She lifted her head. “The guy… from my test yesterday.”
Jax’s heart immediately dropped when he saw the tears streaming down her cheeks.
Her sobs were full of anger. “I let him die,” she cried. “I could have saved him, but I let him die.”
Her shoulders shook with emotion. She let her body sink down as if ready to fall to the floor. Jax couldn’t let her fall. He pulled her into him, holding her up with his embrace.
“It’s okay,” he whispered. His arms held her tightly. “Just let it out.”
Her voice shook in his ear. “I don’t want to be the one to decide, Jax. I can’t handle that kind of weight on my shoulders. I just can’t.”
“I know…” he soothed. “I know.”
His teeth clenched just thinking about it… all the things they were making her do, that his father was making her do. Sadie had a gift. Her healing ability was nothing short of a miracle. They should be treating her like royalty, not forcing her to be some kind of science experiment.
Jax’s tone went rigid. “Sadie, listen to me. You don’t have to do any of this if you don’t want to; I’ll find a way.”
Her sobs quieted, but her only response was a small nod of her head, causing her cheek to brush across his shoulder. She rested her chin against him, still allowing him to cradle her in his arms.
Jax closed his eyes, wishing that he was meant to be the one, the one to always be there for her.
A moment later, Sadie wiped under her eyes, regaining her composure. “Sorry. I guess I didn’t realize how upset I was about it.”
“Don’t apologize,” Jax said. “It’s always better to let it out.” He sat down at the edge of the gym mat, resting his arms over his knees. “Believe me; I know.”
Sadie gave him a funny look as she sat down beside him. “Really? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get upset. Not even once. You’re always so cool and collected.”
He shook his head. “I’ve just learned how to hide it well. But believe me, that punching bag has taken plenty of beatings before you came along.”
Sadie laughed weakly, but then they both went quiet.
After a pause she turned to him with imploring eyes. “Jax…?” she began. “Have you ever…?” She looked down. “Have you ever had to decide whether someone should live or die?”
His voice was quiet as he replied. “Yes. I have.” He paused and stared at the floor. “Every time I lead a team out on a mission, I feel the weight of their lives in my hands... But that feels like nothing compared to the things I’ve had to do in the name of the Council, even if it is to protect the people of Ambrosia.”
Sadie looked at him hesitantly. “So, being a Scout can get pretty intense?”
“You could say that,” Jax replied.
“Do you mind me asking what Scouts do?” Sadie asked. “I’m supposed to be training to be an agent, but I feel like I have no idea what really goes on out there. Everyone in Banya just makes it sound so glitzy and glamourous.”
“I wish that’s all it was,” Jax said. “But there’s a lot more to it than that. I don’t know if you know this, but Ambrosia’s entire way of life is dependent on Earth. We’re so small here in comparison that we really don’t have the resources to keep things up on our own. Our entire system is based on borrowing from Earth without them even realizing it. Basically, Scouts go in and take whatever we think we need. One team might be sent in to acquire advanced weaponry, while another might be sent to retrieve everyday technological devices, like cell phones or computers.”
“Wow, I had no idea,” Sadie said.
“Honestly, sometimes it feels like we’re just a bunch of thieves. And that’s not even the worst of it.”
Sadie stared back at him intently.
Jax paused. “Scouts are also required to... tie up loose ends.”
She squinted. “What do you mean?”
Jax’s gaze fell. “We... make sure no one on Earth finds out that Ambrosia or the Healing Water exists, even if we have to take drastic measures to keep people quiet.” He glanced up at her sadly, hoping she wouldn’t make him explain it in detail.
“Drastic measures?” she questioned. “Like what?”
He took in a long breath. “Um, sometimes we simply force people to the border for memory wipes against their will, but other times... let’s just say... things can get a little messy.”
Sadie’s eyes went wide. “Oh... so you guys...” her voice trailed off, as if she needed a moment to let it sink in. “But, do a lot of people on Earth even find out?”
“That depends on what you consider a lot,” Jax said. He shook his head. “One was enough for me.”
Sadie gazed back at him for a long moment, as if she could feel the pains from his past, as if somehow she understood.
She reached out her hand and placed it on his. “I’m sorry, Jax. That couldn’t have been easy.”
Jax gazed back at her, squeezing her hand. “Thanks,” he said. “But, just so you know... you’re handling it way better than me.”
Sadie’s mouth lifted. “Well, maybe aside from the gallon of tears I just exploded all over your boxing gloves.”
He laughed. “I’m sure they’ll survive.” Then he looked at her warmly. “And I know you will too.”
Sadie’s arm wrapped around his side as she leaned into him. “Thanks, Jax. I think I needed that.”
5. EXCHANGE
Jax looked at me intently. “I meant what I said before. If this whole testing thing is too much for you, I’ll find a way to get you out. You’ve helped the Council long enough.”
I stared across the room. “Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay. If you really think about it, they’ve given me a lot in return.”
“They’re using you, Sadie. All they care about is what’s in it for them.”
I laughed without humor. “You don’t think I know this?”
