Never the Same
Michele L. Rivera
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, businesses, organizations, and incidents either are a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Text copyright © 2015 by Michele L. Rivera
All Rights Reserved
Editor: Jillian A. Skillings
Cover Designer: Kata Giraldo
ISBN 978-0-9912666-6-1
Before her
Beneath rising suns and clusters of stars
I steal a glimpse, curious
She howls at the moon
She stops my heart
Dropped
Into her abyss of shades of gray- not knowing this
And that
Only wanting for strange reasons
To be wherever she is at
I kneel, I stall
I suffocate in certain walls
But when I shut my eyes
She smiles
Drawing me out
Closer I become
She has the answer to the question
That will make me fall
Undone
She steps into my line of sight
I lose a breath
Her lips, I want to taste them
Skies water
I stand, wet
Unthinkable thoughts invade me
Her skin looks soft to touch
Invisible lines, unbreakable rules
Could all bend at the mercy of love
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter One
“For the last time, I can’t go tonight.” Paige looked up from her laptop and scowled at her best friend, who stood at the foot of her bed, hands on her hips.
Marissa rolled her eyes. “Tell me why again.”
“Do you not see that I am literally buried in homework?” Paige waved her arm over the pile of open books with highlighted passages surrounding her. “I have to finish this paper for Professor Chaplin on social media and if the use of digital technology disempowers emotional intimacy in relationships.” She shook her head. “Then I have to write my column for The Miranda Intellect and then I have to publish my weekly blog post.”
“First of all, hardly anyone reads the school newspaper. No offense. Second, you’re up to one thousand followers so I’m sure they won’t mind if you’re a day late, and third, I can do your research for you.”
“How?” Paige asked as her phone beeped. She reached for the cell on top of her pillow and stared at the letters on the screen.
It’s Marissa. If you’re checking this text message in the middle of our conversation, then yes, the depth of our interaction has just decreased due to technology.
Paige glared at Marissa. “You’re unbelievable.”
Marissa smirked. “So I’ve been told.”
“Don’t you ever have assignments?”
“Um, yeah. Art History isn’t easy, but I’m much better at time management than you.”
“Excuse me but I’m markedly organized.”
“I never said you weren’t. I’m saying that you need to schedule in recreation. Ever since the break-up, you became way too serious and way too busy. You’re totally doing it on purpose so that you don’t have to deal with your feelings.”
“Thank you for the psych analysis. Please mail me the bill.”
“That was on the house. You can show your appreciation by coming ton—”
“Rissa! I have to get this stuff done. And also, smarty pants, I’m doing an outstanding job coping with my broken heart.”
“Right. Like in the past six months’ worth of blogging about it? You’ve got to get some new material.”
“My fans enjoy my material.”
Marissa laughed. “Your fans? No. You don’t have fans. You have readers. I have fans.”
“Ha! Oh, so you think because you strum an instrument that you’re somehow superior?”
“Dude, I’m the lead guitarist in the only all-girl, all-lesbian rock band on campus so, yeah. I’m way cooler.”
“Grrr. You can leave my dorm room now.”
“You’re kicking me out?”
“Yes. That’s what I’m doing.”
“Wow. Two years ago, I had to fight you just to get—”
“Hey!” Paige pointed her finger at Marissa. “We agreed.”
“Okay. I will refrain from discussing our sexual trysts.”
“Thank you.”
“How come you never wrote about me?” Marissa asked.
“Really?”
“Yes. Really.”
“I talk about you and your little band members often enough,” Paige said.
“The fact that you give Poser America publicity is awesome, but it’s not the same as giving me a shout out for all the orgasms I’ve provided you with.”
Paige’s face reddened. “Stop.”
“Aww. Still shy about it?”
“I’ll tell Callie that you’re bringing this up.”
“Pssht,” Marissa said. “My girlfriend’s not threatened by you. She knows you’re not even my type.”
“Gee.”
“Chill. I’m not yours either.”
“Huh. What’s my type then?” Paige asked.
“Someone way less adventurous than me.”
“Uh uh.”
“You almost fainted when I asked you if we could use a strap-on.”
Paige glanced at her computer’s keyboard. “Because they resemble…things. Things that I’m not into.”
“Penises?”
“Yes!”
“You forget, Paige, I’m gay too. But every now and then variation is good. And I respected you when you refused. Did I not?”
“You did.”
