by Cynthia Eden
Jill, I need you to let go first. I need you to go wild. To feel—
Her body stiffened beneath him. “Hayden!” A quick, sharp cry and her delicate inner muscles squeezed him as her climax hit.
He followed her, pumping into her body and holding her tighter than he’d ever held anyone or anything. The pleasure ripped through him, making his heart pound too fast and hard, consuming him and reaching soul deep.
He bent forward and kissed Jill, tasting her pleasure, savoring the pure heaven of her and feeling—for the first time in ten years—peace.
Because he was right where he wanted to be. Right where he needed to be.
With Jill.
And he’d be damned if he’d ever let her go again.
* * *
SUNLIGHT TRICKLED ONTO the bed. Jill’s eyes opened slowly, and then she blinked against that brightness. When the sun rose, it always came pouring right through that window and onto her bed.
Only I’m not in the bed alone. Not today.
Her head turned.
Hayden.
His eyes were still closed, his dark lashes looking incredibly long. His blond hair was tousled, courtesy of her fingers. They’d fallen asleep together, in each other’s arms, as if it were completely natural.
His arm was still over her stomach, she was still cradled close to him. As if...as if he hadn’t wanted to let her go, even in sleep.
Her breath slowly eased out as she stared at him. So handsome with such strong features. That hard jaw...she’d always loved to kiss it. Time had been kind to him. He was more rugged, harder and so incredibly sexy with that faint stubble.
Her gaze slid over his body. The broad shoulders and tan skin. The covers were pushed near his waist; the guy had always seemed to run a bit hot, she remembered that, and...
Scars.
Jill stiffened.
She knew Hayden’s body—well. Knew just how to touch him. Knew just what he liked. Some things, a lover didn’t forget. Especially when the lover is your first.
But the scars on Hayden, they were new.
Not just one scar. Not two.
She’d touched him last night. She’d felt the raised skin beneath her fingertips, but she’d been so far gone she hadn’t stopped, hadn’t realized—
“They look worse than they are.” His voice was a deep, sleepy rumble.
“Bull.” Now her hand reached out and traced those scars again. First the long, twisting scar that was near his heart. “Was this from a knife?”
“Machete.”
Her heart stuttered.
“It didn’t go in deep enough to do serious damage.”
The damage looked pretty serious to her. “How many stitches did you get?”
“I was in the field, stitched it up myself...don’t really remember how many...was just trying to stop all that blood.”
Her eyes closed as she imagined that scene. “I... I didn’t know.” That little tidbit hadn’t been in the files she received. Jill made her eyes open. Her hand drifted to another scar. Rounded, puckered. “Gunshot.” She knew that one.
“Yeah.”
“This one, too.” Her hand rose to his shoulder.
His gaze held hers. “Barely a flesh wound.”
“You are such a liar.” She started to pull her fingers back, but his hand rose, catching hers and holding tight.
“They don’t matter. I healed. They’re in the past.”
But seeing them hurt her because...because he could have died, and I would have been an ocean away. “You could have told me about them. Told me that you were hurt.”
His jaw tightened. “I didn’t want you to waste your worries on me.”
Waste her—
Jill yanked her hand away from him and rolled from the bed. She didn’t bother grabbing a sheet to cover herself. She just needed to get away from him before she exploded and—
“What in the hell happened to you?” His voice was lethally soft.
She stilled.
Then she realized...my back. It was such an old injury that she’d almost forgotten. Her first big case as an FBI agent and her first hit.
Her shoulders rolled back. “Don’t ‘waste your worries on me,’ okay? It was nothing that a few stitches couldn’t fix.” She strode toward the bathroom.
She didn’t make it. Hayden had leaped from that bed and closed the distance between them. His hand curled around her shoulder and he whirled her to face him. “You were shot.” His eyes glittered down at her.
“Yes, well, it happens in the line of duty sometimes, but, apparently, you were hit more than I—”
“When.”
Oh, now he was going to get all worried? He acted as if it were nothing for him to get injured, but she got one gunshot wound, and suddenly the world was ending. “My first case as an FBI agent. Back then, I made the mistake of thinking that a father couldn’t hurt his own child, that there was no way the man sobbing so hysterically could be a killer... I was wrong.” She’d turned her back on him at the wrong time. “It’s a mistake I haven’t repeated.”
“You should have called me.”
Did he even hear himself? Did Hayden see the craziness? She shouldn’t be worried about him, but he was practically enraged over her injury. “I had my fellow agents at my side.” Her lips twisted as she remembered. “And my partner back then, Steve Quick, he even brought lilacs to me when I got home.”
Hayden let her go. Stumbled back as if he’d suddenly been burned.
“As much fun as this naked conversation is,” Jill murmured. “Excuse me.” Then she went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her with a very distinct snap. She waited a moment, flipped the lock and her shoulders sagged.
He’d been hurt. She’d been hurt. Both so far apart.
When I was in that hospital, I wanted him with me.
