“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m just hurt, ya know? I’m scared. But I’m not going to stand in your way. You’d never stand in mine.”
“True. But you would’ve told me. You would never have let me find out that way.”
“Maybe. Who knows.” I shook my head. “Maybe I would’ve hidden it, too. You didn’t want to hurt me.”
“And I don’t wanna leave you.” She choked on the words and fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.
“You said that already,” I said with a smile, nudging her arm.
“We can Skype, and e-mail, and—”
“We’ll be fine,” I said, taking her hand in mine. “We’ll be just fine.”
“Do you mean it?”
“No. But I will. I promise.”
“I need you to be okay with this, Claude. You’re so important to me. I can’t lose you over this.”
“I’m not going anywhere. It’s just a few months, and then you’ll be back. And we’ll be fine.”
That was the third time I’d used the word “fine.” That realization caused a chill to run down my spine. I never used that word, except when I was putting on a brave face. Truth be told, I was absolutely, positively frightened about what the fall semester would mean for us. But that didn’t mean I was going to walk away from the only person I’d ever loved.
So I took a deep breath, let it out, and finally said again, “We’ll be fine.”
Chapter 28
Speed Bumps
Sunny
April, the second Friday
It felt so weird when I told people that my boyfriend was in a frat…especially those who knew me well and knew where I stood on the whole Greek thing. I was pretty outspoken about the hell my sister went through, and had no plans to be part of the “system.”
The problem was that guys like Sawyer, they didn’t come around too often. And to pigeonhole him in that way wouldn’t be fair.
When I was home over break, my older sister, Sheryl, had come over with her kids for dinner. When she had asked me all about school and dating and all that stuff, inevitably we’d discussed Sawyer. She had become visibly uncomfortable when I mentioned his fraternity.
“That was the one, Sun. Be careful.” Her skin turned pale.
“Wait…are you serious?” My heart dropped.
“As a heart attack,” she said. Her husband, Luke, took her hand in his.
“I—I’m sorry.”
“It’s been a long time,” Luke said. “Different guys. Remember that. Frats change all the time.”
“I’m just saying…be careful.”
“I will. Promise.”
Sheryl had been in a sorority. It was her world. All her friends were her “sisters.” She endured the hazing, the pranks, and all that pledging entailed, in the hopes that once she was an active member, she would be at home, she would be supported, she’d be part of something bigger than herself.
Yet when the unspeakable happened to her, her supposed sisters didn’t have her back. They sided with the fraternity to avoid any kind of scandal. When Sheryl insisted that two guys from Kappa Sig had laced her drink with a date-rape drug, they had ignored her. Even when she told them she woke up in one of said frat boy’s beds, they had said she was mistaken. And finally, when Sheryl threatened to leave the sorority if no one would support her, they offered her the door. And that was the end of that.
She had transferred to another school the very next semester. And took HIV tests for years, until her doctor told her she could relax. But even still, as I sat with her at the table, picking at the carrot cake my mother had baked, I could see her frozen in time. Just the mention of Sawyer’s fraternity had upset her terribly, transporting her to her own private hell. She didn’t know what happened to her. She didn’t know if she was raped. She didn’t know if she was taken advantage of. All she knew was that when she needed her Greek family, they had abandoned her.
I had known the story, but the name of the house had never been relevant. I hadn’t had any plans to be Greek, or to date guys in fraternities. It didn’t matter.
Until that day at my mother’s kitchen table.
I knew, deep down in my gut, that Sawyer was incapable of taking part in or supporting anything of the sort. But knowing that his house was the house made me uncomfortable, and there was nothing I could do about it…except to be aware and extremely careful.
When I got back to school after spring break, I tried to push my sister’s experience from the forefront of my mind, to give Sawyer and his friends the benefit of the doubt. I wanted more than anything to keep an open mind.
History class had ended and Sawyer was meeting me at the union for lunch. I hadn’t seen him in days, so I was excited to spend time with him. I was ten minutes early for lunch, so when I reached the union lobby, I parked myself on one of the many couches and dove into the day’s social media. Several tweets and a few Facebook messages later, and I was all caught up on the day’s happenings. Before I had a chance to text, Sawyer, though, I heard a familiar voice.
“Mac.”
Danny. Oh Lord.
“Hey,” I said, pushing my hair behind my shoulder. I was uncomfortable running into Danny again after his drunken visit to my dorm room. I wondered if he even remembered doing it.
“Can I sit for a sec?” he asked, pointing down at the stiff leather couch.
“Sure.”
“How was your break? I meant to call you, but—”
“It was fine. Yours?”
“Busy. I worked a ton at my dad’s lumberyard. He’s finally letting me help the guys.”
“Extra cash never hurts, right?”
I was trying so hard to be conversational. Danny meant no harm when he stopped by my room. But it was horrible timing, and had made Sawyer uneasy.
“Exactly.” He paused, popping a couple of knuckles. “Listen, about that night…in your room.”
“It’s okay,” I said. Damn it. I’m such a people-pleaser. Always letting people off the hook.
“Are you sure? Because that guy—”
“Sawyer.”
