I know.
Gvgeyu.
You too.
I wanted to feel the emotion that filled me with Marren's words. Instead, I felt empty and lifeless. I watched Joe'n turn and walk to a dark path in between some trees and stop as she waited for me to follow. I noticed four elves had picked up the bed that Danst was on and waited to carry it. I quickly followed behind the Ancient, feeling the others in close proximity with Danst.
***
I had it wrong when I thought it was a bed Danst was on. It was a raft. A small one built to accommodate him to his next journey. I knew nothing of the ways of the elves, of which Joe'n realized and quietly told me of the ceremony. This sort of funeral was given only to those who deserved the highest honor. Danst gave his life protecting others and made difficult decisions to protect his people and his home. She had told him long ago that because he was half human, he would have to prove himself to her. She didn't realize what she had asked of him at the time and had wished that she had shown him her affections. This was her way of remedying that. Not only was this the highest honor she could bestow on her grandson, he was of the Ancient bloodline. It was his birthright.
Hearing the emotion in the words Joe'n spoke pulled at my heart. I thought she had cast him out because he wasn't fully elf, but I had it wrong. Being new to this realm had given me a new perspective on things. It wasn't because he was different that he was on the outside, it was because he had to prove himself worthy of his lineage. Just like I had, and likely still will have, to prove I'm worthy of Marren's love—regardless of our heart song.
The races of this world had taken extreme measures to protect themselves and in doing so had procured such high levels of fear and suspicion over outsiders. It was easy to understand why they were so protective over themselves. Being different was a risk that the races of the immortal realm had to be leery of in order to extend their lives and protect those they loved. It was a means of survival.
We approached the head of the river. It flowed away from us towards the horizon. Where it led, no one knew. It was not meant for the living to know. Only the dead would see, and even then you had to be worthy, what waited at the other side.
The elves stepped into the water and rested the raft carefully on the surface. As instructed, I walked over to Danst, placed my hands at the foot of the raft. Before pushing him off, I said, “Whatever waits for you at the other end of this river, know that until we meet again, you have always been my closest friend. You were the only real family I’d ever had. Until the end, I love you.” A tear fell hot down my cheek. I gently pushed the raft into the current that pulled it along the rivers length and waited until the fading light made it too difficult to see his shape before walking out of the water.
23
Distraction
We decided to wait until morning before heading back to our own home. The night was spent with roars and grumbles of angry voices demanding to know Jiren's next move. Apparently, Tobias had been right. Between him, me, and Marren, he had sustained enough damage that he had to retreat to regain his strength. You can't kill energy, but you certainly can damage it. Marren maintained that he would find a way to destroy him, but at that moment, Jiren was probably deep into hiding, licking his wounds. We'd only won the first battle.
I couldn't handle the conversation anymore. It started to make me feel like I would lose my mind completely and seek Jiren out myself. Despite how incredibly flawed my reasoning was, I left the elve’s home to stand in the field. It was cleaned up of the bodies, but still stained with the evidence of battle. Some of the trees from the cluster that had hidden me had been cut down to serve as kindling for the mound of dead ready to be burned. A chill crept up from the small of my back to the nape of my neck. It forced a violent shudder from me. The moon, high in the sky, did nothing for the image in the field except enhance the malevolence and deepen the shadows. It reminded me of the forest of the dead, only I could still see the life of the trees.
Don't run off too far without someone with you. Marren's voice filled my mind and made me grateful that night was only a memory—due to fade soon enough.
I'm just outside. The talk of another battle leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I explained.
I'll be out to join you soon.
No, stay. They need you.
But I need you, he said.
We have forever, Marren. We'll be home tomorrow. It's just one more day.
I took my time, walking through the grass, careful to not walk too far from the trees. I just needed some distance. Some quiet. Some alone time to gather my thoughts. So much had happened in the past few weeks. So much in the past few days. Who knew the weight of the world was such a heavy burden to bear. Flutters and flips filled my lower abdomen, much stronger and quicker that they had before. I looked down and found myself surprised by the bulge that wasn't previously noticeable.
Emotions overwhelmed me.
Uwoduhi, are you alright?
I jumped at Marren's words in my head. I'm fine, Marren. Just delighting in the way our child moves.
I felt something. Something more than I had felt from him before. Pride? Awe? Immense joy? It very well could have been all of them.
I stood in the middle of the field, stomach bared in the moonlight and my hands over the small, yet visible bump. I sucked in a breath as I felt the movements not only inside me, but on my hands as well—just barely noticeable.
The sound of crunching grass behind me drew my attention to Marren. I looked at him quizzically, finding expectant eyes returning to me. I smiled at him and then reached my hand out. He gave me his hand. I pulled him to me, placing it where mine had been. The movement happened again.
“Amazing!” Marren's voice was full of fascination.
“That's what I thought.” I smiled.
“So strong!”
I nodded.
He swept me into his arms so fast I could barely breathe. His lips found mine, creating a hunger in me that I knew wouldn't be fulfilled, but it didn't matter. I would deal with the hunger as long as I could still kiss him. He pulled away from me, just before my desire for him completely took control over me, and placed both hands on my belly. He dropped to his knees and placed a soft kiss over the spot where the most movement was.
