Alex gives me a sideways look, and I walk up and put my arm around Elle’s shoulders. “No, I came here to talk to you about Cruz.”
Elle’s eyes shift from between me to Alex in confusion.
“I told him to come,” she says with a shrug. Alex’s expression is open, encouraging. “You need to hear this.”
“O…kay.”
Elle looks around to see if anyone needs service, but including us, there might be a total of five people here. She dumps her tray at the bar, and the three of us head to the back room. It’s quickly becoming our regular place for slamming each other with Cruz-related news.
We crowd into one of the curved booths, Elle and Alex on either side of me. Alex slides her hand into mine again, and I lace my fingers with hers.
It feels better somehow, having her here with me.
“Cruz found me earlier today. He was staking out the high roller room.” I glance down at Alex. “The room where Alex and I both were.”
Elle’s face turns as white as a sheet, but I keep going before she can say anything. I tell her everything Cruz said to me, aware that Alex is also hanging on every word. Elle sits like a stone until I’m done.
“Oh, shit.” She turns away, but not quickly enough to hide her tears. Her silence is my answer, the answer to the question Alex asked me about whether Elle knew what kind of person he is. I don’t doubt that he fed her all of the bullshit lines that he could come up with, and I don’t doubt that she desperately wanted to believe him.
Like the bastard said, we believe what we want to.
I slide my free arm around her and hug her hard to my chest. She half sobs-half gulps, and I rest my chin on top of her head. “It’s gonna be okay, Elle.”
She pushes away from me. “How? How the hell is it going to be okay? He’s not going to take no for an answer. He could ruin your business that you worked so hard to build up.” She swipes at the tears that are flowing freely down her cheeks now. “This is my fault. I shouldn’t have ever taken his calls.”
“Not taking his calls wouldn’t have stopped him from coming here and finding Connor.” Alex says it in a quiet but firm voice. “You know that, right?”
“Yeah… I guess.” She sighs and looks at me through wet lashes. “I’m so sorry, hun.”
I pull her to me again, and she sags against my side. Now that I came here and told her, I don’t know what to say to make things better for her. Alex squeezes my hand, like she can feel the pain ripping through me.
“We have until the end of the month to figure out how to get him to go away,” Alex says.
I stare down at our linked hands, currents of warmth going up my arm as her thumb strokes my palm. She included herself in that statement, and I can’t let her do that. I can’t let either of them involve themselves in this.
“I have until the end of the month to figure it out,” I correct. “This is my problem, not either of yours.”
“If you really and seriously think that, you can go screw yourself, Connor,” Elle says loudly, glaring at me. “Alex and I. We’re smart, we have connections in this city too, and we’ll come up with something to help you.”
“Hell no,” I growl. “You two don’t understand what you’re saying.”
Alex nods, and there’s fire in her eyes. “I think we both do, and I second all of Elle’s words. You’re stuck with us.”
Elle crosses her arms, her jaw set to match her stubborn stance. The prospect of either of them approaching Cruz about this is enough to make me sick, crazy, or both. But if I tell them to stay out of it, that’ll pretty much guarantee they’ll act on whatever brilliant idea they come up with. Without me.
“Fine,” I concede, but I hope my expression reveals how unhappy I am about it. “You can help think of ideas, but you have to promise not to do anything aside from that.”
They exchange silent glances, Elle looking dubious and Alex looking more confident.
“Promise,” Elle finally says.
“I promise,” Alex adds.
We leave Elle after agreeing to get together later in the week, and I drive Alex back to her hotel with the music cranked up in an attempt to drown out the thoughts crashing in my head. It’s bordering on ridiculous. I’ve been trained to kill when necessary, but I can’t do that in this case because it’s him. I’m trained in intelligence, but somehow Cruz is the one who’s given himself the upper hand by using Elle and even Alex as collateral. I glance over at Alex and know I did the right thing by warning her.
