by Paulette Rae
“Oh, Jamie. I’m sorry.”
Jamie lifted his gaze to hers; deep lines dimpled his cheeks as his face broke into a smile. “What are you sorry for? She’s mine.”
“Oh, Jamie!” She launched herself upon him and the papers flew through the air, along with the rest of the mail, onto the grass. He grabbed her around the waist and swept her into a bear hug.
“God, Kirsty. She’s mine,” Jamie repeated as if he could hardly believe it himself.
“That’s wonderful.” Kirsten bent to pick up the mail once Jamie set her back on her feet. The look on his face meant more to her than he would ever know. Something good had finally come from everything that had happened. Her eyes shone with tears as she stood to face him, the mail back under control once more.
“Kirsten.” Jamie reached for her but she pulled her arm away. He knew her tears meant more than just her happiness over his welcome news.
“Don’t.” Her eyes pleaded with him. “Please.”
She turned from him and started to walk away.
“Kirsten, wait.” Jamie’s words followed but his body didn’t. She quickened her pace and left him standing where she had found him.
She entered the house through the back door, dropped the mail on the table and followed the corridor up the stairs to the third floor like she had done so many times before. Her bedroom door stood open and the boxes, which had been there that morning, were gone. The room looked as it had on the first day she arrived. She walked to the wardrobe and opened the doors. Empty clothes hangers rattled as the shift in air moved them on the rail.
Kirsten crossed to the window and peered down at the bay for the last time. A lonely Shag floated on the water near the jetty. She could just make out the black form as it bobbed up and down. As she watched it bent its neck and disappeared under the water with a twitch of its tail feathers.
She moved to the bedside cabinet and picked up her handbag. It was the last thing of hers in the room. Silently she reached in, pulled out a small velvet box and placed it on the nightstand.
Then she turned and left the room without a second glance. She took the elevator down to the ground floor. She didn’t want to pass the grand bookshelves, now missing their books, standing empty and bare.
Kirsten walked along the back corridor again and into the kitchen. Craig was perched on a kitchen stool at the back door, having a cigarette.
“Hey, there.”
“Hey, Craig,” she said with affection.
“Your Dad’s out the front with the girls.”
Kirsten smiled as Craig placed Beth in the same category as Sarah.
“You look after her, won’t you?” Kirsten teased with a grin.
“Oh, don’t you worry about that little lady. I intend to.”
Kirsten giggled. “It’s been nice working with you, Craig.”
The big man stubbed out his cigarette with one foot, then came back inside to give her a hug.
She wiped a tear from her face as he let her go.
“Now look what you made me do.” Kirsten batted him playfully with her good hand. She walked out through the dining room and into the lounge. The French doors had been thrown open to another summer day, and she could see her father, standing with Beth on the front steps of the patio. He had on a plaid jacket, even though he would be roasting in the heat, and his hands were planted in the pockets of his blue jeans. Beth looked up as she approached and smiled.
“There she is. We were just talking about you.”
“Kirsten!” Sarah yelled from the lawn. She ran up the hill and launched herself into Kirsten’s arms. Kirsten hoisted her onto her hip and the little girl looped her legs around her waist, dropped her head onto her shoulder.
“Sarah, be careful,” Beth warned.
“It’s okay, Beth.” She looked at Sarah and smiled. “But you are getting too big to do this you know.” Sarah giggled as Kirsten planted a kiss on the end of her nose. Her hair had been washed and it smelt like fresh picked apples.
“Are you ready to go?” Todd Rhodes seemed out of place in this landscape as he climbed the stairs and smiled at his daughter. Kirsten had missed him; all her family for that matter, but now it seemed he was the bearer of all things coming to an end. He was there to take her home.
“Ah-huh.” Kirsten nodded.
“Kirsty, I don’t want you to go,” Sarah said in dreadful sadness. Kirsten smiled despite the fact her heart was aching inside. “Hey, you don’t need me anymore, Sarah. You and your dad are going to Nelson and you’re going to a new school. Won’t that be great?”