“You would’ve rocked it though.”
“Let’s pretend that didn’t happen.”
“Oh, but it did. Hmm. What else? Ah yes. The foreplay massager,” Marissa said.
“It wasn’t necessary.”
“Says the girl who has yet to try.”
“I thought you were going,” Paige interjected.
“Not until you tell me that you’ll come to Juice this eve.”
“No.”
“It’s the inceptive weekend of our junior year. Everyone’s gonna be there! Me, Callie, Keira, and Justin.”
Paige wrinkled her brow. “What about Aubrey?”
“She kinda quit. We’re auditioning for a replacement drummer tomorrow though
, and we do have a propitious candidate.” Marissa grinned. “It would be great if you could maybe mention that in your write-up. Spread the word in case this chica falls through. It might be a nice change from you rambling on about Hanna and your most recent batch of bad dates.”
“People eat that up. Personal stories are a win.”
“Soon you’re going to scare away any plausible future lovers.”
Paige scoffed. “Lovers?”
“Yes. You’re telling the world how persnickety you are when it comes to women.”
“What? I’m super flexible.”
“Is this a challenge? Because if it is, I’m so game.”
“I’m ridiculously unbiased.”
Marissa erupted in laughter.
“Why is that amusing?” Paige asked.
Marissa caught her breath. “You’re kidding.”
“No.”
“Oh. You poor, clueless thing.”
“Fine. I’m not big on blondes. Um. Mostly. Happy?”
“And?”
“That’s it,” Paige said.
“No it isn’t.”
“Ugh. Alright. I’m repelled by lots of tattoos.”
“As in?”
Paige pursed her lips. “More than four.”
“Also, you’re ageist.”
“Huh?”
“Your rule.”
“Thirteen months age difference either way,” Paige said. “That’s a practical guideline.”
“That’s strict.”
“It’s sensical.”
“It’s deprivation since you have a predilection for younger chicks.”
“What? I do not!”
“Hmm. Actually, you do,” Marissa said. “But you don’t act on it. Nonsensical.”
“I’m twenty and I prefer girls who are in that bracket.”
“Uh huh. What about your celeb crushes? Most of them aren’t even legal.”
“Not true. You make it sound like I’m a cradle robber! Besides, I would never be with any of them.”
“Because they’re famous and, well, you’re not?” Marissa asked.
“No. Because of their immaturity.”
“You shouldn’t assume.”
“I just did,” Paige said.
“And you’re the icon of sophistication?”
“You said it. Not me.”
“Make an appearance for an hour.”
Paige sighed. “How important is it to you on a scale of one to ten?”
“A million!”
“Okay. Whatever.”
“Yesss!” Marissa bent down and hugged Paige.
“Alright alright.”
Marissa stood up straight and backed her way towards the exit. “I’ll see you at nine. It’s going to be a blast!”
“Yay,” Paige said dryly.
“Aaaand there’ll be freshmen there for you to ogle.”
Paige held up her middle finger at Marissa. “Goodbye.”
“Toodle-oo.”
Chapter Two
Paige walked over to the high-top table in the corner of Juice. Prismatic lights beamed from the ceiling onto the dance floor and electronica music originating from the DJ’s booth filled the club.
“Well, if it isn’t Paige Galner.” Justin smiled, got out of his seat, and wrapped his left arm loosely around Paige’s neck. “Join me.” He motioned to the unoccupied stool next to his and Paige sat.
“Mr. Abrams. What? I don’t see you in two weeks and you stop shaving?”
Justin rubbed his goatee with his thumb. “You don’t like it?”
Paige scrutinized his facial hair. “Eh. You can pull it off I guess.”
“Damn skippy I can.”
Paige grimaced. “But not if you talk that way.”
“Such a snob.” Justin reclaimed his seat.
“You wanna get laid this semester or not?”
Justin grinned. “I want.”
“Thought so.” Paige took a sip of Justin’s water. “Thus, it might be advantageous of you to not use ‘skippy’ in that context and consider abstaining from the gay scene.”
“And not watch girls grind up on each other? I’ll pass. This is better than any porno I own.”
“Justin!”
Justin winced. “Sorry. Male gaze. Male entitlement. I read what you wrote. Got it. My bad. But you can’t say you don’t delight in the spectacle.”
“Alright. We’re even.”
“Ha! Yeah we are!”
“Enough.”
