Panurge !
Vinegar!
Vinegar!"
The good Pantagruel, having his back turned to the road, thought from this that Carpalim surely must be sick, and so ordered that vinegar should be at once brought. But Pauurge, who happened to be looking out, had already noticed what Carpalim had about him, and told Pantagruel that his valet was carrying a fine stag around his neck, and around his waist a belt of hares. Wise Master Epistemon at once made nine handsome wooden spits in the old style. Eusthenes, wanting to be useful, helped him to skin the game ; while Panurge placed two of the dead men's saddles in such a way that they served as andirons. The prisoner was made cook, and at the f Jj very same fire where his friends were burning poor cook roasted
CARPALIM CATCHES SOME FRESH MEAT.
Carpalim's venison. Of course, everybody enjoyed the fresh meat after so much salt meat, and became very gay and chatty. Pauurge evidently thought his friends were getting too noisy, for, of a sudden, he cried : —
"We had better think a little about our affairs, so as to decide in what way we will conquer our enemies."
''That is well thought on!" said Pantagruel.
He at once turned to the prisoner, and, wishing to frighten him still more, said: "My friend, tell us here the truth, and do not lie to us in any one single thing, if thou dost not want to be eaten alive, for they say I am he who eats little children. Give us, therefore, the order, the number, the strength in guns, of thy army."
" My lord," . answered the prisoner humbly, " know for truth that in (l my army there are three hundred
giants, all clad in armor, and wonderfully tall giants they are, too, — not quite so tall as Your Highness, save one who is their chief, who is called Loupgarou, and who is armed with anvils. Be-O sides these giants, there are one hundred and sixty-three thousand foot-soldiers, all armed with the skins of hobgoblins, and all strong and valiant men ; eleven thousand, four hundred men-at-arms ; three thousand, six hundred double cannon, and quite too many arquebusiers to count; and ninety-four thousand pioneers."
"That is all very well, so far as it goes," said Pantagruel, dryly ; " but is thy King there ? "
'Yes, sire, the King is there in person. He is known among us as Anarchus, King of the Dipsodes, which is the same as saying the Thirsty People, because you have never yet seen a people so thirsty by nature or with such throats for drinking. The giants guard the King's tent."
"Enough!" said Pantagruel. "Brave boys, are you willing to follow me ? "
" May Heaven confound those who would leave you ! " cried out Panurge.
THE TROPHY.
Then the party began to joke one another about the prisoner's report, and to boast about the glorious feats each one was going to do on the giants who guarded King Anarchus' tent.
As was his habit the noble Pantagruel laughed at all the nonsense, but, in the midst of a good shaking, he suddenly thought of what was really before him.
" Gentlemen," he said, " you reckon without your host. I am rather afraid that, if you go on much longer in the way you are now, it will not be dark before you are in such a state that those Thirsty People can come here and maul you with pike and lance. So, then, children, let's be marching. However, before we leave this place, in remembrance of the courage you have just shown, I wish to erect here a fine trophy."
This was a happy idea, and everybody was at once busy — singing meanwhile pleasant little songs — in setting up a high post. This done, they hung up on the post a great cuirassier saddle, the front-piece of a barbed horse, bridle-bits, knee-pieces, stirrups, stirrup-leathers, spurs, a coat of mail, a battle-axe, a strong, short, sharp sword, a gauntlet, leg-harness, and a throat-piece, —all spoils from the poor horsemen whose bones were then lying half-charred on the sands.
And this was the trophy which Pantagruel raised.
CHAPTER XXXI.
THE STRANGE WAY IN WHICH PANTAGRUEL OBTAINED A VICTORY OVER THE THIRSTY PEOPLE.
THEN the trophy had been raised, Panta-gruel had his prisoner brought before him and sent him away with these words : — " Get thee back to thy King in his camp, and tell him what thou hast seen. Be sure you tell him to be ready to welcome me to-morrow, at noon. All I am waiting for are my galleys, which are on the sea. As soon as they come which will be to-morrow morning, at the very latest, I shall prove to thy King, by eighteen hundred thousand men and seven thousand giants, — each of those giants taller and larger than thou see'st me here, —that he has been an idiot to attack my country."
Of course, in all this talk about having an army on the sea, Panta-gruel was only trying to frighten the King of the Thirsty People.
The prisoner made haste to assure Pantagruel that he was his humble slave, and that he would be only too glad, not only if he never should see his people again, but, also, if he should be allowed to fight under the Prince against them. Pantagruel shook his great head at this. No ! no ! he must leave at once, and do what he had been told to do. He gave him at the same time a box full of a strange paste, made with some grains of black chameleon-thistle, steeped in brandy, ordering him to place this in the hands of his King, and say to him that, if he could eat even one ounce of the mixture without wanting to drink after it, he would be able to resist Pantagruel and his whole army without fear.
Then the prisoner began to wring his hands, begging Pantagruel in the hour of battle to have pity on him.
