She was so amazingly sweet in those first weeks together. Always so eager to make me him happy and please him. It was like pulling teeth just to get her to tell him what she’d like to do for an evening or which movie she’d like to see.
He remembered she had planned a special night for them that first night they finally made love. He didn’t even know what her plans were. All he knew was that the most beautiful woman in the world made him the best-tasting meal, followed up by the sweetest strawberry rhubarb pie he had ever eaten.
After washing and drying the dishes in his kitchen, she had caused him to nearly drop the plate he was putting away when she uttered the four simple words, “I love you, Derek.”
His heart skipped a beat, and a wild butterfly started fluttering around in his stomach when she made her sudden declaration of love.
He remembered his hands were shaking as he placed the plate on top of the others in the cupboard so loudly he heard her gasp.
When he turned around and saw the uncertainty and fear in her eyes that he might not say those little three words back, he knew in that moment that he would do anything in his power to make sure that her usually sparkling blue eyes never had that look in them again. Until the day that he died, he vowed to only show her happiness and never let that expression cross those gorgeous eyes ever again.
He walked over to her, crossing the short distance of the kitchen without saying a word. Then, without even touching her, he leaned his forehead down against hers and whispered softly to her, “I love you, Sandi.”
The relieved smile that washed over her face made the moment all the sweeter. She had responded with a surprised, “You do?”
That was when he had taken her in his arms, held her close, and whispered the words in her ear again. When she didn’t say anything, he pulled away slightly and whispered it in her other ear.
Only then did she seem to believe him. Tears started to fall from her face as she told him that she wanted him to make love to her. She asked him in the sweetest voice if he would be her first.
He wasn’t surprised to hear that she was a virgin. That much he had expected just from her sweet nature. He wasn’t satisfied with just being her first though. He truly did love her. No woman had even come close to getting into his heart like she had. Being the first man she made love to wouldn’t come close to the amount of commitment he wanted with her. He wanted a lifetime with her.
Still, two years later, he could remember exactly what he said to her. “Oh, honey, my sweet, beautiful Sandi. I’ll only make love to you on one condition. No way will I just be your first, baby. I’ll only settle for being your first, your last, your only, honey. I love you.”
No words were necessary for her agreement. Her eyes closed as she nodded, and tears escaped from her pretty eyelids.
That night, he took her to his bedroom for the first time. He spent what seemed like hours just kissing her, holding her, reassuring her that she was everything to him.
Several times he had even stopped to ask her if she was sure she was really ready for this. Her nervousness was so apparent. She was shaking and found it difficult to even look him in the eye.
That was the first time he had ever even raised his voice at her. They had spent hours exploring each other’s bodies and holding and kissing one another. There was no way he was going to make love to her for the first time if she refused to even look at him. He needed her to see him, look him in the eye as he entered her body, as they became one.
It took some coaxing and a bit of a domineering tone to get her to relax and just look him in the eye. He knew she was embarrassed and unsure of herself. He understood that, too. He just didn’t want there to be any regrets. He wanted the first time they made love together to be a beautiful memory to her, nothing that she could feel regret for.
Once he finally had her relaxed, he was able to get her to truly connect with him on an emotional level. That was what he wanted for them, an emotional and physical connection so that they truly would become one.
It was never anything that mattered with any of his previous girlfriends. With them, it was just fulfilling a sexual need. With Sandi though, it was so much more than a need. It was want, desire, love, cherish, and it was for eternity.
Derek closed his eyes on the next memory that overcame him. He could still remember with such clarity the intensity that he felt when he finally entered her tight, never-been-touched, cavernous wonder. The first several seconds, he thought the amazing way that her inner walls clung to his throbbing hardness was a result of her virginity, but one look into her eyes, and he knew that had absolutely nothing to do with it. This was how it was supposed to be, what it would always be with her.
Making love to her that night, sliding his length in and out of her hot, sweet wetness, he just kept thinking that this was it. This was what the singers were singing about, what the poets spoke of when they declared words of everlasting and eternal love.
This connection to another human being, the physical, the emotional, the elemental bond that had happened between them in that moment would never ever go away. Nothing in the world would be strong enough to ever tear them apart.
That memory brought him back to reality. He had thought that nothing could tear them apart. He hadn’t realized at the time how wrong he was.
Getting out of bed and staggering from being slightly still drunk from the night before, he managed to make it to the bathroom, placed both hands on the counter, and stared at the man in the mirror looking back at him.
“You stupid fuck.” He glared at his reflection as he spat out the words in anger. “You thought nothing was so strong that it could tear you apart. How stupid could you be, Travis? Assuming you two had some sort of connection and bond that bound her to you for all eternity. You’re an idiot. That shit only happens in movies!”
Shaking his head and thoroughly disgusted with himself for ever buying into such ridiculous fairy tales, he reached into the shower and turned it on ice-cold.
If he was going to get though what he had planned, he needed to be one hundred percent awake and alert. There was no way he was going to face Zach, or even Sandi, if he wasn’t on his game.
