"I was there. I knew it."
Ivy gazed down at her shimmering hands and smiled. "Tristan," she said softly.
"Ivy." His voice was like light inside her. "Ivy, what were you running from?"
The question caught her off guard. "What?"
"What were you driving away from?" Tristan asked.
"I was just driving."
"You were upset," he said.
"I was trying to think, that's all. But I couldn't," she confessed.
"What couldn't you think about?"
"You." Ivy ran her hand up and down the smooth, damp wood of the railing she sat on. "You died because of me. I knew it, but I didn't face it, not until now, when I realized that Eric might have died because of me. Not until I thought about what could happen to Will if he learns what's going on."
"Will's going to find out one way or the other," Tristan told her.
"We can't let him!" Ivy said. "We can't endanger him."
"If you feel that way," Tristan observed dryly, "you shouldn't have left your coat with him at the table."
Ivy reached quickly into her pocket. The envelope was still there, folded in half, but when she pulled it out she saw that the flap was no longer tucked in.
"He looked as soon as you and Beth left him alone."
Ivy closed her eyes for a moment, feeling betrayed. "I guess-I guess I would have been curious, too," she said lamely.
"What do you think the key goes to?" Tristan asked.
Ivy flipped the envelope over in her hands. "Some kind of small box or cupboard. At Caroline's house," she added, looking at the address. "Can you get inside?"
"Easily, and I can materialize my fingers to undo the latch to let you in," he told her. "Bring the key, and we'll find what Eric wanted you to find. But not today, okay?"
Ivy heard the strain in his voice. "Is something wrong?"
"I'm tired. Real tired."
"The darkness," she whispered in a frightened voice. Tristan had said there would be a time when he wouldn't return from the darkness.
"It's okay," he assured her. "I just need rest. You're keeping me busy, you know." He laughed.
It's because of me, Ivy thought. He died because of me, and now-"Ivy, no. You can't think that way," he said.
"But I do think that way," she argued. "I was the one who was supposed to die. If it weren't for me-" "If it weren't for you, I would never have known how it is to love someone," he told her. "If it weren't for you, I would never have kissed a mouth so sweet."
Ivy longed to kiss him now. "Tristan," she said, trembling with the sudden idea, "if I died, I could be with you."
He was silent. She could feel the confusion of thoughts, all the emotions tossing within him, within her.
"I could be with you forever," she told him.
"No."
"Yes!"
"That's not how it's supposed to be," he said. "We both know that."
"Ivy got up and walked around the pavilion. His presence within her was stronger than the autumn day outside of her. When he was with her, the smell of soaked earth, the ribbons of emerald grass, and the first scarlet leaves all paled like objects on the edge of her vision.
"I wouldn't have been sent back to help you," Tristan continued. "I wouldn't have been made an angel if it weren't important that you live. Ivy, I want you to be mine"-she could hear the pain in his voice-"but you're not."
"I am!" she cried out loud.
"We're on different sides of a river," he said, "and it's a river that neither of us can cross. You were meant for somebody else."
"I was meant for you,"_ she insisted.
"Hush."
"I don't want to lose you, Tristan!"
"Shhh. Shhh," he soothed. "Listen, Ivy, I'm going to be in the darkness soon, and it may be a while before I reach you again."
"Ivy paced around.
"Stay still. I'm going outside of you, so you won't be able to hear me," he told her. "Stay still."
Then all was silent. Ivy stood motionless, wondering. The air around her began to shimmer with gold. She felt hands touching her, gentle hands cradling her face, lifting her chin. He kissed her. His lips touched hers, actually touched hers with a kiss long and unbearably tender.
"Ivy"-she couldn't hear him, but she felt her name whispered by him against her cheek. "Ivy." Then he was gone.
Chapter 10
Ivy hung a long dangle earring on each ear, wiped away a smudge of mascara beneath one eye, then took a step back from the mirror, surveying herself.
"You look hot."
She glanced at Philip's reflection in the mirror and burst out laughing.