“Okay. Relax.” Justin drank from his glass. “Anyways, how’d Marissa get you to come?”
Paige raised her eyebrow. “You’re just dying to know, aren’t you?”
“Does your mind live in the gutter?”
Paige snickered. “No. It takes frequent excursions, though. Also, I wanted to get a rise out of you.” She punched him lightly in the shoulder. “Oh!”
Justin frowned. “Sadist.”
“I’m joshing. Rissa said it would mean a lot to her and I can’t deny her of my presence. That would be sadistic. Speaking of which, where the hell is she?”
“They’re in traffic.”
Paige nodded. “Of course they are.” She glanced in the direction of the entrance, where a group of girls materialized. Her vision fixed not on the crowd, but the straggler behind them. She was breathtaking. Her wavy, dark copper bob fell above her shoulders with fringed, side-swept bangs to the right of her face revealing gleaming, tawny eyes. Her jeans hugged her hips, but flared at the legs. Her fitted, checkered flannel was unbuttoned over a white tank top.
“Hellooooooo,” Paige said, still gawking.
“Close your mouth. You’re drooling.” Justin put his finger under Paige’s chin and pushed it upward. She smacked his palm away.
“Who is she?” Paige asked.
Justin followed Paige’s stare. “Oh. Niiice. No idea but she appears to be coming our way.”
Paige averted her attention to Justin. “Quick. Make like we’re engaged in witty banter or something.”
“What?”
“Laugh. I told you a joke.”
“This is so stupid.”
Paige jabbed Justin in the chest. “Please. I’ll owe you.”
Justin forced a chuckle as the girl approached them. “She’s here,” he spoke through his falsified jubilation.
“Hi,” the girl said. “Are you Justin?”
Justin’s expression sobered. “Who wants to know?” he asked her.
“I’m here to meet Marissa. She texted to me to say she’d be here soon and to wait for her with the only guy in the club. I scouted the place and I feel confident in saying that I think that’s you.”
Paige smiled to herself.
Justin scoped out the vicinity and then squinted at the girl. “Huh. I must be Justin then.”
“I’m Lennox.” The girl stuck her hand towards Justin and he shook it.
“I’m honored.”
“I’m gagging,” Paige muttered. She cleared her throat to introduce herself but before she could speak, Marissa’s voice boomed from the doorway.
“There’s my crew!” she shouted. Then Marissa, Callie, and Keira strolled to where Paige, Justin, and Lennox were. Marissa kept her pinky hooked in the back pocket of Callie’s pants. They reached the table and Marissa grinned at everyone around her. She grabbed Lennox’s forearm. “Sorry for the hold up.”
“No problem,” Lennox said.
“Um. So you already know Callie and Keira. I take it you’ve met my friends, Justin and Paige.” Marissa pointed to each of them individually as she said their names.
Lennox glimpsed to her right at Justin and then at Paige. A crease developed in her forehead and she sneered. “The blogger?” she asked Paige.
“You’ve heard of me…uh…it. You’ve heard of it?”
“The Lesbian Paiges. Yeah. I’ve heard of it. Clever play on words there.”
“Why thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. I don’t support your ideas.”
Paige frowned as an uncomfortable silence momentarily invaded their small crowd of six.
“Well, I’m thirsty,” Marissa said. “I’m gonna get a seltzer…uh…at the bar. Justin, Cal, Keira, wanna come with?”
“Yes!” Justin got up and was at Marissa’s side in seconds.
Marissa peered at Paige and Lennox. “You ladies want anything?”
Paige mouthed to Marissa, “Don’t go.”
“I’m good. Thanks,” Lennox said.
“Uh. I’m. Yeah, I’m all set,” Paige mumbled.
“Cool.” Marissa winked at Paige, and then she, Justin, Callie, and Keira walked to the opposite end of the club.
“Apparently Marissa wants us to be alone. She’s not very subtle,” Paige explained.
“Too bad because I don’t have much to say to you.”
“Are you usually this unfriendly to strangers?”
“Are your opinions usually insanely judgmental?” Lennox asked.
“What?”
“You had a post about—”
“You disapprove with what I write about?”
“Can I finish?”
“Sorry. Yes,” Paige said.
“Don’t get me wrong. I’ve read most of it. But last month you went on and on about a subject that, based on your ideas, you know nothing about. That said, you came across as kind of ignorant and lost a follower.”
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