His eyes darkened with desire. I was wrong when I thought I was giving him the bad girl earlier. This was the bad girl. I scratched my fingernails down his bare chest to the snap on his jeans.
“Don’t make me leave.” I unzipped his fly. “You don’t want me to.” Pressing my lips against his naked chest, I kissed one flat male nipple and then the other. I kissed my way down his torso. There was something I’d been wanting to do that I hadn’t done yet. Now seemed like a good time to do it.
He caught my elbows before I sank to my knees. “I don’t want you…”
I broke free from his hold and shoved him onto the couch.
“…to stay,” he finished with a harsh exhale.
“Yes, you do.” I stripped off my shirt, my bra, and my remaining clothes while he watched from beneath hooded lids. He might not know what he wanted, but I knew what I wanted. To render him under my complete and utter control. To make him beg.
Before I could go down to my knees, he caught my waist and pulled me onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around my back and squeezed, his hold tight, his breath warming my exposed skin. “What are you doing to me?”
It was a question I couldn’t answer. I only knew what he was doing to me. Ruining me for all others. My inner bad girl was more than happy to turn him inside out. I’d been good for way too long.
He rested his head against my breast and we sat that way for a long while. I stroked his hair and rested my cheek on his head, just letting him hold me. And he did. Hold me. Despite all his arguing earlier that he couldn’t.
Eventually, he retrieved the blanket and made room for both of us on the couch. We fell asleep side by side, me naked, him shirtless.
Chapter Fourteen
Devlin
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d disentangled myself from a woman in the morning. Until this morning, when I woke up, my arms wrapped around Rena. We’d shared a blanket and a few sad stories last night. I felt raw and exposed now that it was morning.
She didn’t wake up when I snagged a few pain relievers from the cabinet, or when I snapped open a Gatorade from the fridge. Or when I trudged to the bathroom, palms on either side of my skull in an attempt to keep my brains from leaking out of my ears.
I’d drunk nearly an entire bottle of bourbon—thanks to Rena I didn’t finish it.
God, I was an idiot.
Under the hottest water I could tolerate, I tipped my head back and let the spray wash over me. At least my stomach had settled some. I picked up the Gatorade I’d carried in with me and downed a few more gulps.
I was no stranger to bourbon, but I didn’t typically lose myself in the bottle. I guess finding out I had a brother, and that my childhood had been peppered with lies, was the tipping point.
I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair, my tight muscles just now starting to relax. When I opened my eyes, two wide brown eyes were peeking through a gap in the shower curtain. Rena’s gaze slid down my chest, to my stomach, and lower. She grinned.
Memories of last night came back to me in disjointed pieces. I remembered I’d been pissed, that I’d told her to leave, that she didn’t. I was glad she didn’t. Weird as it was to have her here, it was nice, too.
“Come to laugh at the hungover guy?” My voice was tight and craggy.
“I came to join him.” She parted the curtain further, and I saw she was wearing a towel.
I shoved the curtain aside and held out a hand. Then my eyes bugged out when she dropped the towel and exposed her beautiful body.
“I will never get tired of seeing you naked,” I admitted as she stepped into the tub. My eyes ate up her curves and lines. The perky, upturned breasts, the subtle dip of her waist, and the full flare of her hips.
My hands went into her hair and I kissed her, tasting coffee and something I wasn’t as familiar with. Hope.
“Don’t look at me like that,” she warned.
“Like what?” I cupped those perky breasts and thumbed her nipples.
“Like you’re afraid of being close to me.” She wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed her body against mine. Water trickled between her breasts and down my belly. “When really, you can’t resist me.”
Damn. She was right.
In another flashback of What the Hell Happened Last Night, I recalled Melinda saying something about Rena falling for me and me freaking out. Much as I’d have liked to blow off anything that came out of Melinda’s mouth, she had a point.
