by Pati Nagle
Madóran came to me, offering a hug. I took it. Needed all the hugs I could get.
“Thanks for letting me stay,” I said.
“You are always welcome here, Amanda. Len and Caeran are here often. I hope you will come with them sometimes.”
“I’d like that.”
He picked up a book from the table and offered it to me. It was the ælven book we’d been using.
“To help you with your studies.”
“But this is your only copy!”
“Perhaps you can make a copy for yourself. It would be good practice.”
I held the book to my chest. “I’ll take good care of it. Thank you.”
We shuffled outside. Instead of Len’s car, a dark green Camry sat out front.
“That’s right.” I looked at Len. “Your car. Was it totaled?”
“Close enough. We had it towed to a junkyard that wanted it for parts. Caeran and I went down to Las Vegas yesterday and found this at a used car place.”
Bigger and nicer than the Subaru. The upholstery was clean, the back seat was deep and wide, and it didn’t smell funny.
Caeran must have bought it. How rich was he, anyway? He had like three changes of clothes that I knew of.
We said a last goodbye to Madóran and drove off. I stared out the back window until I couldn’t see the hacienda anymore. Madóran stood there watching the whole time.
I thought over the text of my apology again and again. Would it piss Savhoran off? Had it been a mistake? Too late now.
I fell into a funk, thinking about him. A couple of times Len said something to me and I had to ask her to repeat it. Finally I closed my eyes so they’d think I was asleep.
We got into Albuquerque late afternoon. Thunderheads were building over the city. Good chance of rain.
I went into my room and sat on the bed, feeling out of place. Staying with Len and Caeran had been fine for the summer, but indefinitely? This was their house. I didn’t really belong.
Back to the dorm, them. Woohoo.
College seemed so far away from what we’d been doing over the last couple of months. Contemplating classes felt bizarre.
The next day, we went to the campus to get registered. Caeran came too; he was going to take classes this year. Len wanted his support on the research project. I spent a long time looking at the courses at the school of business, and picked out three that I thought would help me figure out how to set up a foundation for the ælven.
We got all our school stuff together: textbooks, notebooks, etc. That took another day, then I had nothing left to do but mope. Two more weeks until classes started.
I dialed Savhoran’s cell. It rang in the house: they’d never got it back to him. Caeran shut it off and looked at me.
“Savhoran’s apartment should be secured. Will you help?”
“OK.”
I hadn’t been in the apartment before, so I was curious. All three of us went.
There were no decorations of any kind, no personal things. Heavy blinds over all the windows. Some very utilitarian furniture and some pans and dishes in the kitchen that looked brand new. Savhoran hadn’t invested anything of himself in this place. The most personal item we found was his cell phone charger.
He hadn’t intended to stay. Or he hadn’t decided.
“Jeez, this is awful,” Len said to me. “What do you say we fix it up?”
I shrugged. “OK.”
We went to the home store and bought paint, wastebaskets, and a few nicknacks. Len had me pick them out, and without my realizing it a theme emerged. I chose sage green paint, curtains with leaves all over them, a graceful flower-shaped candle holder, and a small statue of a squirrel. Without any deliberate intention, I was making a forest scene.
All I was thinking was: what would Savhoran like? Maybe he would like it, if he ever saw it.
Len and I spent the next couple of days painting. Boring, laborious work but it made me feel better. When we were done the place looked a lot nicer, even without furniture.
We fixed that with a trip to a bedding store. Got a nice foresty comforter set, pale green sheets, curtains, and a comfy futon chair for the living room, big enough for two if they were friendly.
“There ought to be a TV,” Len said, standing by the chair and looking at the blank wall opposite.
“I don’t think Savhoran watches TV,” I said.
“So? You do.”
“It’s not my place.”
Len sat on the futon chair. “Actually, Caeran and I have been talking. He paid a year’s rent in advance on this place. No sense in it sitting empty. We love having you, but I’ve been getting the feeling you need more space. Why don’t you stay here until Savhoran comes back?”
“He’s not coming back.” I swallowed. Hadn’t said that out loud before.
“I don’t know. He’s still at Madóran‘s.”
I looked at her. I wanted to hope, even though it hurt.