He didn’t want any warmth flowing through him at all. If he was going to have any chance to get through seeing her again, if only for a moment, he needed to have ice flowing in his veins and an iceberg where his heart once was. There was no way he was going to allow her to get the better of him. No, Sandi Clayton would never even be given the chance to destroy him like she once did.
Moments later, he stepped out of the freezing water, shivering from head to toe as he reached for the towel. Vigorously, he dried his body, hoping that it would warm what felt like frozen skin.
Moving even faster, he quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and put on a long-sleeve button-down shirt. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he put on his socks then his shoes.
Even fully clothed, he was still cold. Good, he thought. The colder I am, the harder it will be for anyone to get to me. Walking toward the door, trying to ignore his teeth that still wanted to chatter, he promised himself that no one would get close to him again.
No one would have his trust, his heart, or his soul. Especially not Sandi Clayton. She had her chance, and she blew it. She used him and threw him away without a second thought.
Sandi was the last person he would ever let near him as long as he lived. He had needs, physical needs that he ignored for far too long. If she was here seeking something else, so be it. It wasn’t his problem, nor did he care.
He gritted his teeth and bit back a curse knowing he had just lied to himself. The idea that he didn’t think Sandi was his problem, let alone that he tried to make it as though he didn’t care about her, was the worst lie he’d ever told himself.
He was in love with her still. Even after all this time. God damn it if he didn’t love her so God damn much that it consumed him and defined everything that he was.
Walking in the hallway, heading
toward the dining room, following the smells of freshly baked bread and eggs, he knew one thing was for sure. He could say he hated her, he could avoid her to the point of never seeing her again, but none of that would change a thing.
The simple truth of the matter was, she was it. His one. His only. His heart.
Chapter 5
She was laughing when she saw Derek enter the dining room. The joke Zach was telling her about the two congressmen, one senator, and a former President of the United States stranded on an island with no cell phone had her rolling in her seat. It actually took her a moment before she realized Derek was standing in the doorway offering an icy stare.
Zach, who was laughing at his own punch line, stopped. “Sandi? Are you okay? Did my joke offend you in some way?”
Sandi knew he was asking because she went from laughing so hard she was almost in tears to a stone-cold expression filled with sadness. As much as she wanted to be able to change her reaction to Derek, for some reason, the very sight of him caused her gut have a wrenching pain from deep within.
“No,” Sandi replied simply.
“Well, then what is wrong—” Zach was interrupted by Derek.
“Well, don’t you two look cozy?” he asked them snidely.
Sandi listened to the anger in his voice and wished she could once again hear the carefree Derek who used to love her with a tenderness that melted her heart.
“Pardon me?” Zach asked with a chuckle.
Derek cocked his right eyebrow at him. It was an unconscious habit he always seemed to have. Just seeing him do it once again reminded her of so many happy memories they had shared.
“Sandi, don’t you agree?” Zach asked her.
Shaking her head at Zach, she replied, “Agree?”
“Ah, lost in your thoughts I see. Well, I was just telling Derek here that he seems a little rough around the edges.”
Turning her head, she was startled to see Derek glaring at her from the other end of the table. The large dining set suddenly seemed very small with his eyes boring a hole through her. The intensity that she saw in them was not one that she welcomed. It wasn’t the same fire she would see in his eyes when they were riding the crest of climax together. This was more a look of hatred.
“Cat got your tongue, Sandi?” Derek asked with a snicker.
“I…um…” Barely able to get those two words out, she swallowed the large lump that was forming in her throat.
“Don’t put the poor girl on the spot, man. Give her a break.”
Sandi wasn’t sure why she couldn’t speak, or why she suddenly felt like crawling into a hole and staying there for a very long time. The only thing she was certain of was that until the day she died, she didn’t think she would ever be able to stop loving Derek Travis.
“What? She’s a big girl. Aren’t you, Sandi?”
Her nervousness increased from the way he was taunting her. It was clear that he was trying to pick a fight, and she would not give him the satisfaction of succeeding.
Shaking his head, Zach answered for her. “Whether she is a big girl or not is not the issue. I’m assuming you mean to say that she is mature enough. If that is what you’re implying, then I say she is definitely mature enough to know not to answer a question when the person asking it has no intention other than to be an inconsiderate jackass, regardless of the answer given.”
His cold response seemed to startle Derek just as much as it did Sandi because as she sat there staring at him, she saw him grit his teeth. Another habit he had that was fairly common when he got upset. Judging from the way that Derek was staring Zach down, it would seem that his “rough around the edges” just changed to full “barbed wire fences around the edges.”
“You have a problem with me talking to Sandi here?”
A sarcastic smile stretched across Zach’s face. “Of course not. Talking I have absolutely no problem with. It’s the other antagonizing words that I’m having problems with.”
Raising both brows at him, Derek smiled in return. “So, I guess you two were closer than I thought, huh?”
Sandi wanted to close her eyes to keep from watching the scene that was playing out before her. She knew Zach was just trying to be a gentleman and help her from answering Derek’s question. She was sure no matter how she answered, he would find fault with her answer and taunt her. Derek, on the other hand, seemed to be loving the conflict.
