Impulse

by E. B. Walters

  “Please,” she begged, lifting her hips and pressing against him, but he refused to indulge her. She grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled, needing to feel his skin against hers. He lifted his head long enough to let her yank it off, then went back to tormenting her.

  By the time he laved her nipples with his tongue, sucking hard on the buds, nipping with his teeth and soothing with his tongue, she was ready to explode. No man had ever worshipped her like this. Part of her was scared of what he was doing to her while another part reveled in it. She writhed and bucked, needing him inside her. She didn’t care whether it was his mouth, his fingers, or his throbbing cock. She was close to coming.

  As if he knew it, he took her hand from its death-like grip on his head and lowered it, directing it between her labia and the swollen nub. “Pleasure yourself.”

  “No,” she protested.

  “Yes. Do it. For me.” He took her other hand and placed it on her breast.

  Jillian couldn’t disobey the command given in a husky, tortured voice as though it pained him to leave her. She closed her eyes and imagined him inside her as she stroked herself.

  “Don’t close your eyes,” Lex ordered. “Look at me.” Her eyelids lifted, and she watched him watch her. It was the most erotic moment in her life. Eyes not leaving hers, he stood and unbuckled his belt. “Imagine me inside you, savoring your heat, the feel of your muscles tightening and hugging me.”

  Listening to his husky voice as he talked dirty, seeing his gaze drift to her hand while he stroked himself was too much for her. Her senses exploded as an orgasm swept over her. Then he was there, replacing her fingers with his mouth, drawing the throbbing nub into his mouth and heightening the pleasure. The heat of his tongue pushed her higher, and Jillian cried out.

  She was still trembling when he entered her. He hissed as though scalded and captured her mouth in a searing kiss as he started to move. Jillian was suspended in a plane where nothing else mattered but Lex. The two of them in this perfect moment. His mouth devouring hers. The feelings as he claimed her. Each stroke sending delicious sensations through her. He knew exactly what she loved and gave it to her.

  Her body shattered from the center outward again, the intensity stronger than the first one. Jillian clawed at him, wanting to absorb him and never let go. He didn’t slow down, his movements relentless, his kisses tugging at her soul.

  She tore her mouth from his. “What are you doing to me?”

  “Loving you.” He rolled them over so she was on top and whispered in a voice she didn’t recognize, “Love me.”

  She wasn’t sure whether he meant love him physically or with her heart. It didn’t matter because she did. She couldn’t deny it anymore. She heard the plea in his voice and responded by tightening her inner muscles and rocking against him. “I do.”

  Maybe it was his admission or the way she loved him, but he lost it. He pulled her down and captured her mouth in a kiss that drove all thoughts from her mind, while at the same time matching her movements. When that wasn’t enough, she pried his hands from her waist, got off him, and went on her knees.

  She knew what drove him crazy, too. Glancing at him over her shoulder, she whispered, “Love me.”

  She didn’t believe his eyes could grow any hotter. His eyes left her face and moved down to the slick skin between her legs.

  A muscle jumped on his jaw as he growled, “I intend to.” He ran his hand up her thigh in reverence as he shifted and knelt behind her. He leaned forward, raining kisses on her back. “You are my fantasy, Jillian.”

  Jillian arched her back as he pressed against her and rubbed the rigid length of his erection along her labia, but he wasn’t in a hurry to resume things. He cupped her breasts, played with her nipples.

  “Do you know what you do to me when you offer yourself to me like this? Look at me with utter trust?”

  “No,” she whispered, her entire body poised for another invasion of her senses.

  He hands left her nipples and stroked her sides and her stomach while his hot mouth left a heated trail as he made his way to her waist. “You unman me, yet I’m the luckiest son of a bitch that ever lived.”

  He took a sharp nip of her ass, and Jillian cried out, her body shuddering.

  “You trust me, don’t you, Jillian?”

  His warm breath hit her right between her legs, and the thrill of anticipation shot through her. “Yes.”

