“Hi Tess. I’d like to see Doc Hattie. Is she available?”
“Yes, she is. I’ll show you right in.”
Sitting alone in the examination room, Tilde pressed her hands to her stomach. She didn’t know what she was more afraid of, that she would or wouldn’t be expecting. It hadn’t even occurred to her that her fatigue could be caused by an interesting condition. Not until last night when she realized she’d missed her course for the last couple of months. Hence the trip to see Dr. Hattie.
The door opened admitting her. Tilde gave her a wan smile. “Hi, Doc.”
“Good morning, Tilde. What can I do for you today?”
“Hum, ah…” Tilde felt herself blush and knew her cheeks were bright red.
Hattie laughed softly. “I understand. Let’s chat for a few minutes then we can check you out.”
Tilde left the clinic torn between joy and worry. In about seven months’time she would become a mother. One moment she was ready to jump for joy, the next she was worried about how this would affect Joel and their marriage. Would he shut her out of the decisions even more? Would he want her to quit working at the bank entirely?
“Mrs. Richards, I saw you come out of the clinic. Is anything wrong?”
Tilde nearly groaned. It was Mrs. Daniels, Tess’s mother. She was also the biggest busybody there ever was. There was no way Tilde was going to let her in on her news, so she lied. “I had some bank business to speak with them about. Nothing you need to concern yourself with. Tess was there. She looks good. I haven’t had a chance to chat with her much lately.”
“Oh.” Mrs. Daniels sounded disappointed. Bank business didn’t interest her apparently. “Yes, Tess is doing well. I do wish she’d find a beau and get married though.”
“Well, yes. Good-bye Mrs. Daniels. I have errands to run. Have a good day.” Tilde made her escape, heading across the park to the mercantile. On the way she asked forgiveness for her lie.
When she’d purchased some tea she didn’t want, Tilde wandered back to the park. She didn’t want to go home or to the bank. Glancing around to see if Mrs. Daniels was still lurking behind a bush ready to pounce again, Tilde went into the park and sat on a bench made somewhat private by evergreen bushes surrounding it. The day was sunny, unusual for this time of year, with little breeze so it was comfortable for her to sit and contemplate.
Someone sat down beside her. It was Mrs. Fanny Mae Edmondson, widow of the late pastor and wonderful counsel for those who would share. Tilde leaned against her. Mrs. Edmondson put an arm around her shoulder.
“What’s the matter, dear? The Good Lord told me I’d see you today. That you needed someone to talk to.” She gently took Tilde’s hand in hers, holding it.
Tears came and slipped down Tilde’s face. “I’m so confused. Everything was going so well. We were getting to know one another and working well together. Then Joel started keeping things from me. No, not really that. More not discussing things before he’d already made the decisions and acting upon them. Sometimes he forgets to tell me even afterwards. I ran the bank for all those months with no one to help, no one to discuss anything with. Now I feel like I’m being pushed out. I thought he wanted me as a partner, not just a teller.”
“Is that what you want? To work at the bank and be a business woman?”
Tilde sighed. “I did. Now I don’t know. I just know I don’t want to be left out of all the decisions.”
“What sort of decisions?”
“What to do about mortgages, about changes in the bank, how things are run, ideas he has about the town.”
“I see. You want to have a chance to hear and contribute to the plans he’s thinking up.”
“Yes, that’s it.” Tilde sat up and wiped her eyes.
“Have you told him this?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Tilde thought about that. Why hadn’t she told him, or asked him why? “I’m afraid he’ll tell me it’s not my business anymore since he’s the president of the bank. That he doesn’t think I have anything to contribute. That I shouldn’t worry my pretty little head about men’s concerns.”
“Do you think he’ll do that? That he doesn’t respect your opinions?”
“No and no. It’s just that he doesn’t ask. Doesn’t bring me into the conversation at all. He just decides.”
“Has he made any poor decisions?”
“No.”
“You just want to be part of the process.”
“Yes, his ideas are very good. He’s going to be helping Silverpines become better than it ever was.”
“So what do you think the Lord would want you to do?”
“Speak to him about it even if I’m afraid he’ll tell me that it’s none of my business.”
“You know fear is not of the Lord.”
Tilde nodded.
“You respect him, don’t you?”
“Yes, of course.” Tilde looked sharply at Mrs. Edmondson.
“Good, that’s what the Bible tells women. Respect their husbands. It’s what men need, to be respected by their wives. You show respect to him when you speak with him about this, and I think you’ll find everything will work out.”
She could do that. She did respect him. Respected all the decisions he’d made since they’d been married even if he hadn’t included her, even if she fought them at first. And he was very good to her mother. He never pushed her to relinquish her position in the house. Never let any impatience show when her mother might see. She’d heard some of his grumbling about propriety when they were alone, but never in front of her mother. He listened when she needed to talk about what she, they, had lost.
The tightness around her heart eased. “Yes, I respect him.”
