My breath fanned against her as I laid on top of her and let my body relax into hers. I moved her sweaty hair from her neck to cool her down and licked the tiny rivulets from her neck, loving the taste of her salty skin. I left wet trails down her spine as I let my tongue taste every inch of her body. She sighed contentedly as I came to lie next to her. The side of her beautiful breasts peeked out from where she was lying and I couldn’t help but let my gaze trail over her curves.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked sleepily.
“Sure.”
“What do you think you would have done with your life if Hudson McGuire hadn’t done what he did?”
“I probably would have gone into security or some kind of intelligence work.”
“Do you ever wish things had turned out differently for you?”
“Sometimes, but I also know that I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I had let those men continue with what they were doing. There’s not much point in regretting things you can’t change.”
“But you said yourself that you could never have a normal life. Doesn’t it make you sad to know that you’ll never have a family of your own?”
I didn’t know if she was trying to feel me out or if she was genuinely curious, but I wasn’t comfortable with the way this conversation was going. I didn’t like to think about things I would miss out on with my life the way it was. Sure, it was lonely and I knew that my time on this earth would always be limited because of my job, but I was good at it and that gave me a sense of satisfaction that I wasn’t sure I would get anywhere else.
“Who needs a family when I have a woman in my bed that gives me everything I could ever want?” I said, deflecting from her question. She could tell that I was avoiding the question, but she didn’t try to push. She just gave me a kiss and stood from the bed.
“I need to get to the store before they close. Anything special you want?”
“I have everything I need right here.”
“I won’t be long.”
She got dressed and I decided to take a shower. I was just stepping out when my phone chimed with an incoming text. I had an account where people could contact me for jobs they needed done and then the account forwarded the messages to my phone. I didn’t like anyone contacting me directly. I scrolled through the text, taking note of the job and where I would be traveling. The time frame was short, meaning I would have to leave right away to plan for the job. I got dressed and pulled on my leather jacket, making my way downstairs. Kate was just walking in with bags of groceries and stopped, her smile slipping as she saw me dressed and ready to go.
“I have a job. The time frame is short, so I have to leave right away. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.”
“Oh, okay. Well, I guess be safe and call me when you get wherever you’re going.”
I shook my head as I walked over to her. “I won’t ever call you when I’m out on a job. I’m sorry, but it won’t ever be like that with us.”
“So, I won’t know that you’re okay or when you’ll be coming back?”
“It’s safer that way.”
She smiled slightly, but I could tell it was forced. “Go do your job and I’ll be here when you get back.”
I kissed her hard and then slipped out the door. I had work to do and I couldn’t allow her to affect me that much if I wanted to keep a level head. It would be impossible, but my two lives had to stay separate if I had any hope of keeping her safe.
✯✯✯✯✯
I looked into the terrified eyes of the man on his knees in front of me. He had already pissed himself and now he had snot dripping from his nose as he cried in front of me. He disgusted me. This asshole had stolen $100,000 from his boss, Richard Patterson, essentially bankrupting the business and leaving the family out on the streets for months after they couldn’t pay their bills. When Patterson finally got his business up and running again and was able to get his family back in stable condition, he contacted me to take care of his former employee that had put his family in danger.
“I’m sorry,” the man whimpered. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I was desperate. My kid needed treatments and I didn’t have the money for it. I just did what I had to so that my family could survive.”
I almost felt sorry for the man. After all, if it was my kid, I would do the same, but that didn’t change the fact that this man had taken from someone else and put that family in danger.
“Your boss’s family was out on the streets for months after you stole from him. You took everything from him to save your kid and now you’re going to pay the price,” I snarled.
“Please,” he whispered. “I’ll do anything. I’ll repay him every cent. I swear. I just want to go home to my family.”
Kate’s face flashed in my mind and I could hear her reprimanding me for taking a life that could have been saved. Did this man really deserve to die for his crimes? Not really. The more I saw of this man, the more I knew that he didn’t deserve me coming after him. He could easily have been forced to repay the money to his former boss. But that wasn’t a decision for me to make. I wasn’t a peace keeper and it wasn’t my place to interfere. I had already been paid for taking this man out and I couldn’t back out now. As much as I didn’t want to do this, I knew that I didn’t have a choice. I took no pleasure from this kill.
“How’s your kid?”
“He’s doing better. They say he has a good chance of surviving,” the man whimpered.
“I’ll make sure he’s taken care of,” I said as I drew my knife across his throat and watched the life drain from him. I forced myself to watch, knowing that this was one kill that would haunt me the rest of my life. As soon as I disposed of his body, I made sure to transfer a half a million dollars into his wife’s bank account. It wouldn’t do jack shit for bringing her husband back, but at least she wouldn’t have to worry about money for a while.