“What the most important thing to Cruz?” she suddenly says.
I turn down the volume and consider this. She’s been pretty quiet since we left the club, like she’s been thinking as hard as I’ve been. I don’t know the answer to her question, but it’s an interesting one. Still, I wish she’d let it go.
She’s sitting with her sunglasses on, her head turned to look outside. It’s just before six in the evening and the brightness of the sun is a little surreal. It feels like it should be midnight, this day has been so long. I hear Alex’s stomach rumble as if in agreement.
“You wanna grab something to eat?”
She turns her head and looks at me. The fire that was in her eyes, in her entire attitude since I first broke the news, is dimmer now, and a tired smile flickers on her face. “Yeah, weirdly enough, I could eat.”
“Nothing that weird about it.” I vaguely think about Maya’s comment about needing occasional sustenance and remind myself that Neil will be checking in with me in the morning to report how that’s going. Hopefully he’s still in one piece.
Alex nods absently and starts tapping out a text. “Dad made dinner reservations at some French restaurant, but I’ll tell them to go ahead without me.”
I brake at a stoplight behind a huge line of cars to get on the Boulevard, and shoot her a look. “You sure? I can drop you off at your hotel.”
“Nah. Honestly, I could go for a burger.” She points to the In-N-Out Burger sign that’s towering over I-15.
“Okay.” I shrug. “We can do that. If you don’t mind slumming.”
I look over my shoulder and edge over into the lane that’ll take us off the Strip. We creep forward with maddening slowness – it’s typical of this time of day, but it makes my nerves feel even more shot than they already were.
Alex’s fingers pause, and she sets her phone down on her lap as she whips around to face me. “Excuse me,” she says in a sharp voice. “Exactly why am I slumming? Because of the burger or because of you?”
“Take your pick,” I say wryly. “You’re here on vacation with your family. You should be going to concerts and the spa and lying around the pool. Throwing away all of your cash at the tables with daddy. Not here with me trying to involve yourself in my gangster brother problem.”
That spark is back in her eyes again, and it’s out of anger. “Holy shit. You can be such an asshole sometimes.”
“Another reason to stay away from me,” I point out.
“You think that I’m just some spoiled rich kid? That I’m with you right now because your brother’s in a gang and I want a little action with some hot and sexy ‘bad boy’? Fuck you.” She mutters, “You’re not even that much of a bad boy.”
I laugh out loud, hard. And it’s like a floodgate opens that temporarily washes away everything. Anxiety over having Elle and Alex involved in this. Concern over Maya and how she’s dealing with the change. Anger over Cruz having any sort of power over me.
“No?” I calm myself down and cock an eyebrow at her. “But you think I’m hot and sexy?”
Alex’s face is still flushed from anger and annoyance, but she presses her lips together like she’s trying not to laugh. “Like I’d ever tell you that. Hey. Drive-through, okay?”
I nod as I pull into the parking lot of In-N-Out, my mood crashing again. The burger joint is always busy because all of the people passing through on I-15 and locals getting off work shifts on the Strip. Don’t know why I should care that she doesn’t wan
t to go in and eat with me, but I do.
This isn’t like me. But given the wringer Cruz has put me through today, it’s no wonder.
“What do you want?” I ask Alex as we start going through the line.
“A double-double, hold the onions, large fries, and a large chocolate shake.” Her eyes widen innocently when I look at her. “What? I haven’t had anything since brunch. A girl’s gotta eat.”
I shake my head and smile. She digs out her wallet from her purse as I edge the Audi up to the speaker to order, and I put my hand over hers to stop her.
“Let the asshole buy you dinner, sweetheart.”
“Power,” I say.
Alex and I sneak our dinners into the movie theater in her hotel. Some comic book superhero movie is playing, and we sit in the back row and start passing the bags of food around. I don’t care about the movie – I’m mostly glad it’s not some feel-good romantic comedy.
“Power?” She looks up from her fries and squints up at the screen.
