Especially if one of those possibilities was Andrew Carson.
* * *
THE COUPLES WHO’D booked the horseback riding trip wanted to explore independently after reaching the campsite on the second day. Clay went over the safety guidelines another time, handed out cans of bear spray and recommended two well-marked trails. Each couple was also loaned a GPS tracker.
A number of outdoor adventure companies offered periods of independent hiking as part of their packages. Clay had resisted incorporating a similar feature for a long time, but even Aunt Emma had declared he was overprotecting his clients. So, on the second and third day of this particular trip, there was a shorter horseback ride in the morning, with a longer period at the campsite in the afternoon to allow for solitary exploration.
The two wranglers were unsaddling the horses and would set up the tents when they were done, so Clay looked at Tessa with a question in his face.
She nodded and he gestured to a trail he hadn’t shown the clients, headed in the opposite direction from everyone else. If they were going to talk about Renee’s accident, they needed complete privacy, away from both guests and employees.
They hiked silently until they reached a vantage point over a narrow ravine with a rushing creek at the bottom. Ferns and bushes concealed most of the current, but the sound of flowing water rose, along with the chirping of birds. In the distance, the ravine widened and the water spread out in a marshy, verdant meadow.
“A friend of my parents had me install a large water feature near her home-office window,” Tessa murmured as they sat on a fallen log. “The doctor recommended reducing her stress to help resolve her high blood pressure and she thought the sound of moving water outside her house would help.”
“Did it?”
“I like to think so. When it’s cool enough, Patricia opens the windows and sees birds and dragonflies flitting around. And my stress was reduced when she agreed to use a system to collect rainwater. It seems strange to be in Montana, where so much water is available.”
“There are excellent arguments for conservation here, too.”
Tessa shrugged, then a smile peeked out. “You could benefit from a system on the ranch, especially with the amount of water needed for the horses and scrubbing down the picnic area every evening.”
He wanted to suggest she stay and oversee the installation of a rainwater collection system, but he couldn’t think why she’d agree to do such a big project so far from her home. Besides, once she had the answers about Renee, she might simply leave. How many times had Tessa made it clear that her heart was in Arizona and the desert?
“I’ll think about it,” Clay said. He took his canteen from his belt and turned it over in his hands, difficult memories flooding his mind.
* * *
TESSA WAITED, REALIZING Clay was trying to find a way to explain what had happened the day of Renee’s accident. It couldn’t be easy for him.
He finally sighed. “You know I don’t allow beer or other alcohol on any of the company’s rafting trips, right?”
She nodded, surprised. The rule was clearly stated on the website and he’d made it clear at the start of the rafting trip earlier in the week. It made sense. Alcohol was responsible for a lot of accidents on the water. The liability release was very specific on the topic, as well.
“Folks can drink in the evening if we’re taking them on an overnight trip,” he continued, “but not on the river. It isn’t worth the risk.”
His grim tone made Tessa shiver. “I agree.”
“We’ve always provided beverages—juice, soda and water—to drink while rafting, but some of our guests have preferred bringing their own reusable bottles. The challenge was that I couldn’t be certain of what was inside those bottles. So this year I instituted a new rule that no personal containers would be allowed until we were in camp.”
A prickle of warning ran across Tessa’s shoulders. “I saw it in the release, but didn’t know the provision was new.”
Clay looked at her with a bleak expression in his eyes. “I had to do it because of Renee. She brought orange and lime juice in her canteen, heavily spiked with vodka. In fact, it was mostly vodka, with just enough juice to mask some of the alcohol odor. She didn’t touch it until a half hour before we reached the rapids, then she gulped most of the contents. We know it was vodka because the canteen was recovered later and the remaining contents analyzed.”
“You mean Renee was drunk.”
Clay nodded. “The coroner did a test after she was found. Her alcohol level was extremely high. During the whitewater run, Renee started declaring how brave she was and that nobody could say she wasn’t willing to do something new. Then she suddenly threw off her helmet and life jacket and stood up, rocking back and forth. The raft started to flip and almost everyone on board was thrown in the rapids.”
Tessa began to feel sick.
“Who else was hurt?”
“Aside from minor scrapes and bruises, none of the guests besides Renee, and the coroner thought she might have survived if she’d still been wearing her protective gear. The water was fast, but barely an intermediate level. Her injuries indicated she was knocked unconscious prior to drowning.”
“You said none of the guests were hurt—what about you and the other guide?”
Clay was silent for a long moment. “Andrew was the other guide that day. He was okay. I had a few injuries. I tried to help Renee, but she was panicking and broke free. A person in that state can be remarkably strong and not realize someone is trying to help them.”
“How badly were you hurt?”
“Bad enough.”
“How bad?” Tessa asked insistently.
“I... Well, a broken arm, some lacerations and internal bleeding. I was trying to protect her and got swept into rocks a couple of times.”
Tessa crossed her arms over her stomach and pressed hard, trying to quell her nausea. Cold beads of perspiration broke out on her face. “So Renee came close to killing everyone, including you.”
