by Taylor Wade
Wes nodded, and I felt myself drifting back to that day once again as I spoke.
The pain wouldn’t end. With every blow I prayed that it would be the last, but then I’d feel another slap across my face, or a punch to my jaw. I’d feel another kick to my ribs, or my stomach, or the twist of my arms as he pulled me to my feet and slammed me back into the wall, watching me as I crumbled to the floor, in a fetal position.
My head throbbed and my vision blurred with dark blotches and my never-ending tears. I could feel the right side of my face starting to swell and it was difficult to close that eye. Every time I tried I would wince in pain, which only seemed to amuse Jesse.
The only time I was safe was when he’d walk back over to his dresser and snort a few more lines. With each new line, Jesse came back to me more and more energized.
“Tell me who it is you stupid bitch!” Jesse demanded, towering over where I sat crouched in the corner between the wall and his nightstand.
“I—I told you!” I stuttered, pleading for him to believe me. “There isn’t anyone!”
“You can’t trick me, bitch!” Jesse reached down and fisted his hands into my now messy ponytail. He yanked his hand down so that my face was lifted to his and his gaze searched my face. I watched him smirk at the damage he had caused.
“I mean it, Jesse!” I wailed, grasping in my mind for anything that might make him stop his relentless beating. “I love you! Only you!”
“Oh yeah?” he smirked, and I nodded hoping my performance was believable.
I could feel the blood from my head dripping down my neck and forehead, blending with the blood from my eyebrow and lip. My teeth had cut up the inside of my mouth with every punch and with every swallow I could taste the salty metallic liquid flowing down my throat.
Jesse released one hand from my hair, keeping his other fist locked tightly around my ponytail. He reached down and unbuttoned his pants, and I heard the zipper as he unzipped his jeans and pulled them down his hips, his boxer briefs following. I felt bile rise in my throat at the sight of his arousal. He was turned on by his attack to my face and body, and it took all of my strength to swallow the vomit rising in my throat.
“Prove it,” he sneered, using his hold on my hair to lift me to my knees. I whimpered, and shook my head, understanding what he was expecting me to do.
“C’mon, Brookey Baby, you know you want to.” His once endearing nickname filled me with disgust. His words were playful but his tone was forceful. I suppressed the sob that was climbing up my throat.
“Fuckin’ do it, Brookelyn!” He yelled, bringing his face down to mine, close enough that I could feel droplets of saliva hit me in the face from the forcefulness of his shout.
I shook my head no longer able to contain my tears or the violent sobs that racked through my body. As soon as I felt the tears hit my cheeks a sharp pain went through my head as he grabbed me forcefully by my hair and yanked it downward so that my face was tilted up to his once more. I closed my eyes to avoid looking at him in the eyes and so the sharp sting that shot through my cheek took me by surprise. I whimpered and reluctantly opened my eyes. He grabbed my jaw roughly between his fingers.
“LOOK AT ME WHEN I’M TALKIN’ TO YOU!” He bellowed before delivering another hard slap to my face.
“I...I’m s-sorry!” I cried, knowing that there was no way I could get away from him.
His eyes flickered with amusement but quickly shifted back to the fury filled depths.
“No, you’re not. But you will be.”
He hit me again only this time his hand was closed into a fist. Another throbbing pain sliced through my skull and I felt more warmth trickle down my lip before he pulled me to a standing position, and pushed me backwards onto his bed.
He wasted no time ripping my thong from my body and plunging into me.
“No, no, no!” I sobbed, pushing against the strong chest above me. “Get off! PLEASE!”
He chuckled, and continued to thrust into me. One hand was gripping my thigh open so hard that I knew he’d leave a bruise. His other hand moved from groping my breast to my throat, and I gasped for air as he tightened his fingers around my neck.
“Scream again, and it’ll be the last breath you ever take you stupid whore!” he spit at me, venom lacing his every word.
I closed my eyes as tightly as possible, and thought to myself that this was it. This was the moment that I would die. You think about it, and you know about it, but you never think about how you’ll feel in your last moments alive.
I couldn’t wrap my head around what had happened to him. I know that they say that drugs will change a person, but he said he’d never hurt me. He said he’d stop using. He promised that he would stop. That he wasn’t addicted, and he just used recreationally. Marijuana could be used recreationally, not this stuff he was on. I should have been smarter.
This was not the guy I had fallen for. This was a monster. This was a murderer.
I could feel myself start to slip out of consciousness at the same time that he let go of my throat and moved inside of me one last time. He let out a loud grunt and collapsed on top of me as I gasped for air.
All I could think about was that I was alive. He didn’t kill me. Not yet.
I wished he had just let me die.
Wes was struggling to grasp everything I had told him. He had known I was afraid of men, but to hear why, and in such detail, I knew he was fighting an internal battle.