When he’d been on the battlefield, had he—
“Jill?” He rapped against the door. “I’m...sorry.”
For what? She didn’t move.
“I never wanted you to worry about me. Never wanted to burden you.”
Her back teeth clenched. I never thought of you as any burden. She grabbed her robe and yanked it on. She tied the belt with a nearly vicious twist of her hands.
“When I was shot... I lay in that medic unit, and I thought of you.”
Her hands stilled, clenching the belt.
“When that guy came at me with the machete, when it sank into my chest, my one thought was... I don’t want some guy in a government suit showing up at Jill’s door, telling her about my death. I don’t want Jill crying over me. I don’t want her hurt.”
She opened the door.
He stood there, wearing his pants, his face tight, and his eyes even darker than normal. “You were the one I listed as my emergency contact. Just you. I mean, my mom is dead. There is no other family. You were my family.”
And he’d been hers.
“While I was overseas...” He gave a rough laugh. “I wrote about a hundred notes that I never mailed to you.”
“Why not?”
“Because I thought you were moving on. That you’d gotten a great life, the life you always deserved and that you were free of the past.”
Free of him?
“June 14.”
She had no idea what that date meant. It wasn’t some anniversary for them—
“That was the day I came to your apartment, wanting to ask you for another chance. Only there was this guy with dark hair, wearing a fancy suit, and he was at your door, with lilacs in his hand.”
Jill sucked in a deep breath. June 14. She’d been shot in early June, she couldn’t even remember the exact day but—
“Were you hurt then, baby?” His voic
e was so rough. Ragged. “Were you in there hurting, and I just walked away?”
She couldn’t speak. Actually couldn’t find the words to tell him that, yes, she’d been released from the hospital then and Steve had come to check on her.
Pain flashed on Hayden’s face as he seemed to read the truth from her expression.
“Hayden...”
He swallowed and backed away. “I... I should go check in at the office. See if any of the deputies—”
“We should start over.” The words just came out.
He stilled.
“Not look at the past. At what we did to each other. At what we didn’t do.” I wish I’d been there when he needed me. “Why don’t we just see what happens?” One thing was certain—crystal clear after last night—she didn’t just want to walk away. Not again.
“You...want me?”
Now she had to laugh. “Wanting you is always easy.”
The way his expression changed...the way his eyes fixed on her mouth.
“I love your smile,” he rasped.
Her smile faltered.
“Don’t.” His hand rose. His finger traced her lips. “It makes me feel good. I missed your smile.”
Her breath whispered against his finger.
“I want to start over,” he said, giving a hard nod. “Hell, yes.”
A weight seemed to lift from her heart. She didn’t want to wallow in their past or in the pain there. She was feeling again—and she liked that, but she didn’t want to feel sorrow, not for either of them. Time to try something new. Time for something better.
His hand moved from her lips to her cheek. He was so warm and solid and strong before her. No ghost, no memory, no dream.
Hayden.
He bent his head and kissed her.
* * *
VANESSA GRAY HUNCHED her shoulders and pushed her hands into the pockets of her sweatshirt—or rather, into the pockets of her brother’s borrowed sweatshirt. It was huge on her, dwarfing her small frame, but she loved to wear it anyway. NAVY was emblazoned on the front of the shirt, and it was so soft. Whenever she wore it, she always thought of her brother, Porter, and she felt better.
She really wanted to feel better that day.
The sun was slowly rising across the sky. Whenever possible, she liked to come down to the beach and watch the sunrise. It made her feel peaceful.
She could use some peace.
Her parents were fighting. Again. She knew all of the signs. Her mom was about to leave her stepdad. Another one bites the dust. Her mom fell in love fast. But the problem was that she also fell out of love fast. Four marriages in eight years was proof of that.
And Vanessa knew she’d soon find herself in another town. Maybe this time, there would be no ocean view. No view of the rising sun.
So she figured she’d better enjoy it while she could.
The sand rubbed against her bare legs. She was wearing shorts and a sweatshirt, and she didn’t even care if she looked silly. Her legs spread in front of her and the cold water came to lap against her toes. Vanessa started to smile—
“You’re out early.”
Her breath sucked in on a sharp inhale. She turned her head, jerking it to the right, and she saw a man standing there. Tall, wearing a black coat. A baseball cap was perched on his head and his sunglasses tossed her reflection right back at her.
“I like to see the sun come up.”
“So do I.” He flashed her a reassuring smile. “Peaceful, isn’t it?”
Her shoulders relaxed. He seemed friendly enough, and he didn’t seem to be giving off any creepy vibes. She just hadn’t heard him approach because of the surf, so he’d caught her off guard. “Yes, it’s peaceful.” She started to trace circles in the sand with her index finger.
“Do your parents know you’re here?”
Her finger stilled. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. Was he about to get her into trouble? “They know.” They had no clue. They thought she was still sleeping. They were still sleeping, courtesy of their late-night fight. She’d slipped out, the way she often did, and they hadn’t heard a sound. Sometimes, she just needed time alone. Time to think.