“Yes.” Sarah nodded, but she still seemed unsure. Everything had changed for the young girl over the last few weeks. Her uncle had died and Jamie was taking her away to a new home. Beth had the house on the market and would probably move to Blenheim where she could be closer to the business and Sarah.
“Will you visit us?”
Kirsten sighed, unsure of what to say. She and Jamie had sidestepped any relevant conversations since the night of Tyler’s death. She looked up at Beth, who smiled knowingly.
“Of course she can visit us.” Jamie appeared from the lounge and put his arm around Beth. “Anytime she wants to.”
Kirsten’s smile faltered as she looked at Jamie. There was so much left unsaid between them, so much she wanted to say, but they had both avoided it like the plague. Now it was time to leave him.
She hugged Sarah as they walked across the path to the driveway, where Todd’s car waited.
“Do you mind if I drive for a while, Dad?” Kirsten smiled. “I hate this road. It’s the only thing I won’t miss.”
“Sure, honey.” He tossed her the keys as she set Sarah back on the ground. Kirsten knelt beside Sarah so she had to look up into her face. Sarah was getting tall now, growing every day. Soon she would be a beautiful young lady like her mother had been.
“You look after your dad, okay?” Kirsten smiled.
Two big tears rolled down Sarah’s cheeks as she nodded.
“Don’t cry sweetie, it’s all good.” Kirsten wiped Sarah’s tears away with her hand, but two more took their place and Sarah whined.
Kirsten’s eyes welled up with her own sadness. “Now you’ve made me cry.”
Sarah laughed through her tears. “I’ll miss you.”
“Oh, I’ll miss you too, honey.” Sarah put her arms around Kirsten’s neck and hugged her. Then Kirsten stood up and took her by the hand. She looked over at Beth and smiled. Surprisingly the older woman had tears in her own eyes.
“I’m sorry things ended like this,” she said to Kirsten as she laid a shaking hand on her arm.
“Me too, Beth. More sorry than you will ever know.” She lowered her gaze. Beth put her hand under Kirsten’s chin and lifted her face back to her own.
“Honey, there are no hard feelings. Sometimes these things happen for a reason. They’re sent to make us stronger people. You need to make peace with it yourself.”
“I’m trying.” Kirsten whispered. She recalled the words Beth had said at Tyler’s funeral.
My children are together in heaven.
She had pondered the statement over and over since then. Kirsten had never been one to believe in heaven. But she did believe there was something on the other side of death. When it came to Tyler and Brook it was easier to look past heaven, because it was a place that had many rules. Rules that Tyler had been very good at not following. In her mind they were now together though, and hopefully at peace. Beth smiled. “If I’m in Christchurch, may I visit?”
Kirsten laughed. “Of course you can. I’d love to keep in touch.”
She moved last to Jamie. He took his daughter’s hand and Sarah released Kirsten to latch onto her father’s leg.
Kirsten looked up into his eyes. She couldn’t read his face; he had masked it carefully for everyone else, as he had learned to do so skillfully over the years. There were things she wanted to say; things she wanted him to say, but she knew they were out of time. He ha
d Sarah to think about now and that’s where his focus should be. There was no longer anything standing in the way of whatever they wanted to do. Kirsten was happy for them.
“You two look after each other.” Kirsten smiled as she fought back the tears. I love you. It was on her lips but she couldn’t say it; couldn’t bear to see it not reflected back in his eyes. She swallowed hard instead.
“You too, Kirsty.” Jamie pulled her to him and she slipped her arms around his neck. He held her close for a moment, his hand firm against the small of her back. Then she turned and walked to the car before he could see the tears in her eyes.
“Kirsty?” her father questioned as she climbed into the car and pulled the seatbelt across her lap.
“Please, Dad,” she whispered as she started the car, “don’t say anything until we get out of sight.” She knew if he said anything right now the floodgates would open. She wanted to leave with a little dignity.
Kirsten drove the little car slowly up the driveway. In the rear vision mirror she took one last look at the place and the people she had fallen in love with.