“Then show him when you talk with him about how you feel. You do know how you feel don’t you?” Mrs. Edmondson’s slight grin told Tilde she knew how she felt.
“Yes,” Tilde said softly.
“I thought as much. Well, my dear, I’ll be leaving you here. I promised your mother I’d stop by. She said she had something she wanted to show me. Do you know what that might be?”
“No, ma’am, I don’t.”
“Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s lovely. Your mother has such superb taste.” Mrs. Edmondson stood, leaned over and gave Tilde a kiss on the forehead. “Take good care of yourself. It’s so important during this time.”
As Mrs. Edmondson walked away, Tilde reviewed their conversation trying to figure where she may have let the older woman know about her condition.
~~~~~
Joel locked the bank. He wasn’t going home just yet. Tilde had taken the entire day off. It was her usual morning to stay with her mother, but she’d stopped in just before noon and said she was taking the afternoon also. Tilde looked pale and he had asked if she was feeling well. She’s assured him that she was fine. She and Mabel were going to work on some details for the Christmas party. He’d decided then to make a side trip on his way home and told her he’d be late, so not to worry.
Now, Joel headed across town to the church. He hoped Pastor James would have time to talk with him. He needed advice about his relationship with Tilde. She seemed to be withdrawing more and more. She did her work but didn’t tease with him anymore. Didn’t have the joy she had when he first married her.
He found the pastor walking along the park in the direction of the church at the far end. “Good afternoon, Pastor. Am I interrupting anything? You seem to be concentrating.” Joel fell into step with him.
“No interruption. I’m just prayer walking. I do it several times a week in different areas of town. It seems to lead me to pray for the people of that area specifically. Sometimes I get special revelation as I go along.”
“Ah.”
“Something I can do for you, Joel?” They were approaching the church.
“If you have a little time, I’d like to talk with you.”
“Sure, come on in.” Pastor James led the way into the church. There wa
s a small room he used as an office. “What’s on your mind?”
Joel sat silently for a long time. Pastor James waited patiently for him to begin. Rubbing a hand down his face, Joel began. “I’m not sure how to explain it other than I don’t think Tilde is happy being married to me.”
“Oh?”
“I think she was, at first. We got along well, laughed a lot, learned about each other. Now, well, she just doesn’t seem the same.”
“In what ways?”
“She doesn’t chat and tease with me anymore. Doesn’t even make much conversation. Doesn’t seem interested in the bank. No, that’s not right. It’s that she just does her work without comment or fussing. Whatever I ask her to do she does without complaint and that’s not how we began. She fought me about the adding machine.” Joel chuckled at the memory. “Now she just does the job, no comment, no rolled eyes, no heavy put upon sighs.”
“Sounds like the perfect submissive wife to me.” Pastor James leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands loosely in his lap.
“Huh, I always thought I wanted a submissive wife. Now that I have one there seems to be no joy in it. I want my feisty Tilde back.”
“So what do you think brought about this change from feisty and joyous to submissive and unhappy? You’ve been married about three months, if I remember correctly.”
“Just about. I’m not sure. At first she was showing me all about the bank. The mortgages and accounts and which ones were in arrears. The people who had left town, leaving their houses to the bank. Those who were still here but couldn’t afford to make a payment.” Joel smiled. “Then she had trouble with the sums. She got so frustrated, threw a pencil at me. Well, not at me. I just happened to come in when she threw it across the room.”
Both men chuckled.
“She is feisty. I haven’t been here much longer than you, a couple of month really. I don’t know Tilde well, but she seems levelheaded, compassionate, caring, quite intelligent.”
“She is all of those things, and more. She’s really helped her mother. Mabel is grieving terribly.”
Pastor James nodded. “So, when did you notice the change?”
“I suppose it was when I said we were going to put electricity in the bank. I forgot to tell her about it until supper when I was telling Mabel.”
Pastor James nodded.
Joel thought about that night. Tilde had asked him why he hadn’t mentioned the electricity to her. He didn’t remember what he’d replied. He and Braylon Watts had everything in place for the work to start. They’d had several meetings about it.
Joel’s stomach dropped. “I made the decision to put in the electricity without consulting her. I didn’t include her in any of the thought process or the planning. I didn’t even tell her before I told her mother.” Joel wiped a hand down his face. “Then I brushed off her asking me about it that evening as we got ready for bed. That’s when things really began to become chilly between us.
“I’m sure there are other times where I didn’t tell her things or have her help with the planning. I can’t think of them, but if I didn’t notice then, I’m not going to remember now.”
“Probably not.”
“So, what do I do now?”
“First, pray, ask God for forgiveness for not obeying His command,” Pastor James said.
“Command?”
“You know the verses in Ephesians, commands to husband and wife.”
“You mean Ephesians 5:22, ‘Wives, submit to your husbands?’”
Pastor James shook his head. “Why are you quoting her part?”
“What?” Joel was confused.
