by Emma Lea
“You say a lot of shit, Nadine, and most of it is just you mouthing off. Those things that you said this morning, I didn’t think you really meant them.”
“Of course I meant them,” she said, straightening her shoulders and squaring off against him. “It has become abundantly clear that I am not wanted. Not in the band and not in this family.”
“No, Nadine, that’s not true and I don’t know what to say to convince you. We are worried about you. The thing that happened, that scared the shit out of me and ever since then you’ve been different—”
“I’ve been different?” she said with indignation. “You all are the ones who have been treating me like I’m going to shatter into a million pieces with the slightest provocation. I made a mistake! I was caught up in the whole fame thing and I took it a little too far. But everyone is wrapping me in cottonwool and suffocating me. You barely talk to me, Jace, and when you do it’s only ever about band stuff. You can’t try and pull the big brother act now, six months after you’ve been ignoring me. I needed you, Jace and what did you do? You withdrew from me!”
Jace took a step towards her, his arm outstretched, and Nadine backed away. He looked stunned and hurt that she would do such a thing and he stopped, dropping his arm to the side. “So you went to Derek to quit the band.”
“Of course I did,” she huffed. “No one wants me here. I’m just a violinist. You don’t let me sing lead, you don’t want my input into songs or arrangements. I may as well be just another studio musician. Court’n Jacks is a joke. It’s more like the Stevie and Jace show. You don’t need me and you don’t want me.”
“So that’s it then? You’re just going to walk away?”
“I can’t,” she said, crossing her arms and glaring at him. “But you already know that if you have spoken to Derek. I’m under contract and I have to continue with the tour and the album. I don’t know what will happen after that, but until then you’re stuck with me.”
“Nadine,” Jace said, his voice had a pleading edge to it. “It’s not like that. We’re not stuck with you. We want you. You’re part of us. We started this together—”
“You know what?” she said, cutting him off. “It really doesn’t matter what you want. I’m here for the foreseeable future. After the tour, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but for now neither one of us has a choice in the matter.”
“It doesn’t have to be this way—”
“Bullshit! You have made it abundantly clear that I am a screw up. All my fucking life you have let me know that I’m too much like mom. I know you wished I died back in the summer when all this happened. Then I would no longer be this burden to you.”
Jace took the few steps that separated them and gripped her arms tightly, but not tight enough to hurt. He stared into her face so she couldn’t look away. “Stop saying that shit,” he growled. “If you had died,” his voice caught, “if you had died, it would have devastated me. I fucking love you, Nadine. All of you. Every infuriating, stubborn inch of you. Yes, you are more like mom than Vanessa or me, but that doesn’t make you any less important to us. We love you and we want you in the band and in our lives. You are not a burden—”
Nadine pushed away from him. The words he was saying were the ones she wanted - needed to hear - but she couldn’t get past the six months of him treating her like the scum on the bottom of his shoe. If he loved her so much why had he pushed her away and pretended like she was someone else?
“I don’t believe you,” she said. Her voice was quiet, timid, and she hated that. She hated that she wanted his approval and his love and without it she felt less than. This man had been a father to her since she was a young girl - the only real father she had known. Her biological father had faded into some mythical legend and had taken on almost fairytale status. But the man standing in front of her had been there her whole life… except when she had needed him most. As soon as she had become too much of a burden, he had wiped his hands of her. Now he was trying to convince her that he loved her? She just didn’t buy it. She wanted to, oh how she wanted to, but her battered and bruised heart couldn’t risk it. She couldn’t risk the rejection if it was all just a ruse to get her to stay with the band.
Jace’s face dropped and he stepped away from her. His eyes shuttered and she was back to looking at the man he had been over the last six months, the man who didn’t care, the man who distanced himself from her. Just as she thought. It had all been an act.
Without thinking about what she was going to do, Nadine whirled around and ran out the front door and back to her car, slipping inside as the tears began to fall. She had to get away, to escape. She just needed a moment to breathe.
Nadine drove aimlessly, not really sure where she was going or what she was going to do. She wanted to go and throw herself in Gabe’s arms but after his lukewarm reception this morning, it was probably better that she didn’t. He would more than likely take Jace’s side and she just couldn’t deal with that right now. Was it too much to ask to have someone stick up for her once in a while?
Her phone chirped on the seat beside her and she looked at it to see a text from Mandy. Mandy had been the only one to take her side. Right now she wanted someone she could vent to who wouldn’t try to make her think things through logically. She wanted someone who was willing to just listen and maybe agree with her. Nadine knew it was a bit of a cop-out. With all the psychology sessions she had sat through in the last six months, she knew that her need to ignore the true issues in play here was her fight or flight response kicking in. The mature thing would be to go to Gabe and have him mediate a discussion between her and Jace. But she was sick and tired of being the one who had to be on her best behavior all the time. Yes, she had made some stupid mistakes, but she wasn’t the only one. Why was it she had to be the one to carry all the blame? Nadine just needed a moment to regroup. She needed someone to stroke her ego and she wasn’t too ashamed to admit it.
Nadine hit the handsfree button and called Mandy.
