by Lauren Dane
She did and he followed, pulling her close. “I really wanted a different situation to talk to you about all this. You’re so stressed and it’s been such a horrible time.”
“Not knowing whatever it is just makes it worse. Be honest. I may not like it, but damn it, there are too many things I don’t know right now and it sucks.” She took a sip and hissed. “Dude, you sure didn’t hold back with the liquor.” But the warmth that spread through her was welcome so she took another sip and braced herself for whatever it was he was about to spill.
“I’m going to be detailed because I don’t know what you do and don’t know. So don’t be offended if I tell you things you already know.”
Michelle made one of those get on with it moves with her hand and he snorted a laugh.
“I don’t use condoms usually, no. I don’t because like you said, we don’t pass STDs and we can scent a female’s fertility.” He was so mad at Esme for that afternoon. She’d heard about his finding a mate because wolves were horrible gossips about that stuff, and when she’d learned he was at Tracy’s, she’d come to get a load of Michelle. Stupid.
It had pushed his timeline up and at a time when Michelle really didn’t need any added stress.
But it was what it was and he had to deal with it.
“Normally, aside from being messy, it’s not a big deal to have unprotected sex with another female. I generally don’t…haven’t sought out non-shifter females. As you pointed out before, it’s too hard to hide what you are. My life is wrapped up with my pack and other wolves. Anyway.”
“Oh my God, just say it. You’re killing me!”
The whiskey, which he’d added pretty liberally, had kicked in, and he tried not to smile at what a lightweight she was. Then again, he wasn’t able to get drunk without a lot of liquor so he might have given her a whole lot. Oops.
“Wolves mate for life. Werewolves too. It’s not so much like there is only one person on the entire planet, but it’s a rare thing to find that one person. When the male comes inside that female that starts the chain reaction that creates the mate bond. It’s magick of its own. It changes the DNA of the female. The bond between the mated couple is intense. They can feel the emotions of the other. There’s no one else after that. Neither mate would want it. For a wolf it’s a joy to find.”
He swallowed hard.
“I used condoms with you because you’re my mate.”
She blinked several times and gulped more of her tea before sitting up and putting the mug down. “What?” She stood and began to pace. “You used a condom because you didn’t want this supposed joy with me? You wanted it with the other one from Tracy’s house? Because I’m not a wolf is that it?”
He jumped up and moved to her. “No.” He took her upper arms to halt her in her tracks. “I wanted it from the first moment we hugged in that elevator and I breathed you in. When I tasted you when we kissed that first time. But you’re under so much stress and pressure, and I didn’t want to spring it on you. I wanted to wait until this thing had settled. Until I’d had some time to woo you a little. I’m messing this up but I want you. So much I don’t even know how to put it into words. That after these years, my mate comes into my life and it’s someone I’ve known for so long and already loved?” He tipped her chin up and brushed his lips over hers. “You’re my mate. And it is a joy.
“And in the interests of full disclosure, when the bond is created there’s a need for an anchor bond. For us, wolves I mean, it’s part of the process, but you’re not a wolf so it’s not something you’d have grown up with, or even know about. An anchor is like the third leg on a stool. The power of the bond between a mate pair is such that should one die it could drag the other into death or a mental break they couldn’t come back from. So for as long as our history has been passed down, we’ve had the tri-bond.”
“Which is?”
“After the two seal their bond, within two days it’s necessary for the female in the pair to have a sort of mating bond with another single male of equal or higher rank to the male in the pair.”
Her brows flew up. He knew how it sounded to outsiders, but he wanted, no he needed her to understand at least on some level how important and honored a situation it was.
“Every mated pair does it their own way. Sometimes all three people are there. Other times it’s just the female and the anchor. The anchor holds an important place in the lives of that couple. Not a romantic place,” he amended quickly. “I know you saw Tracy and Nick and Gabe and you might wonder. But what they have is exceptionally rare. Most of the time the anchor is like a best friend to the couple. A godfather to their kids. He comes to Thanksgiving and Christmas and the big holidays. And when that anchor mates himself, it’s generally hoped that the bonded pair opens up their family to the new mate. I know it’s a lot. Like I said, I’ve been wanting to tell you all this at a better time.”
“So I’d have sex with another dude. And you’d be down with that?”
“Admittedly, the idea is difficult to imagine now that it’s a reality. I’ve always held it to be a respected tradition and I see it all the time. It works. And it would protect you, which means everything. I know it’s shocking and maybe, most likely, outside of what you’d think was okay sexually. But it’s a beautiful thing and I’d be with you during the whole thing.”
Chapter Nine
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“I’m sorry this has to be sprung on you like this. I wanted to wait at least a few weeks before I told you. I know you have a lot going on in your head. A lot of stress and pressure. You’re it for me. I want you any way I can have you. Nothing has changed. Take the time you need to think on it.”
He knew deep down that she wasn’t going anywhere. When he’d seen her face as Esme had been touching him, the way she reacted had made his wolf preen. She was pissed off. A pissed-off woman was a magnificent thing to behold. At a distance sometimes. But her being jealous that way meant she felt it too.