Everyone in my past who’d “loved” me had bailed. Mom, Dad, and now Paul. Next up, Sonny. Once he found out what I’d done to help Paul he’d be out of my life so fast both our heads would spin. Then there was Cade. There wasn’t any love lost between Cade and me. We didn’t even like each other.
Rena, though. She’d seen me at my lowest. I’d been mean, unforgivably mean, last night. And yet she’d stayed. I’d lied and said sleeping with her was my only goal last night. I stood now, her in my arms, knowing I didn’t deserve her being here. I’d pushed her away for one reason. Habit.
Sonny would find out about Paul, and I’d be entangled in some underground gambling turf war that guaranteed Rena wouldn’t be safe. No matter how much I tried to keep her safe, I couldn’t make any promises. Letting her stay, holding her now, was the height of selfishness on my part. But I still couldn’t let her go.
“To be fair,” she said as if there hadn’t been a lull in our conversation, “I find it just as hard to resist you.” She took the washcloth hanging on a small bar in the shower and lathered up a bar of soap. “Although, last night you tested those limits.”
Her expression was stern while she washed one of her arms and then the other. She swiped the cloth over her chest and stomach, and then down each leg, her body swaying in a soapy, seductive dance.
My eyes followed the trail of suds over her nipples, down to her belly button, and to the V of her thighs.
“I shouldn’t have.”
She soaped the washcloth again before grabbing my arm and scrubbing. “You’re right.”
I clenched my jaw, the two words I needed to say most stuck in my throat like a glob of peanut butter. She sent me a questioning glance like she knew there was more I was trying to say. I wrapped my arms around her. I liked having her close to me. But I couldn’t say that, either. I didn’t know how I felt about us. Even the word “us” was freaking me out. People who were close to me bailed. Always.
I sighed and stayed silent, not trusting myself to share.
“It’s nice to feel alive instead of nothing,” she said as she drew circles in the soapsuds on my chest. “You happen to be the first person who’s made me feel alive in a long, long time.” She kept her eyes on my chest. “I don’t want you to be my power source. When you unplug me, I’m afraid I’ll… fade out.”
Her eyes met mine, worry in their depths. Water from the showerhead bounced off my shoulders, and she fluttered her lashes. I shielded her from the spray, my palms covering her face. Again she made me feel vulnerable and raw. Naked. Even more naked than I was now, and I wasn’t wearing a damn thing.
I waited for the panic to set in. At which point I could either start an argument and attempt to scare her off again—not that it’d worked the first time—or shrug and offer a casual, Come on, Rena, you know we’d never work. I could say that last night was the result of my drunken babbling. That I couldn’t remember half the shit I said. Then she’d be safe because she’d be away from me.
There was only one problem with that plan.
She was the first person who’d made me feel alive in a long time, too. Alive. Before now, I hadn’t known the word for it. I’d been telling myself from the first time I kissed her that I was using her to get what I needed. After that, I convinced myself I was indulging my curiosity. And then indulging my insatiable curiosity.
Last night something had shifted. I learned Rena was only a good girl because she’d been forced to be. That she had a wild side. She wasn’t interested in being safe. Other
wise, she wouldn’t be here with me.
For the first time in forever, I felt afraid. What would it mean to let myself depend on someone? If I let someone depend on me? One day, I’d piss her off and she’d leave for good. And that would leave me… just me. Alone. Again.
I repressed a shudder. I didn’t want to think about it.
A small voice in the back of my head whispered that I’d pushed her pretty hard last night and she hadn’t gone anywhere. I couldn’t trust that voice yet. Hope might be reverberating through the gorgeous, naked woman in my shower, but it had long been a stranger to me.
I wanted her. I didn’t think I deserved to have her, but I wanted her all the same. And yeah, I wanted her body, but I also wanted her attention, her softness, her willingness to push back when I’d pushed first. For now, that had to be enough. Hell, that was more than I could handle.
“I decided to leave this morning without saying goodbye. I heard the shower and knew I could make a clean getaway.”
