“That’s right. And so far no one has the will to do anything about it. Of course people like me continue living as we always did but so many are without a home and unable to get work. I do what I can but mostly it seems somewhat futile.”
“I don’t understand. Can’t you elect good people so the government takes care of the poor?”
“There are no more elections. The congress is appointed now and big business does the appointing. Their bottom line is always money.”
Airy frowned. “I hope I’m not supposed to fix this.”
“You and Fehin talked about a bridge. Maybe the bridge is to change the system. I worry about my daughter and what this world will be like when she grows up.”
Airy stared into the distance. Without Fehin she didn’t want to contemplate anything. From what she’d seen out the bus windows life was extremely difficult unless you had money or a good job. She thought of the Otherworld and how easy life was. Because of her parents’ narrow-mindedness she had no desire to go back. But living here without Fehin in her life made her feel very empty.
Dinner was awkward with Carla filling the silences with idle chatter. She seemed nervous that Airy would betray something. Airy wondered why she cared so much but chalked it up to being an overly protective mother. When dinner was over Airy helped clean up the kitchen and then gathered her pack.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Carla asked.
“Motel?”
“No.” Carla shook her head. “You’re staying here tonight. Tomorrow I can help you make a plan. You have a lost look about you.”
Airy laughed. “I do feel at loose ends. I’ll just stay one night if that’s okay.” She glanced around and saw that Fan had gone back to her room. “I came here with the idea of a destiny that included Fehin, and now…”
“You don’t know where he is or even if the two of you will be able to mend what’s broken. I understand, sweetheart. I do think school would be safe and give you something to focus on until he finds his way back to you. From what Gunnar told Gertrude, Fehin’s in a very dark place—‘a dark night of the soul’ place, if you know what I mean.”
Airy frowned. “But why? He’s alive. Wouldn’t he be grateful for that?”
“He’s going through something, Airy. You have to give him time. If he loved you before I’m sure he still does. But he needs to discover this on his own. Don’t give up on him--he’s a very special boy.”
35
Fehin hung around the beaches of San Diego until the police rousted him. There were many of them that day the police arrived with guns and tazers. They had nowhere to go and ended up in jail for a night before the police let them out. The sun and the sound of the ocean had healed some of the hollowness but the pain lingered the longer he stayed in this country. He wondered if this dark state of mind came from him or others. He’d never been very good at blocking his mind but this—this was what he’d call a full-blown depression. He should have forced Gunnar to take him back to Thule.
He wasn’t ready to see Airy, knew that he couldn’t give her anything until he felt whole again, if he ever did. Someone he spoke with on the beach, a kid with dreadlocks who carried a surfboard, asked him if he’d been in the military and then mentioned some condition called PTSD. He suggested that Fehin find a shrink. Fehin had to ask what that was and then told the guy he didn’t have enough money for such a thing.
In truth he had no money at all and ended up on street corners begging with all the rest of them. The small change people gave him kept him alive. It was months later that he got a job in a nursery working under the table for five dollars an hour. He was good with plants and did well until the owner accused him of stealing. He hadn’t, but he knew who had. He let the man fire him instead of telling the truth since the employee who’d taken the money was in dire need. Fehin would never have turned him in.
Making a living was just about impossible even for people who were well educated. He’d read about the days when someone could start a small business and have it grow and succeed. But now there was no support for small business and no niche in which they could flourish aside from the restaurants and even those were becoming more and more automated. People had nowhere to work, no place to live and no money. When the police came along he and the rest of them scuttled into the shadows like rats.
More months went by as he tried to stay afloat. He hardly noticed the holidays as he slunk into his hidey-holes with the other indigents. He’d begun to take some drugs since they were passed around the streets like candy. They did seem to put him out of his misery for a while. In January he contracted a fever that lasted a month before he could shake it. In February he jumped a boxcar and headed cross-country, jumping off somewhere in Texas. He found the homeless camps and settled in, making a few dollars by begging. But the drug community that hovered along the edges of these places finally sucked him in and then devoured him whole. And by the time he resurfaced it was June. Airy’s face had begun to appear in his mind. He had to kick his habit.
It was late August when he hitched a ride with a trucker headed east.
***
When Fehin rolled into Milltown on the produce truck in mid-October he wondered if he should have come back. Whatever was bothering him had not gone away. And after experiencing this country first hand it was hard for him to think positively about anything. There were many kind people out there and many who were angry about their lives and some who were both. There was something wrong with a system that only benefited the wealthy. Why hadn’t his mother told him how horrible this place was? But then he remembered that this change had come about after she was gone. He had a feeling she wouldn’t have encouraged him to come here had she known.
