Twenty-Nine.
Jamie’s Secrets
Britta looked oddly right in the leather armor they all wore. She had shed her Amish bonnet, showing off more of her heart-shaped face. She had her own long knife she was more than comfortable with, plus another shorter one strapped to her triceps. She emerged from the stall where she and Jamie were invisible and saying their sad goodbyes in private. I was happy they were dropping the pretense that they weren’t completely smitten with each other.
Jens would not look at me. He was dressed in jeans, a black T and leather armor, which consisted of a breastplate, and arm and shin guards that slid under his pants. I’d never seen him more beautiful.
Jens bent at the waist and picked up Henry Mancini, giving him a good nuzzle that melted my heart. My man and my dog. Totally precious.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Nik’s fleeting stare land on Jens’s backside. It wasn’t a misplaced gaze; I recognized the same tempered attraction that swelled in me when I got a good look at the wonder that was Jens. Nik cleared his throat and looked away. Judging from the embarrassment coloring his face and the way he tried to immediately busy himself with other tasks, I guessed being gay wasn’t a talked-about thing in Undraland.
I was permitted to trade in my Halloween costume for my jeans and Chucks, thank goodness. Climbing up Tokem’s Peak was no time for wearing a princess dress. I hugged Uncle Rick, who did his best to quell my worries. I kissed Tor and Nik on their cheeks. They both let their chests swell at “the fair maiden’s sendoff,” as Nik put it.
Tor grumbled as his cheeks turned pink and he wiped off my kiss. “Alright, alright. No use getting all feminine. I’ll be back soon enough.”
Foss and I exchanged looks of disdain for each other, which was the most I was willing to do. I really didn’t like him, and he looked like he would have preferred kissing an actual rat to a sendoff from me.
“Try not to get Jamie killed up there, little rat,” Foss groused at me.
I saluted his scowl. “Try not to die out there.” I hoped that sounded sincere. “You’d be really hard to drag off the battlefield.”
He sneered at me and turned away.
Love you too, arrogant prat.
Then there was Charles. I’d only just discovered him, and now I was supposed to just let him go. It was clear he dreaded leaving me just as much, his black and silver eyes following me every time I moved an inch. “I wish I could vanish you,” he admitted. “I would take you away from any hint of warfare to keep you safe.”
I slid easily into his wiry arms, leaning up on my toes to kiss his cheek. “Be careful,” I warned. I’d never sent anyone off into actual battle before. I’d spent a weekend packing up care packages for the troops over in Iraq once, but I hadn’t known any of those soldiers, and Iraq was so far away. This was happening not three miles from where I stood, and I was holding an unseasoned soldier in my arms. My new brother. “Be careful. More than careful.”
I kissed his other cheek. Charles turned his head and planted a small kiss to the side of my mouth. “I will come back to you. We only just found each other. Don’t you think I would move heaven and earth to return to your side?”
Emotion rose in my chest and choked my throat. Jeez! These guys with the language. So gallant, it was hard to process. “Is there no other way to do this?” I asked of Uncle Rick.
My uncle shook his head in answer with a sad look on his face. “I’ll do everything in my power to make sure we all return to you, Queen Lucy the Gentle.”
I was used to saying goodbye to Uncle Rick. Though he was a permanent part of my life, he was always leaving prematurely. He liked to rip the Band-Aid off before I could count to three.
Uncle Rick took my hand and led me away from the others, who were still readying themselves. “Listen to me, Lucy. No matter what happens, I need you to stay with Jamie. He can be impulsive, and I need you to be the adult and stick to the plan. We will rendezvous on the far side of Totem’s Peak. Set up camp there and lay low. Do not let him wander off to look for Britta. We will come for you. Tell me you understand this.”
I nodded slowly, sensing the other shoe was about to drop.
Drop, it did. “There’s something you should know about Jamie.” Uncle Rick kept his voice to a whisper, making sure no one overheard. “When he’s subjected to stress, he tends to lose himself.”
I chose my words carefully. “What does that mean exactly?”
“His mother was cursed by a Siren when he was in the womb. She died in childbirth, and he carries a portion of the curse with him to this day. Undrans don’t dream. It’s not in our makeup. But Jamie does. When he’s had stress in his day, he grows violent in his sleep, his body taking on a life of its own.”
My eyes were wide, but I had no response to this. There was too much to say to pick just one rant.
Uncle Rick held my shoulder. “When his betrothal was announced to the public, I have it on good authority that in his sleep, he choked his guard out and attacked another before they could wake him. It’s one of the reasons why he chooses to live alone. You’ve no doubt seen the locks on his door to keep him confined. Jens started a rumor there was a wolf about to explain Jamie’s howling when he tries to break out in his stupor.”
I whisper-shouted at my uncle, vaguely recalling Helsa mentioning something to Jens about a problem the Tonttu were having with a wolf. “Hello! We let him sleep next to Britta last night! Might’ve been nice to know.” The scratch marks on the inside of Jamie’s door now made sense.
“Jens and Britta know all about it. He’s no danger to her. She’s a great calm to him, and he only loses his mind when he’s very upset. I only mention it because I cannot imagine he will do well knowing she’s in a battle. Try to keep him awake until we reach you. His fits only happen while he’s asleep, so you need not worry if you can keep him awake.”
“You’re sending me into the mountains with Jekyll and Hyde? Thanks a lot! If he falls asleep, how am I supposed to make sure he doesn’t fall off the side of the mountain or something?” More scenarios presented themselves to my imagination, each one more gruesome than the last. “What if he tries to kill me? I know I talk a good game, but I can’t exactly overpower him.”