“Right.” He took a deep breath. “He seemed kinda pissed.”
“It was three a.m. A little late for a friendly visit, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I guess…” His voice trailed off.
“Look, it’s fine. I explained everything to him. He knows we’re old friends.”
“Well, that’s the thing, Mac, I—”
“What’s going on?” I’d never seen Danny like that. He was fidgety and avoiding eye contact. Was he nervous?
“Is he your boyfriend?”
“Yes, he is.” A voice answered for me. Sawyer was standing a few feet away from us, phone in hand, eyes fixed on Danny. His tone was flat, emotionless. So unlike the Sawyer I knew.
Danny stood, grabbed his bag, and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Hey man,” he said, extending his hand. Sawyer hesitated before shaking Danny’s hand.
What the hell?
“I’ll text you, Mac.”
“Okay.” I shrugged as I looked between them. Thick tension loomed in the air before Danny placed his sunglasses on the bridge of his nose and walked out of the building.
“Everything all right?” I grabbed my things and took Sawyer’s hand in mine.
“Yeah, sorry.” He shook his head. “I’ve just had a crap morning and seeing him with you like that…well, I didn’t expect it.”
“There’s nothing going on with Danny and me.”
“Are you sure?” His eyes looked pained, vulnerable.
“I’m certain,” I said, planting a small kiss on his lips. “I’m sorry he keeps popping up. He really is just an old friend. We’ve hardly spoken in years.”
“Maybe he’s into you.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I said, brushing away his concerns.
“Why?”
“Danny Waterson hasn’t looked at me like that since we were fourteen.”
“
You don’t see what I see.”
“And what’s that?” My hands moved to my hips. I didn’t want to get defensive, but this was not the Sawyer I had fallen for.
“The way he looks at you…it’s weird.”
I felt like a patch of grass that Sawyer felt the need to pee on to mark his territory. Didn’t he know I was already his? There was no need for machismo.
“Well, he’s not the one I want.”
Sawyer’s expression softened. I could feel his muscles relax when my hand covered his forearm. His arms were still crossed over his chest, but I’d take any progress I could get. I wanted Sawyer back. My Sawyer.
After his muscles softened, so did his eyes. “I’m sorry. I skipped breakfast this morning…it’s making me edgy.”
“Let’s get you some food and talk about it, okay?”
He nodded and pressed his lips to my forehead. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and we made our way down the stairs to the food court.
A cheeseburger and fries later, and Sawyer was back to the guy I’d fallen for. Witty, charming, laid-back, and sweet.
“Thank God you’re back.” I nudged his arm with my hand.
He bit his lip and shook his head. “Yeah, sorry. I wasn’t myself. Normally, I’m not a jealous guy, but—”
“You were hungry. It’s fine.”
“Well, yeah, but it’s more than that.” His brow wrinkled in hesitation.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s you, you’re just so awesome. I can’t handle the idea of some douchebag stealing you away.”
That’s not gonna happen.” My fingers threaded through the hair above his forehead. He closed his eyes, relaxing into my touch. “You have to trust me, though. I wouldn’t do that to you…like ever. It’s not my style.”
“All right.”
“Do you trust me?” I pressed.
“Of course I do.” Sawyer ran his fingers through my hair before placing a soft kiss on my lips.
Crisis averted.
Thank God.
• • •
“Thanks again for coming, guys…I wasn’t sure I could do this alone.”
Grace, Claudia, and I hopped off the bus a block away from Sawyer’s frat house. He had invited us to a party his fraternity was having, and reluctantly I had agreed. If I was going to keep an open mind, I needed to give his friends a chance.
As the bus pulled away we looked at each other uneasily, the sound of music blasting from the party a block away easily heard where we stood.
“I’m shocked we’ve gone this long without going to one of these things.” Claudia rolled her eyes.
“We missed that rite of passage, huh?” Grace joked, pulling at the hem of her sweater.
“That’s the GDI way, I guess. Seriously, though, we don’t have to stay long. I just need to make an appearance. He’s really happy we’re coming.” I grabbed my cell from my purse and sent Sawyer a text.
We’re here.
We approached the brown brick house with a large wrap-around porch. White lights dangled from the roof and—
“Evening, ladies,” said a chubby guy holding a clipboard. “Are you Gammas?”
So badly, I wanted to make a snide remark about being a different kind of Gamma, but somehow I knew that wouldn’t go over very well.
“No, but we should be on the list. Sawyer Holcomb invited us.”
“Oh,” he said, lowering the clipboard. “Are you the famous Sunny?”
I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. “Um, yeah?” It sounded more like a question than an answer. Grace giggled behind me.
“Good to meet ya,” he said, looking me up and down. “Really good.”
“Ew,” Claudia said. I could feel her rolling her eyes behind me.
Chubby Guy winked and gestured for us to enter through the front walk. The front door opened and slammed shut several times as we approached the house. The music thumped and clusters of people stood outside the house, smoking cigarettes and passing bowls.
“Right in the front yard?” Grace scoffed in a whisper. “Are they idiots?”
“Guess so.”