“She didn’t intend to hurt anybody,” Clay said gently. “She was scared and used alcohol for false courage. It was the catalyst for her other behavior. I think she was trying to prove something to herself and it went too far. I’m not even sure she intended to drink, but brought it just in case she started to lose control.”
“Trying to prove she wasn’t afraid to take risks,” Tessa muttered, recalling what her former brother-in-law had said in one of his emails to Renee.
Something cool and damp pressed to Tessa’s forehead and she stared at Clay. “What?”
“You’re awfully pale,” he murmured. He poured more water onto the bandana and dabbed her cheeks and throat. “You know, I probably didn’t spot the family resemblance because you’re so fundamentally different from Renee. Even now it’s hard to see how she could be your sister.”
“And it’s a wonder your family can stand the sight of me,” Tessa whispered.
Clay shook his head. “Would you blame me if the situation was reversed?”
“No, but the situation isn’t reversed. I can imagine what those witnesses said about her.”
“They were angry and used language they probably regretted later, while I keep wondering how I misread what was going on that day on the raft.”
Tessa let out a humorless laugh and a hint of color returned to her face. “You can’t read minds and Renee was an expert at keeping emotions to herself. Anyhow, I told you before, you aren’t to blame.”
“Neither are you,” Clay said firmly. “Okay. We both have to accept that this was Renee’s doing, however unintentional. Spencer and I didn’t want your family to know the unpleasant details, but not telling you was clearly a mistake. Your family needed answers about why it happened, so knowing what happened might have helped. At the least it may have enabled you to move forward.”
Tessa’s fingers were curled so tightly they hurt and she tried to straighten them. “Is it possible Renee was trying to kill herself? I haven’t wanted to admit it, but that’s what I’ve been afraid of since it happened.”
“No. Spencer asked the same question, but I think your sister just wanted to confront her fears. We all do that at times. She never struck me as irrational. I still don’t understand why she claimed we were dating, but maybe it was connected to her pride.”
Tessa’s eyes burned and she blinked rapidly, but the tears still fell. “I managed to get into her email account a few days ago. Before she came to Montana, she was trying to reconcile with her ex-husband. Neil said that while he still loved her, he couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t take risks...who had no adventure in her heart. He also said that if she’d been a little more like me, they might have been able to make their marriage work.”
Clay said something beneath his breath. “That was a cruel thing to say.”
Tessa stared into his angry eyes. “It sounds as if she was trying to show she could be more like me with the backpacking and rafting, but I swear, as much as I enjoy outdoor sports, I’ve never been reckless or put other people in danger. And I barely know Neil. Why would he compare us?”
Clay dripped more water on the bandana and pressed it to Tessa’s wrists and the insides of her elbows. He was so gentle her throat ached.
“We don’t know what was going on in either of their minds,” he said. “But it would have been kinder if he’d honestly explained there weren’t any conditions under which they could reunite. Instead, it sounds like he tried to put all the blame on her.”
“Renee was under a huge amount of stress at the time,” Tessa recalled, the tightness inside of her beginning to unwind. “She’d been promoted to associate professor and the college was urging her to get her second book ready for publication. They saw her as their rising star, which was good, but it also meant expectations were high.”
“So her ex-husband wrote those things to her when he likely didn’t know she was more vulnerable than usual and doing her best to cope.”
Tessa smiled sadly. “Yes. Neil shouldn’t have mentioned me, but while I’d love to blame him for everything, the accident was still Renee’s doing. She chose to sneak alcohol onto the raft, even though she knew it wasn’t safe and against the rules. She acted rashly, and if she’d lived, I’m sure there would have been consequences.”
For a few minutes Tessa concentrated on breathing and collecting her composure.
“Do you think Renee believed I was involved with Neil?” she asked finally.
“Nobody could suspect you of being underhanded.”
Tessa gave him a wry look. “Oh, yeah? You thought I’d gotten the job at Carson Outdoor Adventures to make trouble for your family.”
“Very briefly, and mostly because I was worried about my brother and nephew. Custody issues are tricky.”
“Surely Andrew isn’t in danger of losing his son. He’s too good of a father,” Tessa said.
Now that she knew Andrew had been the other guide on the rafting trip with Renee, she understood how Clay and his brother would worry about the accident being used in a custody battle—even an implied failure in reliability might sway a judge.
“It’s unlikely, but when it comes to Derry’s safety, we’re all sensitive. When Mallory walked out on the marriage, she also abandoned Derry. Left him alone in their apartment. Andrew was at work, so a six-month-old baby went without food or care for over eight hours.”
“That’s awful. Is that why you’re keeping Molly with Derry and Emma most of the time?”
“Yeah. I miss having Molly on hikes, but Derry comes first and she would never let a stranger approach him.”