" After thou hast announced all to thy King," answered Pantagruel, gravely, " put all thy trust in God, and He will never forsake thee. Look at me ! I am, as thou canst see, mighty. I can put millions of troops in the Yet I place no reliance on my strength or my skill; but all my trust is in God, my protector, who never abandons those who have their faith in Him. Go, then," he added more kindly, " and, if thou wishest no evil to happen to thee, turn thy back on bad company."
When the prisoner had at last got away, the good Giant turned to his fr i e n d s, saying : "My children, you do not tell lies; ways lawful in war enemy. This is why I have made that had armies on the sea, and, also, that make an assault on their camp till to-morrow at noon. But I have sent a paste that will put them all to sleep to-night, so that they will not be prepared to receive my attack to-morrow, at noon.
THE KING OF THE THIRSTY PEOPLE
know that I but it is alto deceive an prisoner believe we we were not going to
My real purpose is to attack their camp in the hour of their first nap."
But the prisoner — knowing nothing of all this side-talk — walked quickly towards the city, which he soon reached, as you already know it was only three leagues from the coast. As soon as he saw the King, he began the story of how there had come a great Giant, who had routed and caused to be cruelly roasted alive, six hundred and fifty-nine horsemen; and how he, alone of all the troop, had escaped to bring the terrible news. He then went on to state that that wonderful Giant had charged him to say that he would look on His Majesty at dinner-time, and wanted him to make ready for him. Then he presented the box of paste, but, just as soon as the King had swallowed one spoonful, his throat started to burn, and, after a while, his very tongue began to peel off. What was to be done ? There was only one way out of the trouble, and that was for the King to drink — drink — drink, without stopping ! The result was that everybody was bringing the King wine, and pouring it down his royal throat; and if ever he stopped, the royal throat began to burn just as bad as ever. For the Thirsty People, there could be nothing finer than such a sweetmeat, that would make them drink, and drink, and drink again. Nothing would do the pashas, captains, and guardsmen but that they should try the paste to see whether it would produce such thirst in them ; and the moment they did so they were in the same fix as their King, and they all drank so long that a rumor ran through the camp that the prisoner had come back, and that a great attack was to be made the next day by some terrible enemy, of whose name nobody knew. What could be better, then, than to enjoy themselves the night before ? So the captains and the guards bega
n to drink, and clink glasses, and give healths, until they got stupidly drunk, and lay, here and there, where they fell, as so many swine all about the camp.
What was Pantagruel doing in the meanwhile?
As soon as he found that he could no longer see the prisoner trudging along the road — and remember the eyesight of giants is just so much keener than that of common men, as their bodies are stronger — Pantagruel pulled out the mast from his ship, which he carried in his hand like a pilgrim's staff, first putting in the hollow of it two hundred and thirty-seven puncheons of white wine of Anjou. The next thing he did was to tie to his waistband the bark itself, filled with salt, which he carried as readily as women going to market carry their little baskets of vegetables. When they got near the enemy's camp, Pa-nurge said : "My lord, do you wish to do a wise thing? Get that white wine of Anjou down from that mast, and let us drink to our success." Panurge was right in this, because, strong as Pantagruel was, such a weight of wine would have only troubled him if he had to fio-hto He
THE SOLDIERS TRY PANTAGRUEL'S PASTE.
was willing enough, and they drank so much of the delicious wine that, at the end, there was not a single drop of the two hundred and thirty-seven puncheons left except what was to be found in one leathern-flask, which Panurge grabbed for his own private use, and hid away in his pocket.
When the wine was gone, Pantagruel called out to Carpalim : " Get thee into the city, scrambling over the walls like a cat, as thou knowest well how to do. Tell our people in the city that now is the very tune for them to attack their foes, who are weak. As soon as thou art through with them, seize a lighted torch, run through the streets, and set fire everywhere. Don't forget to cry out with thy loudest voice : * Fire ! Fire !' and skip from the camp."
Without another word, Carpalini was on the road, leaping and bounding for the city. Everything was done as Pantagruel had commanded. All the army in the city — that part which was not drunk — rushed out of the walls to meet the foe, and found — nobody. Carpa-lim, meanwhile, ran through all the tents and pavilions, setting fire to each one. Of course, in doing so, he had now and then to step over the captains and other officers who had eaten of Pantagruel's paste, but he stepped so lightly, and they were so drunk, that they never knew it. The tents caught fire so quickly that poor Carpalim — if it had not been for his wonderful agility — would have been roasted alive, like the captains, pashas, and guardsmen who were snoring in their tents when he set fire to them.
When the army, that had been silly enough, when Carpalim shouted, to run outside of the walls, reached the plain and found no enemy, they wandered about in great confusion, and, being very tired, at last returned to the city and lay outside of the burning tents, and went to sleep with their mouths open. Nobody thought of taking care of the burning gates. It was long after midnight when Pantagruel entered the city, and as he marched through the streets he would take bags of salt out of the ship, which he carried around his waist, and, as he passed the sleepers, would drop the salt into their open mouths. Many died from choking; and the rest of those who were lucky enough not to be burnt, when they woke next morning, thought they had enough salt in their mouths to last them for a lifetime. All they said as they got up and humbly went about their business, wetting their tongues every now and then to get the vile, bitter taste out, was : —
"O Pantagruel, thou hast made our throats burn worse than before !"