I paused and thought about it a moment. “Well, I still think when it comes to the big picture most of them have good intentions, you know, for helping the people of Ambrosia.”
One side of Jax’s mouth lifted. “There you go again… always looking for the good in people.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle as I rolled my eyes. “There you go again… making me into some kind of saint. I mean, when you really think about it, I’m using them too. I need a way to get across the border so I can work on strengthening my abilities, and going to the testing center happens to be the easiest way to do that.”
“Well, when you put it that way,” he said. “I guess we all have our devious side.” He nudged me playfully.
I suddenly realized I was smiling again.
Jax really had become an amazing friend. There was so much more to him than anyone in Banya gave him credit for. But as great as Jax had been at helping me get my feelings out, I still felt like I needed to get my head in the right place before heading to the testing center this afternoon.
I pushed down on the mat, lifting myself off the floor. “Hey,” I said, “I think I’m going to head outside for that run now.”
“You’re sure you’re okay?” he asked.
I smiled warmly. “I’m feeling much better. Thanks for listening.”
“Well, you know where to find me if you need anything.”
I nodded. “Have a good weekend, Jax. I promise I’ll be a better trainee next week.”
By the time my tennis shoes hit the ground outside I was deep in thought and full of determination. I wasn’t going to let one bad healing session erase all the progress I had made. I was going to learn from it and move forward.
I inhaled a deep breath and turned down the path that wound around the side of Jax’s property, heading toward campus. I didn’t do much jogging back in California, at least, not as much as Heather did. She used to tell me it was the only way she could release all the pent up issues and frustration that bombarded her on a daily basis. I didn’t really get it back then, but now, I understood that feeling way more than I e
ver thought possible.
Finally, my head started to clear as I crossed the campus grounds. I decided to make up my mind now so I would never have to again. If it was in my power to save someone’s life… I was going to save them. End of story.
I didn’t care if they were bad or if they had done something wrong. I wasn’t anyone’s judge and I didn’t want to be. The ability to heal people was an amazing gift, one I was sure I didn’t deserve. And I knew it had been given to me for a reason. I had to use it to help people.
A huge burden lifted off my shoulders. Once I had that much figured out, everything else felt right again.
I reached my apartment just in time to see Violette walking out the door. She wore a deep green blouse which made her purple eyes shine brightly in contrast. Her eyes reminded me of Jax. So far, he and Violette were the only people I had met in Banya who were born with violet eyes. I had seen every different shade of glowing brown, gold, green, gray, and blue, but purple was definitely rare. Of course, they were all beautiful here. Even the dullest colors on Ambrosia were luminescent with Healing Water.
I greeted Violette as I came up the path. “Hey, roomie. Where are you off to looking so gorgeous?”
Her brow lifted cheerfully. “Oh, just going to buy my books. Classes start a week from Monday.”
Actually, classes started for Violette a week from Monday, not for me. She wanted to get a nice head start by going to summer term, but thanks to the Council, I would have to wait until fall.
“Are you and my brother planning to drive out to Lizzy Grove again this weekend?” she asked.
“I don’t think so. We’ve already been out there a few times this month, and Rayne went again this morning to help Lark load the truck for the farmer’s market, so Flint could spend time with Ivy and the baby.” I squinted. “Didn’t he tell you?”
Violette rolled her eyes. “Haven’t you figured it out by now? My brother doesn’t tell me anything. Which is fine by me; I have my own plans to think about.” She grinned devilishly. “Speaking of plans… I met some guys that are throwing a big party tonight… You interested?”
“Oh, uh…” Her invitation caught me off guard. I had never been to a party in Banya, but I was pretty curious what they did for fun around here. There were still so many things about Ambrosia I hadn’t been given the chance to see.
I finally answered, “Sure, sounds fun.”
“Great,” Violette said. “I’ll see you tonight.” She started down the walkway then turned. “Oh, and if you really want to bring my superstar brother with you, go ahead, but just so you know, the party’s off campus. That means no promises on the media not showing up to snoop around.”
A lump caught in my throat but I pushed it down. “Um, okay,” I said. “Thanks for the heads up.”
After Violette left I went inside to shower and eat lunch. Normally, Rayne would come over to eat with me, but he was busy selling lizzy fruit with his brother in Banya City Park. It was just me and my thoughts today.
As I sat at the table eating a sandwich I couldn’t stop thinking about my healing session from the day before. Talking to Jax helped me come to terms with the man’s death, but the more I thought about it the more I realized I wasn’t using the sessions to my full advantage. It had only been a couple of weeks since I started noticing my ability to see deeper into a person’s being, and up to this point, I wasn’t completely sure it was real. The feelings would come when they would come, but I wasn’t in control.
Now, there was no question in my mind that it was real, not after the intense, corrupt energy I had sensed in that man the day before. I knew I couldn’t let my abilities overpower me that way again. I had to work harder to understand them.
***
When they hooked me up to the testing monitors later that afternoon, I was prepared to concentrate ten times harder.
