Pantagruel was very proud to be the owner of such treasures ; and, after he had once got the tapestry for his father, the wonderful reindeer, and the three unicorns, as playful as young kittens, safely on board, he gave the order for the fleet to sail from the Island of Pictures.
Pantagruel had been so taken up with these strange animals that it was not until he was on his way to the port that he remembered that Xenomanes had tried to catch his eye. At once turning to him, he said kindly: —
' Your pardon, great traveller; what did you wish to say to me ? "
"Only this, my lord, that seeing so many tapestry pictures, I was reminded of that strange Land of Satin which I once visited. I know Your Highness to be a great lover of travels, and always glad to learn new things. It was for this reason I ventured to disturb you."
"Why!" said Pantagruel, at once interested, te were there as many wonderful things in your Land of Satin as there are in this Land of Pictures ? "
"What I tell you, my lord, is strange but true. In the Satin Land, the trees and herbage never lose their leaves or flowers, and are all damask and flowered velvet. As for the beasts and birds, they all looked to me like what we saw in those pictures. I saw many beasts, birds on trees, of the same color, size, and shape of those in our country. There was one difference, however, between them. Those in Satin Land ate nothing, and never sang or bit like ours."
"And the people of that land, Xenomanes, what of them?"
"This I cannot tell Your Highness."
"Ho! and why?"
"Never a word could I ever get from those people. There I saw many philosophers, travellers, and students, with whom I would gladly have spent half an hour in learned converse. They all seemed to be full of business, running about hither and yon, and yet had little to do."
"And what do those busy, silent people live on?"
"I don't know how they contrive to live, Your Highness, for once I tried a bunch of their fine ripe cherries. They had no manner of taste, and, although I was hungry enough that day, I could neither
THE LAND OF SATIN
chew nor swallow them, but my mouth seemed filled with what I could have sworn was tufted silk."
" Strange ! " said Pantagruel. " I wish I had looked closer at those pictures. The next time you want to speak to me, good Xeno-manes, shout! I may hear you then."
CHAPTER XXXVI.
PANURGE BARGAINS WITH DINDENO FOR A RAM, AND THROWS HIS RAM OVERBOARD.
FIVE days after leaving the Land of Pictures, the flag-ship being in the lead, Pantagruel's keen eyes caught sight, away off to the windward, of a large merchant-ship making her way slowly towards them. There was great joy among all the men on all the ships. Those on the Heet were glad, because they hoped, through the sail in sight, to hear news of the sea; and those on the merchant-ship because her passengers expected to get news from the main-land. When the flag-ship met with the stranger, and when the two were side by side, Pantagruel, curious to see a merchantman, went with his friends on board the latter.
The skipper of the merchantman, cap in hand, told Pantagruel that he had come from Lanternland. As soon as this was known everybody tried to put in a question about the country, —how it had got its name, and what were the habits of the Lantern people. It was learned that, towards the end of each July, the Lanternists held their great Fair, which, if the Giant wished to see for himself how much could be made of lanterns, whether single or strung in rows, by twos; by threes ; by fours, and so on; or piled in columns ; or ranged in arches; or spanning streets ; or hung on trees; or sparkling on country roads ; or swinging along the whole coast, making it as bright as in sunshine, —why, all he would have to do was to go there, if not that year, then the next.
While all this pleasant little talk was going on between the Giant and the skipper, Panurge had already got into a wrangle with a French sheep-seller, named Dindeno, who happened to have a large cargo of sheep on board. This sheep-seller was a very bad-tongued fellow ; and, seeing Panurge passing by, with his glasses tied to his cap, and looking at his stock, he called out sneeringly to his shepherds,— " Just look at that long-nosed dandy, with his glasses tied to his cap !"
PAXTJRGE WANTS A SHEEJ'.
Panurge, whose ears were as keen as his nose was sharp, retorted,—
"What dost thou say, thou sheep-barber?
" Sheep-barber ! Ha! I am no sheep-barber, I let thee know, thou long-nosed dandy."