Esme had understood it right then and had apologized before she left. Tracy had only smiled and patted his shoulder while telling him they’d work it out.
He’d tell Michelle all that. One day. In months or maybe a year.
Michelle licked her lips, absolutely floored by what he’d said. “I’m pretty sure that test you take for stress factors, you know the one, like moving or getting married or divorced adds points? I’m pretty sure this last week has killed that test dead.”
He let go of her upper arms and ran the backs of his fingers against her cheek. She leaned into his touch and felt better. The barest, rawest truth was that when she was with him she was not alone. When she’d been with Gina and Rhonda and they’d used magick and had shown her some things to defend herself, when Owen had hooked her up with the guy who’d teach her defensive and battle magicks, she hadn’t been alone.
There was a whole world there in Portland just waiting for her to be part of. A world where she didn’t have to be lonely. A world with a man who loved her and wanted to be with her for always. And she didn’t doubt what he’d told her. She knew enough to understand the mating stuff. The extra-guy thing was a little unexpected. But…well, it could be okay if she had a choice. Even hot maybe.
“I grew up in a house without a dad. My mom, well, she had a series of boyfriends because she has no real identity unless she’s with someone. But her choices, my God. I guess, when I realized it was because she hated herself, hated her magick and that she was a witch so she punished herself with men who weren’t good enough for her, I realized that I would never let myself be ashamed of that part of myself.”
She moved to his windows and looked out over evening in Portland. Wet from rain, the lights glittering, the asphalt dark and slick. He joined her, but didn’t get so close she couldn’t think.
“So I had this career. And I love being a cop. I’d want to do that here too. Something along those lines. It’s part of who I am. I like protecting people. Which I suppose is
what you do too, which is pretty cool. Anyway. I am not ashamed of being a witch, but even though I’ve known it forever and have had contact with other witches pretty much my whole life, I have not really lived as a witch. I think you know more about it than I do.”
She wanted to give him the words because he’d been so good to her.
“When I first heard you say I was your mate, I was so angry. I felt rejected.” She turned to him, putting her fingers over his lips and then pulled away because every time she touched him she wanted him and she needed to get all this out. “I get it now. I understand, and I’m so grateful you gave me this space even though I’m sure it’s been hard. But you did it for me and that means something.
“I’ve been alone for a long time. I’ve had Allie and she’s important to me. She’s my best friend. The only other person I know, before you came back into my life anyway, who shared this secret, who I really could talk to and share with. I never allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to have someone like you. To have something like a mate bond.”
She wiped away her tears, and he took her hand, kissing her fingertips.
“I have been so lonely, and you, this world has filled me up in ways I’ve never thought possible. Suddenly my future is full of so much energy and magick and connection, and I’m thrilled and excited.”
He moved to a box of tissues and brought them to her.
“It’s immense. There’s so much I need to process. And I can’t until I find Allie. I’m not rejecting you, but I want to celebrate this thing between us. I want to know more before I do it, and I just can’t put that sort of energy into it right now. Do you understand?”
He nodded and kissed her cheeks, so gently that it made her tear up again.
“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Take the time you need. I’ve already told you I’ll answer all your questions. Thank you for sharing all that with me. It breaks my heart that you’ve been so alone and that I contributed to that when I left.”
She shook her head and smiled. “I’ve forgiven that. You’ve apologized but I get it. I understand why it had to happen, and to be honest with you, I think it was part of the whole big plan anyway. That you and I had our path to walk, had experiences we needed to go through and get past so we could come back together later on and truly appreciate what we had.”
“I like that. Tracy said something similar to me. They know. You should hear that from me too. Esme, the female from today…”
She growled. “Her.”
He hid a grin but she saw it anyway. “Anyway, wolves are notorious gossips. Once members of the pack see us together, they’re going to know. It’s all right. We have our own timeline and no one else has a say over it. But I didn’t want you going into some event without knowing that.”
“I need a soak in some Epsom salts before you get what that look on your face is asking for.”
He burst out laughing and sobered quickly. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“I’m gonna guess it’s like anything else. Lots of practice will make me more, um, used to such activity.”
He pulled her into a hug, and she held on, her ear pressed to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.
“I do actually have some Epsom salts. Like I said, we heal fast but not instantly.”
“I hate that your job is dangerous.”
“Ditto, gorgeous. But it’s who we are.”
“All right. I’m going to make some calls. Just to check in with Pam and this Cesare guy that Gage spoke of. Then I’m going to take a bath and then you can pleasure me.”
He snorted. “I’ll run you a bath. I have some calls of my own to handle. Some folks from National will be in town next week, and I want to be sure everything is in place.”
“I’d have a choice, right? In who the anchor was? Is. Whatever.”
“Of course. I mean there are some limits. It has to be a single male who isn’t already an anchor, and it has to be someone of my rank or higher. That limits the pool a little. I’m second. It would have to be an Enforcer or something like that, or an Alpha.”
She nodded. “All right. As for your work? I’ve told you, do your job. I’m going to feel bad if you’re here instead of doing your work.”