She’d kicked the door open for me to ask her why she hadn’t left. To tell her I was glad she’d come in here instead. To say I needed her here as much as I needed my next breath. But my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth.
Tell her you are glad she’s here. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her you’re sorry. Say something.
But for some fucked-up reason I couldn’t. As if my body was fighting me, my jaw locked. My lips pressed tight. The words living in a deep, dark part of me clogged my throat. But still I kept silent. I stroked her back with my fingertips, hoping that my weakness wasn’t revealed in my eyes.
“Tough guy,” she said, and then I wondered if she could read my mind and knew everything I was thinking.
She lifted to her tiptoes and kissed me. Soap slid between our bodies and my brain short-circuited. I tested the seam of her lips with my tongue and she opened to me, darting the tip of her tongue out to meet mine. Her mouth moved slowly, lazily over mine. Her tongue tangled with mine just as slowly and lazily. It was the most erotic kiss I’d ever experienced. With anyone.
Spearing my fingers through her damp hair, I cradled the back of her head, angled her mouth to the side and deepened the kiss. Heat licked like fire down my limbs. A soft mewl sounded in the back of her throat as our tongues continued sparring. When her hand gripped my dick, I had to pull my mouth from hers to suck in a breath. Her touch felt so good. I hadn’t realized how much I needed it.
How much I needed her.
She stroked and I grunted against her smiling mouth.
“There’s something I haven’t had a chance to do yet.” She nipped my bottom lip with her teeth.
I swallowed thickly, knowing what she was talking about, and trying not to utter the word “please” repeatedly. I wasn’t a beggar.
Usually.
“If you don’t want me to,” she said, her tone teasing and husky as her thumb brushed over the head, “say the word.”
My next words came out dry, but they were heartfelt. “If you think I’d tell you not to do something to me, you’re crazier than I am.”
I devoured her mouth, swallowing her giggles and not giving her the chance to sass me again. My teeth, my tongue, my lips were everywhere at once. My skin was feverish, the steam from the shower making it hard to breathe. I pulled back to see if she was still with me and was sucked in by the cute slope of her nose, her full pink mouth, and her wet, spiky eyelashes over her dark eyes.
She’s so incredible. I bit my tongue to keep from saying it. Why couldn’t I say it?
She started working me again as her mouth landed on my chest.
“Have you ever had the good girl go down on you in a shower?” she purred up at me.
My cock pulsed in her hand. She gave me a gentle squeeze.
“I—”
Her teeth raked down my torso and I would have been amused that I was speechless if I hadn’t been concentrating so hard on not coming before I felt her mouth on me. I was powerless around her—a prospect that should have scared me to death. At the moment, I really didn’t care.
I palmed the back of her head as her lips sipped my wet skin and her tongue dipped into my belly button. My abs clenched as I grabbed a fistful of her hair and held it away from her face. When she sank lower, all thought ceased.
I anchored one hand against the back of the shower wall and looked down at her kneeling before me. Keeping her eyes on mine, she licked me from balls to head, and my entire body caught fire.
She swirled her tongue around the tip, sucking me in, abrading me with her teeth. Hard enough to be dangerous, but so, so good. I tightened my calves and nearly cramped up. She swallowed the rest of me and I lost control of my tongue. A string of disjointed curse words tumbled out in a creative jumble.
She took me so deep her nose bumped my stomach. She retreated and I watched my length leave her mouth, wanting to close my eyes and lose myself in the sensations of her warm lips and wet tongue, but not wanting to miss a single second of it, either.
And, God, she was amazing. If it’d ever felt this incredible to have a woman’s mouth on me, I couldn’t remember when. There was nothing about what she’d done for me—now or last night—that was out of obligation. She’d sunk to her knees for one reason.
She wants me.
Me. A guy she should be running away from.
Yet she’d chosen to stay with me last night, and now she was loving me with her mouth. I felt humbled. Grateful.