“Jens trained him to go limp when you pinch a pressure point on his hand.” Uncle Rick picked up my hand and pinched the flesh between my thumb and forefinger, and then rolled his pincer grip up the length of my hand toward my wrist. “Feel that? Pinch him there, and then rub upwards toward his wrist, and it should make him go back to sleep.”
“Should?” I put my hand to my forehead as I tried to process it all. “Okay, fine. Thanks for the heads up. No wonder Foss slept with a sword last night.” I stepped back and glared at him when he tried to hug me. “You know, I’m starting to wonder when your protection will actually make me safer.”
I could tell that this cut him, but he took the stab with a gracious bow of his head. “I’ll see you soon. If you keep to the path, you shouldn’t have any trouble. Make good use of your time and get to any point of elevation before nightfall. Do you understand?”
“Split personality sleepwalker. Kung-Fu his hand. Get on the mountain before nighttime. Got it.” I spun on my heel before he could attempt another hug.
Henry Mancini was licking Jens on the cheek, enjoying being held by his co-owner. Jens nuzzled his neck, and frankly couldn’t have looked cuter if he tried. He handed me my puppy, but did not look at me. Instead he went to Jamie and spoke to him in harsh whispers while Jamie answered in morose nods.
Tor came from his conversation with a blushing Britta, walking toward me with swagger and purpose. “It’s custom fer the warriors ta be kissed farewell by the maidens of the land.” He presented his cheek to me. “Do yer duty, lass.”
“I just did!”
He pointed to his lips like the cad he was.
I gave him the squinty eye. “Is that even true? Or are you just trying to sucker Britta and me out of some loving?”
“Whatever answer gets me tha kiss fastest,” he insisted, inching his ruddy face closer to me.
“Be brave, giant dwarf.” With that, I planted a loud smooch on his puckered lips. “Player.”
“Yeah, I am!” he bellowed, howling his laughter. Jens shoved Tor, but Tor was unabashed in his accomplishment at getting two women to kiss him off for battle.
Jens resumed his stern whisper fight with Jamie, so I busied myself relacing my beloved Chucks in an empty horse’s stall. Britta sat down next to me in the hay, concern etched all over her face. “You’ll be safe with Jamie,” she assured both of us. “He’s of the highest quality.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” I kept my eyes on my shoes as I retied the left one. “It doesn’t really matter. If I die, there’s billions more humans who can do the job better than me. I’m no queen, and I have no experience with warfare. It’d be nice to make it through to the end, but all you need me for is to destroy the human portal, which isn’t even built yet. Alrik can find someone to replace me, no problem.”
Britta was horrified in that way very kind people are woebegone if you tell them the slightest unhappy truth. Sweet girl. “You must not say such things!” she exclaimed, her hand flying to her heart.
“Logically, you know I’m right. I’m not trying to be a downer. I’m just saying that if something does happen, it’s fine.” I lowered my voice. “So if certain people start feeling guilty over things they can’t control, let them off the hook for me.”
Britta shook her head. “You didn’t know Jens before you came to our side. When you were going through your depression after your family died, he was rarely here on his monthly visits. He went straight to Bedra and lost himself in their lavender powder.”
“Is that a euphemism for sex?” I should’ve known better than to use the S-word in front of her.
Britta’s face turned crimson, and she lowered her voice. “Lavender powder comes from the smärtfri plant that was cursed by the Huldra. You inhale it to ease physical pain or to forget your life for a while. It’s not permanent, like leaving for the Land of Be is. It’s just a temporary escape. It’s quite dangerous, though. Very addictive. He… Jens had a bit of trouble with the powder before he started working for your family.” She watched me re-tie my right shoe curiously. “I could always tell when he was worried about you. On his one day off a month, he’d spend it completely high.” Britta waited until I was ready to make eye contact. “If anything happened to you, I’m certain he would be lost to us forever. You must take care in the mountains with Jamie.” She picked up my hand and pinched the same spot Uncle Rick showed me, and then rubbed upward to my wrist. “Right there. Try it on me, so I’m certain you can do it if you need to.”
I obeyed, realizing that Jamie’s well-being was of the utmost importance to Britta. It wasn’t just because she wanted to be with him; her love stood steady even when she knew she could not have what she wanted. Even if Jamie lived through this and went home to marry the other woman, his survival was worth more than her own in her eyes. She was concerned for him, and not for herself, though she would be doing the fighting. It was the best kind of love.
“Hey,” I said, placing my hand on her back to soothe her. “It’s alright. I’ll watch out for Jamie and keep him safe until you come get him. Don’t worry about that. I’ll keep his secret, too. No big deal.”
Emotion swelled visibly in Britta, and before I knew it, I was in her long arms, clutched to her chest. “You’re exactly as Jens described you, and I’m grateful for it.”
Jamie moved over to us, offering us both a hand up. “Are you ready to go, Miss Lucy?”
I nodded. “Do it to it.” I walked over to Jens and took my green backpack from him. He put Henry Mancini down to tag along with Jamie and I, and then leaned in for a kiss.
I backed away on instinct. “Don’t.”
“What? Are you still mad at me for something stupid?”
“No, but that was a goodbye kiss. I don’t want any part of that. I don’t do goodbyes. Not to you, at least. Just high five me and go do your thing.” When his mouth dropped open in disbelief, I shook my head. “I’m serious. See you in a few.” I slung the pack over my shoulder and whistled to Henry Mancini. “Jamie, we’re out like stripes and polka dots.” I opened the barn door and marched out into the warmth of the sun, not looking back at the thunderstruck Jens.
Undraland Page 29