“I have all the stuff I need on my computer. I’m connected remotely to our work servers. It’s not anything I can’t do from here. Damon is handling all the stuff that is pressing at work. By the way, it seems like you and Gina are getting on. She’s sort of scary.”
“I like her. And Rhonda. I think I can make a life in Portland. With you. And with the witches here. It’s nice that she understands the situation that I’ll be in as a witch with a Were mate. She’s funny and open and I enjoy her. And yes, she’s definitely scary.”
He went off to start the bath and she checked in. Nothing new with Pam, though the police were on alert after the murder that day. Stricter security protocols in place had slowed everything down, but that was to be expected. Anything Charlie could have told them was now gone. Though certainly he must have known something or they wouldn’t have killed him.
He’d been pretty itinerant but some witches and wolves had gone over the camper he lived in, as well as the cops. They found nothing important.
She was so frustrated. Despite the wonder of having a mate and all that, she was desperate to find Allie. Here Michelle had a mate, had a future filled with so much hope, and Allie was out there somewhere alone. Alone and most likely scared. In pain.
Michelle had never in her life felt as helpless as she did right then. She had no idea what else to do. Josh had sent more wolves out that day to scour out even farther from the huge amount of land they’d searched already. They had Allie’s scent and the scent of the mages and they found nothing.
She blew out a breath and headed to the bathroom. It was steamy. He’d lit some candles, and she smiled at the sight of a robe he’d laid out for her.
The water was hot, but she slowly slid into it, adjusting bit by bit as the salts did their job, easing the soreness from all parts of her.
She closed her eyes and ran through everything she could. Every piece of evidence, the timeline she knew, all possibilities she could imagine. Maybe if she just went over it she’d think of something new.
He found her drying off and paused to watch her move. The steam carried her scent and his wolf liked that just fine. He felt so much better after talking with her, though he knew she was tortured over her inability to find Allie. Things between them, aside from all the rest, were settled, and he could relax about that at least.
For the time being. Eventually his wolf was going to push a lot harder to claim her. Each minute he was around her, the primal need to seal that bond was a greater weight on him. For now he was all right. Manageable. Barely. But soon enough it would be impossible to be around her, especially when she was upset or in danger, without the bond.
He put all that out of his head as she looked up. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself. You feeling better?”
“Physically, yes, I am. The rest? I ran through everything that has happened since I got the call that she was missing. I don’t think I’ve overlooked anything.” She shook her head. “I know she’s out there alone and I need to find her. I asked Gina and Rhonda as well as Lark and Gage if there were any spells to use to find her. I don’t have any of her blood.” She swallowed hard. “And I guess I’m glad of that, but at the same time it limits my ability to find her. Maybe.”
He leaned there against the doorjamb and watched her process. He hated how upset she was. “I understand, you know? It’s the nature of our jobs to have these experiences and frustrations. But when it’s someone you care about, it’s a million times worse. All the stuff you tell yourself on a regular case, that you’re doing everything you can, that sometimes you just can’t make it work, well it’s not comforting.”
She nodded, turning to brush her teeth.
He loved the sight of her in his space. Standing naked at
the sink, doing something as mundane as brushing her teeth, but damn it, she marked his life with her presence and it was good. Even with the heartache it was good.
She pulled on the robe, and he allowed himself to move to her to hug her, kissing the top of her head. “You’re doing all you can. She’s lucky to have you. She knows that.”
“If she’s still alive. And terrified. Waiting for me to save her and I haven’t.” She pulled back and padded out to his living room. “I called her mother. She’s out of her mind with the waiting and not knowing. Thinking of every horrible scenario. She trusts me to find Allie.”
She flopped into the big overstuffed chair near the fireplace he’d turned on while she was in the bath, not wanting her to get cold.
“I told her I was doing all I could. But the words sounded so empty.” She slammed a hand against the chair arm, frustrated. “Why can’t I find her? I hate just sitting around. I need to be out there doing something. Here I am having so much good stuff in my life. You. Connecting with other witches. I’m smiling and having meals and sleeping. And she is out there.” Her voice broke.
He got to his knees before her, taking her hands, his fingers tangling with hers. His wolf needed to comfort her. It made him crazy to see her so upset. If there was anything he could do to fix it, he would. But there wasn’t.
“What is it you can do? You went through it all in the bathtub like you said. You could go stand out in the parking lot at the gas station or at the park yet again, and then what? We searched. You were there, Pam was there, I was there, Damon was there. We combed over that whole area and found little more than nothing. I sent my people out and they didn’t find anything either. And you’ve followed up on everything. Sometimes waiting is part of this game. You know that. You’re doing all you can to find her.”
“She’s alone and she’s counting on me. I’m fucking up!”
He pulled her close, the scent of her filling him until it nearly hurt.
“You’re not fucking up. You aren’t. But you aren’t a superhero either. We keep looking. We do what we can. We know that most likely they took her elsewhere. Not to the stand of park and forest we were in. So tomorrow when it’s light, how about we continue down that road we were on? We followed it for a while and found nothing, let’s go even farther, maybe take some of the side roads. There are some islands out that way. We’ll check those too. We aren’t giving up, Michelle. You aren’t giving up.”