  He swept his tongue across her swollen clitoris. Jillian gripped the pillow and bit hard on her lower lip to stop herself from moaning.

  “You know I would never hurt you.”

  “I know.”

  More tongue lashes. A little suction. More teasing. This time, Jillian couldn’t help moaning.

  “And I promise you here and now that I would never hurt you or break that trust.”

  “I can’t take anymore,” she whispered.

  “Yes, you can.” He blew on her heated flesh, making Jillian’s body hum.

  “But it’s your turn,” she said.

  He chuckled just as his mouth closed on her, and the effect was amazing. Jillian rocked into his mouth, her chest burning until she realized she’d forgotten to breathe. She gulped. Panted. Cried as another wave sucked her under.

  “There are no turns when it comes to us, sweetheart,” Lex said when he let her go. He turned her around and laid her on her back. Her legs so weak she doubted she’d ever stand again. “As much as I love that position, I’d rather look into your eyes when we come.”

  That was the sweetest thing he’d ever said. Tears rushed into Jillian’s eyes as Lex shifted and entered her slowly. “I’m not going to survive this.”

  “Yes, you are,” he said, making her realize she’d spoken her words out loud. “Because I plan to make love to you just like this every night for as long as you let me.”

  Every night sounded perfect. As for letting him, she never had a choice the moment she’d looked out her trailer window and saw him dismount his bike. Had she known she’d be the luckiest woman on earth, she would have agreed to that first date on the spot.

  Thoughts of the past or future ceased to matter as he started to move. Her hips moved along on their own accord, her body in perfect tune with his. Working together, chasing ecstasy. Skin whispering to skin. Each breath shallow like it was the last one. Each kiss searing and affirming.

  As she bucked and writhed, her legs wrapped around his waist, he gripped her hands and looked into her eyes. She was sure he saw her soul just like she saw his. How else could she explain the vulnerability she glimpsed in his eyes as he thrust into her?

  Sweat gleamed on his body, his eyes so dilated with arousal they looked more blue than gray. He arched into her, his neck corded with tension.

  “Together, Jillian. Now.”

  As though he had control over her body and could command it at will, her muscles clenched around him as ecstasy catapulted her over the edge. He joined her, capturing her mouth and swallowing her cries.

  CHAPTER 19

  Lex pulled the covers over their nude bodies and hugged Jillian. She wrapped her arms around him, one leg straddling his thigh. He was getting used to this—her body curled around his. He’d hated seeing her hug a pillow as though seeking comfort from it and to ease her pain. Pain inflicted by those supposed to love and cherish her.

  He hated thinking about her family. It was the one problem he wished would go away. He wanted her happy and free from people who made her cry in her sleep. But he knew one couldn’t run away from family or obligations. Yes, he enjoyed what he did, creating beautiful buildings out of the basics. But being the head of his family involved more than doing what he loved. His uncles had all followed their dreams, leaving the job of watching over the Fitzgerald holdings to him.

  He tried to take a break, but the responsibilities and expectations always yanked him back like an elastic noose around his neck. The occasional trips with his friends gave him a moment to blow off steam and clear his head before co
ming home and picking up right where he’d left off.

  But with Jillian, he had a chance to have someone to share his misgivings and frustrations, his laughter and tears, and the occasional urge to let go. He might not be ready to bear his soul to her, but he knew that when he did, she would understand. Just like him, she was an anchor for her family. Now all he had to do was keep working on gaining her trust. She was halfway there. She’d admitted to trusting him during sex.

  He pressed a kiss on her temple and teased, “Still want to sleep in the guest room?”

  “That depends?”

  He heard the smile in her voice. “On?”

  “Whether you plan on hauling me back in here like a Neanderthal or respect my wishes and leave me alone like any gentleman would?” she murmured, burrowing under his chin.

  Lex laughed. He loved that she enjoyed baiting him. Hadn’t he just given her multiple orgasms? Most women would be eager to please him. Treat him like the center of their universe. Not Jillian. Man, she pleased him.

