen-year-old, did she? "That reminds me. I have to have my things out of the apartment in two weeks."
"I quit my job, too," she said.
"But you could go somewhere else," he insisted.
"I could. I could go anywhere I wanted, but if I did, you'd go with me. For now, I've decided I'm staying here. You know I have a job here, just until after Christmas. But, who knows... If I like it, and they like me, it could turn into something permanent."
"You won't stay," he said for maybe the hundredth time since she'd returned.
"You don't know that, Peter. Just because I left before doesn't mean I will again."
"You won't stay," he repeated.
"Okay. You can think that way if you want. I can't stop you. Except maybe by staying here and showing you that you're wrong."
"I'm not wrong," he insisted.
"You know, I lived with them, too," she said. "I know what it's like, Peter. I know how you feel. I know how angry you must be. I know it changes the way you see the whole world. And I know I left you here alone with them."
He looked like he was mad enough to spit. "I didn't give a shit."
"Sure you didn't," she said. "I was only eighteen when I left, Peter. Think about that. I was five years older than you are now. I wasn't even sure I could take care of myself, let alone take care of you and me. You were only five. Do you even remember that part?"
Sometimes she wasn't sure if she remembered that part. What could she have done at eighteen with a five-year-old? "I just couldn't take it any longer. It hurt too much to be here, and I knew it wasn't ever going to get better. But you know what? You and I aren't them. We don't drink. We don't hit when we get mad. We're so much better at managing money than they are. I know you had to be to survive all these years, right? So doesn't it make sense that we don't have to live like them, either? That things can be different for us?"
She'd seen it when she'd gone to visit her mother. She was not that woman. She got to make her own decisions, live her own life, and she chose to be here, to try to trust in the love she had for Zach and to try to find her way back to Peter.
"When I left," she said, "being away from you was the hardest part." She got nothing from him for the admission. He stood stone-faced and glaring.
"I know what it's like to be scared. To find it hard to trust anyone to stay and to love you. I know because I feel the exact same way. But you know what? That's a lousy way to live, and I'm tired of it. Aren't you tired of it, too? I'm just not going to do it anymore. I'm not running. I'm going to try to learn to trust people and to let myself love them."
"That guy, you mean? The one you're supposedly not involved with?"
"Yes, Zach."
"So that was a lie."
"No..." She closed her eyes, trying to find a way to explain. "You said I came back here for him, and that wasn't true. I came for you. I came because I was sick of running, sick of being too scared to face what I'd left here. But while I was doing that, Zach came back, too, and he and I... Things change sometimes, you know?
"He says he loves me, Peter, and that absolutely terrifies me, probably as much as it scares you when I tell you I'm here to stay and I won't leave you. I want to believe him so much, and yet a part of me is screaming that I'm just going to get my heart torn apart again.
"But he's a good man. The best. And I've probably always loved him. When I was a little girl, he took care of me when it seemed like no one else in the world really cared about me. I know he did a better job of looking out for me than I did for you, and he never left me the way I left you. He never gave up on me. But even knowing all that, it's still hard for me to trust him."
Peter turned away, and she thought she might have seen a glimmer of tears in his eyes.
"So, I asked him to give me some time. He's a patient man, and he's kind and determined, and he says he won't give up on me. Not ever. So I guess I'll just be here for a while, and I'll get up every morning and wait and see if he's still around. If he still loves me. And I'll try each day to find just a little more faith in him and let go of a little bit of the fear.
"And I'm hoping that one day, the faith will far outweigh the fear. And then, if he still wants me to, I'm going to marry him. Imagine that? Me and Zach... He has a wonderful family. They'll take us in, in ways you wouldn't believe. And whatever happens with Mom and Dad, we'll get through it."
"And what about me?" he asked finally.
"Well, I think it'll work the same way for you and me. I figure, I'll just stick around, day after day. And you'll keep waking up and finding me right here where I promised I'd be. And one day, you'll forget that you were so sure I'd leave you, too, and you'll let yourself love me again."
He didn't say anything about that—about loving her. He said, "But... you're going to marry this guy?"
"He wants me to."
"So then you'll go off and live with him, and—"
"I'm not leaving you. If Zach and I are together, you'll be a part of that. He would never make you feel like you shouldn't be."
