by Cynthia Eden
“We don’t need her help. Christy is at peace now. It’s time to move the hell on.”
Hayden was walking around the car, but his gaze lifted and, just for a moment, his stare seemed to lock on Kurt.
Kurt let go of the curtain and stepped back.
“Christy is dead and buried,” his father muttered. “She deserves her peace. She doesn’t need some FBI agent picking around at her...hell, this isn’t some TV show. No one’s going to go digging up my girl—”
Kurt’s eyes widened as he spun to face his dad. “Is that what she wanted to do?”
His father was pacing, his movements tight and angry. “That’s what they do on TV! They exhume the bodies, look for evidence and run all their tests.”
Look for evidence. Kurt swallowed. “You don’t want that to happen?”
Tears glittered in his father’s eyes. “She’s at peace now. I want her to stay that way. And I—I don’t want to bury her again.” His dad’s face crumpled. “I need a drink.”
“No,” Kurt snapped out the denial. “That’s the last thing you need.” He closed the distance between them and put his hand on his dad’s shoulder. “I’ll take care of Jill West, okay? Don’t worry about her. Christy can have her peace. I’ll make sure of it.”
* * *
JILL WAS DEAD on her feet. Not that she’d ever admit it, Hayden realized, but he could see the weariness pulling at her.
He eased his patrol car to a stop next to her cabin. The sun was dipping low over the ocean, striking the waves a dark red. It had been one hell of a day. They’d spent hours searching for her intruder, going over crime scene details, getting the motorcycle checked for prints.
Only there hadn’t been any.
Just as there hadn’t been any prints left on the stolen SUV that had been abandoned on the West End.
“Thanks for the ride back,” Jill murmured.
Oh, she thought he’d just given her a ride? That was cute. Sweet.
She climbed from the car and her fingers moved in a little wave. “Guess we’ll pick up tomorrow?”
Um, no.
“Good night.” She slammed the door shut and headed for her cabin.
The same cabin some creep had broken into the night before. The same place that had meager locks and far too easy access.
He slid out of the vehicle and followed behind her.
Jill stopped and glanced over her shoulder. “Is there a problem?”
A very big one. “How long do you think it will take you to get your things?”
Her eyes widened. “My...things?”
“Yes, you know...fresh clothes. Your laptop, any other items that you feel you can’t live without tonight.”
“Why would I need my things?” She put her hands on her hips and faced him.
He stalked closer to her. All day long, he’d been walking on a tightrope. That rope was way too close to snapping. He came after Jill. He’d shot at her. “You aren’t staying here alone tonight.”
Her eyes widened. “Uh, excuse me?”
“That intruder—”
“I think I did a pretty good job of defending myself.”
She didn’t get it. “Do you want me to stay sane?”
Her brow furrowed. “That would probably be a good plan.”
He thought so, too. Hayden nodded. “Then you’re staying with me tonight. I’ll have a deputy keep watch on your place.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Did you just tell me I was staying at your place?”
“I did.” He inclined his head toward her.
“I’m not afraid, Hayden. If he comes back, I’ll be ready for him. I’ll be—”
“I know you’re not scared.” He got that. What she didn’t get... “I am.”
She laughed. “Right, the big, bad navy SEAL is afraid. You’re—”
“Absolutely terrified that something will happen to you.”
Her smile slipped away. His hand rose and his fingers slid into the thickness of her hair as he tilted her head back and stared into her eyes. “You just don’t get that, do you, Jill? You don’t see how important you are to me.”
“So important that you walked away.” There was pain in her words. Pain that he hated.
“I wasn’t going to stand in your way. I cared about you too much for that.”
Her lips parted.
“What was the one thing you always wanted to do?” Hayden pushed.
She licked her lips. “Join the FBI.”
He nodded. “And you did. You’re a great agent, I know that. I also know that you had to leave Hope to follow that dream.” His thumb brushed over her cheek. “So you had to leave me.”
Her eyes seemed to flash at him. “I didn’t leave you. You’re the one who walked away from me. The one who wanted adventure. The world...because I wasn’t enough.”
No, that wasn’t what he’d thought. Not ever. “You were always enough.” Then, because he wouldn’t lie to her, Hayden confessed. “I wasn’t.”
Everyone in town had known that truth. Why hadn’t she?
“Hayden...”
“You’re the FBI agent,” he murmured. “But I’m the town sheriff. Right now, my authority trumps yours. You’re the crime victim in this case, not the investigator.” He couldn’t stop touching her. “So you have two choices. One, you come with me. You stay the night at my house.”
“That’s an interesting take on protective custody,” she said, voice wry.
Oh, he’d make sure she was protected plenty. “Option two, we both stay at your cabin tonight.” And if her late-night visitor came back, they’d both be ready.
“Option three,” Jill added, “I stay by myself and you get back in your patrol car.”