Len smiled. “He’s working things out, that’s all. The ælven always take a long time to think about things.”
I looked around at the apartment. It still smelled like paint, but it looked pretty good. I’d been trying to make a nice home for Savhoran. I couldn’t help making it a place that I liked too.
Two days later I moved in.
I still spent a couple of hours over at Len and Caeran’s every day, studying the ælven book and working on making a copy by hand. Didn’t dare take that precious book to a copy machine, and I didn’t feel right taking it out of the house. My copy wouldn’t be beautiful, but I’d be able to use it.
Len insisted that I have dinner with them every night. I didn’t argue much on that one—Caeran was a pretty good cook.
With afternoons and evenings taken care of, I was only in the apartment nights and mornings. That was still plenty of time to be lonely.
I cried a lot. Thought about Savhoran. Wondered what it would be like to try to just have a normal human life, now that I’d been exposed to the ælven. I suspected it was impossible.
Savhoran was all I wanted. I couldn’t imagine dating a human guy after this. Maybe I’d just had bad luck, but most of the guys I had dated were total drips.
I would help Len and Madóran with the science project, since I didn’t have much else to do. Other than that, I was pretty much on hold.
Days went by, becoming weeks. Classes started. I did all right in the business classes, and even got curious about the stuff I was learning. It was organized and made sense, a comforting contrast to my life for the past few months.
Evenings we’d all study together at Len and Caeran’s. One night after banging my head against an assignment, I went back to the apartment, put my key in the lock, and and stopped.
It was already unlocked.
A tingle of fear went down my spine. I took a step back from the door. Run first or call 911?
The door opened and Savhoran looked out.
I squeaked and threw myself at him. Not the best idea, but it was spontaneous.
He put his hands on my waist and gently pushed me away. His eyes were still haunted with sadness.
I tried to pull myself together. “It’s so wonderful to see you!”
That got a faint smile out of him. “I am glad to see you, also. I have come to offer you my atonement.”
“Atonement? Why?”
“For what I took from you.”
I took a deep breath. “That was a gift. You don’t owe me anything. Hell, I’m the one that owes you!”
“Please, Amanda. Let me do this.”
He looked weary. I bit my lip and shut up.
Savhoran took something out of the pouch on his belt and put it in my hand, then wrapped both his hands around it. He spoke in ælven, not to me but sort of over my head. I didn’t understand most of it, but I caught “thanks” and “may the spirits.”
He let go of my hand and stepped back. I looked at his gift: a tiny deer no longer than my pinkie, perfectly carved out of bone.
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“It’s beautiful. Madóran’s been teaching you.”
“I have carved for centuries.”
I looked up at him and swallowed. “Thank you.”
“You owe me no thanks.”
“Just let me be grateful, OK? Because I can’t help it. I’m grateful to know you.”
To my alarm, tears started leaking out of my eyes. I turned away and headed for the bedroom.
“I’ve been crashing here. I’ll get my stuff out of your way.”
I carefully set the carved deer on top of the brand-new dresser, then took out my bag, dumped it on the bed, and opened the top dresser drawer. I wiped at my face and tried not to sniffle.
“No need,” Savhoran said, coming to the doorway. “I do not mean to stay.”
Ouch. I took a shaky breath.
“It’s your place.”
“It is Caeran’s place. You have more need of it than I.”
“But we fixed it up for you.”
I sat on the bed and buried my face in my hands. Stupid, stupid! No better way to drive a guy away then to whine and cry. I struggled to stop.
“Amanda.”
He stroked my hair. I dissolved into sobs. He sat beside me and put his arms around me and let me cry.
I should have been deliriously happy to see him again. It was just that he’d confirmed my worst fear—he planned to leave. He didn’t want to be with me.
“The apartment is beautiful,” he said. “You have made it a home.”
I sniffed and mopped my face. “For you.”
“I will camp by the river.”
I gulped. “Here in town? In the bosque?”
“Bosque. Yes.”
That was actually good news. He wasn’t moving back to Europe, or anywhere else inaccessible.
“Guess you’d rather live outdoors than in an apartment,” I said. “I can understand.”
“It is not because of preference. I have spent many evenings talking with Madóran and with Pirian.”
“Pirian! He’s still there?”
“Not now. He and I left together.”
