When I started to get out of the car, he grabbed my hand and pulled me back.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” His lips met mine in a long sultry kiss.
Dazed, I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. “I love you, Max.”
“I love you too. And we both love Abby. So no matter what, we’re going to be just fine.”
“You’re right.” I kissed him again.
When I unbuckled Abby, she was sound asleep. I carried her into the house and settled her in the crib in our room. As I patted her stomach, I couldn’t help but stare at her. “Aw, she looks so happy in her sleep. I wonder what she might be dreaming about.”
“I’m guessing this.” Max made the sign for poo-poo.
“Max, stop.” I tried to hold back a laugh. “You’re too funny.”
“I’m glad you think that.” He took my hand and led me out into the living room. “Remember I said I had something I wanted to talk with you about?”
“Yes.” I sat down on the couch and waited for him to sit beside me. “I’m here to listen.”
Chapter 24
Max sat down beside me and took my hand again.
“I just want you to know that this is something I’m thinking about. No decision has been made and it won’t be made unless we both agree to it.”
“Okay.” I searched his eyes. “What is it?”
“I’ve been offered a job.”
“A job?” I laughed. “You already have a job. You take care of all the tech stuff for me.”
“Honestly, Sammy I could do that in an hour every other day or so. It’s not really a job.” He frowned and looked down at my hand that he held. “It’s a really good offer.”
“What is it exactly?”
“It’s an opportunity to manage my own IT firm. I’d be directing others and I’d have the creative freedom to design and market websites for brand new businesses.”
“Oh.” I tried to follow him as he rambled about technical issues that I had no clue about. “Is that something that you want to do, Max?”
“I love the idea of getting my hands into the website of a brand new company. It’s kind of a make or break moment for most small businesses.”
“So, it’s something you have a passion for?”
“It’s something I’m good at.”
“Well, I can understand you wanting to take the offer if it’s so great and something that you like to do, but Max, how would it work for us? We barely have time for one another as it is.”
“I don’t know, Sammy. I think it could be good for us.”
“How?” My eyes widened as I realized this was more than just a discussion. Max wanted to take the job, and I would be left trying to manage my career and the baby at the same time.
“Lately, we’ve been getting on more of a schedule. I think we could all benefit from it. Plus, I’d still be able to take care of Abby in the afternoons. You could take the morning shift, then when I get home in the afternoons you could have your time to write.”
“I see you’ve thought about this a lot.” I squeezed his hand. “This position is important to you, isn’t it?”
“I’ve always wanted to lead my own team. I know that you’ve worked so hard to get where you are, and you never make me feel inadequate, but the truth is, I don’t have much of a career anymore. Other than tweaking your blog now and then, I’m pretty much a glorified nanny.”
“Max, that’s not true at all. You’re an amazing father and such a huge support to me.”
“I get that. I love being here for you. But I can’t just do that forever. I don’t want you to feel like you’re responsible for all the income in the family.”
“But I love our being able to work together. I thought you loved it too.”
“I do love it. But I think it’s important for our relationship that things be balanced. If you’re feeling all of the pressure to make an income and maintain your career, then it’s not balanced.”
“Traditionally, men feel that pressure. What’s the difference if I’m the one feeling it?”
“It’s not about men and women, Sammy. It’s about you and me.”
“You’re right. But what we’re doing right now is really working well. I’m just getting back into a routine with work and I’m finally feeling more in control. I don’t think we should shake things up.”
“Okay.” He frowned and stood up from the couch. “Like I said, it was just something to discuss.”
“I think it’s great that you were given the offer. I hope you understand why this just isn’t the right time.”
“Sure. Of course I do. I’m just going to check on Abby.”
After Max left the room my nerves settled. The thought of losing Max as my support, my companion in everything I did, threatened to knock me off my new path of confidence and achievement.
Like the women from the group had said, why should my life be impacted by what he wanted? He was my husband, my partner, and we’d agreed to a certain way of life. He needed to respect that or my entire plan could be derailed just when I was getting back on track.
After several minutes, I stuck my head in the room to check on Max and found that he was asleep in bed. It hurt a little that he didn’t even say goodnight. I assumed he must be pretty tired.
I crawled into bed beside him and snuggled up close.
As I drifted off to sleep, I felt him roll away from me.
Early the next morning I woke with a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach. I brushed my hand along the sheet beside me in search of Max, but found he was already up.
“Max?” I sat up and glanced around the room. Abby was still asleep in her crib. When I stepped out into the living room there was no sign of Max. I checked the usual spots for notes, but there was nothing to find.
“Maybe he went for a walk.” I grabbed my phone and sent him a text.
Abby began to fuss in the crib.
I stared at the phone waiting for a text back. When there was no response, I started to worry.
Abby distracted me for a few minutes as I changed and nursed her. But when I was done, and there was still no response from Max, I tried to call his cell phone. It went straight to voicemail.
“What is your daddy up to today? I wonder why he would disappear without letting me know where he was going. Oh well, you and I can still have some fun. Right?” I kissed her nose.