“It’s not happening. You were nearly killed twice in the past twenty-four hours. My job is to keep the people of my town safe. You’re one of those people, FBI badge or not. So you’re either coming with me or I’ll be bunking down with you.”
He waited for more arguments. He waited...
“You know, when you’re this close and when you touch like that... I keep expecting you to kiss me.”
Okay, he hadn’t expected that response. His heartbeat kicked up. “Do you want me to kiss you?”
“That’s the problem, Hayden. I’m not sure what I want from you. Sometimes, I want you as far away from me as you can get.”
Hell.
“And other times...” Her voice had gone so soft. “I feel like you’re the one person in the world I need to hold close. Hold you close and tight.”
And never let go. Because that was the way he felt about her. He wanted to grab Jill and hold her close, keep her safe and never, ever let her go again.
“You know what’s better than one FBI agent waiting for a perp to attack?” Jill asked.
She was losing him. He wanted to get back to talking about her needing him close.
“An FBI agent and a sheriff waiting...that’s what is better. So I’ll take option two. You can bunk down on the couch.” She stepped back.
His hand fell to his side.
“Just the couch, Hayden. I’m not offering anything else.”
If only she was. She marched toward the cabin.
“Jill!” Hayden called.
She kept walking.
He smiled after her. “When you figure out what it is that you want from me, just let me know.” Hold you close. Never let go. “After all, I’ll be on your couch, so you just come out and tell me.”
She gave a little snarl. His smile stretched. Maybe she didn’t see it, but he was making progress with her. Real progress.
They just might have a real chance together.
If they could just put the past to rest.
&nb
sp; Chapter Seven
“Do you still have nightmares?”
Hayden’s quiet question caught Jill off guard. She’d just pulled an extra blanket from the hall closet, and she looked toward him, grasping that blanket close to her body.
“You used to have them a lot,” he noted. “I was...just curious.”
She hurried across the room and put the blanket on the sofa, right next to the extra pillows she’d already gotten out for him. “Worried I’ll wake you up with my screams?” Jill backed away from the couch and turned—only to find him right in her path.
“No, that’s not what I’m worried about. I’m worried about you.”
Her breath whispered out.
“And you didn’t answer my question. Do you still have nightmares?”
“Not the same ones I used to have.” Terrible dreams about being back in that little cabin, only she’d been alone there. Hayden had never appeared. She’d been tied up, helpless and then the man in the baseball cap had opened the door. “Now I dream about my cases, about the victims that I don’t get to find in time.” They haunted her. “Excuse me.” She stepped around him.
“You did find a lot of them in time, though,” he said. “You’ve saved lives, Jill.”
Her shoulders stiffened.
“The little boy in South Carolina, the one who was taken after he got off his school bus...you got to him in time.”
She’d found the boy in the trunk of his abductor’s car. The kid had been terrified, shaking and ice-cold because a sudden winter storm had swept into the area. “Another few hours,” she said, remembering, “and I think Matt would have frozen to death.”
“And what about the little girl in Mississippi? The one that was taken from her family’s campsite?”
“Lula Jane.”
He nodded.
“We got her right before the woman who’d abducted Lula...” Jill’s lips pressed together. “We found Lula Jane before that woman had a chance to use her knife on the little girl.”
“Those are just two of the kids you’ve saved. I read about your work in articles on the internet. I know there are dozens more.”
Her gaze met his. “And dozens lost. You know what hits you worse? The ones that you find too late. They’re the ones who wreck you, Hayden. They’re the ones who haunt you.” She paced toward her bedroom.
“So you do still have nightmares.”
Her fingers pressed to the wall near her door. “Only some nights.”
Silence. Then... “I still have them, too.”
She glanced over her shoulder. “After all you’ve done, Mr. Navy SEAL, I don’t—”
“The worst nightmares are about you. Not getting to you in time. Finding you dead on the beach.”
Her breath chilled her lungs.
“But I have new nightmares, too. About my missions. About friends that fell in battle. About detonations going off right in front of me as I watch people I cared about get blown apart. Those dreams are always silent...weird, but... I think it’s because when the explosions really happened, I couldn’t hear anything for a few seconds after them. Usually about ten seconds. I counted once...it took ten full seconds before I could hear the screams.”
She closed her eyes. How many times had she been awake late at night, wondering about him? Worrying? She’d gone to her contact at the CIA just so she could find out where he was. She’d bent rules because she’d needed to know he was safe.
Alive.
Her eyes slowly opened. “Those dreams sound like pure hell.” She made herself face toward her bedroom again. But she didn’t step inside. She didn’t leave Hayden, not yet.
The floor groaned beneath his feet. She knew he was coming toward her, that he was just in front of that TV. She didn’t move, and a moment later, she felt his fingers curl around her shoulder. Hayden turned her toward him. “Hell is not having found you. Being stuck in a nightmare where you’re dead. Like I told you, Jill, those are the worst ones for me.”