Due to his indecision, the trip back had taken a lot longer than he’d planned: one day he was on the road hitching a ride and the next he was looking for part-time work to keep him afloat for another week or two. But his burning need to see Airy won out in the end. She was all he’d thought about for months. Hopefully his instincts were right and she was here and willing to accept him back into her life. As far as their destiny, it was difficult to consider, especially since his magic was broken and hadn’t returned. Even with magic he couldn’t imagine tackling the problems he saw all around him. Young kids were on the streets and strung out on drugs and a life of prostitution and no once seemed to care. He’d attempted to help a few of these kids whose parents were either dead or in jail, but without having any resources of his own it was hard to change their minds about anything. And with the track marks up and down his arms he could hardly set himself up as an example.
He thanked the Hispanic man and pushed the door open, lifting his pack onto his back.
“Vaya con Dios,” the man said, lifting his hand.
Fehin felt tears well before he smiled and nodded, watching the truck pull away from the curb—the kindness of people in a world like this was always a surprise. He took off walking and then ran a hand over his scruffy chin. He hadn’t had a bath for a couple of weeks—he knew what he must look like. Walking past a coffee store brought the aroma of what had become a favorite drink of his but when he reached into his pocket there were only a few dollars left. Not enough.
When Fehin walked onto campus he felt a deep foreboding, as though Wolf was lurking around the next corner. He hoped this was just part of the past and how hurt he’d felt the last time he was here, but he kept alert as he headed toward the administration building. Classes were in full swing, the chatter of students reminding him of his months here. And then he realized he’d turned eighteen some time recently. There had been no celebration.
In the office he asked for Airy.
“Airy Fitzhugh? And who are you?” the woman asked, looking him over with disapproval.
“I’m an old friend,” he answered. “Is she still here?”
The woman checked the computer. “She’s registered but she’s not in the dorms. She’s staying off campus.”
“Do you hav
e an address?”
The woman shook her head. “I’m sorry, I can’t give you that.”
Fehin left and headed across the quad. If Airy wasn’t living in the dorms where would she be? And then he thought of Carla—she must be living with Carla.
“Fehin? Is that you?”
He turned to see the pirate staring at him. Her style was the same but something had softened in her. “I’m afraid so,” he answered.
“You look so different. What happened to you?”
“Life, I guess. I was looking for Airy but I heard she’s not living on campus.”
“She’s staying with that woman--Carla, I think her name is. She lives down by the harbor.”
Fehin remembered his one trip to Milltown back when he was seven. If he could find the harbor he could find her house. “Which way is the harbor?”
“Are you planning to walk? It’s like ten miles from here.”
Fehin reached into his pocket and pulled out his three dollars. “Don’t suppose a cab will take me for this.”
Storm reached into her backpack. “I…”
Fehin waved his hand and shook his head. “The walk will do me good.”
Storm frowned. “You look like something the cat dragged in, Fehin. Walking is the last thing you need. Now food, and sleep, those might…”
“Good to see you, pirate, I’ll be on my way now.”
“Pirate? Did you say pirate?”
Fehin grinned. “I did.”
“That’s so funny. My boyfriend calls me that.”
Fehin chuckled. “Great minds think alike. Have you seen Airy? How is she?”
“I don’t see her much. She’s auditing a couple of classes. She seems depressed, if you really want to know.”
“So, no boyfriends?”
Storm scoffed. “Her heart belongs to you.”
36
When Airy heard the doorbell ring she had the weirdest sensation in her stomach. She and Fan were in the living room playing a game of scrabble and Carla was in the kitchen cleaning up after their dinner.
“I’ll get it,” Carla said, moving to the door.
Airy heard her talking and then a deep voice answering. Her heart began to pound. She stood up and stared as Carla closed the door behind a dark-haired man. He was bearded with hair to his shoulders and dressed in filthy jeans, high leather boots and a jacket that could have belonged to someone in the military. His gaze roamed the room coming to rest on her.
She stared into those dark eyes and something inside her turned over. “Fehin?”
He didn’t move, his intense stare piercing into her soul. His gaze didn’t waver as she made her way slowly toward him. It felt like she was moving through deep water, each step harder than the one before. She was terrified of this stranger with Fehin’s eyes. He looked so much older, his eyes filled with sorrow.
When she finally reached him he opened his arms and pulled her close. He smelled like sweat and dirty clothes and dust. It was an eternity before she could let go of him and even then she was afraid if she didn’t stay close he might disappear. She kept her fingers twined through his as she led him to the couch and then watched him sink down in exhaustion.
Carla was in the kitchen and Airy heard her opening and closing the refrigerator. A few moments later she arrived with crackers and cheese and sliced meats. She placed the plate in front of Fehin and then sat in a chair.
Fan had been watching all this, her shyness keeping her away. But when Fehin beckoned she came over to sit next to him. “Are you Fan?” he asked.
She nodded and smiled.
“You told me what your name was before you were born.”
Fan’s eyes went wide. “I said that?”
“Not exactly said, more like imparted,” Fehin answered.
Fan turned to Carla. “Mom?”
Carla smiled. “It’s true Fan. I named you Fanciful because Fehin told me that’s the name you picked.”
Airy sat down on the other side of Fehin and then held the plate out. “You look like you could use a decent meal,” she said.
