“Okay,” I said, grabbing the phone and dialing his number quickly before I could change my mind.
“Hello.”
Silence. God, I was so stupid.
“Hey, it…it’s Sunny.”
“Who?” the person on the other end of the line said.
“Sawyer?” I asked, my pulse racing.
“Just a minute,” the voice said.
Ugh. So embarrassing.
“Sunny?” a new voice said into the phone.
“Yeah, it’s me.” I winced when my voice cracked.
“Sorry, I was down the hall. That was my roommate.”
“He seemed…nice.”
“No, he’s not,” Sawyer said with a laugh. “So, how are you?”
“Fine, thanks.”
When more silence followed, I asked, “Was there, um…something I could do for you?”
“No…I mean, not really. I was just thinking about you. One of the guys in the house was talking about eggs.”
“Eggs? And you thought of me?” I had no idea what that even meant.
“Yeah, sorry…like sunny-side-up eggs. He said the word sunny and, well, ya know.”
“Oh,” I said, my cheeks probably turning red. I could feel the warmth spreading to my skin.
“Are you ready for break?”
“I think so. You?”
“Definitely. Everyone’s sick here. I want to get home while I’m still healthy,” he said with a chuckle.
“Good luck with that.” I felt myself relax a little. Still wondering, though, what the hell this phone call was all about.
“Listen, um…when we get back to campus…” His voice trailed off.
“Yeah,” I said, waiting for more.
“I know this is weird and all. But could we go for coffee again? Just as friends?”
Friends. Friends? Friends!
“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea.”
“Oh.”
“Here’s the thing, Sawyer. I like you, I do. But I can’t be your coffee girl. You said you have a girlfriend.”
“I know, but—”
“So, why are you calling me? We’re not friends.”
“But I want to be.”
“Why?” I asked, feeling braver.
Gracie stared at me with wide eyes. She’d never seen this side of Sunny McCormick. I felt empowered and strong, and hoped it would last longer than the next 2.3 seconds.
“Look,” Sawyer said. “I’m not gonna lie. I might break up with her. I’m just not sure.”
That was a punch in the gut. Like he was interviewing me for the potential position of girlfriend or something. Not cool.
“Call me when you’re sure,” I said, still feeling brave. Proud of myself, I placed the phone back on the hook.
“Holy hell,” Grace had said, hopping up from the bed. “Where did that come from?”
“I have no idea,” I had said, “but it felt good. Like, really good.”
“Do you think he’ll break up with her?”
“I don’t know. But I’m done worrying about it.”
Despite that moment of bravery and stoicism, however, I had been regretting that phone call. Part of me had wished I could call him back and change my answer to his coffee invitation. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I had known I deserved better than that. I had to stay strong.
Still lost in thoughts of Sawyer and our incredibly odd conversation, I walked into the grocery store and wandered to the dairy case.
“Sun?” I heard a familiar voice say. When I turned, I saw Xander standing right next to the eggs.
The eggs? Seriously?
“Hey, Xan,” I choked out. “Happy Thanksgiving.”
“What brings you here? Your mom forget something too?”
“Yep,” I said, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth, not sure what to say. The last time I’d seen him, he had left without saying good-bye. And I was still pretty irritated about that.
Based on the embarrassed look on Xander’s face, he must have sensed my apprehension. He probably saw the expression on my face as he approached, as I stood there holding a pound of butter in my hand. He took it from me and placed it in the basket hanging from my arm.
Ass.
I might be a hopeless romantic, but he was deluded if he thought he had me so unglued that I forgot what I was doing. I totally knew the butter was in my hands. Kind of. Ugh. What was my problem?
Come back, Strong Sunny, come back.
Xander shifted on his feet. “Listen, I, uh—I’m sorry about a few weeks ago.”
“Whatever, it’s fine.”
“No, it wasn’t. My buddy texted me at like five a.m. You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you, but I didn’t want to miss my ride.”
“A note would’ve worked fine.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He grinned. “Can I make it up to you?”
My stomach lurched. “I don’t know. Maybe we’ve had all the fun we’re supposed to have.”
“Come on, Sun. I left, but I wasn’t a total dick. I didn’t pressure you or anything. And I think my balls are still blue.”
“Whatever,” I said, holding back a laugh. “You should take care of that.”
“Maybe I will.” He winked. “Please, tomorrow night?”
“We’re decorating our tree. Family tradition.”
“Saturday then?”
“I’ll think about it,” I said, taking a few steps away from him.
“And I’ll text you.”
“Fine. Whatever.”
I was trying a little too hard to sound noncommittal. Deep down, though, I was nervous that if and when he sent me a text, I’d consider it. And then where would I be? I made a decision right then and there to ignore any text messages from Xander.
And that was exactly what I did.
Chapter 10
Expanding Horizons
Claudia
December, a freezing-cold Wednesday
“How have I never tried this before?” I said, licking the salted caramel from my top lip. I grinned at Libby, sitting across the table from me at the union, who had just insisted I order a hot chocolate.
