I really don’t want to talk about this with Mateo. No woman wants to talk about her ex with the new man in her life. Just when I’d made a decision to move on and never look back and live my life and focus on my list, Ryan worms his way back in. But the fact is, Ryan will always be in my life. Mateo has to understand and accept that. But I also want to make sure he knows that Ryan isn’t a threat to what we are starting.
Just because Mateo and I have known each other and been friends doesn’t mean he knows what went wrong in my marriage. It’s time I explain a few things. So I spend the next few minutes telling him the details of my divorce—the fighting, how unhappy I was, the kiss, how Ryan couldn’t forgive me. All of it.
Thankfully, we’re not on FaceTime so he can’t see me, but I’m sure he can hear the shame in my voice. Tears roll down my cheeks. I can’t help it.
“They say ‘once a cheater always a cheater,’ but I promise I’m not like that. I was faithful all those years,” I say before stupidly adding, “Ryan is the only man I’ve ever been with and . . .” Oh holy shit, that did not just come out of my mouth, but that’s not where his focus is.
“I hate hearing you cry,” he says softly. “Especially when I’m not with you.”
“I don’t know what to do. Now he has Connor’s hopes up. I can’t believe he did that. I’m so pissed off.”
“Well, if he wants to act like reality-star royalty, then let’s give it to him.”
“What does that mean?” I ask.
Before I know what’s happening, Mateo proceeds to dial a number and quickly has us on a three-way call. I have to say, when I put a threesome on my sex bucket list, I didn’t have this in mind. After a few rings, Ryan picks up, and I stay quiet and let Mateo talk.
“You have some fucking nerve calling me,” Ryan says.
“I wanted you to hear it from me,” Mateo says, his voice cold and calm.
“Hear what?”
“Well, since you ambushed Emerson the way you did today, I wanted to let you know I’ll be coming on vacation with her. We can be one big, modern day family,” Mateo snarks.
Never in a million years did I think Mateo would pull something like this. The man is cunning and protective in the best possible way.
“I don’t think so,” Ryan says with a laugh. “My kids don’t even know about you and Emerson.”
“Well, I thought it would be nice if the three of us told them together. You know, so they can see we have your blessing.”
“Son of a bitch,” Ryan snaps.
“Remember, Ryan, you started this by using your son,” Mateo says. “Trust me, I can play harder and dirtier than you can ever imagine. Hurt Emerson again, and you’ll find out just how hard I hit.”
Holding my breath, I wait for Ryan to respond. Would he really go toe-to-toe against Mateo? Finally, Ryan says, “Tell Emerson I’ll talk to Connor,” a heavy guilt coming through the phone, and then his line goes dead.
“Emerson, you hear that?” Mateo asks.
I wipe a few tears, saying, “Yeah, I can’t believe you did that, protecting me from Ryan like that.”
“That’s my role as the man in your life. To guard your heart.”
Oh my! I’m not sure which takes my breath away more—the fact that he called himself the man in my life or his desire to guard my heart. My heart couldn’t have a better man protecting it.
“No one will hurt you again. Not on my watch.”
“I wish you were here.”
“Me, too,” he whispers.
* * *
I know I should go to sleep, but it’s impossible. The day’s drama is eating at me. Looking over at my clock, I see it’s nearly one in the morning. I’m going to regret this tomorrow, but I grab my remote. The list of television shows I need to catch up on is a mile long. Scrolling through my TV channels, I hear a noise, a clicking sound.
I pause the television and sit straight up. This was always Ryan’s job. If I heard something strange in the night, he investigated it. And it was always nothing. Usually, it was the damn smoke detector chirping. Those things always seem to decide their batteries need changing in the middle of the night.
It’s probably something stupid like that. Besides, I have a house alarm and am faithful about arming it. I look towards the panel in my bedroom. It’s now green. I know it was red and armed before I went to bed. Shit!
The kids are all upstairs. I’m the only thing between them and potential danger. Maybe I just forgot to set the alarm in all the chaos with Ryan, the joy with Mateo. I grab the phone and hit the number nine then one and keep my finger over the one, in case I need to hit it quickly.