“I’m gonna kill him.” He said, his voice hoarse. He didn’t look at me, he kept his focus straight ahead, and his arm around me was tense. His other arm lay beside him, his fist tightly clutching my bed sheets, his knuckles white from the force. Normally the sight of a closed fist caused by anger would send me into a panic, but I found that I wasn’t scared when I was with Wes. I felt safer with him than I have ever felt in my life, especially in the past eleven months.
Wes grabbed his cell phone from my nightstand and scrolled through his contacts before pressing send. After a few moments of silence the person answered. I strained to hear the other half of the conversation but I could only hear Wes’s side of it.
“Where the fuck is he? Yeah, I know. She told me. Now, where the fuck is he? I know you didn’t know, Reese, but I don’t give a fuck! Tell me that fucker isn’t at my apartment. Good. He better fuckin’ not. I’ll be the one going to prison this time, Reese. I swear to God. Yeah, I’m staying here. No, don’t do that. I’ll ask Brookelyn. Okay. Yeah, well you better not ever bring your prison scum near my girlfriend or me ever again dumbass. Whatever, Reese. Save it. You want to apologize to someone, apologize to Brookelyn. No, you’re not talking to her right now. Fuck off, Reese. Make sure he’s out of town.”
Wes ended the call and let out a long breath, “Sorry about that. Reese had him leave once he put two and two together. He said he drove the scumbag to the train station and stayed until he got on one.”
“Okay,” I whispered, and buried my face into his warm chest.
“Tell me the rest,” Wes asked with a sigh.
“I don’t like making you upset,” I told him.
“Brookelyn, I’m not upset with you. Do you have any idea how badly I want to track that piece of shit down right now and kill him for ever laying a hand on you?” he said firmly, bending his head to place a tender kiss to my forehead. “I care about you so much, Brooke, the thought of someone hurting you in any way, especially like that…fuck, I can’t stand it.”
I leaned up on my elbow and planted a soft kiss on his lips, letting him know how much I cared for him as well, and how much I appreciated his care for me.
“Tell me what happened next,” he insisted, placing another chaste kiss on my lips and then leaning back, preparing himself for the rest.
“That’s the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital. I had lost consciousness from the blows to my head and all of the blood loss.” I told him, my story easier to tell now that I knew he wasn’t going to leave me bec
ause of all of my problems. “I guess after that Jesse had left to buy some more drugs. He didn’t lock his bedroom door behind him and so when his roommates came home from the game, one of them, Nick, had came into his room to tell him about the big win. Except, instead of finding Jesse, he found me curled into a ball on his bed, unconscious, naked, beaten and broken, with blood all over me. He called 911 and the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital. The police were waiting to speak to me but I had been in a medically induced coma for three days. The doctors had to put me in the coma while the swelling in my brain started to heal from the severe head trauma I had sustained.
Because Nick had been the one to call the ambulance, the police had questioned him first. He told them how he’d found me in my boyfriend’s room so they had gone to talk to Jesse while I was still unconscious. They found him at the house and luckily for him, there were no drugs anywhere near him and so he couldn’t get arrested for possession. However, the police could see that he was under the influence and noticed his knuckles were raw and bloody so they questioned him and arrested him, keeping him locked up until they could speak to me.
He was charged with domestic battery and assault. I didn’t tell them about the rape. I had been with him in the past and I didn’t want my sex life being examined in front of a courtroom. I was embarrassed and I felt violated as it was. I didn’t want to go through anymore. So he ended up being sent to prison for the battery and assault. I had to sit on the stand and tell the court in detail every single thing he had done while he sat across from me, hatred pouring out of him. He wasn’t supposed to be out yet. He got eighteen months. They promised me eighteen months.”
I couldn’t hold back my sobs, “He shouldn’t be out!”
Wes pulled me tighter against him and wrapped both arms around me, placing kisses on my head, face, and chin.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered, and I could hear the remorse in his voice. “I am so, so sorry.”
“That’s why I came here. It didn’t take long for everyone to find out what had happened since it was such a small school, and I couldn’t go anywhere without getting looks and people asking me about it. My parents wanted me to finish the year at a community college near home but I refused to let him take anymore away from me. I finished out the year and applied here. I was surprised that I got in since my grades hadn’t been very good my first semester, but I knew I couldn’t stay there anymore. Having Elle here made it that much easier to transfer. I couldn’t have done it without her.” I finished.
Wes was silent for a few minutes while he absorbed everything I had thrown at him. The only sounds were our slow, steady breathing filling the air.
“I will never hurt you, Brookelyn.” Wes promised me, placing his forehead against mine and staring into my tired eyes. “You know I would never hurt you, right?”
“Yes,” I whispered back, honestly.
“Promise me,” he demanded gently, but I could hear his desperation. “Promise me you know I would never, ever, hurt you. Ever.”
“I promise. I’m not afraid of you, Wes.” And I wasn’t.
“Thank God,” he sighed, and kissed me on the lips. “I love you. I love you so much, Brookelyn.”
