The Sawyer Situation was the topic of conversation for the remainder of our morning meal. I was happy to gush about the guy who had hung on my every word, held my hand in the moonlight, and who had kissed my hands so sweetly at the end of the evening. Both of them stared at me in awe; Gracie because she couldn’t imagine having something like that, and Claudia because she had never allowed herself to feel something like that. Either way, they were ecstatic for me and my newfound “love.”
As Grace began to map out my future with Sawyer, Claudia began to scan the cafeteria for new prospects for herself. It was business as usual for our sorority of three.
Chapter 2
I Don’t Get It
Claudia
October, a Sunday afternoon
For two days, Sunny was anything but sunny. She was mopey and consumed by the fact that Sawyer hadn’t called, unable to figure out why he didn’t kiss her when they had such an intense connection.
I tried to tell her to blow it off. I didn’t understand her infatuation with someone she’d just met. He was just a guy. Whatever.
Finally he called her. Sunny knocked on my door and without waiting for me to respond, rushed in to rummage through my clothes, determined to find the perfect outfit to have coffee with him.
As she tore through my closet, I reminded her, “It’s just coffee. You already know he likes you. Why are you flipping out?”
“I don’t know,” she said, waving her hands in the air, her cheeks flushed. “I really want him to like me. There’s something about him, Claudia, something very different. It’s hard to explain it without sounding like a loser.”
“Well, he’s lucky to have a chance with you. And if he doesn’t know that, then he’s a dumbass.”
“Thanks. That almost makes me feel better.” Her hands drifted to her hips.
“Almost? Puh-lease, Sun. He’s the lucky one. Not you.”
“Wow. Thanks.” She rolled her eyes. Claudia was always so dramatic.
“Make sure he buys the coffee. You always offer to go dutch. You have to stop doing that. Guys want you more if you let them pay.”
“You just say that because you never pay,” she said.
“And guys want me, don’t they?” I asked with a teasing smirk.
Even though I was joking with Sunny, what I said was true. I didn’t want to sound conceited, but guys seemed to like me. A lot. Sunny said it was because I was exotic looking, which made me cringe. That was what people said about Kim Kardashian. No, thank you.
My parents were born in Lebanon and moved here before I was born, which meant I had a Middle-Eastern look. I’d been known to dress like Princess Jasmine at a few Halloween parties. My hair was dark, my eyes were deep, and I had big hips that drove me crazy. Regardless, men apparently liked what they saw, so I made them prove it. I didn’t offer to pay, I didn’t open my wallet, and I didn’t get obsessed when they didn’t call. I just didn’t.
I said good-bye to Sunny and went back to studying for midterms. My parents expected a lot from me. I was the first person in our family to go to a four-year university, so they demanded excellent grades from me. It was one of the many reasons I didn’t join a lot of social organizations or clubs. Education came first. And if I blew that off by joining some sorority that demanded hours and hours of my time, my parents would yank me out of here so freaking fast, I wouldn’t even have time to pack everything up.
So I stayed focused. I made time for Sunny and Grace, but that was it. I didn’t have time for an epic romance or a frat boy to sweep me off my hesitant feet. Nope, I’d pass.
A couple of hours later, Sunny knocked on my door.
“Come in,” I said, still staring at my calculus textbook.
“Hey,” she said in a soft, defeated voice. This couldn’t be good.
“Uh-oh. What happened?” I asked, immediately grabbing the phone to call Grace.
She shook her head, holding back tears, and anger consumed me.
“Gracie, you’re needed. Sunny just got back,” I said as soon as Grace answered the phone.
“Be right there,” she said, hanging up immediately.
Hopping out of my chair, I took Sunny by the hand and led her to sit in my desk chair. She hung her head in her hands.
“What happened?”
“Everything seemed great,” she said and wiped her eyes. “We were laughing and talking and things were nice. I thought he was going to ask me out for this weekend or something.”
“But he didn’t?” Grace asked from the doorway.
Sunny looked up at her and shook her head again. “He has a girlfriend.”
“He has a what?” I shrieked.
“A girlfriend,” Sunny replied, shrugging her shoulders in defeat.
“That asshole! I’m going to kick Mark’s ass!” I reached for the phone, unable to believe my ears. Sunny was so excited for this date and the guy didn’t even think to tell her he had a girlfriend? Why on earth did he waste her time? I had told Mark to bring his available friends, not the ones who were already taken.
“So, what now?” Grace asked. “Do you think he’ll break up with her?” The eternal optimist, Grace wanted to believe that it could all work out in the end, but I knew better. This Sawyer guy was bad news. Really bad news.
“Well, I don’t really know.” Sunny shrugged. “I’m not going to make a fool of myself and wait around for him to call, although there’s a tiny part of me that’s holding out hope. I don’t know, you guys, there was just something about him. It almost felt like he could be the…the—”
“Don’t even say it!” I interrupted her. I knew exactly what Sunny, the hopeless romantic, was thinking and wanted to protect her from the horrible repercussions that would soon follow after saying those words. She would regret it terribly, and I didn’t want that for her.