I’ve got no bat, no golf club, nothing. If somebody’s inside, maybe I could clang him over the head with my vibrator? I get up and move towards my bedroom door, hearing the unmistakable squeak of shoes on the hardwood floors outside my bedroom.
Moving like lightening, I reach for the lock, but the door starts to open. Oddly, I’m not scared. I feel a sense of calm as my mind goes to Sandra Bullock’s character in Miss Congeniality, when she does the SING self-defense sequence for her talent—Solar plexus, Instep, Nose, Groin.
I toss the phone, drop to the floor, and punch hard and up, my fist landing right between the motherfucker’s legs. A muffled curse word fills the room. I expected it to be louder, but it’s like he’s trying to be quiet. I look up and see Mateo, holding his nuts, his teeth clenched together.
I just punched my sex bucket list partner in the balls. This would happen to no one else but me.
“Oh my God,” I cry. “I’m so sorry.” I have no idea what to do, my hands hovering over his genitals, not knowing if I should offer to kiss and make it better or get him an ice pack. I take his arm, helping him inside my bedroom, then shut and lock the door.
Grimacing, he makes his way to my bed. “Guess you don’t like surprises.”
“I feel horrible. What can I do?” I ask, stretching out his legs.
“I’m okay,” he says, his face looking anything but.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
“You said you wished I was here,” he says, smiling at me.
Remember when I said Mateo was the real deal, the one that I could be serious with? You understand why now. “How’d you get in here? The alarm? The kids?”
“I’m head of security. You don’t think I can bypass an alarm?”
“Creeper!” I tease.
“I only use my skills for good,” he says, moving around a little. Hopefully, the pain is subsiding.
“You’re crazy. How did you get here?” I ask, sitting down beside him.
“Drove,” he says, pushing my hair back from my face.
“You drove over four hours in the middle of the night?”
A naughty look in his eye, I know he was hoping I’d reward him for his chivalry. Instead, I gave him a fist to the nuts. “Only took me three and a half. Number 11 had me motivated.”
I bite my lip, trying to remember. “Was that the reverse cowgirl or . . .”
“That’s the one,” he says, chuckling.
Damn, I really screwed this up. So I say again, “I’m sorry.”
Gently, he kisses my lips. “I had to see you.”
“When do you have to go back?” I whisper.
“It’s Sunday, so as long as I’m back for work tomorrow morning, I can stay.”
“My kids are here.”
“Does that mean you’re a screamer?” he teases. I bust out laughing, quickly covering my mouth. He pulls me to him, my back to his front. “I’ll sneak out before they wake up.”
Sitting between his legs, he hands me the remote. “What were you watching?”
“Nothing,” I say. He nuzzles deeper into my bed, cuddling me close, motioning for me to start it. I hit play, and his arms tighten around me. It feels nice and normal. Is this what life with Mateo would be like? “You didn’t come all this way to watch TV with me,” I say.
His mouth lands on neck, causing delicious little ting
les to radiate down my spine. “You’ve never watched TV with me.”
Gently, he continues to plant little kisses on my neck, causing an ache between my legs. Turning my head to him, he finds my lips. With each stroke of his tongue across mine, I can feel how much he wants me, how hard waiting is. “Not with my kids here,” I say between pants.
“I know,” he says, his hand drifting between my legs.
Wish I could say I was wearing something sexy, but I’m in an old college t-shirt and plain ole cotton bikini panties. His hand massages my thigh as it moves upward. My wax was weeks ago. Damn, I should’ve had another.
But as soon as his finger touches the edge of my panties, I don’t care anymore. I’ve thought about him touching me like this again for weeks, since that day in my office. That’s a lie. I’ve thought about it since I laid eyes on him. He’s the one I think of when I take out my new toy. He’s the name I cry into my pillow when I orgasm. But none of that compares to having his warm body next to me, his finger teasing me.