As the seconds slipped by, my mind began to flutter with all the possibilities. Did Max lose his phone? Was he stranded somewhere? Had he been in an accident? I pushed the thoughts away and tried to focus on Abby.
To keep myself busy, I started our first signing session.
“Eat.” I gestured to my mouth.
Abby gazed at me with wide bright eyes. She lifted her hand and made the sign for poo.
“That’s good, Abby, but we’re practicing ‘eat.’” I gestured to my mouth again.
She made the same sign for poo and giggled.
No matter what sign I made, she only made her favorite gesture in return. I was fairly certain she had no idea what it meant, but I could tell that she was at least attempting to communicate.
After a few more attempts, I decided to take her to the park to get us both out of the house. It would also distract me from the fact that Max still hadn’t texted me back.
I sent him a text to let him know where we were off to, then headed out.
Chapter 25
When we arrived at the park I noticed that there were several other families there. As I helped my almost eight-month-old waddle across the playground with her tiny hands tucked into mine, I laughed at the way she charged forward while still clinging tight to me.
When we reached the sandbox, Abby let go of my hands and plopped down in it. I sat down beside her and we began to make roads through the sand. When I glanced up at the other people in the park, I noticed that there were quite a few babies about Abby’s age. Most of them were standing or cruising the benches. One of them was e
ven walking.
Abby, on the other hand, just kicked her feet in the sand and laughed when she managed to get some on my pants.
I reminded myself not to compare, but it was hard not to. Abby was already considered a late talker, and now it seemed she’d missed the boat when it came to standing. Was it because I picked her up too often?
I decided to try to help her to her feet.
As I guided her to stand up, she held my hands tight. I tried to wriggle my hands free to see if she could balance herself without my guidance, but she refused to let go. She hung on so tight that my fingertips started to go numb.
Then suddenly she dropped right down into the sand again.
“Hi, you’re Samantha and Abby, right?” A woman smiled at me as she walked over to us. “From the signing class?”
“Oh, yes.” I smiled at her in return. “Janet, is it?”
“Yes—and this is Penelope.” She grinned at the baby she held in her arms, then she set her down in the sand next to Abby.
Abby gurgled something close to a hello. The other baby signed the greeting.
“Oh wow, she’s doing so great.” I looked at Janet, who stood beside me. “She picked up on that sign fast.”
“Yes, she did, but really she knows just about all of them. It’s made communicating with her so much easier. I’m sure you’re having the same experience with your little one.”
“Uh, sure.” I crouched down beside Abby. “Look, sweetie, Penelope is here to play with you.”
Abby gurgled again. Penelope signed hello again. Abby signed back—only her greeting was bathroom-related.
“Oh, she’s got that one down, I see.” Janet laughed. “What else does she know?”
“We haven’t had too much time to practice.”
“I can imagine, what with you being a working mother.” She paused and frowned. “I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right. I mean, it seems that you must have a lot on your plate.”
“It feels that way to me sometimes. Luckily my husband is a lot of help. He really takes care of Abby—and me too, when I need it.”
“You’re very lucky to have that. My husband seems to think that he puts in his hours at work and that’s where his responsibility ends. We’ve been talking about it, but it’s been difficult. It’s great that you two have found a way to make it work.”
“I think so too. It’s so nice for all of us to be together.”
“Do you ever worry about having too much togetherness, though? I love my husband, and I do wish I had more time with him, but I don’t think I’d enjoy him around me all the time.”
“So far it hasn’t been an issue. But I guess it could become one.”
“Stay on top of it. Trust me, these things change in the blink of an eye.”
“I will.” I pulled my phone out of my purse to check it.
I heard Janet make a small cough. When I looked up, Abby had a fistful of sand headed straight for her mouth.
“Oops, Abby, you don’t want to eat that.” I brushed the sand away from her hand and picked her up.
“Can’t take your eyes off them for a minute, huh?” Janet grinned and stepped closer to her daughter. “I think Penny’s about ready to take off walking any day now. Then I’ll really be in trouble.”
“Yeah, I think I have a little more time with Abby, but she’s getting there.”
“Well, every baby is different. Still, there’s something to be said for early intervention, you know?”
“Early intervention?” I looked at her.
“I noticed that Abby doesn’t communicate very much and she’s having a hard time with standing. I figured you might want to look into whether there’s some kind of reason for that.”
“The reason is that she’s only nine months old.” I laughed. “I think it’s a little too early to be concerned. Just because some babies talk or walk early doesn’t mean they all will. She’s doing just fine.”
“A lot of parents think that, but then regret it when they could have been helped very early on. Have you had her evaluated?”
“Evaluated for what?” I tried to keep the annoyance out of my voice.
“For disabilities or deficits.”
“Disabilities or deficits?” I stared at her. “That’s a bit presumptuous of you, isn’t it?”
“I’m not trying to be rude. I just think that any good mother would want to know what’s going on with her daughter.”