“Hey,” she said when Mandy answered. “I need a distraction. What are you doing now?”
“Nothing,” Mandy replied, “Why don’t you come here and we can hang. I have popcorn and Netflix.”
“Great. I’ll be there soon.”
Nadine pointed the car in the direction of Mandy’s apartment. It was in a rougher side of town, but Nadine was in the mood for a fight so she wasn’t worried. Even the fight with Jace hadn’t been satisfying. It was different now - their fights. Once upon a time she knew she could say anything to him and he would never shut her out. Now she had to be careful of every little thing that came out of her mouth in case he thought she was losing the plot again. He didn’t trust her and in return she no longer trusted him. His unconditional love had always been her safety net. Now it felt there no longer was a safety net and she was flying blind.
“Not going to think about it,” she told herself as she pulled up outside the rundown building that housed Mandy’s apartment. She gathered her things, locked her door and headed inside. There was no lock on the door and no need to buzz up to Mandy’s apartment. She took the stairs at a slow jog and then knocked on Mandy’s door.
The door flew open and Mandy stood there with a smile on her face. The tension in Nadine’s body loosened and she smiled back.
“Come in,” Mandy said, stepping back to let Nadine through.
The apartment was neat, if sparse. Nadine had a lot of respect for the way Mandy had made the most of what she had, even when it wasn’t much.
“So what do you feel like watching?” Mandy asked as she led Nadine over to the couch. A bowl of popcorn was already sitting on the coffee table as were two beers.
“I don’t really care,” Nadine replied as she sat. She eyed the beer. The last time she had been with Mandy, she’d gotten really drunk. She should probably skip the beer tonight. She still had that dinner with Gabe’s sister to go to.
“How about Vampire Diaries?” Mandy asked as she plonked herself d
own on the couch beside Nadine. “I’ve been rewatching it from the first season.”
Nadine nodded. “Sure,” she said. She wasn’t much into the show but it was a bit of mindless entertainment to distract her until she felt calm enough to go to Gabe’s and face the whole ‘meeting the scary twin sister thing.’
Mandy started the show and handed Nadine the beer.
“I really shouldn’t,” she said, “I’ve got this dinner thing I have to go to—”
“Oh,” Mandy said, “Sorry…”
Nadine looked at the already opened bottle and shrugged. It was one beer, it couldn’t hurt. “Just one,” she said, “and then it’s soda for me.”
Mandy smiled and reached for the popcorn, putting the bowl between them. They watched the show in silence for a while and Nadine felt herself relax. Whether it was the beer or the company she didn’t know, but it was exactly what she needed.
“So what dinner do you have to go to tonight?” Mandy asked.
“I’m meeting my boyfriend’s twin sister,” Nadine said with a grimace. “I’m nervous.”
“I’m sure she’ll love you,” Mandy said. “If you make her brother happy, how can she not?”
Gabe was happy wasn’t he? Nadine thought so. He seemed to like being with her and spending time with her. He knew all her secrets, everything that had happened in her childhood and since and still he wanted to be with her. He really was an incredible man and she liked being with him too. He made her feel like she could be herself without worrying about acting the right way or doing the right thing. As she finished the beer in her hand, she had the desire to go and see him. She wanted to feel his arms round her and the firm press of his chest against her cheek as she snuggled into him. Why had she come here when she couldn’t have gone there?
Nadine stood and wobbled a bit on her feet. She had a moment of vertigo and Mandy jumped up to steady her.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Fine,” Nadine mumbled. “Just felt a bit woozy for a moment there. Can I use your bathroom?”
“Sure,” Mandy answered. “It’s just down the hall on your right.”
“Thanks,” Nadine said.
Nadine found her way to the bathroom and did what she needed to. She stood in front of the vanity and looked at her reflection. Her eyes were red and her skin looked pale. Her head swam and she wondered at the woozy feeling that had come over her when she stood. The beer had gone straight to her head. She hadn’t eaten anything all day, so she supposed that was the problem. It hadn’t been that long ago that she had been able to drink several beers before they started to affect her, but being dry for six months had definitely changed that. She couldn’t turn up on Gabe’s doorstep like this.
Nadine splashed some water on her face and wobbled back out to the living room where Mandy was sitting watching the show on television.
“Can I get a glass of water,” she asked and Mandy jumped up to grab one from the kitchen for her. “Thanks,” Nadine said when she handed it to her.
“You don’t look so good,” Mandy said, concern in her voice.
“I’ll be alright in a minute,” she said, sipping from the glass. “I probably should head to Gabe’s place anyway. I need a shower and a change of clothes before I meet his sister.”
“Oh, okay,” Mandy said. “Um, your phone beeped while you were in the bathroom.”
“Thanks,” Nadine said, heading for where she left it on the coffee table. Her head was beginning to clear and she breathed deeply as she sat and thumbed her phone unlocked.
“It’s from Gabe,” she said as she read the text. “His sister has been delayed at work and she is postponing the dinner.”
Nadine slumped back against the couch. Relief swamped her. After everything that had happened today, she didn’t think she could deal with Gabe’s sister and a stressful dinner so this was good. It would be better if they did it on another night when she was more mentally prepared.
