“Every time I need to clear my head, so I guess you can say, a lot.”
He leaned in towards my neck and began kissing it, slowly planting tiny kisses up to my ear lobe and then to my jaw until he found his way to my mouth. There was softness in the way he kissed me this time; and as our mouths connected, he wrapped his arms around me. He gave out a slight moan. I broke from the kiss and whispered into his ear, “Well since you won, I’d love to be your prize. Why don’t you come in?”
He stopped altogether and unwrapped his arms from around me taking a big step back. “It’s really late Norah and I should get going.” He turned to leave. I was completely confused and frustrated by his ‘on again, off again’ plays for me.
I yelled out, “What are you doing Clint?” He turned back to me. He still had that light in his eyes from the night which shone with need and want.
“I said I have to go.”
I got very agitated, “I know you are leaving. That’s not what I meant.” He looked at me intently. “It’s like we are seeing each other, but you keep running away at every given opportunity. I mean, what gives?”
Clint took a step forward to me but was silent without a response. “Do you just want to just be friends?” I asked as he moved closer.
“No,” he said.
“Is it because you don’t do the girlfriend thing?” and he took another step closer.
“No.”
Getting even more annoyed I asked, “Is it because of your parents?” and he was right in front of me.
“No Norah, it’s not. It’s not any of those things. In fact how I feel about you, I have never felt about anyone before.”
“Then why do you keep running away?” I just wanted to know why he was so intensely into me one minute and then so distant.
He cupped my face in his hands without responding to the question. I waited but nothing came out of his mouth.
What was he hiding? What could he not say?
I pulled away from him and opened my apartment door, walking backwards in retreat, “Look Clint, I don’t know what game you are playing, but I don’t do games, so until you can tell me what you want, I don’t want to see you again. OK!” And with that I slammed the door. I think I was pretty clear. I didn’t want him thinking he could come and go as he pleased, stealing kiss after kiss, especially since I felt myself yearning for him more every day, a reaction I didn’t want if he didn’t want to be with me too.
Chapter 6
Best Friends?
The next couple of days, I busied myself with classes and getting ready for my art show, taking trips to my gallery space downtown, preparing the layout for the event in a couple of weeks. The gallery walls were exposed timber, a space I had picked myself. I liked the earthiness and natural smell of the wood combined with the cold cement floors. It was urban yet modern.
“You know how hard it is to find you without a cell phone?” Josh walked in behind me, flustered.
I returned to looking at the walls, creating a layout in my head for the show. “You know I hate those things. They are just tracking devices so people can find you wherever you go.” I grabbed a notebook out of my shoulder bag and began making some notes.
“That is kind of the point you know, so we can find you if we need to. I had to go to two of your classes, the gun range and your apartment before thinking of coming here.”
I continued to look at the walls imagining my display in my head and jotting down more ideas. “Well I prefer not to be found, thank you very much,” and I turned to Josh, wondering why he seemed so needy.
“Yes, yes, I know. Run and hide.”
I shot him an annoyed glare, “What kind of comment was that?”
He sighed and reduced his angered tone until it was soft and concerned, “What are you doing Norah? First skinny dipping, now illegal car races. You are going to get yourself in trouble, and you know what’ll happen if you get in trouble here.”
I rolled my eyes and huffed. Damn you Lappell.
“Let me correct you once again Josh. I wasn’t skinny dipping, it was just a swim in our underwear, and as for the car race, it wasn’t like I was the driver… so…”
Josh became visibly frustrated. “So nothing! Look, I get that coming here meant you could finally do things on your own, but you are just supposed to just take sips of freedom Norah – don’t just slam it down your throat like a tequila shot!”
I loved his choice of words.
Smiling I said, “I think you are over reacting Josh,” and I slid my arm around his waist and rested my head on his shoulder.
He didn’t back down. “I don’t! I told you before that I don’t trust Clint and, well, I miss you seeing you; I haven’t seen you much lately. You have me worried. I know how you get, and I’m not sure you have yourself in control right now.”