Chapter 16
The Rhodes house was bustling with energy for a Saturday morning. Kirsten sat in the conservatory, her legs crossed as she sat in the sun reading the newspaper. The sounds of her family around her were a great distraction but she tried to concentrate on the situations vacant section nevertheless. She needed to find a job. The cast had been removed from her arm now and she was restless, despite her mother’s insistence that she should take several weeks to herself before she decided her next career move. She just couldn’t do it. She was too much like her father. It was in her genes to keep busy. Besides, living here with her parents and two sisters was driving her up the wall. Kirsten couldn’t understand how Shelley could still do it.
Somewhere in the kitchen a song drifted from the radio as Jenny Rhodes and Alicia did the breakfast dishes together and talked. Shelley sat in the lounge, filing her nails and talking on the phone, probably to Stephen, Kirsten assumed. Why they didn’t just move in together she didn’t know. He was always here, or she stayed at his place, and in between times they talked on the phone.
“Anything interesting?” Her father wandered through the ranch slider door and peered over her shoulder.
“Not unless I’d like to be a sandwich artist, a forklift driver, or I’m qualified to work in the field of, what was it-?” She looked down at the paper. “Pig husbandry.”
Todd laughed and ruffled her hair. “Yep, that’s my girl the pig farmer.”
“Not likely.” Kirsten grinned and turned back to scouring the jobs. A moment later Shelley padded across the tiles in her bare feet, held the phone out.
“For you,” she said and smiled.
“Oh thanks, Shell.” Kirsten took the phone from her sister. “Hello?”
“Kirsten?” It was the unmistakable voice of her previous employer.
“Hi, Beth! What a nice surprise.”
“Oh hi, honey. How are you?”
“I’m good, very good. Are you in Christchurch?”
“Yes, dear, I am. Craig and I are here having a little working holiday. We’d love to see you.”
“You and Craig, huh?” Kirsten teased. “Do I hear wedding bells?”
Beth’s laughter rippled down the phone line. “I don’t think so, honey. But if that changes I’ll let you know.”
“How is Sarah?” Kirsten asked. But what she really wanted to ask first was how is Jamie?
“Oh, she’s great,” Beth said with enthusiasm. “She loves her new school, and Jamie’s parents are so good with her.”
“That’s great.” Kirsten smiled. “And Jamie?” She felt her heart quicken as she spoke his name, hoped it wouldn’t tell in her voice.
“James is the same as always. You know what he’s like. A bear with a sore head one minute and sweet as pie the next.”
Kirsten laughed as Beth continued, “There is one slight change in him recently though. I think he’s getting ready to settle down.”
Kirsten’s heart skipped a beat. It had only been three weeks. Was she referring to a new relationship? Had he moved on already?
“Settle down,” Kirsten started. “Has he met someone?”
“Ah, yes,” Beth confirmed. “She’s quite lovely. I’m very fond of her myself actually.”
Kirsten felt the tears well up in her eyes and she cursed herself silently for letting it affect her so much. She bit her lip and asked, “And Sarah, what does she think?”
“Oh Sarah adores her,” Beth gushed. Then she paused before she added, “Look, Kirsten, can we talk more tonight? I’d love for you to come to dinner with us but right now I have to go to a meeting.”
“I’d like that, Beth. Do you want me to meet you somewhere?”
“No, no,” Beth dismissed her immediately. “I’ll send Craig to get you. Is that okay?”
Kirsten smiled. “Yes, of course, I’ll see you tonight then.”
After fixing a time with Beth Kirsten hung up the phone. Shelley returned to the conservatory after a few moments silence; deciding her sister was off the phone and it should be hers once again.
“You okay, sis?” She saw the look on Kirsten’s face and sat on the floor. Kirsten faked a smile and wiped a stray tear with the back of her hand.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
Later in the afternoon Kirsten found a dress in her wardrobe she hadn’t worn in a while and got herself ready for dinner. It was a plain maroon scoop-neck number. She didn’t know where Beth had booked so the idea to wear something that could be passed as either casual or dressy seemed appropriate.