"Thou art no sheep-barber, eh! Prithee, tell me, then, rude fellow, what are so many sheared sheep doing here? Who sheared them, if thou didst not?"
" Thou art a rogue ; and I will kill thee as I would a rain !" shrieked the sheep-seller, while trying to draw his sword; but the blade stuck close to the scabbard, as often happens on sea, from the rust caused by salt-water. Panurge, who was not armed, and who, from his cradle, had been a coward, ran for safety towards Pantagruel, who was not looking at what was going on. But Friar John, always on the watch, with his strong arm caught hold of Dindeno. Then Pantagruel, turning round and seeing a man struggling with Friar John, knew for the first time that there was a quarrel. At this moment the skipper stepped up, and, with many bows and prayers that there should be no bad name given to his ship, begged his Giantship to order peace. This was done, and Panurge and Dindeno shook hands, apparently the best of friends.
A short time after, Pauurge winked at Episteinon and Friar John, as much as to say, " I want to have a word with you." As soon as they came near, Panurge whispered, " Stand about here for a while, and you shall see rare sport."
Having no idea of what was coming, Friar John and Epistemon stepped to one side, and waited.
Then Panurge, turning to Dindeno, begged him to be good enough to sell him one of his sheep.
"Hello! my good friend and neighbor," cried the sheep-seller, " dost thou want to play tricks on poor people ? How long since thou hast been a buyer of sheep ?"
"Whatever I may have been," said Panurge, gently, "be so kind as to sell me one of thy sheep there. Now, how much wilt thou ask for one ? "
"See here, friend and neighbor, these are noble creatures. These are long-woolled sheep. It was from the fathers of these very sheep that Jason took his famous Golden Fleece."
" I do not doubt thy word," said Panurge ; " but fix thy price for one of those precious sheep. Here is thy money ready for thee."
" My friend and neighbor, now listen to me !"
"I am listening."
" I shall make a bargain with thee ! We have a pair of scales on board. Get thee on one scale. I shall put my prize ram on the other. I am willing to bet thee a peck of Busch oysters that, in weight, value, and general worth, my ram shall outweigh thee !
"That may be all so; but I beg thee, good Dindeno, without further word, to be so kind as to sell me one of thy sheep; I care not which one."
With that, he pulled out his purse, and showed it bursting with new gold-pieces, with the face of good King Gargantua stamped on each piece.
Dindeno's eyes flashed at the glitter of so much gold ; but he had made up his mind to insult Panurge until he made him angry.
"My friend and neighbor," he said, " my sheep are meat
only for kings and princes. They are too nice and dainty for such as thou."
"Be patient now, and please grant my request. Only set thy price for one, and I will pay thee like a king."
"Thou art a fine fellow, truly," sneered Dindeno; " but tell me first, hast thou ever seen such shoulders, such legs, such knuckles, such backs and breasts as thou canst see here? Such strong ribs, out of which the small people in Pigmy-land make cross-bows to shoot with cherry-stones those long-legged cranes in their country? Think of all this for a second ! "
"Peace, good man, I pray thee!" Panurge was about to say more, when he was stopped all of a sudden by the skipper, who had just drawn near at the sound of loud voices, and had heard Dindeno's sharp tones. "Enough ! Enough ! Too much talk here ! " he cried. "Dindeno, if thou wantest to sell, sell. If thou wi
lt not, have done with it."
PANURGE BUYS A RAM.
" I am willing to sell, Captain, for thy sake ; but for thy sake alone," said the sheep-seller. " But he must pay me three French livres for his pick and choice."
"That is a big price," said Panurge, gently. ' In my own country, I can buy five, nay, six fine rams for that much money."
"But not such sheep as mine ! " yelled Dindeno, who was getting very angry that he had not vexed Panurge.
"Really, sweet sir, thou art getting a little warm. Come, now, the bargain is ended. Here is thy price. Give me my ram."