Something happened when Ryan and I got married. I think I first noticed it around year seven. Sex became only sex. The fun foreplay tapered off until it was almost non-existent. I’m not sure if it’s because we were always in a hurry with the kids or what, but he almost never took me to orgasm with his fingers or mouth anymore. And I’m not one of those women that can climax just through penetration, so I was left high and dry a lot. I should’ve said something, but I never did, not wanting to bruise his ego, telling myself it was nice just to be close to him, that I didn’t need the orgasm. I was a damn fool.
“Faster,” I breathe out, pushing against his finger hard.
I need to ask Poppy what this move is called. He’s got one finger inside me, and one on my sweet spot. I’m sure she’d know the name, but I’m calling it the “dynamic duo” for now. I wonder if this is what they do in those orgasm classes she was telling me about. If so, I might need to reconsider signing up. Mateo continues to stroke me over and over again. And this time, when I cry out his name, he’s right here beside me, my cries muffled by his shirt instead of my pillow.
He slips his warm hand out from under my stretched-out panties but doesn’t remove it. Instead, he just lets it rest on my inner thigh. Watching TV is going to mean something totally different to me now. I can’t help the little giggle that escapes.
“What are you thinking?” Mateo asks, grinning down at me.
“Just something Poppy and Layla and I talked about after Layla had Greer. Every couple with kids has a code word they use for sex. Something you say so the kids won’t bother you for a few minutes. I was just thinking we found ours.”
He smiles, “Watching TV.”
I giggle again, and he nuzzles my nose with his. “I can’t believe you did this,” I whisper, turning my head and kissing him softly before glancing down at his crotch. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He nuzzles my nose a little. “It’s alright. It was worth it.”
“But I already did the selfish sex thing.”
Burying his head in my hair, he chuckles, pulling me tighter to him and smiling down at me, his arms coiled around me. “Right now, this is enough.”
But what I hear is: I’m enough.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
WHY ME?
When I open my eyes, he’s gone. It was like some beautiful, wonderful dream, only very real. His good morning text proves it.
Don’t ever make me leave again. It’s too fucking hard.
Before I can even respond, I hear the front door opening. Maybe that’s him. Maybe I can catch him before he goes. Hurrying out of my bedroom, I see Ava’s back. “It’s six in the morning,” I say. “Where do you think you’re going?”
She freezes, the door still open. My eyes land on her reason for leaving: Justin.
“Don’t freak out, Mom,” she says. “It’s not what you think.”
I’m standing in my t-shirt and panties, so I grab a coat out of the closet. I’m not about to go fetch my bathrobe. I won’t take my eyes off these two. I head outside, with Ava clinging to my arm. “Please, Mom.”
“You have some nerve showing up here,” I shout at the punk-ass boy.
“Mom!”
“I did not raise you to let some boy mistreat you. You are better than him, Ava.”
“I don’t want to get Ava into trouble,” he says. “I just heard about her new car and . . .”
“And saw a chance to weasel back into her life.”
“Mom, you’re overreacting,” Ava says. “Justin heard about the car from some of our friends. He texted me to say congrats and cool. That’s it.”
“Then why is he here? Why are you sneaking out to meet him?” Her eyes fall to her feet. “How long have you been seeing him again?”
“I’m not.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
She glances up at Justin. “I asked Ava to forgive me,” he says. “We’ve just been talking for a few days. This is the first time we’ve seen each other except for at school and stuff.”
I look at my daughter, and she nods. “Ava, he cheated on you.”
“You’re one to talk. I saw Mateo sneaking out of your room this morning.”
Oh fuck! Some stealth security guy he is. “Go home, Justin,” I say, taking Ava by her hand. “In the house now, young lady.”
As soon as the door closes, I fire off a text to Mateo. On top of my daughter, now I’m pissed at him, too. Ava saw you! That’s enough for him to know what kind of state I’m in.
“I’m calling Daddy,” she cries.
I’ve never stopped the kids from calling their father whenever they wanted, but this is different. “No, you’re not. You and I are going to have a serious conversation about that boy.”