I gripped his waist tighter. Despite his protective demeanor, I had forgotten how sweet he was and that he was still my best friend and the person who knew me the best in the whole world. I threw my arms around him and just held him, hugging him tight. “I’m fine, really, and I miss you too Josh, so let’s hang out this week, how about tomorrow in the quad? Can I be ‘lazy’ Norah for the day? Maybe I will settle down if we do that.”
Josh knew what I meant. “Sure you can, just like old times,” and I squeezed him some more.
“Yes, I could really use a day of chilling out, and you are the only person I know that can help me with that.”
Josh breathed heavily against my neck, “I would love to assist.”
The following day I met Josh at the quad under one of the bigger trees. He stretched out on the lawn, leaning up against the trunk of the tree, while I positioned myself lying down, my head in his lap. With my eyes closed, my black hair sprawled out all over him, Josh began stroking my hair.
In high school, when things were getting out of control and my whole world was closing in on me, Josh would help me find my centre, bringing me back from the dark chaos in my world. We spent countless lunch periods doing this very thing. Instead of crying or taking drugs or going on some murderous rampage because I felt completely out of control, Josh found that by helping me find my centre, I could see straight without acting out. I guess it was like a form of meditation but we never referred to it that way. It was ‘our’ thing. A way we bonded, and it seemed to relax Josh knowing he could help me in some emotional stabilizing kind of way. High school was a rough time in my life and Josh was my rock.
Josh would get me to lie down and would clear my head by softly stroking my hair and saying things that made me feel calm and focused. He spoke of waterfalls, deserted islands, the sun on my face, the sound of the ocean, and I felt my eyes getting heavy as he did, my mind opening up, allowing sweet, relaxing thoughts to flow in and soothe my soul.
“Do you want me to touch you?” I pulled his body close to mine.
“Yes,” I breathed. Clint’s hands were unbuttoning my shirt, and he groped the cup of my bra. I grabbed at his hands, pulling them to clench my chest harder. He undid the clasp of my bra allowing it to spring open, and he buried his face in my breasts, kissing them all over, his mouth and tongue licking and sucking my nipples. I moaned.
“What do you want me to do now?” he breathed back into my ear.
“More, I want you to touch me more.”
His hands unzipped my jeans, reaching in, going over my panties, his fingers finding me ready. One finger, then two, pushing themselves into my hot, wet…
” Oh my god Clint, that feels soooo good… Oh… my… god!”
My eyes burst open from the erotic dream.
Clint.
Clint.
Clint was standing above me. My body propelled upwards and I tried to make sense of what was going on after being asleep. Clint was looking at me, then at Josh, then at me, and then at Josh again. His eyes were furious with anger but his voice was steady, “What are you two doing?” He was looking at me for some kind of explanation although I owed him none.
<
br /> I cleared my throat and placed my hands on my face, still feeling flushed. “Umm, Josh and I were just hanging out, and I fell asleep… in his lap.”
Clint looked over to Josh, who was smirking.
“How long have you been standing there?” I asked him, wondering if I had been talking or making any kind of noise in my sleep.
“Long enough. I’ll see you at the presentation dinner Hollows,” and Clint turned and walked away. I sighed, caught unawares by his presence, but I didn’t feel bad for being in a semi-compromising position with Josh. I wasn’t about to wait around for Clint to figure out if he liked me or not.
I turned to Josh, “Presentation dinner?”
He grinned from ear to ear, “Yep, I’m in. Want to come? It’s at Wickburn’s house and there is no one else I would want with me but you.”
I was really happy for him and I knew I just had to support him. “Of course Josh, I would love to be there for you.”
I wanted to focus on my best friend tonight. I had gone to two parties with Josh and left both of them without him. He had been there for me through so much in my life, and even now, he still knew how to ground me. I promised myself that I would steer clear of Clint this evening and focus solely on Josh. I had been sideswiped by my attraction to Clint and had forgotten why I chose McLaren in the first place. I wanted to be near people I trusted, Josh specifically, and even though he had a stupid lapse of judgment by taking me to the de-virgin party at the start of the semester, I still knew I could trust him.