I stopped on the top of the porch and glanced around, looking for my boyfriend. “Let’s find Sawyer.”
“Did you text him?” Claudia asked.
“Yeah, when we got off the bus. Not sure where he is.”
“Well, he’s probably inside. Let’s go in.”
The three of us entered the house, overtaken by the thumping of the music. Don’t get me wrong, we’d been to many parties during our first several months on campus. But there was something different about this party. As I took in our environment, I realized what it was. They were trying too hard…trying too hard to impress, to have the “best party ever.” The music was outrageously loud, girls with tube tops littered the great room, many of them taking selfies of themselves with their friends while guys grabbed their boobs. The girls slapped their hands away, but collapsed into laughter two seconds later. Talk about mixed signals.
“Sun, is that Sawyer?” Grace yelled over the music, pointing to a guy with his back to us.
“I can’t tell,” I said, trying to get a better look at him. He was tall like Sawyer, and had dark hair like him. But unlike Sawyer, he seemed to be awfully content with his hand raised and pressed against a doorframe. Framed under his arm was a girl, batting her eyelashes in between sips from her plastic cup.
Jealousy thrust itself through every inch of my body.
“Turn your head,” I whispered, staring at the guy, feeling my pulse quicken, feeling my anger take over. “Turn your head.”
As if he could hear me, the guy turned his head. Before I could let out a sigh of relief, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
Sawyer.
Thank God.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said, taking my hand in his. “You made it!”
I couldn’t even begin to describe the relief that consumed me during that moment. I felt terrible for doubting him, for thinking for even one minute that he would be holed up in a corner with some sorority girl. Sawyer was different. His feelings for me were just as real as mine were for him.
“Just a few minutes ago. I texted you.”
“Seriously,” he yelled, leaning toward my ear. “Sorry, it’s so loud and I forgot to switch it to vibrate.”
“It’s okay,” I said with a relaxed smile. “You remember my friends, right?”
“Yeah. Hey, Claudia, Grace. I’m glad you could make it.”
“Can we get a drink?”
“Absolutely. We have this crazy Everclear punch or there’s a keg in the kitchen.”
Quickly, my brain shot to Sheryl and her experience. Drinking a homemade punch was not a good idea.
“Keg sounds great,” I said.
“That’s my girl.” Sawyer laughed and wrapped his arm around me, leading us to the kitchen at the back of the house.
“Three bucks,” said the pimply-faced blond guy controlling the keg.
“They’re with me,” Sawyer said. “Get to it, Pledge.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Yikes,” Grace muttered under her breath. I was shocked I could even hear her over the deafening music.
“I thought guys pledged in the fall?”
“Most do.” Sawyer passed each of us a beer. “But our pledge class was small last semester, so we opened up spring pledging. It’s good for us…more grunts to do the shit jobs during parties.”
Um, okay.
“You wanna dance?” Sawyer asked.
I glanced at the girls. Grace nodded and Claudia gave an unenthusiastic shrug.
“Sure, let’s go.”
We followed Sawyer back to the great room where the DJ booth stood. Red, yellow, and blue lights flashed through the room as hip-hop music boomed through the air. Everywhere I looked, we were surrounded by Greek letters—hanging from the archway of the door, across the tube tops of the “Gammas” dancing across the hardwood floor, and across the T-shirts of Sawyer’s
“brothers.” It was a little much.
Two and a half beers later, Grace was talking with a girl from her calculus class, and Claudia was sitting on the staircase texting on her cell phone. The goofy smile on her face told me all I needed to know. It was Libby.
When Sawyer nuzzled my neck and asked me to go outside with him, I nodded and took his hand in mine. We made our way through the hot and crowded house to the sprawling front porch.
“Ah, that feels good, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah,” I said.
As much as I was enjoying being with Sawyer, I still hadn’t warmed up to the house and he must have known it. He ran his hand through his hair and gestured for me to sit on the front steps.
“What’s going on? Talk to me.”
“It’s nothing, seriously.”
Across the street, a couple was screaming at each other. The blonde wore three-inch heels and a tiny skirt that emphasized the muscles of her thighs. She was stunning. But her screeching voice made her just a little bit less attractive. The guy stood with her, his arms crossed in front of his puffed-out chest. He shook his head back and forth as she spewed accusations of him sleeping with someone else.
“Do you know them?”
Sawyer pursed his lips and nodded. “That’s Jake and Brynna. They’re kind of the house train wreck. They break up every week or so.”
“That sounds exhausting.”
“She doesn’t trust him, and probably with good reason.”
“Oh?” I asked, curious.
Sawyer shook his head, looking down at the stairs. “It’s none of my business. I shouldn’t be saying anything.”
“Because he’s your brother.”
“Something like that.”
“Interesting,” I said, clicking my heels on the steps.
“What does that mean?”
“Well, I mean, where do you draw the line? Cheating? Lying?”
“Look, I like Brynna, but I’m not going to rat my friend out. That’s not cool.”
“And what if your friend did something awful…something really bad.”
“What are you getting at, Sun?”
“Never mind.” I stood, turning back to the house.
Sorority of Three: Freshman 101 Page 22