“You mean he’s here in Albuquerque?”
“Yes. He means to patrol the mountains, while I patrol the river.”
I blinked at Savhoran. He still had his arm around me, and he was gazing into the distance.
“We have decided to follow Ebonwatch’s path, if we can. We will atone for our hunting as Ebonwatch did, and watch over humankind in the place where we live. If we succeed in living by the creed, we can recruit others who share our misfortune. Someday we may have a clan.”
“Pirian agreed to that?”
“I believe he thinks we will fail, but at least he was intrigued enough by the idea that he is willing to try. He is not unreasonable, merely accustomed to his habits.”
I swallowed. Habits like thinking humans weren’t worth the bother of getting emotionally involved. Would Savhoran someday be accustomed to that idea too?
“He has promised me that he will leave you and Len alone,” Savhoran said.
“I thought he already promised that.”
“No, he had promised to leave Madóran‘s guests alone. You are no longer his guests.”
Crap. Freaking literal-minded ælven. Lucky I hadn’t run into Pirian on campus.
“He will not harm you. He knows that if he did, I would slay him as an oath-breaker.”
Savhoran gave my shoulders a squeeze, then let go and turned to face me. “My hope is that you will never be hurt again, by me or others of my kind.”
I frowned. “You want me not to be hurt.”
“Yes.”
“Then don’t leave. Stay with me. Let me l-love you.”
I could have kicked myself. Nothing that corny had ever left my mouth before.
Savhoran took a deep breath. “If I stay, you will surely be hurt. You are mortal, and I am not.”
“Don’t you dare make that excuse! I don’t care if you still look twenty when I’m a gray-haired granny. People will just think I’m a cradle-robber.”
Savhoran’s face got grim. “That is another reason I should not stay. You will want children someday. I cannot …”
He looked down and swallowed. I grabbed his hands.
“I don’t care. We can adopt. That’s not a problem, just don’t leave.”
I kissed his cheeks a dozen times. Finally he raised his head.
“Amanda—”
“I have faith in you. You’ll succeed. You’ll live by the creed and gather a big clan and you’ll all help each other. But that clan will need a human mascot, right? Caeran’s clan has Len. You can have me.”
He closed his eyes, and I was afraid I’d offended him. Then he laughed.
It was like the sun rising. OK, not a good analogy for Savhoran, but that’s how it made me feel. Hope.
“You will not let me refuse, will you?”
I smoothed his hair back. “Nope.”
He leaned into my hand, and a slow burn started in my gut. All my worries vanished. I put my arms around him and kissed him.
I knew he’d been holding back, but I didn’t know how much. He kissed me like I’d never been kissed, and the rest of the world went away for a while.
All I can say is wow. I was definitely spoiled for human guys.
He paused to let me catch my breath. “I have one request,” he said.
“Hm?”
“Do not donate blood again.”
I thought about the blood center. They were always begging for more donors, but they’d have to do without me. I didn’t think I’d be able to go back in there anyway.
“You got it,” I said.
Thank you, Amanda.
I caught my breath. I hadn’t felt him like that in a while. If I could feel like that every day, even just for a minute, it would be worth any pain that might come my way.
About the Author
Pati Nagle was born and raised in the mountains of northern New Mexico. An avid student of music, history, and humans in general, she loves the outdoors but hides from the sun.
She writes in a variety of genres, but is most often drawn to fantasy or (as P.G. Nagle) historical fiction. Her stories have appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction, the Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, and in various other magazines and anthologies, including Elf Magic, which featured “Kind Hunter,” the story that sparked the ælven world. Her Blood of the Kindred series includes The Betrayal, Heart of the Exiled, and Swords Over Fireshore. A contemporary series featuring the ælven began with Immortal and continues with Eternal.
Pati Nagle still lives in the mountains in New Mexico, with her husband and furry feline muse, where she loves to walk in the woods and look up at the stars.
Pati Nagle’s websites:
www.patinagle.com
www.pgnagle.com
About Book View Café
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Other Books by Pati Nagle
Immortal Series
Immortal
Eternal
Blood of the Kindred Series
The Betrayal
Heart of the Exiled
Swords Over Fireshore
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br /> Pati Nagle, Eternal