“Rena. Please.” I hadn’t meant to say the weakest word in history, but she’d milked the truth out of me. I was so fucking desperate I was begging.
I should’ve felt embarrassed. She didn’t give me a chance to feel anything other than incredible.
Every muscle in my body tightened as a lightning bolt zipped down my spine and shot to my balls. I tried to say her name in warning, to give her a chance to release me, but she didn’t let up. She took me deeper, her fingertips digging into my thighs. When she tugged gently on my sac, I came with a shuddering groan. My arm anchored to the wall, I squeezed my eyes tight and rode the lightning into the abyss. And Rena—beautiful Rena on her knees before me—drank me in. I came so hard my knees went weak. I pulled my hand from her hair and slammed it against the wall. My cheek resting on the cool, damp tile.
“Fuck,” I breathed, a phenomenal post-sex buzz trickling through my limbs.
Rena rose to her feet as I turned, my shoulder and the side of my head still resting on the tile wall. She wiped the corners of her mouth with her pinky finger. I grinned, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her flush against me.
“That,” I told her and then put a kiss on the tip of her nose, “is not a good-girl blowjob.”
She beamed up at me. So pleased with herself. I swear if I hadn’t bitten down on my tongue right then I would have pleaded with her never to leave.
Not because of the blowjob—though, good Lord, I’d donate a kidney for another one like it—but because of what she’d done for me. What she was doing to me. Not just to my body. To me.
I kissed her, holding her lips in mine as I pulled in a long breath through my nose. Keeping one hand wrapped around her waist, I reached behind me to turn off the water with the other.
I wanted to see her again. Tonight, if possible. I wanted her to come over here. We could make love—wow, that phrase was a panic attack waiting to happen—and sleep side by side again. And it wouldn’t be after we’d fought and I’d passed out. It’d be because she wanted to be here. Because I wanted to hold her.
Last night, she’d made the offer to “fuck her” and yeah, I liked the sound of that at the time. Or at least I’d thought I did. But maybe… maybe I didn’t want to fuck her. Maybe we hadn’t been “fucking” at all.
I opened my mouth to suggest we get together tonight, but the words clogged my throat like hair in a drain. Instead I said, “Better take you home so you can get ready for work.”
Disappointment bloomed in her eyes. I could see it. I thought Rena excited me
because I didn’t know what she’d do next. Now I think it’s because I didn’t know what I’d do next. To prove the point to myself, I blurted, “Unless you want to have a quick breakfast… and then a quickie against the kitchen counter before you go.”
She stopped towel-drying her hair and smiled at me. My hopes levitated, my lungs expanded. Her next words made my dick stand on end.
“I’d love to.”
“On the counter?” I propelled her backward, to the hallway, and snatched the towel from her hair as we went. I couldn’t get enough of the girl who continued to amaze and surprise me. I kissed her. “Or leaning against it?” She nipped my bottom lip and I was careful not to slip on water dripping from our bodies onto the wood floors. “Or we could—”
A hard knock sounded at my front door. She let out a yip of surprise and I pressed a finger over her lips. The knock came again, more intense this time. Another memory of last night came—the one about how I’d dropped my phone in a glass of water at the bar. The calls from Sonny I’d avoided after missing a meeting with him this week.
Shit.
“Get dressed,” I told her. My tone must have communicated that I wasn’t playing. She was out of my arms in a flash and gathering her clothes from the living-room floor. In my room, I pulled on a pair of jeans as Rena shut the bathroom door behind her. I paced into the living room, tugging on a long-sleeved shirt as I went. The knock sounded again, this time followed by a voice.
“Devlin Calvary! I know you’re in there!”
Not Sonny. Relief. I looked through the peephole. Cade was standing in the hallway, lifting his fist to pound again.
“Hang on!” I shouted, followed by an under-my-breath “impatient bastard.” I opened the door, running my hand through my wet hair. “What the fuck?”
Daring Devlin (Lost Boys Book 1) Page 14