At least the night ended better than it started.
***
The trip home was exhaustingly long. I was tired, worn, and felt like I was coming down from all of the events that happened as of late and dealing with Marren's nightmares. I tried to get him to talk about them, but he refused, even though I could feel how it affected him. Whatever it was, if it scared Marren, it scared me, too.
The moisture in the air clung to my skin, chilling me each time the wind picked up. The sky was growing darker from the deepening clouds in the distance. If we made it home before the storm hit, it would be a blessing. Everyone was in a somber mood; the last thing we needed was to be damp and cold along with miserable. Not a good combination for traveling.
The drops started to fall as our feet hit the dirt of the path that led us towards the mountain home. Enid took off in a run, either from excitement or from anticipation of being home before the rain really started to fall, I couldn't tell. Raden had taken the path that cut off towards the home of his people and Ildir, the Ancient of the Dwarves. One by one, the races split, heading home. Blyth had left before we started the trip. I never did get to see him fight or his following races. I thought about bringing it up to Marren, but every time a discussion was brought up, he quickly dismissed it.
The smell of the rain, a blend of sulfur and water, mixed with the smell of the dirt and the plants, creating a scent that was intoxicating and lifting for me. As if willing to cater to my wishes, it fell harder. Large drops of water pelted the ground, me, and Marren.
I started laughing. Whether it was because we were alone or the fact that he could finally relax, I didn’t know. But Marren joined in. Unable to deny the effect my laugh had on his heart. T
hen something spontaneous came over me. I ran.
Where are you going? His voice filled my mind.
When was the last time you and I went on a run without worry or fear? Come find me.
That's not going to be hard, he said.
Prove it then.
I pushed my legs faster and faster, beyond the path and through some trees. I moved higher and higher up an incline that was slick. The air filled my lungs, bringing with it a renewed energy I had missed. Each stomp of my feet against the ground warranted another. I wove in and out of trees, jumping from large rock to ground, swinging from nearby tree branches. I took a wide turn back towards our home.
Before I could make it through the trees, I was tackled.
I rolled on the ground with Marren; we were wrapped around each other.
A proud laugh escaped Marren's lips. He pinned me, holding my hands to the ground, while he straddled my waist. The rain lightened to a soft mist that tingled along my skin. But what I felt most was the large amount of desire that filled me from within, a pressure pulsing from inside my thighs.
Marren's eyes held me prisoner. Hot breath came over me in waves as he lowered his face to mine. It spread over my neck, forcing the throb of desire closer to my threshold. As he pressed his lips to mine, his hands slid from my wrists to my hands, weaving his fingers through mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling him closer to me. A soft moan escaped our lips, forcing him to kiss me harder.
I thought you couldn't be with me while in this delicate state?
Some rules are made to be broken. I've just lived through the worst time of my life thinking I could never have you again. I'm taking you now, Marren said.
I let my control go. Whatever I could have of Marren, however short lived it may be, I was going to take. And how glorious it was to have.
***
Two weeks passed. Marren had stayed true to his people's ways. I barely got to spend time with him without the company of someone else desperate for his decision on one matter or the next. Most of the matters dealt with Jiren in some way. And even when I did have time alone with him, his mind was continuously on Jiren. We'd barely discussed a ceremony to make us—our relationship—official. He assured me Okelo would be taking care of the details. But it didn’t make it better.
Always Jiren on Marren's mind. Not something he begged me for just a few short months ago.
“Is Jiren the only one of his kind?” I asked while he waited for a meeting with the rest of the Ancients. I stood at the end of a table, next to where he would sit when company did arrive.
“He is the last of his kind.” He spoke to me while he looked out of the window carved from the wall. It overlooked the forest and mountains. His form held me in a state of sadness and anger. He hadn't returned to his former self just yet. The evidence of his prison still showed on his body as his tanned skin still seemed too pale, his body slightly weaker with his slouched shoulders and even his eyes looked clouded with deep purplish hues under his lower lids.
“What happened to the others?” I asked, desperate for his conversation.
“Those who didn't turn to pure energy, ended up getting killed or went into hiding on the mortal realm. Those who did become like Jiren were bound to something. Exactly how, we don't know.”
“There's something else I don't understand.”
“What is that?” He sounded almost enthused with my curiosity. I forced back a smile.
“Why didn't Jiren kill you when he had the chance? He was gloating about doing it when he was fighting me. He wanted me to watch you die so he could take your form and mislead the races into thinking they were going back to the mortal realm and by the time they'd figured out what was really happening, it would be too late for them.”
Marren nodded as I explained. He seemed to understand where my concern was coming from. “I'm afraid I don't have an answer to that question.”
“How about this one, how did you know which one was the real me?”
Because I can sense you. Plus only you, the real you, can hear me when I talk to you like this.
I walked towards him, closing the gap in between us. Every nerve in my body reaching out to him before we touched. “What if he comes back today or what if he's already here?”