I settled on a sleek silver dress by Armani for the evening, which skimmed my body down to my ankles, and matched it with matching silver and gold Louboutin shoes. I wore my hair in a side ponytail and gave my cheeks a dramatic rouge color to go with my lips.
Arriving at Wickburn’s house, I immediately noticed its contrast to the Weston Mansion. Clint’s massive house was whitish stone surrounded by carefully manicured lush gardens and trees, like something for British royalty, whereas Wickburn’s mansion was darker stone with pointed roof tops and hedging all the way around, which gave it a completely encased look of privacy. It was very grand but had a ‘do not disturb’ type of feeling going on.
We were ushered into a room that was floor to ceiling dark wood with a white roof and the largest chandelier I had ever seen. There were twelve round tables seating six people per table, with crisp white linens and silverware, and off to the right, a small string quartet next to an area set up for dancing. It was beautifully arranged.
Josh and I were shown to a table with two more couples whose faces I didn’t recognize. I found myself wondering why there seemed to be so many different members at these parties and only a few of the same at each one. Was membership that large? And in what circumstances was it decided who attended what? The odd questions circulated in my mind for only a few minutes before I noticed Clint standing across the room, his arm linked with a leggy redhead girl in an emerald green floor length velvet dress. A twinge of jealousy poked my stomach and I cringed.
Josh noticed my movements, “Everything OK Nor?”
I took in a few small breaths, “Couldn’t be better.” I wasn’t about to inform Josh I was having a sit-down meeting with the green eyed monster in my head. I saw Clint’s eyes survey the room and when he found mine, I quickly turned my attention back to Josh.
Dinner was four courses, the first being a green salad with duck confit, caramelized apples and macadamia nuts with some kind of ginger vinaigrette. The second course was sand crab in a tiny puff pastry shell and the main was roasted rabbit with fig sauce. By dessert, I was completely stuffed and could only admire the chocolate mousse in the French vanilla cup.
There were a few announcements by Wickburn at the conclusion of dessert, during which he welcomed its newest and most promising members. As the wine circulated and we made more conversation at our table, I found myself laughing and smiling, and having a really enjoyable time. Josh kept touching my hand with his as we joked and talked, and by the end of the meal, it was comfortably resting on top of mine, in full view everyone.
As couples began to use the dance floor, Josh’s fingers intertwined with mine. “Want to dance?” His eyes looked very excited. I nodded, got up, and walked with him to the dance floor, our hands still locked together. Josh spun me around on the dance floor and I started to giggle as he then turned and dipped me. The music slowed and he pulled me close to him in one smooth action. He pressed his cheek up against mine and I found myself shutting my eyes as the closeness of our bodies moved side to side with the music. My mind trailed off to the start of the semester and how much I welcomed Josh’s touch which had, until now, been screwed up by the thunderous intrusion of both the Lappell and Clint into my life.
Perhaps I should give this thing with Josh another chance.
“Can I cut in?” Clint was tapping Josh on the shoulder. My eyes sprung open at the sound of Clint’s voice. I stopped moving and gave Clint a dirty look.
Josh gave Clint an equally pissed glare. “I think she is happy right where she is, Weston,” Josh was answering for me.
“I’d like to hear that from her, if you don’t mind.” I felt uncomfortable with the weird tension between them and both their voices were beginning to get louder, drawing attention.
“Seriously guys, let’s relax. Josh, just let me get this over and done with OK, I won’t be long.” Josh hesitated but didn’t argue with me and gracefully gave my hand to Clint. He put his arm on my waist and my body tensed. I hated that my body was so responsive to his touch. Josh shuffled off towards the bar, giving Clint another dirty look as he went.
“He is in love with you know,” Clint pulled me a little closer and I shook my head.