Time to...
Escape.
He smiled at her. “Enjoy your morning.” He gave her a little salute and then he headed off down the beach.
She watched him for a few moments. No one else was out. What a waste of a perfectly good morning. Sure, it was early, but some views were worth crawling out of bed a few hours early.
She waited until the sun had turned the sky a pretty pink, and then Vanessa stood up. She brushed the sand off her legs and then reached for her flip-flops. She carried them with her as she headed toward the parking lot.
Wonder what’s waiting at home? Would there be angry voices today? Or...maybe silence. Dead, cold silence. She never knew exactly what to expect.
I wish that Porter was home. If he were home, then she wouldn’t have to leave with her mom. She could just stay with him. But she had no idea where he was. It had been so long since she’d gotten a letter from him.
She paused at the parking lot and slipped on her flip-flops. Her bike was locked to the rack. She just—
“I didn’t know you were a liar, Vanessa.”
Vanessa whirled around, a startled cry breaking from her mouth.
And he was there. The man in the ball cap. Smiling...a smile that chilled.
“Look, mister,” Vanessa said as she backed away from him. “I don’t know you and you don’t know me, so—”
He took a step toward her. “I do know you. I’ve watched you for a long time. Just like I watch all of my girls.”
OhmyGodohmyGod.
“I know your parents don’t know where you are. I know you slipped away.”
She turned and ran for her bike. But he moved fast, grabbing her by the hair and yanking her back. Vanessa opened her mouth to scream.
His hand slapped across her lips.
Chapter Nine
“So where do we go from here?” Hayden asked Jill as he stared down at her. He knew exactly where he wanted to go, back to bed, with her.
He was trying to take things carefully, trying not to screw up the tentative bond they were making. Jill was too important for a screwup.
“Where do you want to go?” she asked. Her lips were red from his kiss. She had such perfect lips. The sexiest mouth that he’d ever seen.
His fingers trailed over her arm. He hated that Jill had been hurt and that he hadn’t been there. If he’d just walked to her door. If he’d shoved that other guy out of his way. “Life is all about the missed moments, isn’t it?”
A faint furrow appeared between her brows.
“The things we don’t do. The risks we don’t take.” The moments they didn’t claim. “You ever think about that, Jill? How different life would be if one small thing changed?”
She swallowed. “Of course, I do. When I’m working a case...when I have to tell parents that their children won’t be coming home...those moments are all I can think about.”
The job was hurting her. He could see it.
“You’re one of those moments for me,” she continued. Her lashes lowered. “If you hadn’t come after me, if you hadn’t gone into that parking lot at just the right time, I know I wouldn’t be here.”
“You are here.” He tipped up her chin to make her look at him. “You are exactly where I need you to be.”
With me. Always...with me.
“Hayden—”
Her phone started ringing.
Jill gave a little laugh. “Someone has really terrible timing.”
He didn’t look away from her. “Let it ring.”
Her smile was bittersweet. “I can’t.
It could be one of my bosses at the FBI. I’m supposed to be on vacation, but if it’s an emergency...”
If it’s a child who was taken. He nodded and stepped back. “Right. Get the phone.”
She brushed by him and grabbed her phone, catching it right in the middle of the ring. He saw her frown as she glanced at the screen. Then she put the phone to her ear. “Agent West,” she answered. After a moment, her frown deepened. “Hello? Is someone there?”
Jill waited a beat. Hayden stared at her.
She shrugged and hung up the phone. “Guess it was a wrong number.” But she bit her lower lip and stared at her phone. “Unknown number,” she murmured. She rubbed her brow with her left hand.
“Jill?”
She shook her head. “Sometimes, I can’t turn it off, you know? I get suspicious of everything. Of everyone.”
“You don’t need to be suspicious of me.” He wanted her to understand this. “You can trust me.”
He saw surprise flash on her beautiful face. “Trusting you was never an issue. Despite everything, you are the one person I trust completely.”
When she said things like that, the woman came close to bringing him straight to his knees.
Her phone rang again.
He saw the flash of Unknown Caller on her screen and his instincts made him say, “Turn on Speaker when you answer it.” She’d been attacked in that very house. Now two calls, from someone who was hiding his identity—not good.
Her fingers swiped over the screen and she turned on the speaker. “Hello?”
Silence. No, not just silence. Wind?
“Who is this?” Jill demanded. When no one spoke, her delicate jaw locked. “You’re speaking to an FBI agent so don’t play some joke with—”
“I know who you are.” A man’s voice. Low. Raspy. “The problem is...you never knew who I was.”
Jillian sucked in a sharp breath.
“No one was there to follow her...” Again, the voice was raspy, as if the guy was trying to deliberately disguise himself. “Pity. If no one saw her vanish...guess no hero will come to save the day for her.”
Jillian’s gaze flew up to connect with Hayden’s. He saw the flash of fear in her eyes. For just a moment, she was the girl she’d been so long ago. That girl...she’d had the same look.