* * *
CLAY KISSED TESSA’S FOREHEAD, wishing there was more he could do. At least her skin was no longer as cold. Perhaps he should have delayed the discussion until after their return to the ranch, but putting it off again could have been worse. And if Tessa read the accident report now she’d be prepared for its blunt, official tone. The coroner’s statement alone was enough to haunt Renee’s family.
“I’m sorry for what she put everyone through,” Tessa said. “I must have made it worse by showing up here.”
“Don’t apologize. It was a tragedy we all wish could have been prevented. For her sake, and for you and your family. As for you being in Montana?” Clay brushed the bandana down the curve of her cheek. “I’m glad you came.”
Tessa’s eyelids flickered. She lifted the braid from the back of her neck and fanned herself with her other hand. The expression in her eyes remained sad, but she was no longer pale.
“I’m still unhappy with Neil. And my sister,” she said. “But I’ll get past it. Did Renee ever get comfortable with being in the wild?”
“I wish I could give you an unqualified yes. While she was able to carry her own backpack, she was still struggling with some aspects of hiking and camping. But she was getting better and I think she was enjoying herself more.”
Tessa didn’t say anything else for a long while, then she frowned. “Clay, you said you had to change the liability release because of Renee. Did somebody sue you?”
“No, but my insurance company wanted everything spelled out in the body of the release, even though it already stated that clients agreed to abide by the company rules.” He rocked forward. “Do you want me to have someone ride up here to take over the trip? They could get here quickly, and then we could go back early, or do whatever you want.”
It was an offer he couldn’t have imagined making a month ago, but Tessa had become more important to him than anything else in the world.
“I’m fine,” she whispered. “Maybe it’s for the best that I didn’t know all of this before I accessed Renee’s email. Now the pieces are starting to fit. You see, she forwarded all of the Carson Outdoor Adventures group pictures to Neil, not to us. She was trying to show him that she could change.”
“Did he ever reply?”
“If he did, she deleted the messages. My mom and dad will have to know what happened. It will be hard for them to hear, but Renee was an adult and responsible for her choices. I think they’ll be able to accept that. It’s what they always taught us. I just wish she’d confided in me about Neil.”
Clay gestured to the satellite phone on his belt. “Do you want to call your parents? I can step away and give you privacy.”
“I already told Dad about Renee hoping to reconcile with her ex-husband. I’ll let them digest that piece of news for a while. When we get back I can do a video-conference call with them both and explain what happened. We need a little time to deal with all of this. I’m sure we’ll have more than one long call over the next few weeks.”
“Then you’re staying for a while.”
Tessa met his gaze. “If you’ll have me, but I don’t want to cost you any time, or cause any problems.”
“You’ve been a valuable addition to Carson Outdoor Adventures. But I wouldn’t care, I’d still want you to stay.”
Clay looked down and saw he had laced their fingers together.
He’d never been overly demonstrative, but with Tessa it seemed instinctive. He wanted to hold her, not just out of desire, but for comfort and the simple pleasure of touching.
Their lives were still far apart, but he wasn’t going to run from what he felt; something important was happening between them and they both knew it. He wasn’t sure where it would lead, but he would be a fool not to give it a chance.
“Could we walk for a while?” Tessa asked.
“Sure.”
They stood and continued along the trail, Clay keeping a close watch to make sure she was steady on her feet. Yet he also trusted her instincts. She’d done an amazing job with both Aiden’s and Skeeter’s rescues, staying energized with her positive attitude. Clay didn’t doubt that
her optimism had buoyed Aiden when he was still worried about his lost dog.
Of course, Clay had come to the conclusion that there was little Tessa couldn’t do.
I’ve got it bad, he acknowledged. So much in love he could hardly see straight.
And maybe, for the first time in his life, he also had something completely right.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
TESSA SAT CROSS-LEGGED on the bunkroom couch, laptop on her knees, trying to assess the expressions on her parents’ faces.
She’d contacted them using a video-conferencing application and the discussion had been going on for almost an hour with alternating tears and smiles. They wanted to remember the wonderful things about Renee, not just how she’d died.
After returning from the three-night horseback trip, Tessa had found a large manila envelope waiting for her. When she’d opened it, she found a note from Sheriff Maitland, along with a copy of Renee’s accident report.
Clay contacted me yesterday and asked that you be given a copy. I’m sorry if the delay made things worse, but please know it was with the best of intentions. Nobody wanted your family to experience more pain than it already has. I never met Renee Claremont, but if she was your sister, I think she must have been a special person, who simply made a mistake she didn’t have time to set right. S. Maitland
“Mom, Dad, do you want to see the accident report?” she asked.
Chuck shook his head. “We’ve learned what we needed to know. I’ve been afraid Renee killed herself, and that somehow we missed the signs.”
It was what they’d all feared, but hadn’t wanted to acknowledge to each other.
“I think Renee was simply trying to figure out how to live more fully,” Tessa said slowly. “She just made a bad choice that day.”
Her mother wiped the tears from her cheeks and squared her shoulders. “Tell Mr. Carson we’re sorry he was injured, but we appreciate him trying to save her.”
The Man from Montana Page 21