  “Screw your wishes,” he said. “You belong in here with me.” He lifted her leg so she was practically draped over him, the back of her knee cradling his growing erection. “And I’ve never claimed to be a gentleman.”

  She chuckled and became quiet. After a few minutes, she shifted. Seconds later, she changed the position of her head. She was restless.

  “What is it?”

  A sigh, then, “I’m just thinking about my family.”

  About time. He’d been dying to bring up the topic of her father but had worried she’d shut him out. “What about your family?”

  “I told Ricky to take the money to the Armenians.” She didn’t sound so confident.

  “Are you worried he won’t do it?”

  “He’ll want to.”

  Silence followed. Worried that she didn’t want to talk anymore, he turned on the headboard light. When she continued to stay silent, he lifted her chin and studied her face. She was worried.

  “But?”

  “My father won’t let him. He and Cian, even Uncle Rowan, never stand up to Dad.”

  “Even if your life is in danger?”

  Her lips pinched, eyebrows slanting down. He stroked her cheek until her face relaxed. “I don’t know if they’ll see it that way.” She placed her elbow on the bed and rested her chin on the heel of that hand, then started to draw squiggles on his chest with her other hand. His muscles trembled, but he doubted that she even noticed. Her hand paused for a moment as she threw him a glance. “You see, Dad is their boss.”

  It was a no-brainer what would be important if he were given that choice. Money wasn’t everything.

  “The members of my father’s family have always been public entertainers,” Jillian continued. “We have these old sepia and black and white pictures of his father and grandfather walking on tight ropes. When his father died, Dad changed things a bit and brought in bikes. He and Uncle Rowan became The Finnegan Duo. Then they had kids. All boys. My brothers and cousins started training when they were kids. They started performing with Dad and Uncle Rowan at age ten. The Finnegan Duo became The Fearless Finnegans. Before my mother married my father, they partnered with the Bay Area Circus and became the main attraction.” A smile tugged at her lips. “When we arrived in L.A., Mom took me to their performances every time they were in town. They were amazing. If you’d seen my father before his heart attack, he was magnificent on stage.”

  Her eyes lit up as she talked. Now Lex understood where she’d fallen in love with stunts and why, according to Cade, she’d started performing when she hit puberty. Her father started them young. Too young in Lex’s opinion.

  “Mom fell in love with him, and within three months they were married. She became his sidekick when he rode his bike on the wire. They were spectacular together, and the crowd loved them. I knew then that I wanted to be just like Mom when I grew up.”

  The light in her eyes dimmed and Lex knew the next part was going to be sad, but all she said was, “Mom was a gymnast and a dancer. When we were on the road, she didn’t just teach me school stuff. She always found a local gym and volunteered while I got free lessons, until they hired her. She was well traveled and would talk about dancing with a troupe. I think before she had me, she must have been a professional dancer.” She dismissed that with a wave of her hand. “Anyway, after she married my father, she insisted I take more dance and gymnastics lessons if I wanted to join the troupe. Chris worked as Dad’s assistant, coordinating stunts and training all the performers. He started working with me.” She smiled as though remembering. “He was so gentle. I drove him crazy because I wanted so badly to be in the show. But he wouldn’t let me. He kept saying I wasn’t ready. Dad had to step in. I rode the Wall at twelve.”

  Lex tried to imagine one of his nieces doing a stunt like that and felt a little sick.

  “But my debut performance was The Globe of Death. We performed on weekends and in the summer. At first, Mom was scared for me, but my father saw something in me and nurtured it. Not with kind words.” She laughed and threw him another glance. “Dad is not a gentle man. He doesn’t believe in coddling. He used to say that coddling led to a false sense of security, which is suicide in stunt business. We always had to be aware that one mistake could lead to tragedy, and precision was the only thing standing between a painful death and us. He pushed, but even though he gave little praise, we could always tell when he was happy with our performance.”

  Lex kept seeing images from the video clip he’d watched at Sloan’s. “Why did you leave?”