The way he talked, the way he looked at her...it was as if no time had passed between them. She was a nineteen-year-old kid. He was the twenty-one-year-old who’d grown up so fast. Right then, he still stared at her as if she were his entire world.
He’d certainly been hers.
The heat from his touch seeped into her. Her heart was drumming in a too-fast rhythm. Her breath was rushing from her lungs. She looked into his eyes, and Jill wanted.
Simple fact.
She wanted.
His touch. His kiss. His body, in hers. She wanted to get lost in the pleasure she’d known with him. Yes, she’d had other lovers since him. Ten years was a very long time. But...she’d always compared those men to Hayden.
Always, damn it, and she’d hated herself for doing that.
Hated herself for waking in the night and wishing that he were there beside her.
Jill wet her lips. His eyes seemed to heat as he followed the quick, nervous movement of her tongue. It was time for another true confession between them. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m just going through the motions. Doing my job, going to work, hanging with my friends...doing everything that I’m supposed to do because that’s what a normal life is.” She could hear the thunder of the waves outside. “But then I realize that I’m almost numb. Everything is happening, and I’m just...watching. Not feeling.”
His fingers tightened on her shoulder.
“And then I came back to Hope and you were here. I looked at you, and feelings slammed into me.” So many that she’d thought she would be crushed beneath them all. “I look at you, and I want you, Hayden.”
His lips started to curl.
But Jill shook her head. “That’s dangerous.”
“I would never be dangerous to you.”
He would be absolutely lethal to her. She’d survived one heartbreak from him. Was she up to another? Don’t give him the chance to touch your heart again. Keep it just business between the two of you. Focus on the case. Play it safe. “I want you, but you terrify me.”
Pain flashed on his face. “That’s the last thing I want.”
“You’re one of the few people...” She swallowed and tried again. “You’re one of the few people in this world that can hurt me.” Brutally. Completely. “I promised myself I wouldn’t be hurt again, not by you.”
She needed to get away from him. Needed to go in her bedroom. Shut the door and collapse. She was weaving on her feet, far too exhausted for this conversation. Actually, her exhaustion was probably the reason why she was having this talk now. Because her barriers were broken. Gone. And she was baring her soul to him.
I shouldn’t. I need to stop.
“I promise... I swear...” His head dipped toward her. “I will never hurt you again. You can count on me, Jill. Always.” His lips pressed to hers.
Back away. Back away. That little order whispered through her head, but Jill found herself leaning toward him, opening her lips and kissing him back.
Because when you live in numbness...well, is that really living?
Her tongue slid out and traced over his lower lip. He gave a low growl in his throat, and that deep, sexy sound just urged her on. She found herself leaning up on her toes as her hands pressed to his chest. She could feel the hard expanse of muscles beneath her touch, could almost feel the drumming of his heartbeat.
The frantic rhythm matched her own.
The kiss deepened. The passion heated. The desire mounted. Her breasts were aching, her nipples tight. She wanted to rub her body against his. Wanted to just let go...
His hand slid down her side, curled fingers over her hip.
He nipped on her lower lip. A quick, hungry little bite that made her gasp.
His tongue thrust into her mouth. He tasted her. Seemed to savor her. The need she
felt for him deepened. The desire burned hotter.
It would be so easy to give in...right then. Right there. To keep kissing him. To strip away their clothes. To move into the bedroom.
There wouldn’t be any numbness then. There would only be pleasure.
But...
What happened when the pleasure ended? When the sun rose?
When one of them had to walk away again?
Would the pleasure be worth the pain?
She didn’t know. She—
He stepped back. His breath sawed out of his lungs and his glittering stare swept over her face. “I want to be clear on a few things.”
She wanted his mouth back on hers.
“I will never hurt you again.”
Her lips pressed together. She could still taste him.
“I will never let you down.”
He’d only let her down once before. Unfortunately, that letdown had been epic.
“I will be the man you need.”
She needed to step away. Before she crossed a line that went too far, for them both. She turned toward her bedroom, slipped across the threshold and started to shut that door. But then, Jill stopped. Something was wrong. Something about the way he’d said that last line.
“I will be good enough for you,” Hayden promised.
She looked up at him. “You always were.”
But his smile...it was a little cold. A little cruel. “You were the first person to look at me...and see me, Jill. Until that day on the pier, I was treated like trash by everyone in this town. Hell, even your grandmother thought I was trouble. They all thought that.”
Her stomach was knotting.
“My father...”
She tensed. Hayden never talked about his father. Never. That was his one rule. She’d heard the stories growing up, but she’d never pressed him because every time she heard a whisper, she’d seen pain flash in Hayden’s eyes.
“He was a killer. Before the kidnapper came to Hope, my father was the worst thing to ever happen to this town. He abused my mother, gave her more black eyes than I could count, and one drunken night, he robbed two tourists on the beach. Shot one guy in the chest...”
“Hayden—”