"You didn't pick up that” expression from Andrew. And how do you know what hot looks like, anyway?"
"I taught him."
Ivy spun around. Gregory stood in the entrance to her bedroom, leaning casually against the door frame.
Since Eric's death nearly a week before, Ivy had felt Gregory's presence following her like a dark angel.
"And you do look hot," he added, his eyes moving down her slowly.
Maybe I should have chosen a skirt that's not so short, Ivy thought, or a top that isn't scooped so low.
But she was determined to show the others at Suzanne's birthday party that she wasn't a depressed girl ready to choose the suicidal path everyone thought Eric had taken. Suzanne was still having her party, though it was the day after the funeral. Ivy had encouraged her, telling Suzanne it would be good for everyone-the kids from school needed to come together now.
"It's the colors. They make you hot," Philip said to Ivy, anxious to sound as if he knew what he was talking about.
Ivy glanced at Gregory. "Good job, teach."
Gregory laughed. "I did my best," he said, then he held up his car keys and rattled them.
Ivy grabbed her own keys and purse.
"Ivy, this is silly," Gregory said. "Why are we going to the same place and taking two cars?"
They had already argued about her decision during dinner. "I told you, I'll probably leave before you do."
She picked up a wrapped gift for Suzanne and turned out the lamp on her dressing table. "You're dating the hostess-everyone will probably leave before you do."
Gregory smiled slightly and shrugged. "Maybe, but if you want to leave, there will be lots of guys there glad to give you a ride home."
"Because you look hot," Philip said. "Because you-" "Thank you, Philip."
Gregory winked at her brother. Philip jumped off her bed, using her scarf as a parachute, and scooted through the bathroom that joined his room with hers.
Gregory continued to lean against Ivy's door. "Is my driving that bad?" he asked, stretching one arm across the doorway, blocking her exit "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were afraid to drive with me."
"I'm not," Ivy said firmly.
"Maybe you're afraid of being alone with me."
"Oh, come on," Ivy said, walking briskly toward him and pulling his arm down. She turned him around by the shoulders and gave him a push. "Let's get going or we'll be late. I hope your Beamer has gas."
Gregory reached back for her hand and pulled her close to him, too close.
Ivy's heart was beating fast as they moved down the stairs-she really didn't want to ride alone with him.
She wished he weren't so attentive when she got into his car. The constant small and needless touches jangled her nerves. He kept looking at her as he drove slowly down the driveway.
When they stopped at the bottom of the ridge, Gregory said, "Let's not go to Suzanne's."
"What?" Ivy exclaimed. She tried to cover her growing apprehension with a show of disbelief and amazement. "Suzanne and I have been friends since we were seven, and you think I'm skipping her seventeenth-birthday party?
Drive!" she commanded. "To Lantern Road. Or I'm getting out."
Gregory rested his hand on her leg and drove to Suzanne's house. Fifteen minutes later, when Suzanne answered the door, she did not appear overly delighte
d to see Gregory and Ivy together.
"He insisted on driving me," Ivy said. "He'll do anything to make you jealous, Suzanne."
Gregory shot her a look, but Suzanne laughed, her face brightening.
"You look gorgeous," Ivy told her friend, and gave her a hug. Ivy felt a moment of hesitation, then Suzanne hugged her back.
"Where do I stash this present?" Ivy asked as a large group of kids who had crammed themselves into a Jeep came in behind them.
"End of the hall," Suzanne said, pointing to a table with an impressive pile of boxes. Ivy headed quickly in that direction, glad to be away from Gregory. The Goldsteins' long center hallway led to a family room that ran along the back of the house, its floor-to-ceiling windows facing a porch and the back lawn, which sloped down gently to a pond. It was a warm September night, and the party had spread out from the large room to the porch and lawn below.
Walking out on the porch, Ivy saw Beth sitting in the swing at one end, deep in conversation with two cheerleaders. The two girls were talking excitedly at the same time, and Beth's head went back and forth as if she were watching a tennis match.
Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of Will, sitting on the wide porch steps next to a girl with auburn hair, the girl he had been with six weeks ago when Ivy ran into him at the mall. Now, she was hot.
"Wish I could read minds," Gregory said, touching a cold glass to Ivy's arm.
It seemed impossible to move out from under his shadow.
"What are you doing-putting a hex on that girl?" he asked.
Ivy shook her head. "I was just thinking, thinking that when it comes to hot, that girl is it."
Gregory watched Will's companion for a moment, then shrugged. "Some girls look hot on the outside, but it's just a tease. Other girls, they put you off, play hard to get, act like ice queens"-he looked at her with laughing eyes-"but they're running hot." He moved closer to her. "Real hot," he whispered.
Ivy flashed him an innocent smile. "Like Philip, I can always learn something from you."
Gregory laughed. "Did you get a drink?" he asked, offering with his left hand a plastic cup.
"I'm not thirsty," Ivy said. "Thanks anyway."
"But I got this for you. I saw you standing over here, checking out Will-" "I wasn't checking out Will," she protested.
"Okay, checking out the redhead, then-her name's Samantha-and I thought you could use something to cool off."
"Thanks." Ivy reached for the cup in his right hand.
Was it her imagination, or did Gregory move it away from her? Ivy had remembered Lacey's warning and didn't want to drink from the cup he was offering. But he insisted that she take it, and she finally did.
"Thanks.
I'll be seeing you around," Ivy told him airily.
"Where are you going?"
"Cruising," she replied. "I didn't wear this short skirt for nothing."
"Can I come?"
"Of course not." She laughed up at him as if he had said something he knew was silly. Inside she was so tense, her stomach hurt when she breathed. "How can I check out guys with you around?"
To her relief, Gregory didn't follow her. Ivy dumped her soda in the garden as soon as he was out of sight.
Working her way around the party, she smiled and listened to any guy who looked as if he needed an audience, while always steering clear of Gregory. She circled around Will, too, and didn't see either of them again until Suzanne blew out the candles on her cake.
When everyone had gathered for the song and cake-cutting, Suzanne wanted Ivy to stand on one side of her and Gregory on the other. Mrs. Goldstein, who trusted Suzanne enough to watch the party from an upstairs window-without her glasses, she told them- made an entrance with the cake and took what seemed like a hundred pictures of Suzanne, Ivy, and Gregory.
"Now each with your arm around her," Mrs. Goldstein directed them.
Ivy slipped her arm around Suzanne's back.
"Beautiful! You're all beautiful!" Flash.
"Let me get another shot," Mrs Goldstein said, then shook the camera and muttered to it. "Don't move."
They didn't, not from the front, but behind Suzanne's back, Gregory began to run a finger up and down Ivy's arm. Then he used two fingers, stroking her in a slow, caressing motion. Ivy wanted to scream. She wanted to slap him away.
"Smile," Mrs. Goldstein said. Flash.
"And one more. Ivy-" She forced a smile. Flash.
Ivy tried not to pull away too quickly from Gregory. She remembered Philip's dream about the train-the silver snake-that wanted to swallow her up. He's always watching, Philip had said, and he smells it when you're afraid.
Suzanne began cutting the cake, and Ivy handed it out. When she gave Gregory a piece, he touched her lightly on the wrist and wouldn't take the cake till she met his gaze.
Will was next in line. "We keep missing each other," he said to Ivy.
She was about to tell him to take two plates and meet her by the pond in ten minutes, but then she saw Samantha standing right behind him.
"Big party," Ivy said.
Fifteen minutes later Ivy was sitting alone on a bench about twenty feet away from the pond, eating her cake and watching Peppermint, Suzanne's Pomeranian. The little dog, who was regularly shampooed and conditioned, and let outdoors only on a leash, had escaped that night and was happily digging holes in the muddy bank. Then she waded into the pond and began to do the doggy paddle.
Some girls and guys standing by the pond called to the dog, trying to get her to fetch sticks, but Peppermint was as headstrong as her mistress.