I didn’t go back to Kate right after that job. I felt tainted for the first time and I didn’t want that to touch her pure soul. Instead, I went to a hotel and hid out for a week, drinking myself to sleep every night, ashamed that I hadn’t done more research into that job before I took it. Every night, I heard Kate’s voice in my head, begging me not to blacken my soul any further. Every morning, I woke up and vowed to try and be a better man for her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Kate
“HOW LONG HAS it been this time?” Cole asked as he put in the new light fixture. Since I never knew when Garrick would be coming back, I asked Cole to come over and help me with a few things around the house.
“Three weeks.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“I don’t understand how it’s any different than if he were in the military. When you served, you were gone for months at a time.”
“Yeah, but I could contact my family. I could let you know when I was coming back. When was the last time you heard from Knight?”
“He doesn’t ever contact me when he’s working.”
“So, he just comes and goes as he pleases?”
“It’s not like that. He doesn’t want me involved in that part of his life.”
“It seems to me like he doesn’t want you involved in any part of his life except to warm his bed.”
“That’s none of your business. What we have is between us and I don’t believe I asked for your input.”
“Kate, when are you going to see that this guy is just using you? I get that you like him, but you have no clue what he’s doing while he’s not here. He could be fucking women all across the country and you wouldn’t have a clue.”
My cheeks heated and I ducked my head so he wouldn’t see the anger and embarrassment building. It was true, I really didn’t know for sure that I was the only one he was with, but I also didn’t want to know. If he was sleeping with other women, it would kill me to know that I had been so stupid. I didn’t need Cole to tell me that he could be out screwing other women. It had crossed my mind several tim
es, but it didn’t make sense that he would be. He had stalked me for months and had been sleeping in my bed for the past few months. I just couldn’t imagine him wanting someone else.
“You don’t understand, Cole. It’s different between us. I know that I don’t always know where he is or what he’s doing, but when he’s here it’s so different from anything I’ve ever had. We have a connection and I just can’t picture him screwing around on me.”
“Kate, you’re acting like such a girl right now, going on about your connection. This isn’t like you. You’re usually more level headed than this.”
“So, it’s okay for you and Alex to have a connection that no one else understands, but with me and Garrick it’s bullshit?”
“Alex and I were different. We stayed together. She didn’t run out on me to go do something else.”
“Right, your connection was so strong that when she had amnesia she practically ran away from you.”
He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Look, we could go back and forth with this all day. I just want you to be careful. The guy is a killer and I don’t like the idea of you spending time with him. It’s not just your heart I’m worried about, Kate.”
“He would never hurt me.”
“You say that now, but what happens when you say or do something he doesn’t like? Are you so sure that he won’t ever lose his temper with you?”
“It’s not like he just goes around shooting people for no reason. He always has a purpose for who he kills.”
“Yeah, and it’s called money. Do you honestly think that he knows anything about the people he takes out? He needs a job and he was trained by the military to be a killer and that’s what he became. Don’t romanticize this into something else.”
“Maybe you should just leave. I didn’t ask you here so you could berate me and make me feel stupid. I understand that you don’t like him, and I’m not asking you to. But you could at least have enough respect for me to not treat me like I’m a complete idiot.”
He gathered up his stuff and headed for the door, turning to me with a serious look. “Kate, I care about you. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. And that includes having a broken heart.”
He walked out the door and I replayed our conversation over and over, wondering if he was right. There was a lot I didn’t know about Garrick, so why was I so sure that this would end any way other than in devastation?
✯✯✯✯✯
I moaned as strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me into the familiar body I had come to know so well over the past few months. His long fingers knew my body well and played me like a piano. I couldn’t get enough of him and every time I thought maybe he wouldn’t be coming back to me, he appeared in my bed. Sometimes he stayed for a few days, but sometimes we would go a few weeks before he had to go out again.
He always woke me the same way, slipping his fingers inside me and giving me pleasure that I only knew with him. Sometimes it seemed like he was making love to me, while other times he took me hard like he was trying to get out his anger and frustration on my body. I liked him any way he gave me and I didn’t care if he couldn’t give me more than his body. For now, that was all I could handle. If I thought too hard about what he was doing while he was gone, I might decide to break things off.
After hours of fucking, I finally drifted off in his arms, happy that he was back for however long he could give me. When I woke in the morning, he wasn’t in bed and I got up to go in search of him. Every room I looked in was empty and it became pretty clear that he had already left. There wasn’t any sign that he had been here. I began to wonder if I had dreamed the whole thing, but the soreness between my legs said otherwise. I wouldn’t sit around and pout all day. I needed to be happy with the time he had given me and go about my life. Our time together was limited and I needed to remember that before I let my heart get too involved.
I went into work the next day in a terrible mood. I had been bored all day yesterday or possibly just disappointed. When Garrick snuck into my bed, I had fallen asleep thinking about spending the day with him. Instead, I ran errands and did laundry, something I needed to do, but wasn’t nearly as satisfying as having sex with him all day all over my house.