“So you can stay for another episode?” Mandy asked hopefully and Nadine smiled in return.
“Sure, why not.”
Gabe paced his apartment. Nadine was late. He had tried calling her and texting her, but he hadn’t been able to get ahold of her and now he was starting to worry. He knew she was nervous about meeting Amaya, but he didn’t think she would do a disappearing act to get out of dinner.
He looked at his watch again. She wasn’t just superficially late now, she was really late and he would have to call Amaya and tell her they weren’t coming. He didn’t know what he was going to say. She would take it as another black mark against Nadine’s name and he really didn’t feel like getting into the same old argument with her. It was the first time in their whole lives that he and Amaya had been on the outs and the fact that it was over the woman he was in love with was not a good sign. Amaya hadn’t even met Nadine yet and she already didn’t like her. Which wasn’t fair to Nadine or to him. But then again, Nadine wasn’t doing herself any favors by blowing off their dinner date.
Gabe picked up his phone and tried Nadine again. His call went straight to voicemail and he disconnected before leaving a message. He’d already left five of them and she hadn’t called him back yet. He doubted another message would make any difference. As a Hail Mary move, he called Jace. Maybe he had some idea where Nadine might be. Maybe they had got caught up in a recording session or something and lost track of time.
“Hello?”
“Jace, it’s Gabe.”
“Gabe,” Jace said, drawing his name out suspiciously. “What has Nadine done now?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean she stormed out of here hours ago after arguing with me over some bullshit notion that nobody wants her in the band and I haven’t seen her since. Do you know she went to Derek and tried to quit the band? Of course you know, you were probably the one to put her up to it—”
“Hang on a minute. Nadine tried to quit the band? When?”
“Today, earlier. After we fought this morning, she went to Derek and told him she didn’t want to be in the band anymore.”
“That can’t be right—”
“Look, I know my own sister, okay? Besides, Derek was the one who called me and told me. He told her she couldn’t break the contract so she couldn’t quit the band but I don’t know how long that is going to work. Something is going on with her and I’m just going to come out and say it, I blame you.”
“Me? What the hell, Jace? Why would you think I had anything to do with this?”
“Nadine has been acting strange since you came on the scene. You’re the only new thing in her life.”
“Nadine and I have been seeing each other for six weeks,” Gabe said, angry that Jace thought he had anything to do with what happened. “Are you saying her behavior has been different since then or only since you knew about me?”
Jace was quiet on the other end of the phone. Yeah, just as Gabe thought. It was only since they had known about Gabe that they thought Nadine was acting strange. It had nothing to do with him at all.
“Do you know this new friend of hers? Mandy?”
“Who?” Jace asked.
“Mandy. A girl she met at the coffee shop she goes to. One of the waitresses.”
“Is that where she was last night?”
Gabe shrugged even though Jace couldn’t see him. “Yeah. They went out together and then Nadine crashed at her place. Is that what you guys fought about?”
“Among other things,” Jace said and then huffed out a breath. “No, I don’t know any Mandy, not that Nadine would tell me anything anyway.”
Gabe disconnected the call and tapped the phone against his lip as he thought about the conversation he had just had with Jace. Jace and Nadine had fought this morning and then again this afternoon and now Nadine was MIA. If she was upset then of course she wouldn’t want the extra stress of meeting his sister, he just didn’t understand why she hadn’t come to him. Had he come on too strong this morning? He probably should hav
e made it clear that his apartment could act as a safe place for her instead of telling her she couldn’t hide out here. No wonder she was avoiding him.
With a sigh, he hit the speed dial for Amaya. Whatever else happened tonight, they would not be going to his sister’s for dinner.
“You’re late,” she said when she answered the call.
“I know, I’m sorry. Something has come up.”
“You’re not coming.” It wasn’t a question.
“No. Something happened with Nadine today—”
“Of course it did. That chick is a hot mess, Gabe.”
“You know nothing about her except what you’ve read in her file. How about you give her a chance before you start hating her?”
“I don’t hate her,” Amaya said with a sigh, “but I don’t like what she has done to you.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ve been different since you’ve been seeing her and I don’t like it.”
“Actually,” Gabe said, trying to keep a rein on his anger, “I like the man I am when I am around her. Maybe I have changed, but from where I stand the changes have been good.”
“It’s not you, Gabe. You are not this man.”
“And what man would that be? A man that stands up to you instead of capitulating every time you have a difference of opinion?”
“Come on, it’s not like that and you know it—“
“Actually, no, I don’t know that. You don’t like that I’m more focused on Nadine rather than on you. You have always had this need to control my life and now that Nadine is on the scene, you can’t do that anymore and it pisses you off.”
“I’m not going to discuss this with you when you are being so unreasonable,” Amaya said. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” She disconnected the call and Gabe gripped it until his knuckles turned white.
Ugh! The women in his life were driving him crazy!
Chapter Thirteen
Nadine blinked open her eyes and tried to work out where she was. It took a moment for her sluggish mind to realize that she was asleep in her car. She looked around frantically wondering if she had been in an accident. The last thing she remembered was driving to Mandy’s place. Had she even gotten there?