“Because you usually drink coffee. You’re expanding your horizons,” Libby said with a grin.
Understatement of the freaking century.
I tried my best to muffle my laughter, but Libby wasn’t buying it.
“What?” she asked, kicking me gently under the table. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, honestly. You just make me smile.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. It was amazing how in such a short time, Libby was able to get inside my head. She understood me in a way that fascinated me and gave me chills. My attraction to her was growing.
“The feeling’s mutual,” she said, taking a sip of her cocoa. “Are we still on for tonight?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Seven o’clock?”
“Sounds perfect.” She stood, bundling up with hat, scarf, and coat. She looked adorable. “I have to get to bio. See you later?”
“Yep,” I said, giving her a wave good-bye, doing my best to calm my heart rate as I watched her walk away.
After my time with Libby, I shivered my way back to Weston and sat next to my heater, trying desperately to get warm.
“What are you doing?” Sunny asked from the doorway.
“It’s so freaking cold. My fingers are gonna fall off.”
“It’s gonna get a lot worse. You need a better coat.”
“No way. I’m not going to be one of those people all puffed up, looking like the Michelin man.”
She was right, though. Back home, I drove everywhere. I hardly ever wore a winter coat. Here in Champaign, we had to walk almost everywhere. You could ride the campus buses, but they smelled and the heaters never worked. Which meant I’d either have to get all puffed up like everyone else, or freeze.
“We need to talk,” Sunny said.
My world stood still as I studied her face.
Does she know? Is she going to confront me? Never speak to me again? Fuuuuuuck. Why is this so freaking hard?
I cleared my throat and decided to go the noncommittal route. “What’s up?”
“I think I’m kind of messed up.”
Breathe.
“What do you mean?” I asked her. “You’re one of the most normal people I’ve ever met?”
“I’m attracted to idiots.”
“Are you still upset about Xander and the grocery store? You did the right thing.”
“No, it’s not him. It’s the other one.”
“Ah, Lost Boy.”
Sunny rolled her eyes and tossed a pillow at my face before plopping down on my bed. “Maybe I was too harsh with Sawyer. Too judgmental.”
“I think you were perfectly harsh. And spot-on with your judgment.”
“Ugh, I knew you’d say that.”
“Because I’m smart.”
“You are,” she said, putting her feet up on my wall.
I refrained from talking about my own life, afraid that I would inevitably share what was really going on with me.
Sunny took a deep breath and said, “I don’t want to be one of those girls who needs a boyfriend to be happy, ya know?”
“Then take a break,” I said, finally relieving myself of my jacket.
Sunny drummed her fingertips together. Her eyes widened and she slid her legs down, sitting up straight, her hands clasped together.
“Oh my God. You’re a genius,” she said.
“What did I say?”
“I need to take some time for myself. No guys. None.”
“Okay…for how long?”
“One month. One full month.”
“Hmm. Do you really think you can go that long, Sunny?” I asked, rolling my eyes a bit.
“Yes, I do, smartass,” she said, sticking her tongue out at me. “Speaking of which…you haven’t mentioned anyone in a long time. Have you been taking your own hiatus from the opposite sex?”
God, if she only knew…
“No, not really,” I said unconvincingly. “I just haven’t met anyone that does it for me.”
Another lie. God, why is this so hard? She’s your best friend, tell her!
“Hey, how is, um…” She paused. “How is your friend Libby doing? You know, the one you ditch us for all the time,” Sunny teased. She was the jealous one of the group, always getting testy when any of us spent too much time away from our little circle.
“She’s, uh, she’s fine,” I stammered. “We’re studying at the library together tonight.”
Another lie. We would be watching movies at her place. Nothing major had happened yet, just a lot of innocent flirting and obvious attraction. She found reasons to touch me, though…on the shoulder, on my hands, each time filling me with want and desire that was so unfamiliar, but so fantastic. It was agony, pure agony, but completely irresistible. I couldn’t stay away.
“Why don’t you just drop Spanish? It’s obviously really demanding.” Sunny watched me carefully, obviously digging for information.
“It’s not so bad. Besides, you’d like Libby,” I said a bit too defensively. Without realizing it, I’d crossed my arms in front of my chest.
Why did I do that? Dead freaking giveaway. She knows I’m hiding something.
“I’m sure I would if you ever introduced us. But you haven’t,” Sunny said, getting defensive in return. “Why is that?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, trying desperately to dodge the subject of Libby and my feelings for her. Panic started to fill me.
“Aren’t we good enough for her? Is she in a house or something?”
“No, she’s not Greek.”
“Then what is it?”
“Drop it, okay? I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s ridiculous,” I said, blushing.
“What aren’t you telling me?” Sunny crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at me.
“Seriously, Sunny, back off. She’s my friend…and she’s…important to me. I don’t need you telling me who I can and can’t hang out with!”
Sunny frowned. “Fine, I’m sorry. Seriously.”
“Just leave it alone, okay?”
“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I guess I got jealous. You’ve been so different since, like, Halloween. I don’t get it. Did I do something?”