I poke her arm. “Not up there. You asked me what the most important thing to Cruz is.”
As far as personalities go, Cruz and I are evidence that having the same DNA doesn’t mean much. Even when we were little, Cruz was always exerting dominance over other kids whereas I was more concerned about fitting in. He didn’t try to exercise control over me, not at first anyway – growing up, he’d been protective of me more than anything else.
Cruz never told me what he was up to when he left the house, and I thought he was doing something like I was. He made his own choices, but I still wonder if things could have been different for him if I hadn’t been so entrenched in my own thing. I’d noticed when he stopped coming to school, of course, but he insisted he was fine, that he’d gotten a job so he could get the hell out of the house. The aggravated assault charge came after he was involved in the gang, and thinking back on it, he should have spent more time in juvie than he had.
Power. Violence. My brother in a nutshell.
All of the signs were there. Maybe if I’d pressed the matter…
“Power hungry, huh?” Alex says, breaking through my reverie. “I guess I’m not surprised.”
She doesn’t say anything else about it, concentrating on eating and watching the movie instead. Sharing her fries and chocolate shake with me like we’re on a date. We don’t hold hands again, but she leans against my arm when we’re done with the food. The movie winds up being a double feature, and I don’t even mind – for the first time in years, I’m not on a schedule.
It’s good, watching superheroes bust up stuff and save the world, and listening to Alex’s detailed commentary about the characters and plot.
“How do you know so much about this stuff?” I ask at the start of the second movie.
She shrugs. “Graphic novels? I sort of got hooked on them when I was in high school.”
“Yeah?” I glance at her, and maybe I can see this about her. “What else are you into? What do you like to do when you’re back home?”
She’s silent, and at first I think she’s not going to answer my question. But then she lifts her chocolate shake and gestures to the screen. “I like to do stuff like this. What we’re doing right now.”
“Oh. Going out on dates, you mean.” I can imagine the guys from New York wanting to be all over her, and I nod because it makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is the flicker of jealousy that hits me.
I dismiss it, though. Alex and I are just hanging out, and it’s nice. Though I’m very aware of how good it feels to have her pressed up against my arm. Much too aware of how her bare knee is just inches away from touching my leg.
She flicks a glance in my direction. “No, I meant I like to watch movies with friends. I don’t really go out on dates very often.” She hesitates. “Or lately, really ever.”
“Me either,” I say simply.
She doesn’t ask me why not, and I don’t ask her, either. We all have our reasons for what we do, and I get the distinct impression that she doesn’t want to talk about hers.
We both fall silent as an explosion rumbles through the theater speakers, and I watch as a city becomes engulfed in flames. But I quickly lose interest in what little of the storyline there is, my attention shifting more to Alex. My interest in her far outweighs anything that the big screen could offer.
When the movie’s over, I ride up the elevator with Alex and walk her to her room. Second time in the same day that I’m making sure that a woman I actually care about makes it back to her room okay.
Women I care about. It’s a foreign thought to me, but it’s true. Of course Maya, because of our long working history and because she opened up doors for me that wouldn’t have been otherwise possible. And Alex. Because she has that spark and an attitude but also compassion. Because she’s the cool girl who’s not afraid to call me on my shit. And because I like her.
“Thank you,” I say. “For dragging my ass to the bar.”
“You’re welcome. Thanks for dinner and going to the movies with me.” She hesitates, her eyes searching my face like she wants to say something else.
I beat her to the punch. “This is going to sound all wrong, but I don’t want to leave you alone tonight.” It’s not a pick up line. And it’s impulsive of me, but I mean it. I’d feel better if I could be in the same room with her for at least some of the night.
Her lips part, and I watch as she draws in a deep breath. “My parents are two rooms down if I need them.” Her voice is husky, and I want to ask her if I can come in this time. Instead, I nod and turn to leave.
“Connor,” she whispers. “Wait.”