Sunny sniffed and swiped at her cheek with the back of her hand. “You’re right. I hardly knew him. I don’t know.” She paused and continued to pout, resting her elbow on my desk. “This is all so weird.”
Determined to break her out of her funk, I put on a big smile and smacked her knee. “We should go out tonight. We’ll drink and dance and you’ll forget all about what’s-his-name. That’s exactly what you need.”
I couldn’t stand to see my best friend in so much pain. And to be honest, I didn’t really understand it. She always got so invested in these guys, and I had never felt like that. To me, guys were a dime a dozen. If you didn’t like one, another one would soon come along, almost like a testosterone buffet. Sunny was different, though. She placed so much hope in each guy she dated.
She shifted in her seat, dodging eye contact. “Sorry, Claude, that’s the last thing I want to do.”
“Don’t let him get the best of you, Sunny. You have to hold your head high.” I looked her square in the eye, hoping my insistence would break her down eventually and she’d be able to let go of all of this.
“I know, I know. Can we just order some breadsticks and watch a John Hughes movie?”
“Of course we can,” Grace said softly as she gave me the enough-is-enough look. “Whatever you want, Sunny.”
I rolled my eyes, but maybe Grace was right. Sunny and I were different, and I had to respect that. I just hoped she’d get over this guy who, in my opinion, wasn’t worth all the fuss. He seemed okay, but really was nothing special. Kind of like Mark.
I had met Mark in my calculus class a few weeks ago. Every day it seemed, he’d come up with an excuse to talk to me. He would ask me what the homework was, even though it was on the board where the TA had just written it, or he’d ask if I understood a particular concept. After a while, he started sitting next to me every day. He called me occasionally and we would talk for a bit. So when he’d asked me to meet up with him at Legends with my girls, I didn’t think anything of it. He seemed nice enough, but I wasn’t exactly wrapped up in him. Then Sunny met Sawyer and somehow got her feelings hurt because the asshole led her on.
The only br
ight spot was the possibility that Mark would now leave me alone in class. Which was fine by me, because he wasn’t doing it for me. No one ever had. I’d yet to feel the way Sunny felt over and over again, to experience that puppy love. I hadn’t met someone who made my stomach flip, or made my world go crazy.
I was still waiting.
Chapter 3
Threes…
Sunny
October, a Wednesday
On Wednesday, I woke up feeling sad. Sad about what had happened with Sawyer, sad that I no longer had those wonderful butterflies in my stomach, and sad about the thought of what might have been if he hadn’t mentioned his girlfriend to me.
I tried to refocus my energy on the weekend ahead, or at least focus on the history lecture I was sitting in. Despite my good intentions, all I could do was slump in my chair, make doodles on my notepad, and think about Sawyer and our walk home from the coffee shop a few days ago.
After about three hours of sitting in the small coffeehouse, Sawyer had finally asked me what time it was. The sky had been getting darker, and the coffee shop not quite as packed. We had laughed at the time and he walked me back to the dorm. It was then that he had dropped a bomb on me.
“Look, Sunny, I think you’re incredible,” he’d said. “I really do. But I have to tell you something.”
“Sure, what is it?” I’d asked without even the tiniest bit of suspicion in my voice. How could I? He called me incredible!
“I have a girlfriend,” he said slowly. “We’ve been together for about six months and I’m not really sure what to do.”
I was in total shock. What did you say to something like that? “Sure, that sounds fantastic,” or maybe, “You asshole—I never want to see you again.” Somehow nothing seemed right, so I settled for the shortest response I could muster up.
“Oh.”
Not very impressive, but it was the best I could do.
“God, I’m sorry, Sunny.”
“No, it’s fine. I—I get it.” I gave him a weak smile and walked toward the door.
“Can I call you?” His voice was tight, urgent almost, or maybe desperate. It almost sounded like he was afraid he’d never see me again, which would be odd for someone who was breaking my heart at that very minute.
“Sure, I guess,” I had replied. There was really nothing left to say.
Suddenly there was a very large dent on the shiny coat of armor that Sawyer had been wearing in my mind ever since I’d met him. It seemed that my prince had suddenly turned into a frog. And I never even got to kiss him.
Determined to push Sawyer out of my head, I turned to a fresh page in my notebook and as our professor droned on, focused my thoughts on this weekend. Friday was the big initiation party for new members of the business frat we were pledging.
Service frats such as our business fraternity were completely different from regular fraternities and sororities, even though they might sound similar. But other than both calling themselves a fraternity, and having a few shared customs—pledging and parties—they were usually polar opposites. For example, our business frat met once a month. Our meetings consisted of learning how to network, how to build a résumé, and that type of thing. There was no fraternity house and no hazing, and although regular Greek fraternities and sororities would tell you that they didn’t haze, it wasn’t true. The basis of the business frat was a common goal—the desire to have a career in business. The organization was a valuable tool and a great way to meet others on campus.
Grace’s latest crush was one of our fellow pledges. At our last chapter meeting, it seemed that he was interested in her as well, even though she denied that there was any possibility of that.