Dindeno, in clutching angrily at the money, rudely pulled it out of the hands of the patient Panurge. Holding himself as straight as he could, with an innocent smile upon his face, Panurge — having at last got what he wanted — looked around to make his choice. He soon picked out the finest ram in all the flock. The moment he caught hold of his ram, and began to haul it along, the poor beast set up a pitiful bleating. As soon as the rest of the sheep heard their leader bleating, they, too, set to crying and bleating, while staring at him with all their eyes wide open. Meanwhile, Dindeno, full of rage, was whispering to his shepherds, —
"That long-nosed fellow knows how to choose ! That ram he has taken was the very one I had put aside for my best friend, the Lord of Cancale !"
As quick as lightning — before anybody knew what he was about; even before Dindeno in fact, had turned away from whispering to his shepherds — Panurge had caught up his bargain, bleating louder than ever, and thrown it overboard into the sea. At this, all the other sheep on the ship, crying and bleating just in the same sad key as their leader, began to scamper to the side and leap into the sea one after another. It was, with all of them, " Who shall be first after our leader?" it being the nature of sheep, which are the silliest creatures in the world, always to follow their leader.
When Dindeno turned round and saw his precious sheep frisking and drowning themselves before his eyes, he was at his wits' end. He tore his hair, and called out to his shepherds, " Help me save my sheep ! help me !" Then he ran forward, and tried to keep, by might and main, the sheep from jumping into the sea; but it was all in vain. One after the other frisked gaily forward, bleating sadly all the while, to the spot where they had seen Panurge throw their leader overboard. At last Dindeno, in his despair, caught hold of a big ram by the fleece,
PANURGE THROWS HIS RAM OVERBOARD.
hoping to be able to keep him back, and, in that way, to save the rest. But the ram was stronger than Dindeno, and bore him away with him into the sea, where both were drowned.
This was, of course, bad enough; but there was something worse to come. All of Dindeno's shepherds rushed forward to save the sheep, some catching them by the horns, some by the fleece, others by the legs, others still by their stumpy tails. It mattered little which way the poor innocent shepherds caught hold of the sheep, the sheep were too much for them, and they were all carried overboard into the sea, and drowned along with their master.
All this time Panurge was standing near the galley of the ship, holding an oar in his hand. This was not, you may
THE SHEEP AND SHEPHERDS DROWN.
well believe, to keep the poor shepherds from drowning. No ! no ! Panurge was not so soft-hearted as that! He used his oar only to keep the sheep from swimming up to the ship, crying out all the time, —
"Drown, foolish sheep, drown! It is sweeter to drown than to live and be butchered, you foolish sheep ! "
Wicked Panurge ! He never once thought of Dindeno and the innocent shepherds!
CHAPTER XXXVII.
THE ISLAND OF ALLIANCES.
AFTER the slaughter of Dindeno, his shepherds, and his sheep, Pantagruel returned to his ship, and continued on his way to that land where he was hoping soon to meet the lovely Princess, whose beauty had reached his ears from far India. As to the affair on board the merchant-ship, nobody could be found who was really to blame. Panurge put on his most innocent look, and declared to Pantagruel that he had only done what he had a perfect right to do, — thrown his own ram overboard.
With a spanking breeze, the fleet made great speed. On the third day a triangular island, having something of the shape of Sicily about it, was sighted. Pantagruel and his friends, on landing, were met by one who called himself the Mayor, who came puffing, and all red in the face from the haste he had made to get to the harbor, as soon as he heard that a strange craft was in port.
"What is the name of this queer, three-cornered land, and who are its queer-nosed people?" whispered Panurge, sharply twitching the Mayor by the sleeve, as he was making his twelfth bow to Pantagruel. Nothing ever pleased the Mayor more than to be called upon for an account of the island and its people. He had written a little history for the benefit of travellers, and knew every page of it by heart. In his own mind, he at once put Panurge down as a very gifted personage, although he was willing to grant that Pantagruel was the tallest and the noblest man who had ever stepped on the island. Bowing to Panurge, therefore, very politely, and having learned that it was
Pantagruel's wish for him to go on, he gave them an account as he led them from one point of interest in the island to the other.