Then Ivy called softly. Too late she realized her mistake. Peppermint knew Ivy. Peppermint liked Ivy.
Peppermint loved cake. She came running on her short little legs, made a flying leap for Ivy's lap, then scrambled up the rest of the way with her muddy back feet. She put her slimy front paws on Ivy's chest so she could stand up and lick her face, then dropped down in Ivy's lap and shook out her thick coat full of water.
"Pep! Hey!" Ivy wiped her face, then shook her own mane hair. The dog saw her chance and gulped the rest of Ivy's cake. "Pep, you muddy pig!"
Ivy heard a burst of laughter next to her. Will dropped down on the bench beside her. "I'm sorry Mrs.
Goldstein wasn't here with her camera," he said.
"And I'm sorry you didn't call Peppermint first," Ivy replied.
He couldn't stop laughing. "I'll get some towels," he sputtered, "for both of you."
He was quick about it and brought back a pile of wet and dry cloths.
Sitting on the bench next to her, Will cleaned the dog while Ivy tried unsuccessfully to remove the mud from her skirt and top.
"Maybe we should just dump you in the pond and make you all one color," Will said to Ivy.
"Great idea. Why don't you go see how deep it is for me?"
He grinned at her, then reached over with a clean cloth and wiped her cheek close to her ear. "It's in your hair too," he said.
She felt his fingers pulling gently on her hair, trying to get out the mud. She held still. When he let go of the strands, something inside her floated upward, wanting to be touched again.
Ivy looked down quickly at her skirt and ferociously attacked a mud stain. Then Will set Peppermint on the ground between them. The clean dog wagged its little tail at him. "I bet you wish you were a puppy like me."
Ivy and Will turned at the same time and bent down to the dog, bumping their heads together.
"Ow!"
Will started laughing again. They looked in each other's eyes, laughing at themselves, and didn't see if Peppermint's mouth moved when she "spoke" a second time.
"If you were a pup like me, Will, you could jump into Ivy's arms."
Ivy thought she recognized the voice and glanced around for a suspicious purple shimmer.
"You could put your head in Ivy's lap and be cuddled. I know that's what you'd like."
Ivy sneaked a peek at Will, embarrassed, but he didn't look at all
sheepish. He was staring at the dog, his mouth drawn up in a little smile. "You can put words in a dog's mouth, angel," he said, "but not in mine."
"You're no fun! Even if you do have nice buns," Lacey added.
"I thought they were great$ buns," Will said.
Lacey laughed. Ivy spotted her then, right behind them. Apparently she could throw her voice. Now the soft purple shine moved around in front of them.
"Her name's Lacey," Ivy told Will.
"I'm disappointed in you two," Lacey said. "I keep waiting for you to get things going, but you just tippytoe around each other. As a romance, you get two thumbs down. I'm going to hang out with the kids by the pond."
Will shrugged. "Have a good time."
"Something tells me Peppermint won't be the only one taking a swim tonight," Ivy remarked under her breath.
The purple mist drifted back to them. "It's amazing how much we think alike, chick," Lacey said. "But the fact is, Tristan is still in the darkness, so I'll probably behave myself tonight. Without him around to fuss at me, it's not as much fun."
Ivy smiled a little.
"See, I miss him, too," Lacey said. For a moment her voice sounded different to Ivy, girlish and wistful.
Then the tone became theatrical again: "Whoops, here she comes. Warning, ten feet behind you-chick with a capital. I'm all gone, boys and girls."
But Lacey didn't leave immediately. "Mommy, I went swimming! I had so much fun!" Peppermint "said" in a voice loud enough for Suzanne to hear.
The purple shimmer slipped away as Suzanne came around to the front of the bench.
"Pep! Oh, Pep!" She felt the dog's wet fur. "You bad girl. I'm going to put you in your kennel."
Then she saw Ivy's mud-splattered skirt and top. "Ivy!"
"You going to put me in the kennel, too?" Ivy asked.
Will laughed.
Suzanne shook her head. "I'm so sorry. Bad girl!"
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