For the sin which we have committed by frivolity.
For the sin which we have committed by obduracy.
For the sin which we have committed in passing judgment.
For the sin which we have committed by causeless hatred.
For the sin which we have committed by running to do evil.
For the sin which we have committed by hard-heartedness.
For the sin which we have committed by a gathering of lewdness.
For the sin which we have committed by foolish talk.
For the sin which we have committed by a haughty demeanor.
For the sin which we have committed by casting off the yoke [of Heaven].
For the sin which we have committed by a confused heart.
For the sin for which we incur the penalty of forty lashes.
For the sins for which we are obligated to bring a burnt offering.
And so many more. So what are we to make of all this? I can tell you that I have reached one very obvious conclusion. Every sin listed, each and every one, would make an excellent band name. C’mon, tell me Casting Off the Yoke is not a really good band name. And Forty Lashes? Fucking gold. And don’t tell me some prog-rock kid wouldn’t want his first band to be called Obduracy. All kids who are starting a band, check out the full list in the Jewish High Holiday prayer book.
In the end, and I hate to get all preachy, but failure is an option in a verifiable way. So many out there place an undue burden on themselves to succeed at something, whatever it might be, and then if they fail, grow seeds of resentment and hate toward that failure and, as a result, themselves, and in many cases, project that resentment and hatred onto others. The key to failure being an option is a way forward. Failing at something is a signal, but it’s not a signifier. It doesn’t mean the end of something. Often, it’s a springboard toward something better, or worse, but isolating a failure and fueling it with too much pressure to reverse it is never a good path. With this, I will say, I hope you fail well.
THE END
Oh shit, I realize I wanted to give you a more helpful means to fail and provide you the practical guidance you need. How can a book about my failures help you withstand your failures? What did we all learn, beyond “beware of those compelled to succeed”? How in the world does this end again? I guess it must end with my imparting to you a crucial lesson, a lesson that could forever alter the course of your life, a lesson that is simple enough to absorb and one that, if you are suffering, can pull you from doldrums and lead you to a softer place. A lesson that, as told, could prepare you to never fail again. A lesson, that, simply put, could have been written far earlier in this book, so to save you all this trouble . . . but nah, forget it.
THE END 2
About the Author
H. Jon Benjamin is an actor, voice actor, and stand-up comedian. He lives in New York.
* Yes, I really did contact Andrew Monson, and this exchange really happened. However, our conversation has been slightly modified to enhance failure.
* I almost convinced my publisher to do this, but in the end they said no. A failure of a failure.
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Failure Is an Option Page 16