“He’s…I don’t know? Too cute,” she had said.
After fifty minutes of daydreaming about Sawyer, Grace, and the weekend’s plans, I realized I’d missed the entire history lecture. Crap. I could have just stayed in bed. After gathering my things, I walked to the student union to kill some time before anthropology, which wasn’t for another two hours.
Just as I reached for the door of the union, I heard a voice call my name. An awfully familiar voice. Suddenly I had wished that I had stayed behind and used the washroom after class, or walked home for my two-hour break between classes, or gone to the bookstore to pick up a notebook. Anything that would have kept me from being at that exact place at that exact moment.
I turned and winced inside to see a familiar face to match the familiar voice. “Oh. Hi, Jacob.”
Jacob was an old boyfriend; we had gone to high school together. We had dated almost our entire senior year after I had broken up with Xander, a player who had hurt me a few weeks before that. I was instantly attracted to Jacob because he was nothing like Xander. He was sweet and shy and eager to please me. We worked together at the local bookstore. Our relationship started with innocent lunch breaks conveniently taken at the same time, followed by little notes in each other’s lockers. Eventually, we became exclusive.
I had convinced myself that Jacob was the guy I had been waiting for, and so when he decided to change his college plans so we could be together in Champaign, I didn’t question it at all. In fact, I thought it was sweet that he wanted to be with me so badly. About eight months into the relationship, though, second thoughts came crashing through my brain. He was clingy and completely dependent on me for confidence. When we fought, it was Jacob who would start to cry, not me. That seemed odd. His feminine side was a little too much for me to handle.
Six weeks before we both left for college, I ended the relationship. He sobbed and begged me to take him back, saying that things would be different and that he would do anything for me. A few days later, all our friends got together to sign one another’s yearbooks. Jacob decided to write an entire page telling me that he had planned on our marrying and having kids. He told me that he would love me forever, no matter what.
Reading that page was horrifying. My feelings for Jacob no longer existed. What did you say to something like that? “Thanks, but no thanks,” or “Sorry, but we did have some laughs, didn’t we?” seemed too cold. There was absolutely nothing that I could say to ease the pain he was obviously in. So, I decided to say nothing.
I’d been avoiding Jacob as best I could since we arrived in Champaign mid-August. It had been two months of successful avoidance until I heard his voice on the quad. This meeting was not something I was ready for. But what could I do? I had to grin and bear it.
“Um, well…how are you doing?” Jacob stood before me and ran his fingers through his blond hair, then looked down at his feet and back up to me. Poor guy, he was still stumbling over his words. It was hard to imagine that I was capable of making someone do that. Me? Sunny McCormick. Weird.
“I’m doing okay. How are you?” I asked politely.
“Ah, same old thing, I guess. These bio classes are really killing me. Not too much time for anything, really.”
I could read Jacob like a book. This was his way of telling me he was single. I did my best not to roll my eyes as he continued.
“How are your teaching classes going?” he asked.
“Uh, they’re not. I switched majors soon after classes started. I guess I didn’t tell you that.”
Shit.
Jacob’s eyes widened with surprise. “Yeah, well, I guess it’s been a long time since we’ve talked. What is your major then?”
“Business administration. I think I want to be a corporate trainer, so my advisor said this was the best bet for that. I have to take some human resources and teaching courses on the side.”
“Wow. I’m surprised. Never thought you’d be part of corporate America.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Without my realizing it, my hands had moved to my hips.
“Nothing,” he said, biting down on his lower lip.
But I knew what it was supposed to mean. When we applied to U of I, we had both planned to be teachers. I wanted to teach high school history, and he was planning to be a col
lege professor, focusing on biology. This change solidified our heading in different directions. It was another nail in the coffin of our relationship.
“Well, how is everything else?” he asked. “How are your friends?”
“They’re good. It’s funny you should ask, actually. I’m on my way to meet them right now. I should probably go.”
“Maybe we can get together for lunch or something sometime.”
“Yeah, I’ll text you,” I said dismissively. “Good to see you, Jake.”
Jacob looked at me as if I’d broken his heart all over again. Then he turned and walked back toward the quad.
I shook my head and sighed at the sight of Jacob’s dejected posture as he walked away. Then I headed toward the union, feeling terrible and hoping that he’d soon find a girl who would make him happy.
The rest of the morning was pretty uneventful, especially since I’d lied to Jacob. I had no plans to see Claudia or Grace; they were both stuck in class all day. I was the only one who had scheduled lame breaks like this in between my classes.
At the union, I ordered an extra large iced chai, which cost me an ungodly amount of money, and headed toward the computer lab to check my Facebook page and waste a little bit of time. It was impossible to get a signal on my phone whenever I was at the union. I think they did that so people would still use the labs spread around campus. Otherwise, they were like little tiny technology ghost towns.
After sending a few e-mails, I decided to gather up my things for my next class. I closed up my folder and reached for the shoulder strap of my backpack. As I was leaning down, I heard another familiar voice.
“Sunny Mac?”
Oh God. No one had called me that in years!
Sorority of Three: Freshman 101 Page 2