Carla laughed. “This is hardly a decent meal but it will have to do for now. We’ll have a real meal tomorrow. I have a feeling a hot bath and bed are in order for you.”
Fehin put a piece of cheese in his mouth and then nodded gratefully.
“You can sleep on the couch,” Carla continued heading off to find sheets and blankets.
“He’s staying in my room,” Airy said. “I couldn’t sleep if he was out here.”
Carla stopped and then gazed at Airy for a moment. “Yes,” she finally said. “After all this time I wouldn’t want to be separated from him either.”
***
When Fehin emerged from the bathroom, Airy was sitting up in bed waiting for him. He’d shaved off the beard and looked more like his old self but there was still something very different about him. On closer inspection she decided that he was taller, his frame larger and even though he was very thin he had the look of a man rather than the boy of a year ago. His voice had even grown deeper. It hardly seemed possible that so much time had gone by.
“I don’t have pajamas,” he told her. “Should I wear my jeans?”
“Do what’s comfortable,” she said.
Fehin turned his back and let go of the towel around his waist giving her a glimpse of his body. She could see each rib, each vertebra in his spine and the bony knobs at the top of his shoulders. His arms were muscular but lean, his shoulders wider. There were scars along his upper back and marks along the insides of his arms that she couldn’t identify. He reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of boxers and pulled them on before turning toward the bed.
“What have you been doing all this time?” she asked him, moving over to give him room. “Do you realize it’s been a year? To tell the truth I’d given up on you.”
“Traveling mostly. I’ve seen a lot of the country. There’s so much poverty, Airy. I met a young girl named Sitka—only six years old and she was living on the streets. Her parents are in jail.”
“Why didn’t some family member take her in?”
Fehin shook his head, his eyes dark. “There was no one else. She told me she ran away before they could put her in foster care.”
Airy put a hand on his arm. “You’ve changed,” she said, watching his eyes.
Fehin shrugged. “I don’t have magic.”
“What happened?”
He ran his fingers through his wet hair. “I don’t know. It’s just gone.”
“Is that why you never answered when I sent telepathic messages?”
Fehin pressed his lips together and nodded. “I’m so tired,” he said, sliding down under the covers.
Airy snuggled close and he put his arm around her. “I can’t believe you’re here,” she whispered, but he was already asleep. She placed her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
It was sometime in the night that Airy woke, turning to see Fehin staring at her. “I missed you so much,” he said, and then he began to sob.
She put her arms around him, holding him while he cried and when he seemed spent of grief she kissed him.
“Airy, don’t do that if you don’t want…”
“I do want,” she said.
He watched her for several long moments before he slid his hand under her T-shirt.
Airy trembled, her breath coming in short gasps.
“Should I stop?” he whispered.
“No,” she said, pressing against him. And that was the end of talking for a very long while.
When she woke in the morning she and Fehin were wrapped together, arms and legs entwined. He remained sound asleep as she carefully extricated herself. She pulled her T-shirt over her head and found her underpants and then left the room, heading to the kitchen to make coffee. A glance at the clock on the wall in the living room told her she had missed her first class. Carla wasn’t back yet from taking her daughter to school.
Airy thought of the sweetness of
what they had done together—the step she’d always known would come. It hurt to begin with but Fehin was so careful with her and so loving it made her cry. He’d wiped her tears away, his dark eyes full of longing. At the end of it they had both cried, holding on to each other like it was their last day on earth.
While she waited for the coffee the door opened and Carla came in. “Good morning, Airy,” she said taking off her jacket and hanging it in the closet. When she came into the kitchen she leveled her gaze on Airy. “I think it’s time to get you some birth control,” she said.
Airy’s face turned hot and she had to look away.
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you. But it’s obvious what’s happened between you two. I’m just being practical.”
Airy poured a cup of coffee with her back turned. “I don’t understand how you knew.”
“Look at yourself in the mirror,” Carla said with a light laugh.
“Do you think it’s wrong?”
“No, sweetheart, I don’t think it’s wrong. You’re eighteen now, the age of emancipation. I’m surprised it didn’t happen before this.” She stared into the distance. “At least the system hasn’t been able to eliminate Planned Parenthood.” She turned back smiling. “It’s free and they’re very nice there.”
Airy poured hot water over her tea bag and then carried both cups into the bedroom.
Fehin was awake and leaning against the headboard, his moss eyes trained on her. “Thanks,” he said when she handed him the cup.
She slid in next to him and took a sip, waiting for him to say something. And then they both spoke at once, the words mingling in a jumble of emotions.
“Airy,” he finally said, grabbing her hand. “I love you.”
Airy’s eyes welled as she watched him. “I feel the same. I didn’t know how it would be. Was this your first time too?”
Fehin looked down and then placed his cup on the bedside table. “No,” he told her quietly.
“I didn’t think so. Who…?”
“It happened several times. It didn’t mean anything. I was living on the streets and…”
“Did you do drugs?”
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