  Jillian rubbed her eyes. “My mom died in a horrific accident, and for weeks I couldn’t even get on a bike.” She went quiet again. “Chris got me back on the bike, but he was never the same after Mom died. He finally left.” She shook her head. “With Mom and Chris gone, things were never the same. Not for me. But…” She sighed. “I was angry at everyone even though her death was ruled an accident. I acted out. Did crazy stunts on stage and even crazier things with my cousins. Dad told me that was it. I had to leave the troupe, go to college for some degree, and get a nice, safe job in some office.”

  Lex laughed at her tone. “Don’t knock it. I happen to have an office job.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Right. You do what you love, Lex. I’ve seen some of your buildings, and they’re amazing.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Can you imagine me in a nine-to-five job? I would have died of boredom. Luckily, Chris found out and offered me a position in his company.”

  “And the rest is history,” Lex said. Thank goodness she’d left the circus craziness behind. At least in Hollywood, the studios knew better than to cut corners. A dead stuntwoman or man would cost the studio. Smaller circuses like the Bay Area Circus didn’t have that kind of cash.

  “I hate Hollywood,” Jillian said, cutting into his thoughts. “I only tolerate it because I know that someday I’ll rejoin my family.”

  Jillian’s words blasted Lex like a hail of stones. He sat up, forcing her to slide off his chest and sit up, too. The blanket rolled to her waist, and if his mind weren’t processing what she’d just said, he would have appreciated the glorious image she made. Instead, he imagined her handstands on a fucking bike on a wire.

  Hell! He’d celebrated prematurely.

  “You plan to rejoin your family?” he asked.

  She nodded, dragging the covers and tucking it under her arms. “Hollywood is just not for me. I tried to like it, but I’d rather be with my family.” She rubbed her eyes. “At least, that was the plan. A talk with my father. Then roll out the carpet as the prodigal daughter returned.” Her chin trembled.

  Lex pushed aside his frustrations. He would share her with her crazy family if it meant wiping that look from her face. He moved closer and took her hands in his. He didn’t speak, just waited.

  She straightened her spine and lifted her chin to look him in the eye. Whatever she saw there must have reassured her because she smiled.

 
“I’d been waiting to talk to him about rejoining the troupe for a while, but I kept chickening out. My father is a very direct man. Once he makes a decision, there’s no changing his mind. I was scared he’d say no. Then he had a heart attack.”

  The more she talked about what her father had said, the more Lex was convinced her father was trying to protect her. His words might have been cruel and cold-hearted, but very effective. Jillian had believed him.

  “So now I’m not a… ‘Finnegan,’” she said, making air quotes. “And only Finnegans perform in my father’s troupe.”

  “You are a Finnegan,” Lex said.

  She rolled her eyes. “Just because you say so doesn’t make it true.” She pushed him back, curled up beside him, and pulled the covers over them. “Let’s go to sleep. I have stunts tomorrow. Don’t want to blow it now that I’m stuck in Hollywood.”

  The urge to allow her to continue believing that surged. He could ensure her continued safety in Hollywood and have a peace of mind. Even as the thoughts crossed him mind, he knew he couldn’t do that to her. This wasn’t about him. It was about her. Performing with her family made her happy.

  Lex lifted her until they were face-to-face. “I’m serious, Jill. Your father said what he did to protect you from the people he owed money.”

  “You don’t know him, Lex. Dad never says anything he doesn’t mean. And,” she pinched Lex’s nose, “Uncle Rowan said it was all true. No adoption means not a Finnegan.” She kissed him, burrowed in his chest, and closed her eyes.

  Lex listened to her breathing and reached a decision.

  ~*~

  The next morning, Lex stood on the helipad and watched as Douglas climbed in after Jillian.

  “I sent the intel you wanted to the Shared Files folder,” Douglas said.

  “Good.” His eyes went to Jillian, who didn’t look too thrilled that she now had his bodyguard. “Barbs is okay with Douglas being there as long as he blends in with the security guards.”

  Douglas shot an amused glance. “That won’t be a problem, sir. But if you decide to leave the building, please remember the safety protocol in place.”