“Mateo or Justin,” she says.
“Last I checked, I am the adult in this household. My relationships are not your business,” I say, and she rolls her eyes at me. “Ava, who I date doesn’t concern you.”
“He could end up being my stepfather!”
“If I ever choose to bring someone into your life, then we can discuss it. Right now, we are talking about you and your poor judgment.”
“You mean like fucking your boyfriend with your three kids upstairs?”
It takes every ounce of self-control not to smack her smart mouth. “You told me to start dating, remember?”
She glares at me. “And you told me that sex should only happen when you’re married.”
The only thing that saves her this time is a soft knock on the front door. “Does that boy not know when to quit?” I bark, barreling for the door, ready to rip his nuts off for thinking my daughter will be his next conquest—and he’d probably want to do it in her new car. Ava’s right on my heels, probably ready to defend this boy like they’re Romeo and Juliet. I fling open the door, ready to fight, and my body comes to a grinding halt. “Mateo?”
Ava doesn’t miss a beat. “Stepdad?”
“Want to grab some breakfast, Ava?” Mateo asks.
She laughs right in his face. “You’re completely crazy if you think I’m going anywhere with you.”
“There was this boy I passed on my way here,” he says. “Justin, I think. He asked me to give you a message.”
Mateo is really good. Though he doesn’t have kids, I have to admire his parental manipulation techniques. Still, my admiration doesn’t squelch my pissy mood, or Ava’s for that matter.
“What did he say?” Ava asks.
“Breakfast first,” Mateo counters.
Steam is coming out of my daughter’s ears. Mateo better not be bluffing, and he better fucking tell me what that boy said. Ava looks at me, and I give her a shrug. “Fine,” she says, “but I’m buying my own breakfast. I pick the place. And I’m driving.”
“Deal,” Mateo says, giving me a little smile. “Bring you back something?”
I shake by head. No way can I eat anything, not even carbs can make this situation better.
Watching my teenage da
ughter and my new man get into her car together is the weirdest fucking sight. Ryan would go ape shit if he knew. Nothing can distract me while they’re gone—not a shower, getting dressed, doing my hair, checking my emails. Not even a response from my vibrator inventor gets my mind off what the hell they could possibly be talking about. Is Ava being a brat? Is she crying or upset? How is Mateo dealing with an emotional teenage girl? Where did they go? How long will they be gone? The questions are endless. And I’m worried the boys will wake up, too. Ava may know I’m dating, but I don’t want the boys to know, especially Connor.
After seventy-three minutes, I finally hear a car door and bolt out onto the porch, finding Ava walking up the steps. “Everything okay?”
She glances back at Mateo standing in the driveway. “I know what I said about you dating, but it hurts to see you with someone other than Daddy.”
“I know. And I’m sorry it hurts you. But please don’t tell your brothers. They need to hear it from me.”
She nods. “He’s waiting to talk to you.”
I start towards him then stop, turning back to ask, “Justin?”
She just shakes her head. “Later, okay?”
I give a little nod, watching her disappear through the front door, then turn back to Mateo, who meets me halfway up the path to my house. “How dare you show up here like that?”
He looks surprised by my bark. “Figured she knew and I could help.”
“There’s nothing for you to do. The damage is done.”
“Emerson,” he says. “I feel horrible that I wasn’t more careful when I left. But I didn’t expect her to be sneaking out so early.”
“I need to go back inside. I can’t have the boys wake up and see us.”
“Emerson,” he says, taking my hand.
“I’ve hurt them so much. I don’t want them to hurt anymore.”
“Neither do I.”
Shaking my head, I ask, “What did you say to Ava?”
“Not a whole lot. Mostly she cried,” Mateo says, softly. “Freaked me the fuck out.”
I’m smiling before I even realize it. “What did you do?”
“I poured more syrup on her pancakes,” he says, grinning. “My mom used to feed us when we were upset, so I just kept putting food in front of her.”
The Sex Bucket List Page 13