“Why are you quoting the part addressed to wives? That’s not your command. It’s only three verses. There’s the next paragraph of nine verses addressed to husbands.
“’Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.’
“It’s a much higher calling. Christ gave himself up for us and husbands are to give themselves up for their wives. He’s called to love her and she’s only called to respect him.”
Joel was dumbstruck. Sure he’d read the verses. Heard the ones to wives preached. The emphasis had always been on the submission of the women. It never really occurred to him to apply those next verses to himself.
Did Tilde respect him? She seemed to. Sure she complained when he left clothing or newspapers lying around. They’d fought over a few things in the weeks they’d been married. But she’d always treated him with respect. Never nagged at him to do anything or to stop doing something.
“Tilde’s been obeying the verses addressed to her. I’m afraid I haven’t been very obedient to my part.”
“Without the balance of each partner obeying the verses addressed to them, one doesn’t get what they need for the other,” Pastor James said.
“I’m not loving her like I love myself. It’s no wonder she’s unhappy.”
“If something doesn’t change, her unhappiness may turn to bitterness, then to resentment. That woman who respects you now will stop doing so. That’s when the nagging, spiteful comments will begin. At the moment she’s pulling away instead of getting closer to you. Now is when you can break that by obeying those commands to husbands. Love your wife the way Christ loved the church.
“I don’t mean rolling over and showing your belly, letting her walk all over you. You want her to be without spot or wrinkle. She’s not perfect, just as you aren’t. Just as you sometimes need to be held accountable for what you do wrong, so does she. No one likes that. It goes down easier if you feel the one admonishing you loves you more than themselves.”
Joel thought about that. He’d always known how much his parents loved him even when they’d called him to task. Tilde didn’t know that. They were still getting to know each other. They’d married as strangers. It was no wonder she was pulling away. She didn’t know how much he loved her. Couldn’t know.
Realization dawned on him. He did love her. Loved her more than he’d thought possible when they married. Loved her sense of commitment to the bank, her mother, their marriage. Loved her sense of humor. Loved when she tried to raise one eyebrow mocking his tendency to do so. Loved her responses in their intimate times at night.
“She needs to know I value her in all ways. That her contribution and ideas matter to me.” Joel looked the pastor in the eye. “I’ve got some apologizing to do. Also, some definite things to change in how I handle things at the bank.”
Pastor James nodded.
“Thank you. You’ve opened my eyes to some Scripture I never considered before.”
“My pleasure.” The smile Pastor James gave him was sincere. “How about we spend a few minutes in prayer before you go and speak with your wife? You don’t want to mess this up because you didn’t ask for the right words and attitude.”
Joel grinned. “Good idea.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Tilde sat in her dressing chair looking out their bedroom window. She should be getting dressed for supper. Instead she was watching for Joel, thinking about her conversation with Mrs. Edmondson.
She’d stayed in the park for a while after Mrs. Edmondson left. When the cold seeped into her bones, Tilde had gone to the bank. Not that she was going to talk to Joel about the baby or the issue she felt was
between them there. That was better done in the privacy of their bedroom. Besides she had more thinking to do about the entire situation.
When she was ready to leave, Joel mentioned that he would be late coming home after the bank closed. No explanation as to why or what he’d be doing, just that he’d be late. Tilde had turned away, saying thank you for letting her know, blinking away moisture that filled her eyes. Once again, he was shutting her out.
Tilde had returned home just in time for the noon meal. Mrs. Edmondson was staying and would help as Tilde and her mother made decorations for the Christmas party. Boughs of pine trees had been brought to the house along with sprigs of holly. The three ladies spent the afternoon wiring them into wreaths and garlands, decorating them with white and red ribbons. With only a week and a half until the party it was time to prepare the house.
Over the weekend the tree would be found and cut. It was another first for Tilde and her mother as her father and brother had always done this before.
It seemed as if everything in life was divided in the before or after. Tilde would be glad when all the firsts were over. Each time another yearly event came, the grief felt by her and her mother blossomed again. It did encourage Tilde that each time seemed to be less than the previous time. Christmas would be a trying time. Her mother was putting on a good front, but she could tell her mother was feeling the loss greatly now. She wished she could do something to ease the pain. Announcing she was expecting would do so, but Tilde decided to save that for Christmas Day. It was a present she could give her mother that would bring joy back to her eyes.
She saw Joel walking toward the house. Glancing at the clock she was dismayed to find it too close to supper to start a serious conversation that might take more time than they had. As he walked up the sidewalk, Joel looked up. When he saw her in the window he smiled and waved. Her heart leapt, and she returned the gesture. Once he disappeared onto the porch she got up and began to change her outfit.
Joel entered the room while she was still in her underpinnings. Coming to her, he pulled her against him and gave her a kiss. “I spent some time with Pastor James this afternoon. I hope you didn’t worry about what I was doing. I should have told you before you left the bank.”
Wanted: Bookkeeper (Silverpines Series Book 14) Page 10