“Don’t be silly, he is my oldest and dearest friend, I’m sure he doesn’t see me that way.” I was lying to Clint and myself.
“I know what it looks like Norah.” I refused to make eye contact with him. “Do you love him too?” He was so direct with his questions, it was unnerving.
“Josh knows me through and through. He knows the good in me and the bad. I never feel I’m not good enough with him.”
Clint wrapped his whole hand around mine and looked me dead in the eyes. “I don’t think you are good enough for anyone Norah.” He spoke sincerely but I felt wary of him. I knew he was trying to give me some kind of compliment, but it fell flat.
“You barely know me Clint.” I loosened my hand from his grip. “And besides, it looks like your parents have a whole troop of potential suitors in mind for you.” My eyes drifted over to Clint’s date who was standing across the room, giving us both a look that would kill.
“Oh Victoria, she’s a family friend. She knows I don’t like her like that,” and he glanced over to her staring at us.
“Are you sure?” I said doubtfully.
Clint rolled his eyes but then returned to looking at me with gentle need.
“You don’t even know what you want Clint. I don’t like what game you are playing, but you can’t come and go with me as you please.”
He straightened a little. “That’s rich Norah. You are playing games with Josh. You know how he feels about you and you let him lead you around this dinner as if you are his girlfriend.”
Was I?
“I beg your pardon. Josh is my best friend and we have always been this way with each other.”
Clint looked at me seriously. “Perhaps that’s the problem. Do you even want Josh that way?” He asked me straight out, and I was frozen, without an answer. I knew that I couldn’t answer because I didn’t know for sure.
“Answer the question Norah,” Clint demanded.
I bit my lip as it remained sealed. In Clint’s embrace, all I could think about was tearing off his clothes and kissing him passionately until space and time evaporated all around me. My need for him was undeniable, yet I continued to fight to keep it hidden because I was scared he didn’t feel the same way. Now he was seeking questions about my relationship status with Josh li
ke he was a jealous boyfriend.
As he held me, I could feel the electricity between us sparking. We became very conscious of our touch, the closeness of our bodies, wanting to be embraced more and more. As if taking cue from the magnetism we both felt, Clint suddenly leaned in and tried to kiss me, in full view of our dates and the Lappell. At first I resisted, pushing him away with my hands, but then his eyes met mine, and like a switch, my whole body melted into his and just gave in as our lips connected. Our hands ran down each other’s backs and then up through each other’s hair. I was completely lost in the moment as our mouths passionately consumed one another.
We had both closed our eyes and when we finally opened them, we both became instantly aware that in our passion, we had forgotten we had an audience. I looked around for Josh, who was striding over to us with a look I had never seen on his face before and I instantly felt ashamed. He walked right up to us and stood directly between me and Clint, staring down at me. Then with a hard coldness in his voice, he said abruptly, “I’m leaving now. I’m borrowing a car. Are you coming?”
I was too scared to say no and just nodded in response. Josh grabbed my hand and led me away. I didn’t even look behind to see Clint’s stunned expression as Josh practically dragged me out of the room.
When we got back to my apartment, I didn’t get out of the car. Josh turned off the engine and waited. “Aren’t you going to say something?” I asked. I honestly didn’t know how he was about to react.
He gripped the steering wheel tightly as he spoke. “Look, I knew I blew it with you when I didn’t tell you about that party and when you walked in on me and Stephania. I know how you feel about deceit and loyalty, and that I basically pushed you into his arms. I only have myself to blame.”
I reached out to touch Josh, but he flinched and moved away from me. “Josh,” but he kept talking.
“No Norah, let me finish. Clint is wrong for you, and if it takes you going out with him to realize that, then I’m not going to stop it. And when he makes his mistake, and he will Norah, I will be waiting for you, because even though I fucked up, you know and I know, that you do trust me and what we have runs deep. It’s so much more than just friendship and you are just scared to take it further.”
Pieces of Lies Page 9