CHAPTER XXXII.
THE WONDERFUL WAY IN WHICH PANTAGRUEL DISPOSED OF THE GIANT LOUPGAROU AND HIS TWO HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINE GIANTS.
AS soon as the body-guard of Giants saw flames bursting from the tents, all they could think of doing was to snatch up their little King Anarchus, tie him to the neck of one of them, and get out of the burning city as fast as their long legs could take them. Panurge, as usual, was the first to see the Giants racing out of the city. "My lord," he said, "just look at those big rogues over there ! All you have to do is to charge with that mast you have in your hand. You can have no better way to prove your skill. We,
I do not lack courage.
But on our part, are not going to fail you."
" Ho ! ho ! " answered Pantagruel, even Hercules did not dare fight against two, and here thou wouldst have me fight against three hundred! "
"What! " retorted Panurge, while his tip-tilted nose curled higher in the air than usual, " does Your Highness seriously mean to compare yourself with Hercules ? God has given you stronger teeth and stouter limbs than ever Hercules had." Panurge was going to say a good deal more, but here came Loupgarou with all his Giants.
When Loupgarou saw that Pantagruel was alone, — for, after all, to the eyes of giants common-sized men, like Panurge, Epistemon, Carpalim, and Eusthenes, must have looked like so many dwarfs, — he felt sure that he would be able to make away with him. In fact, he was so sure that he turned to his Giants, laughing all the time so as to show all his big, cruel, yellow teeth. "By Mahomet! if any of you dare fight with that great braggart over there, you shall die at these hands ! I, alone, wish to fight with him ! Meanwhile, you shall have rare sport in looking on."
Laughing loudly, the other Giants fell back a short distance, where the wine and victuals had been left, carrying their little King along with them. They had hardly got there when the cunning Panurge and his friends, putting on a most humble, miserable look, crawled up, saying: -
'We surrender, good comrades. We have no taste for war. All we ask is to join with you in feasting while our masters are fighting."
The poor little King was willing; the Giants were willing; and so they began to feast, Panurge and the others along with them.
Loupgarou had, by this time, advanced upon Pantagruel, with a fearful mace of steel, weighing nine hundred and seventy thousand pounds. At the end of the mace there were thirteen diamond points, the very smallest of which was as big as the largest bell of the J^otre Dame, in Paris. But what made that mace so terrible was, that it was formed of fairy steel, so that it had only to touch the strongest thing in the world to break it into pieces. But Pantagruel, as we know, put his faith in God alone. As every good Christian, when he sees a fearful enemy near him, calls upon God, so Pantagruel prayed to Him, while Loupgarou was cursing furiously, to aid him who had always loved the Church and obeyed the Ten Commandments. He had scarcely ended his prayer when he heard a voice from the sky, saying: : ' Have faith, and thou shall gain the victory."
By this time, Loupgarou, with his mouth wide open, was drawing near him, and Pantagruel, who had no enchanted weapon, but only his mast, thought to frighten the monster by crying out, as the old Lacedemonians used to do, in his most awful tones : " Thou diest, rascal! Thou diestl'' Even while he was saying this, he was digging his big hands into the ship which he carried at his waist, from which he took more than eighteen kegs and four bushels of salt, which he threw, filling Loupgarou's mouth, throat, nose, and eyes. This only made Loupgarou rage worse than ever. Roaring with pain and anger, he rushed against Pantagruel, thinking to break his skull with his fairy mace. Pantagruel, luckily, was both quick of foot and keen of eye. Seeing what Loupgarou was at, he stepped with his left foot back one pace ; but even then he was not so quick as to save the ship. Loupgarou's blow fell upon its prow, which was enough to smash it into four thousand and eighty-ing, of course, the six pieces, scatter-rest of the salt along the ground.
THE FIGHT WITH LOUPGAKOU.
When Pantagruel saw his good ship all in pieces he did not despair, but gallantly attacked Loupgarou with its mast, striking him two blows; one fell above the breast, the other between neck and shoulders. The monster did not relish such treatment. So, when Pantagruel wanted to give another blow in the same sharp style, Loupgarou raised his enchanted mace and rushed upon him, knowing that he had only to touch him with it to cleave him from head to foot. But, by God's blessing,
Pantagruel's nimbleness saved him here a second time. Stepping briskly to one side, the terrible mace swept with a hissing noise through the air, striking
a great rock which stood in the way, into which it crashed more than seventy-three feet, making a fire greater in bulk than nine thousand and six tons flash from the hole it had made.
Here was another chance for Pantagruel.
Seeing that Loupgarou was tugging away at his enchanted mace to pull it from the rock, Pantagruel ran towards him with his mast well-poised, feeling sure that, this time, he would take off his head ; but, by bad luck, his mast just grazed the stock of Loupgarou's mace. Of course it broke, and, what is worse, broke within three hand-breadths of his own hand. Pantagruel was so much amazed at all this, as he had never before heard that Loupgarou's mace was enchanted, that he cried out, without very well knowing what he was doing : " Ho ! Pauurge, where art thoti?"
Three good giants Page 12