“You’ve already asked me that, Sun.”
“Well, I’m asking you again.”
“No, all right? No, you did nothing.”
“Then is Libby the reason you’re being so weird?”
“No, she isn’t, okay?” I snapped. “Drop. It. Please.”
God, she knew me so well. I’d met Libby on Halloween. It was then that I had started to withdraw from my best friends in the world.
“Okay, okay,” Sunny said, holding up her hands in surrender. “Consider it dropped.”
We sat in awkward silence for a few seconds before Sunny hopped up from my bed and stood in my doorway. “I’d better get some work done.”
“’Kay,” I said, sitting down at my desk and opening my laptop, trying desperately to look casual. To look as if I didn’t care. But the walls of the dorm were closing in, making me feel trapped, alone, and confused, and the girl standing in my doorway was no longer a comfort to me. Comfort and solace resided in an apartment on Busse Avenue, which suddenly felt like it was a thousand miles away.
Seven o’clock couldn’t come soon enough.
Chapter 11
A Light Drizzle
Grace
December, a ridiculously cold day a week before final exams
Okay, so it all started in my American history class. Ross Dugan was an exchange student from the University of Stirling in Scotland. His accent literally made chills run up and down my spine when he spoke in class. He had curly blond hair, bright blue eyes, and a broad smile that made my heart pound.
History class was on Monday and Wednesday mornings, and I had made a habit of saving my best outfits for those days in hopes of catching his attention. After a few months¸ I gave up. Besides, finals were next week and I’d probably never see him again. So this week, I did the opposite. I wore yoga pants and hooded sweatshirts to class without a bit of makeup on my face.
Ironically, Ross paid more attention to me this week than he had in all the other weeks combined. After class on Wednesday, he asked me a question on the material as we walked out the door, and before I knew it, we were walking together across the quad to the student union.
At first I had no idea what to talk to him about, but as we walked it got easier and easier. We talked about his school in Scotland. He actually had classes in old castles. I wondered aloud why he would leave such an amazing campus to come to Illinois.
He chuckled and said, “Well, I had to see America. I wanted to see what all of the fuss was about.”
“And are you impressed?” I asked innocently, looking into his icy blue eyes, thinking absolutely nothing of the question.
“Very.” He raised one eyebrow as he looked into my eyes. When he said that one simple word I felt my jaw drop, and as I picked my bottom lip off the ground, he asked, “By any chance, would you like to meet for tea later?”
“Sure. That would be nice,” I said. “I’d love to hear more about Scotland.”
“How about tonight? I have this chemistry class. And after I always fancy a cup of tea.”
I nodded. “Sure, that would be fine. What time does your class let out?”
“Around eight. Is that all right?”
“That’s perfect. I have a meeting in Greg Hall, but I can leave a little early. Where’s your class?”
Who is this Grace? I don’t recognize her, but I like her.
“Actually, it’s next door in Lincoln. I’ll meet you in front of Greg, okay?”
“Fantastic,” I said, reaching for the door to the union. “I’ll see you then.”
During our pledge meeting, I couldn’t stop looking at the clock. Minutes fe
lt like hours. It was pure agony. My heart was beating out of control and I couldn’t decide if it was hot or cold in the room. After stripping my neck of my wool scarf for the third time, Sunny nudged me in the arm.
“It’s going to be fine. Just breathe,” she said softly.
“I’m trying,” I whispered, embarrassed.
Finally, the clock struck eight and although the meeting wasn’t over, I snuck out the back door of the classroom and walked to the front of the building, where Ross was already waiting for me. My throat went dry when he smiled at me.
“Hi,” he said, offering his arm. “Shall we?”
Seriously, a college guy just offered me his freaking arm! Who the hell does that?
“Okay,” I said with a laugh, looping my arm through his and walking with him to the coffee shop across from the quad.
When we entered the shop, Ross said, “Why don’t you get us a table. I’ll order the tea.”
“Oh, um,” I said, standing there like a fool.
“What do you like?” he asked.
“Tea? Um, I don’t really—”
“I’ll surprise you then,” he said with a smile.
“Okay.”
I really better expand my vocabulary or he’ll never want to see me again!
“Here you go, a perfect cuppa,” he said a few minutes later, sitting down next to me instead of the empty chair across from me. I liked that. “I had them make it just like my gran does, with milk. And you can add sugar if you like.”
“Thanks.”
“It helps me relax,” he said with a shrug. “I’m guessing you don’t drink much of the stuff?”
“Not really. I’m kind of addicted to Diet Coke.”
“Ah, that stuff’ll kill ye!” he said, taking a sip of his steaming cup of tea.
“I know, I know,” I said, patting the air. “That’s what my mother says, too. She’s one of those health nuts, ya know? Wheat grass in the morning and all that stuff.”
“Wheat what?” he asked with one raised eyebrow.
“Wheat grass. It’s supposed to be one of the healthiest things you can put in your body. My mom grows her own.”
Sorority of Three: Freshman 101 Page 8