My heart lurched in my chest at his words. After everything he now knew, he still loved me. He wasn’t turned off by what happened, or found me broken and used. He loved me.
The next tears that fell were the happy kind. I couldn’t contain my wide smile as I leaned up and kissed him hard on the lips. He mouth moved against mine and I relished every second of this moment. In this moment I knew what being in love, and somebody loving you back, truly felt like. Elle was right when she said there was no better feeling in the world.
“I love you, too.” And I did.
EIGHTEEN
No one had heard from or seen Jesse since that day at Wes’s apartment. Although it had been two weeks since I last saw him, I couldn’t help but scan my surroundings everywhere that I went. I was worried he’d find me again, and punish me for his time in prison. I knew I was being somewhat irrational but I couldn’t contain my fear. Jesse had taken away any sense of safety that I felt and his reappearance kept me on edge.
Wes would stay with me most nights, knowing that I was scared without me having to tell him. Elle spent more time at the apartment as well as Savanna who I had finally told about what happened. She was shocked at first, but any surprise or sadness she felt was quickly replaced by anger. I had never seen her so riled up before and it made me laugh a little. She made it her mission to personally remove his testicles if she ever saw him.
Elle’s reaction was much like I had expected. She scolded me for not calling her right away but then started to cry. I found myself soothing her, holding her in my arms, much like Wes had done for me. The irony wasn’t lost on me that I was the one comforting her.
Because Jesse now knew where Wes lived we decided it was best to inform Jade and Luke about everything as well. I hated telling so many people about what had happened but Jesse was volatile and I didn’t want Jade and Luke to be unsuspecting on the rare chance he actually showed up at the apartment. I was grateful to them for not treating me any differently once they knew. Jade had suspected that something big had happened to me in the past, she had said, but she didn’t want to pry. She knew I’d tell her when I was ready, just as she had shared her story about what had happened to her sister with me.
I didn’t blame Reese for what happened, but Wes did, and their relationship had been a little strained ever since. I tried to tell Wes not to be upset with his brother but he was being stubborn and refused to forgive Reese for bringing Jesse into his home.
Reese had come to me a few days later and apologized, and I could see the sincerity in his eyes. He felt truly horrible and even though it wasn’t his fault, he blamed himself. I rationed with him that I would have run into Jesse eventually anyways, even though I wasn’t sure if that was true.
I spent the last two weeks doing my schoolwork and spending time with Wes, avoiding any extracurricular events or parties on weekends. I was most comfortable staying home and watching a movie curled up beside Wes. I could sense his restlessness however, and although he denied it, I knew he was anxious to go out. I promised Elle that we’d head to one of Zeta Pi’s house parties this Saturday night and I knew that she was glad to see me doing normal things again instead of hiding out in the apartment and in classes.
I was able to excuse myself from classes tomorrow so that I could head home and meet with my attorney that had handled my case for me last year. He had filed for a restraining order for me now that Jesse was a free man, and I had to sign the final documents as well as pick up a copy to keep with me, should he pay me an unwelcomed visit. I shuddered at the thought.
Wes was insistent that he drives down with me, so we were leaving early in the morning. I was both excited and nervous for my parents to meet him. It was important for my parents to give me their approval, not that it would stop me form being with him if they disapproved. You can’t fight love, I’ve learned through this journey with Wes. On the other hand, however, I was nervous because they would surely give him a hard time at first. I haven’t exactly shown them that I had the best taste in men. But I also knew that once they saw the way we felt about each other, and how much he truly loved me, they’d be able to look past his tattoos and bad boy persona and see that he would never hurt me.
I had already planned most of our day back home after my meeting with my lawyer. I wanted him to know everything about me, and vice versa. I wanted to take him to the park down the street from my house that Elle and I would spend hours at, swinging on the swing set, challenging each other about who could swing higher. I planned to take him to my favorite frozen yogurt place after dinner with my parents, and kiss him on my front porch where I had my very first kiss. A kiss that was so horrible I needed him to erase it from my memory with a better one. I knew he wouldn’t disappoint.
It was a Thursday after
noon and I had just finished up my last class of the day and I decided to take a step forward and head to the union center for a coffee all by myself. It was strange walking more than a few feet without Wes or someone else walking with me like they had been, and although I found myself watching the people around me, it felt good to loosen up a little.
I groaned when I saw that Starbucks was packed with students but I took my spot in line anyways. After five minutes of barely moving forward in line, I was planning to leave when I felt a hand come down on my shoulder. I jumped, spinning around, but relaxed when I saw that it was just Gabe. He was wide-eyed, confused by my overreaction but I just waved his unspoken questions away with a flick of my hand.
“You can’t just sneak up on a girl like that, you know.” I kidded, nudging him with my shoulder. It was weird seeing him, but his face was completely healed, thank god.
“I guess not,” he replied, “do you have anymore classes today?”