She decided she would try to avoid any conversations about Jamie all night. The thought of him and what she had walked away from still upset her. And to think that he had already forgotten her, moved on with someone else, was like rubbing salt into her unhealed wounds. Over the last few weeks she had thought about Jamie a lot. She missed Sarah terribly, but it was the thought of Jamie that made her heart ache. Often she found herself wondering, if things had turned out differently, where would we be now? But wondering about the possibilities was torture. She didn’t have Jamie. She couldn’t go back and change everything that had happened. So she had to live with it and try to move on with her life.
Craig arrived at six-thirty on the dot. The ex navy man was always on time and Kirsten greeted him with a huge hug. She stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. He smiled and blushed.
“You look wonderful as always,” he said, admiring her tidy appearance. Her thin ankles stretched down into black high heels, she’d donned a fine silver ankle bracelet and wore a tiny gold cross on a chain at her neck.
“Thank you.” She did a small curtsy then grabbed her handbag from the table as they walked out together. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”
“How have you been?” Craig glanced down at her.
“Ah, you know.” She smiled. “It gets better every day.”
“Yeah, I know.” Craig nodded. “Beth still finds it hard. She was so pleased you could make it tonight. You really don’t know what it means to her.”
“Well, I’m glad she thought of me,” Kirsten paused. “That you both thought of me.”
Then she grinned up at Craig. “Are there any plans I should know about with you and Miss Elizabeth?”
Craig smiled as he backed down the driveway, avoided eye contact. “We’re just taking it one day at a time.”
“Where are we going?” Kirsten asked as they set out.
“You’ll see. We have to go collect Beth first. She’s at the motel. She’s been in a meeting all day so she’ll be keen to get out and let her hair down. That’s why I offered to pick you up. You know, give me something to do while she was busy.”
When they arrived at the motel, Kirsten smiled. It was one of the more expensive places in Christchurch. Only the best for Beth, she mused as Craig pulled the car to a stop. He glanced at his watch.
“She sho
uld be finishing up. Why don’t you go in and I’ll find a park.” Craig pointed to a small building adjacent to the main reception with the words ‘Conference Centre’ over the door.
“Okay.” Kirsten climbed from the vehicle. Gravel crunched under her feet as she walked across the car park.
The building was quiet as she entered the small foyer, and she wondered briefly if Beth was inside, or had in fact already gone back to her room. She listened carefully but couldn’t hear anything from the other side of the double doors that separated her from the conference room. Cautiously she stepped forward. To her left was a small table; a half round pushed up against the wall, the surface and turned wooden legs stained a dark brown. A selection of gerberas in bright colours stood collected together in a glass vase, the base filled with blue marbles.
But it was the box next to it which immediately caught Kirsten’s attention. It was a small green velvet capsule and even before she picked it up she knew what it contained. How could she not? She’d pulled it from her handbag on the day she had left Hampton Grange. The tiny hinges squeaked as she opened the box, and her teardrop emerald earrings glinted up at her.
Confused, she looked up as the doors opened. She gasped. “Jamie.”
He looked wonderful, dressed in a casual black suit over a pastel green shirt.
“Hi, Kirsty.”
She took a step back. “Beth didn’t tell me you were here.” Her mind buzzed as she tried to get her head around what was happening. Why would Beth have left out this important piece of information when Kirsten had asked her about Jamie? Kirsten felt mad at Beth for allowing her to be caught off guard like this in front of him.
“I know. I asked her not to.”
“You asked her not to?”
A smile played around the edges of his mouth as he said, “I never thought I’d say this, but oh how I missed your stupid questions.”
Kirsten didn’t know what to say. Jamie stepped forward and took the earrings carefully from her trembling fingers.
“You know when I gave you these, there were no conditions. They were yours to keep.”
“I know, Jamie. But I couldn’t-” she paused. “After everything that happened, it didn’t seem right.”