“I know what’s going on with my daughter, thanks. In fact, we have to be going now.” I picked Abby up from the sandbox.
“Oh dear, I hope I didn’t upset you. I just wanted you to consider the possibility. Then again, there are some parents who would just prefer to play on their phones and not notice the problems that their children are having.”
“Janet, I’m not sure who told you that you’re a parenting expert, but you’re not. Abby may not be at the front of the line when it comes to hitting her developmental marks, but that doesn’t mean that she has a disability. If she did, I would accept it, but I’m not interested in labeling my child before she even turns one.”
“Please don’t take my concern the wrong way. Sometimes I forget that Penny is quite exceptional.”
“I’m sure she is. She’s a beautiful little girl—it’s her mother that needs some refining.”
I walked away before the tears could show in my eyes. The conversation had started out friendly, but the tone it took made me feel terrible.
Was I wrong to interpret her words as harsh and insulting? Had I overreacted to her comments?
Chapter 26
I held Abby close as we walked back to the car.
As I tucked her into her car seat it dawned on me that, as hurtful as Janet’s words were, they were the same words that I’d been thinking. Did I sound like that when I talked to Abby? Could she sense me doubting her abilities, worrying about her milestones? I gazed down into her beautiful innocent eyes and felt an overwhelming urge to apologize.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t realize how I might be making you feel. You’re doing a great job and soon you will be up and running. Don’t let Mommy’s stress bother you.” I kissed her forehead and double-checked her buckles.
Then I drove back to the house.
Still lost in thought about the encounter at the playground, I almost didn’t notice Max’s car in the driveway. When I opened the door to the house I spotted him as he walked out of the kitchen.
“Max!” I smiled with relief. “I’m so glad you’re home.” I threw my arms around him and hugged him tight. “I was worried about you. What happened?”
“What do you mean?” He hugged me back and kissed my cheek. “I had an appointment this morning.”
“I didn’t know about any appointment. Did you tell me about it?”
“I might have mentioned it.” He shrugged. “I’m sorry you were worried. I didn’t think I needed to tell you every time I leave the house.”
“Let me just put Abby down. She’s pretty tired from the playground. I want to hear about your morning.”
Abby fell asleep the moment I set her down in her crib.
When I turned to walk back out into the living room my heart beat a little faster. I wasn’t sure what to expect after Max’s comment. Was he upset with me? Was there something that I’d done to offend him?
“She’s out.” I forced a smile to my lips. “Now, what about this appointment?”
“Do you really want to know?” He studied me a moment.
“Max?” I took a slight step back. “What’s going on? Are you upset with me?”
“I’m not sure.” He rubbed his neck. “I’ve got a lot going on right now.”
“So tell me. We talk things out, remember? Where were you this morning?” I stared into his eyes as my heartbeat quickened. He was rarely dishonest with me, and I wondered what could be on his mind that he didn’t feel safe sharing with me.
“I know we do.” He sighed and walked over to the kitchen. “I just n
eed some time to think things through.”
“Think what through? Can’t you even tell me what the appointment was about?”
“Okay.” He turned back to face me. “I had an interview.”
“An interview for what?” I noticed his jaw clench.
“With the tech firm I told you about last night.”
“What? I thought we decided that wasn’t a good option right now.”
“I don’t remember deciding that. I remember that we discussed it, but I wasn’t aware that you got to make the final decision.” He rested his hands on the kitchen counter and locked eyes with me. “I went to the interview so I could have a good sense of all the options.”
“But Max, we agreed last night—”
“No, I don’t think we did agree, actually. You didn’t even consider that I might have a different opinion. That’s how it’s been since Abby was born. You expect me to be at your beck and call—that our lives are so intertwined I couldn’t possibly need something of my own.”
“Sweetheart, I had no idea that you felt that way.” I frowned as I stepped up beside him. “All you had to do was say something.”
“Look, Sammy, I’m so proud of you—of your book and everything that you’ve been able to accomplish. But I have dreams too. And some of those dreams include succeeding financially on my own as well.”
“But my success is our success, don’t you realize that?”
“It’s not.” He held his hands up in the air and took a step back. “Don’t you realize that? You’ve always wanted to do things your way and I respect that. But this is about my life now. I’ve been offered a job that seems pretty spectacular—one that most other people in my position could only dream about. Yet you expect that a few minutes of conversation means I shouldn’t even consider it.”
“I guess I didn’t realize how important it was to you.” I touched his cheek. “You know how important you are to me, right?”
“I do.” He sighed and caught my hand with his own. “I just feel like I’m getting lost in all of this. What I said isn’t fair. I know that. I’ve loved working together with you to raise Abby, and you don’t ask for more from me than what I offer. But I can only change so many diapers before I start to wonder if this is all I could be doing. The money I could earn at this job is double what my income used to be. That could open a lot of doors for us, not to mention it would be fulfilling for me.”
Baby on Board (Single Wide Female & Family #2) Page 8