I turn around, and she’s holding the door wide open for me.
“Don’t go.”
18
Alex
I don’t invite guys into my hotel room. I don’t.
But I just did. Not because I felt like I wanted to be protected. Because I wanted to, and now Connor’s stepping inside as I hold the door open. My pulse is hammering so hard that there’s no way he can’t hear that. He walks past me and into the room, and I shut the door behind us.
My room is pretty standard-sized with its own bathroom, and the majority of it taken up by my queen-sized bed. It’s just as well because all I ever really do in here is sleep, but I suddenly wish the room was bigger so that the bed wouldn’t have to be the focal point.
I sling my purse onto the dresser, and he walks the length of the room until he gets to the two armchairs by the window. He takes a seat in one and runs his hand through his hair, his eyes on me as I kick off my shoes.
The way he’s sitting there doing that unsmiling intense thing that he does when I’ve seen him working – it’s a little unnerving, like he’s watching over me. If he’s going to go all security guard on me, maybe we’d be better off talking. Not about Cruz, though. I’ve been working too hard trying to get him to relax for the past few hours to start that up again.
“Despite all this,” I say, gesturing around me, “I’m not a rich kid. Or spoiled.”
Connor’s expression doesn’t change, like he’s absorbing my words and taking what I say very seriously.
“I can tell you’re not spoiled. I honestly don’t care how much money you have.”
“Okay…” His answer surprises me, but I’m not completely sure why. “But for what it’s worth, I want to tell you,” I say. “My dad’s a CPA, and he does fine, but he socks away every single dime so he can do this each summer. I guess I’ve always thought it was his way of treating us to something nice when he’s so busy the rest of the year. And my mom makes and sells custom-made jewelry on Etsy so she can buy new dresses and other stuff for the trip.” I squeeze my eyes shut for a second. “Incidentally, if you ever tell her I told you that, you die.”
He laughs, and it’s the same one he let loose with in the car, like he’s finally, finally, letting go. His laugh is resonant like his voice, and it’s so sexy. I smile back at him, glad that my plan of burgers and movies helped him c
hill out a bit. I mean, really. If you’re gifted with dimples like that, you might as well use them.
“I promise I won’t tell her I know her secret.” He cocks his head. “So what do you do? You said you were taking classes and working. Doing what?”
I perch on the edge of my bed and shrug. “Pre-nursing classes right now, and I’ll be applying for programs this year. And I work part-time in a hotel restaurant so I can pay for my living expenses. Volunteer in the hospital when I have time.”
I brace myself for some pervy comment about how he wouldn’t mind me being his nurse, but he must be going for the strong silent type because he says nothing.
He’s definitely not the same cocky jerkface that he was when he dumped my drink on me. Maybe because that kind of stuff is usually what people present on the surface, and Connor and I have gotten to know each other better since then. But even at the bar, he went out of his way to help me out.
It’s not even midnight yet, but it feels so much later than that. I scoot back on my bed and sink into my veritable forest of pillows. Kissing Connor at the pool seems like it happened days ago instead of just this morning, and I close my eyes for a minute.
“You mind if I take this off?” I hear him say.
My eyes snap open. “Take what off?”
He lifts an eyebrow, pushing back the side of his jacket so I can see his gun. “My jacket and piece. Unless you want me to do more than that.”
Ah, there we go. Pervy. But not really, because his comment doesn’t come off as feeling creepy to me. More like he’s teasing me for my overreaction. Like a friend would tease a friend.
“Haha. Sure, knock yourself out. Only your jacket and piece, I mean,” I say pointedly. I lie back into my pillows again, and I’m suddenly very aware of the fact that he’s checking me out as I stretch out. I’m all about equal opportunity, and I openly admire his body as he shrugs off his jacket. He’s wearing a blue button-down shirt that looks custom-tailored to fit and absolutely amazing on him, but I almost renege and tell him he can take that off too.
Losing Enough Page 16