This time they positioned me right next to the patient’s bed, making me wonder if they were trying to make this session easier on me after such a taxing experience the day before. I smiled to myself. It would be much easier to connect to the person’s energy in close proximity, and much easier to explore the extent of my abilities.
It was a man again, perhaps in his mid-twenties. At least, that was his physical appearance. The doctors never told me if the person was from Earth or Ambrosia. Actually, they never told me anything about them at all. If this man was from Ambrosia that could mean he had lived fifty or sixty years by now.
As usual, the patient was unconscious. I waited impatiently for the doctors to hook him up to the wires, feeling a strange sense of anticipation.
As soon as the doctors gave me the okay, I closed my eyes and focused.
The energy sprang forth from my chest and limbs in a sudden burst, like a solar flare. Exerting all my strength, I reached out with the brilliant tethers of light, the light only I could see, and connected myself to the man’s being, bonding us together.
Instead of searching for his injury as I had with the other patients in the past, I concentrated deeper, feeling his heart, exploring his mind.
A bombardment of sensations moved through me all at once, fleeting and unclear. Flashes of images reeled through my thoughts. I couldn’t make sense of them—a face, a sound, a flicker of color. Waves of emotion pulsed through me at the same time, flinging thoughts and feelings around me in circles like a whirlwind.
I had to take control. I reached out my hand to push out the noise, straining with all my might to focus my mind.
Then I felt it; a new connection, a clear connection. It was like the man’s thoughts had now become mine.
He felt like a failure somehow. I could feel it. He had been given an important responsibility but something went wrong.
I followed the feelings deeper, embracing it as a part of me.
I sensed something familiar… Healing Water. Not within his body though. It was more like it was in his thoughts, like he was thinking about Healing Water.
Then, a picture flashed across his mind, an image of some kind. I saw two solid rings of color sitting next to each other side by side, one purple ring and one blue ring. Their round edges would have been touching if it weren’t for the thick black line drawn down the center between them, keeping them separated.
The image was gone in a blink, but something inside me made me think it was important. I felt compelled to find it again. My hands trembled as I tried to search for it. My mind peeled through a tangle of strings, like energy and pulses of memories intertwined, sifting through a clutter of blurred thoughts one by one, flipping through at a hundred miles an hour.
Something grabbed at my heart, causing me to stop. My entire being clenched in alarm. It was a feeling of darkness, darkness so wickedly familiar my instinct was to turn away and run. It was Voss. Again. I sensed his presence in the man’s mind.
A vision appeared before me. A tangle of silver-black hair covered Voss’s head and face, matted by sweat and mud, making him look more wild than I had ever seen him before. But the filth and grime could not conceal those raging black eyes.
It was Voss. There was no question in my mind. I felt him like he was right next to me in the room, back to torment me just one more time.
Panic ripped through me. I yanked my mind back, yanked at the ties, but I couldn’t escape.
I could see another man across from me, an agent I didn’t recognize. With an angry growl, Voss attacked the agent with a knife, slashing through his neck with one sharp swipe of the blade.
Before I could so much as blink, Voss whirled on me. The bloody knife flew from his hand like a bullet through the air, headed straight for my face.
I had to stay in control. It’s not real, I told myself. It’s just in your mind.
In an instant, the knife pierced through my neck with a stabbing memory of pain.
The severed breath wheezed from my mouth, cut off from air. I could feel every ounce of the pain. My body froze in shock. I watched my hand grasp for the hilt of the knife as
if my hand had a mind of its own, as if I had no control over its movement at all. My hand trembled as it drew the blade painfully away from the flesh of my neck without any volition of my own.
My eyes flew open. My body shook as I panted and gasped for air. I was out. Just like that, the bond had been broken.
The unconscious man lay on the bed before me unmoving. My fingers flew to my chest and up my neck, searching across the skin, scared to find blood, but of course there was nothing. The image of Voss wasn’t real. The knife that had impaled my throat wasn’t real. I swallowed carefully and took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart.
I expected my eyes to blur and go dark. I expected to lose my strength and pass out like I always did. But instead, my energy returned.
Agent Kelsey rushed toward me.
“No,” I told him, “I’m okay.”
He stopped, but his eyes examined me closely.
I turned my head up to the observation deck. “I’m okay,” I called loudly. “Don’t pull me off. I want to go again.”
***
I woke up in the testing center hospital bed less than an hour later, remembering that I had passed out as usual but only after going back in and healing the man’s physical injuries without a problem.
I lay in the bed a moment, remembering how confused I was when I realized the man had, in fact, been suffering from a stab wound. The wound was located in the man’s gut rather than his neck, but it still made me wonder if there was some connection to the vision I had of Voss flinging a bloody knife at my throat while I was searching through the man’s thoughts. Or were they memories? Or were they a mixture of his thoughts and memories colliding with a mixture of my own?
And why did images of Voss keep leaching into my mind every time I tried to explore this unknown side of my abilities? Was it some kind of manifestation of my own fears, or were these men actually connected to Voss somehow?
Everything still felt so unclear.
Flood Rising (The Water Keepers, Book 4) Page 4