He shrugged. None of it mattered. "You won't stay."
"We'll see, won't we? We'll wait each other out and see who's right."
Chapter 19
She was waiting on the glider on the back porch later that night when Zach showed up. He gave her the sexiest grin when he spotted her, and for a minute, she just sat there and thought, The man looks so good.
He'd been working out seriously in the last few weeks, with the weight set he used in high school and one of those big, heavy bags boxers used. Like doing demolition work at her house, hitting the bag felt good, he said. Between the two, even as leanly built as he was, he was building some lovely muscles.
"Whatever that thought was, I like it," he said, taking a seat beside her and kissing her softly, lingeringly.
"I was thinking about that luscious body of yours, if you must know," she admitted.
He laughed out loud.
All those little muscles in his body were taking on an extra bit of definition, creating dips and hard swells, beautiful curves she loved to run her hands over.
"And that I'm a happy woman," she added.
He pulled her onto his lap and kissed her again, his strong arms locked around her. It was the safest place in the world, she knew. Being in his arms.
"I think we're making some serious progress here. What happened?" he asked.
"Nothing," she insisted.
"Julie, you should know by now that doesn't work with me. It never will."
True. He saw right through her every single time.
"I just... had a little talk with Peter this afternoon. Actually, more of an argument, but... I realized he's scared. But he wants to believe me when I say I'm here to stay and I won't give up on him, in the same way I want to believe you when you say the same thing."
"I do," he said.
"And it was so frustrating, to be the person who knows how I feel and what I am determined to do. So now I know how you feel, and I'm sorry—"
"No. It's okay. I know why it's hard for you. I understand," he insisted. "So, what did you end up saying to Peter?"
"It wasn't until I got the words out that I realized I was using the same arguments with him that you'd already used with me. That I was just going to stay right here, with him, until he believed me. I wasn't going away, and I wasn't changing my mind."
"Which means... what? That I'm the most reasonable man in the world? And maybe the smartest?" He turned serious all of a sudden, looking both determined and hopeful. "Or does it maybe mean that you finally believe me? Believe that I know how I feel and what I want, and that's you?"
"It means... I think... you seem better. Stronger, more steady, more... you."
"I am," he insisted. "I'm talking it out, trying to make sense of the past. I know it really is the past, that the feelings are old ones, not things in the present to panic about. I think I'm both... not as strong as I thought I was and yet, in some ways, even stronger. I'm letting myself lean on the people I love, people who love me, and it's go
od. I'm better, and I'm going to be fine. I know that now."
She smiled softly and gave him a little kiss. "I know that, too, and I've been thinking about why I had so many doubts about you and me. About this relationship working."
"Okay. Tell me."
"I wondered what in the world I had to give you, Zach. You've always been so generous with me, so supportive. When I kept screwing up my life, you always seemed so together—"
"Not now," he said. "It's not like that now."
"I know, and I would never wish anything like this on you," she said, giving him a sad smile and fighting back tears. "But the thing is, you're not that perfect boy I fell in love with all those years ago."
"No, I'm not," he said, as if he feared that was a bad thing.
"You're a grown man, and you've actually made some mistakes lately. You had some doubts, some fears, some regrets."
"And you're trying to tell me you somehow find this attractive?"
"No, I'm saying I find it human. I find it not so intimidating. I see myself as not so lacking, not such a screw-up. And most important of all, I see that maybe you do need me."
"Oh, God, Julie, I do."
"Yes, you do." She nodded, smiling so hard her face hurt. "I needed to see that you need me, that I have things to give you in return. You let me help you, and I know it wasn't easy for you—"
"No, it wasn't. But now that I have, I can see how much I needed that. That it's just so good, having you in my life completely, knowing everything and standing by me anyway." He took a breath. "So what does that mean? That you get it? That we were meant for each other?"
"It's still... complicated. What about Peter?"
"What about him?"
"He's only thirteen. He's going to need me for years, Zach—"
"I know that. I would never ask you to turn your back on him."
"Still, it's a lot for anyone to take on. A messed-up thirteen-year-old boy?"
"So? We can handle it. Together. Or maybe we just get Dana to come live with us, too. He's an angel when she's around. What else is still worrying you?"