Not able to listen to the two men as they verbally sparred with one another for a moment longer, Sandi finally answered for herself.
“Actually, yes, you do look a little tired this morning, but I’m sure that Zach didn’t mean anything by it. Perhaps you should go relax for a little while. Even take a nap. Zach told me that you just came to town yesterday. Traveling can make you sleepy.”
Had her voice squeaked? She was so nervous trying to talk to him as though they were old acquaintances. Unable to take his staring, she turned her attention back to Zach.
“So, Zach, I know I’ve only been here a day, but I have to say that this place is absolutely gorgeous. The gardens out back look stunning. You must have a dozen different colored roses out there.” She tried to appear casual and cheerful with her comments, but feared she didn’t quite pull it off.
Zach started to respond in his usual charming fashion, but Sandi wasn’t paying attention to him. She was distracted by a large and uninviting presence.
Standing behind Zach was Andre. One of the burly security guards who always seemed to be staring at her with a glare that told her she wasn’t welcome here.
She kept her eyes off of him and focused on Zach, who was seemingly the only person who didn’t take offense to her presence.
Her old insecurities were taking over again. They were feelings she tried to bury long ago. Derek used to help her through them and show her how to feel good about herself, but that was a job he clearly no longer wanted.
How could she blame him though? She couldn’t. She was the one who pushed him away. She cheated on him. She broke his heart.
It was selfish of her to even consider for a moment that he would or should be willing to give her back her inner strength. She destroyed what they had, and from the looks of how he was acting, she had probably destroyed him as well. It wasn’t his fault. It was her fault. Everything was always her fault. It always had been ever since she was a little girl. Her parents had made sure to drill that in her head over every little error in judgment she ever made. She hated herself for that.
With her eyes welling up with tears and a sob that was just barely holding itself back, she got up from the table and ran from the room.
Chapter 6
Derek watched her leave the room. While she tried to hide her face, he knew there were tears there. Damn her!
“Nice going, asshole.” Zach chided him while pouring a cup of coffee.
Glaring at the man sitting across from him, he answered, “Me? You caused this, you son of a bitch!”
An arrogant smirk was all Derek received in response, and that just pissed him off even more. Regardless of how pissed he was, there was no way he was going to chase after Sandi. It wasn’t his fault she was hurt. She had him. She had all of him, and she was the one who pissed it away. Not his problem.
He picked up his glass of orange juice and sipped it calmly. Of course, he was gripping the glass so hard, it was a wonder it didn’t shatter under the pressure, but at least he appeared to be calm.
“You just gonna sit there like you’re not itching to go after her?”
Derek refused to answer Zach, much less look at him. Who the fuck was he to question him? He had no idea. He didn’t know the pain that she caused him.
Shaking his head, Zach continued, “You really are a dumb fuck, you know that? Always were.” He threw his napkin on the table and got up. He headed for the doorway, but turned to face Derek once more before leaving. “You know, she’s not right. Something inside of her is broken. That’s why I brought her here.”
“What the f
uck is that supposed to mean?” Derek yelled after him, but Zach left without replying.
He slammed his orange juice glass down, cracking it and splattering the juice. He looked at the orange droplets staining the white tablecloth and felt his chest tighten. The sight brought him back to a morning Sandi tried to surprise him with breakfast in bed. She had thought he was sleeping while he laid there silent with his eyes closed. When she approached the bed, he reached out for her and grabbed her, pulling her on top of him.
A smile curved the corners of his mouth up. He didn’t know she was carrying a small tray with eggs, sausage, and a small glass of orange juice. The tray, along with what was on it, went flying. When he finally realized what he’d done, he could feel her heart pounding against his chest. Her eyes were so big staring down at him. She had looked so scared.
He had held her, told her what a jerk he was for scaring her. Kissing her tenderly, he promised to never be the reason she was scared again. He promised to always protect her from being hurt.
He remembered making that promise like it was yesterday. He remembered why he made it, too. Never did he want her to feel any fear, any pain, any doubt of his love for her.
Never.
A frustrated growl came from him. “Fuck!”
Pushing himself up and out of his chair, he rose from the table and stalked out of the room. A mixture of hatred and anger for her was filling his insides as he walked the hallway to her suite. When he finally met her door, he immediately reached for the handle with the intention of storming in and giving her a piece of his mind. The damn door was locked though, only increasing his fury.
Bang. Bang. Bang.
Derek pounded on the door. “Sandi, open this door right now, God damn it.”
“No!” she screamed from the other side.
“Sandi, you open this fucking door right now, or so help me, I will break it down!” He pounded on it some more, refusing to allow her to hide.
His hand was becoming sore from the relentless pounding when he finally heard the click of the lock. He flung open the door and quickly slammed it shut once inside. She was standing on the other side of the room, her back to him as she faced the window.
Morgan, Nicole - Intimate Confessions [Intimate Temptations 2] (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 3