I did my best to focus at work, but I kept hearing Cole’s words over and over in my head, that Garrick was using me when he needed someone to warm his bed. It screwed with my head all day and I went back and forth between being okay with our situation to feeling like I was being used. I was so angry by the end of the day that I decided to go grab a drink instead of working late. I needed the distraction so I didn’t totally lose my head. I called my friend, Samantha, and was excited when she said she could meet me.
I ordered a martini, needing to take the edge off and waved to Samantha when I saw her at a table. I plopped myself down on the bar stool and sighed heavily. “I’m so glad you came out tonight.”
“I’m glad you called. You work so many hours, I didn’t think I would get to see you again until you took a vacation.”
“I don’t take vacations,” I said as I looked at her questioningly.
“Exactly. So, what called for this emergency night out?”
“Uh, I need some perspective.”
“I’m all ears,” she said, wiggling her ears at me. I laughed and took a drink of my martini.
“Okay, basically I’ve been sleeping with this guy and he’s amazing in bed. Like, so amazing that I’d be willing to overlook a lot to be with him.”
“Please don’t tell me he’s married.” She shot me a pained look and I waved her off.
“Nothing like that,” but then I stopped and thought how strange it was that being a cheater was unacceptable to me, but apparently killing people was okay. “Anyway, he doesn’t have the kind of job that allows him to commit to me and I thought I was okay with that, but then Cole basically told me that he’s using me.“
“Do you feel like you’re being used?”
“Well, I didn’t, because he always spent at least a few days with me, but then he came by the other night and he was gone in the morning. There was no note, but then he never leaves one. I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m just letting Cole’s words get to me or if I’m just too stupid to see the situation for what it really is.”
“Well, what do you mean that his job doesn’t allow him to commit to you?”
Shit. I didn’t know how to explain that. I couldn’t say, well he kills people and his enemies could find me if I spend too much time with him. “He travels a lot and he isn’t in town very often. He really likes me and he’s fine with being with just me, but he doesn’t want me to expect more.”
She grimaced. “I think I’d have to agree with Cole. He basically got you to commit to a fuck buddy relationship and he dictates when you get together. It sounds like he gets what he wants and you have to be okay with it.”
“I know how it sounds, but when we’re together, I don’t feel like he’s using me. Believe me, I get how bad this all sounds and I don’t have any delusions that this is going to be something more in the future.”
“Kate, I can tell you how it looks to me, but only you can decide if you’re okay with your arrangement. I’m an outsider and I can’t tell you what you feel when you’re with him. I would just warn you to be careful. As long as you keep in mind that this can never be more than it is, then you’ll be fine.”
“I guess I just wanted someone to tell me it was okay.”
“You don’t have to justify your relationship to me. I don’t have a boyfriend so I have no room to judge. Do you know of any good looking men that are looking for a good time?”
“Uh, yeah. I know a whole bunch of good looking men and I’m pretty sure that all they want is a good time.”
“Do tell,” she said as she scooted to the end of her chair.
I gave her all the dirt I could on the hot men of Reed Security and promised to hook her up the next time we got together. We drank and laughed for over two hours and my
bladder was demanding I empty it.
“I hate to ditch you, Kate, but I just spotted someone I’m going to take home tonight.”
I looked around the bar and I didn’t even need her to point him out. He was a good looking guy sitting alone at the bar. Tall with short, dark hair and clean shaven. He wore a business suit with the tie loosened. No visible ring on his left hand and just the type of man she usually went for.
“Don’t let me stand in your way.”
“Are you okay to get home?”
“Yeah, I’m just going to use the bathroom and head out. Call me later and let me know how he was.”
“Only if it’s good,” she said with a smirk as she sauntered over to the man, immediately grabbing his attention. It made me a little sad that I would never be able to go out to a bar with Garrick. We would never grab a drink or hang out with friends. I shook my head and made my way to the bathroom. As I washed my hands, I looked at myself in the mirror and decided that it didn’t really matter what Cole thought of my relationship with Garrick. I was happy for now and I was going to enjoy it.
I opened the bathroom door and stepped back in shock when Garrick stood in front of me, both hands resting against the door frame blocking my way. He looked pissed and his eyes skimmed over my body like he was checking to make sure I was okay.
“What are you doing here?” I asked in shock.
“I’m back in town and imagine my surprise when you weren’t at work or at home.”
“I wasn’t aware that I had to tell you where I was going,” I said angrily. Now that he was here, I was pissed that he had the nerve to be upset that I wasn’t waiting around for him.
“I never said you had to, but the least you could do is be a little more careful. You came out to drink and you didn’t even have anyone to look out for you.”
“Why would you assume that I need someone to look out for me? I’m a grown woman.”
“You’ve been drinking.” His dark eyes bored into me and the anger in his features left me shaking just a little. I could tell that he was upset with me, but I didn’t have the slightest clue why. It wasn’t like I was his wife or even his girlfriend. I was just somebody that he fucked around with.
Knight: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 4) Page 11