Marren's gaze fell over the scenery out of the window. His jaw clenched a few times. Then he let out a long aggravated sigh. Immediately I wished I hadn't brought it up. I tried to form an apology, but the words stuck in my throat, swollen shut by an onslaught of tears. I backed away, turning to leave the room before he could see them fall. My heart ached for him. All of him. Yet, the only thing I seem to be doing was pushing him further away from me.
I made it to the table before he pulled me back into him, covering my face with his chest. “Why do you cry, uwoduhi?”
I pulled back, confused because he didn't know. “Because I've upset you.”
He smoothed the hair from my face, tucking a few loose strands behind my ears. “Nothing you've said upset me. It's him. I'm going mad thinking about Jiren.”
“Then stop thinking about him and start thinking about the ceremony.” It was to be that following night and I had absolutely no idea what to expect. Okelo had kept herself busy with Serid, the ceremony and other minor errands Marren had thought of to keep her busy.
A burst of warmth filled me. Marren was happy about that and even excited when he let himself think of it. “Yes, the ceremony.” He couldn't hide the smile if he tried.
“Reschedule the meeting. Insist that the others stay for the celebration and then have the meeting afterwards. You've barely eaten, and I know you haven't been sleeping well.” I wanted to go further but someone had stepped into the room, forcing Marren to stiffen, and me to back away from him. I was too late. The meeting would happen then anyway.
I left the room immediately, wanting time to think and be alone. I walked to the cliff that gave a glimpse of the realm, most of the realm anyway. It was smaller than the mortal one, I discovered, but immortals didn't have desires or needs as much as humans, nor the greed. And this was only meant as a temporary basis, as it were. I wondered if I would recognize the mortal realm and if this realm would still exist once every creature had crossed over. Would we wait until we had the baby or would we wait for Jiren to start something again?
All those questions and more filled my mind, a swirling chaos that made even my body dizzy and nauseated. It was hard enough to eat before I got sick, but even harder to keep the food down. Two weeks prior, I had felt the fluttering of the child within me for the first time. Now it seemed my belly had swollen to the point I had to wear lose fitting pants and long baggy shirts. And the child protested every crouch or movement that would limit its space. I let out a shuddering sigh as the nausea continued on.
The grass had grown over much of the rocky ground. I happened to have been standing in a thick, lush patch of it. It looked like it would be soft, cool, and comfortable. I decided to lie down on it and watch the clouds drift by in their weightless, floating motions. It was all I expected and more. It felt as though the grass was a soft pillow matched by the softness of the clouds. The cool breezes came over me, softly cooing me into a light slumber. Light enough to still hear the soft sounds of footsteps approach. I tried to open my eyes, but they were so heavy and unwilling to move. But I didn't need my eyes opened to see who it was. I felt him, smelled him, and tasted him in the air. My body immediately gravitated towards him and his warmth.
What happened to the meeting? I asked, feeling my body relax and sink further into the grass.
There was a shuffle and I heard him lay beside me. His arm overlapped me with his hand lying over mine, hugging my fingers to his. I told them the meeting was canceled until after the ceremony.
Immediately, I felt a burst of warmth and excitement coming from my body's center. I opened my eyes and straddled Marren's waist with too much speed. Having forgotten until then the reason I laid down to begin with. It all came back to me as I
felt like I continued moving to the other side of Marren, yet my body stood still. I laid my head down on his chest with a miserable groan. He rubbed my back gently while the child protested being squished by two bodies.
Let's go get you something to eat and a little rest.
Just as soon as I can move, I said, then slowly half rolled and half slid to his side. Marren's arm made the perfect spot for my head. The curve of his arm wrapped around me in a tight and comfortable embrace.
“Nothing is more important to me than you, Relena. I'm sorry I made you feel otherwise.”
I played with a leather lace on his vest, twirling it between my fingers while he did the same with a strand of my hair. “I understand. Believe me, I want Jiren's head on a platter just as much as—if not more than—everyone else. Mine just happens to come with a little more of a personal grudge.”
“You, hold a grudge?”
It was meant as a joke, but it struck something within me. I clutched the lace I had been playing with in my fist and pressed my lips together so tightly I thought I would cut them with my teeth.
“Was it something I said?” Marren asked.
“No, but it's the whole topic of him. He just...just...”
“Shh, uwoduhi. It's not something you should stress over. Think of the baby.”
“Okay, you want me to not stress? Then why can't we cross over, have the baby there?”
“Because it isn't safe for you to change while pregnant.” There was a hidden fear behind it all. Something dark crossed his eyes and suddenly I knew part of the reason why Marren had been so edgy that day when we crossed over. I was carrying his child and I had gone through a change.
“Why?” I sat up, pulling my knees under me. The nausea subsided.
He propped himself up on his arm and toyed with a piece of grass that he had pulled from the ground. “It's just something my people always feared but could never exactly put into words.”
I felt his emotions filter through every level imaginable. He was so conflicted about the cross over and still worried if he had made the right decision. I didn't need our private communication or touch to see that much.
Heart Song Page 22