According to the Mayor, the island was known as the " Island of Alliances." It used to be called, in the old times, " Island of the Noseless People," from the fact that the noses of all the men and women and little children were flat, and shaped like the ace of clubs. The island was small, but it was full of people, and had been inhabited for many thousand years. As ages rolled by, it was found to be of no use to try and keep up the family names; for, as there was no difference in the faces, — since all, big and little, rich and poor, had the same kind of club-nose, dumped exactly in the middle of the face, —nobody could claim any particular name. In their trouble, through much thinking, they at last formed a plan by which they could tell one from another.
This was their plan : —
They made up their minds to forget altogether, as unworthy of them, such barbarous relationships as father, mother, sister, brother, uncle, aunt, etc., and to call each other by the name of whatever one most wanted. In this way, the people of the island became as one family. So loving did they grow under this new rule that each one seemed to have a certain right to his neighbor, and never spoke to him without putting " my " before his name. If a little girl, for instance, wanted butter for her bread, she would call her mother "my Butter; w if the mother wanted her thread, the call, "my Thread" would bring the little girl running to find it for her. A young man would bow to a young lady, and say, " A lovely day, my sweet Evening Walk," and she would smile, and reply, " Yes, my Fairest Nosegay ." An old man would call to his son, " Hurry, my Staff" and the boy would answer, "At once, coming, my Purse; " a learned professor would call his class to recite by ringing his bell for " My Good Lessons" and each scholar would salute him respectfully, as he marched into his room, with " Good-morning, my Success" A hungry man would call the bar-maid, "Quick, my Oysters" and she would answer, "Yes, my Sixpence."
There could be no trouble under this new and wise law, for everything — even in the smallest matters — worked smoothly.
There could be no sad marriages, because each one called for in the other what he or she most needed, and did not have. Young men and maidens danced and sung half the year round, since they were always calling each other, " My gay Holiday " and " My rich Feast" The children, too, were happy, and laughed and played from eye-opening to eye-shutting time ; old men and women talked around the fireside of the time when they were young, tenderly calling each other, " My dear gossip Snuff" and " My good neighbor Pipe" So close together
THE ACE OF CLUBS NOSES.
did this people get to be that, in case of need, over three hundred thousand men, whose boast was that they all belonged to the same family, could march out of the city gates. So, at least, the Mayor of Club-noses declared.
Good Pantagruel kept his eyes fixed upon the Mayor, and his ears open to all that
he was saying; but, at this last boast of three hundred thousand men in one family, he slightly frowned, and came near losing his usual sweet temper. The wordy Mayor, frightened by the awful eyebrows about to meet together, began to feel a strange thirst; and, making a very low bow, proposed a cup of good-cheer at a neighboring inn.
After some twenty or thirty bumpers each, Pantagruel's party all went on board, and sailed at once, right before the wind, from the Island of Alliances, without stopping to see any more of its queer-nosed people.
CHAPTER XXXVIII.
HOW PANTAGRUEL CAME TO THE ISLANDS OF TOHU AND BOHTJ. THE STRANGE DEATH OF WIDENOSTRILS, THE SWALLOWER OF WINDMILLS.
ANTAGRUEL stopped at two islands named Tohu and Bohu, which lay very close together. There had always seemed to be a somebody, or a something, very wonderful in the islands he had already passed ; but there happened to be a more wonderful somebody in Tohu and Bohu than he had seen or heard of in any other place. When Panta-gruel landed with his friends at the quay of the principal town, where the chief men came to see him, he called for dinner ; but behold ! there was no dinner to be had. Why? Why, there was nothing to cook the dinner in ! " How is that, my friend?" Pantagruel asked the chief man. " Because, " he answered, " Your Highness has not brought your frying-pan along with you."
"My frying-pan along with me! Why, what do you mean? What has rny frying-pan to do with the dinner you are to serve me ? " "A great deal, Your Highness, since we have no pans of our own." " Did you ever have any ? "
"Any number, Your Highness, any number; but Widenostrils has just eaten our last one. "
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