~ ~ ~
Beth went into hiding, rarely leaving her condo. Some days she barely made it out of bed. She wasn’t eating and it was starting to show. Everyone worried. She didn’t take phone calls, and only returned those from her closest circle. Shortly after the first of the year Andy began calling. She didn’t acknowledge the calls. They went to the answering machine and were then deleted.
One evening Kimmy and Lane were there and the phone rang. Kimmy answered it. She walked into another room with the phone. Beth could hear her talking, noticed the tone as Kimmy tried to keep a sense of calm. She tried, but it was loud and clear. Beth figured out, quickly, that it was Andy. Kimmy told her he’d called her before. Finally, she returned to the room.
“He wants to talk to you,” she said. “Just do it and get it over with,” she continued, not covering the phone, to assure Andy could hear her. “He said he needs to explain,” Kimmy continued.
January 8, 1982 ~ With a calm I didn’t even know I was capable of, I took the receiver. No quiver, no shake, no yelling… “Go to hell,” I told him, and hung up.
~ ~ ~
Beth had been home two long, painful months. She was miserable. She received many requests for comments on ‘them’, but continued to say nothing. The Rolling Stone article Norton Edwards did on Andy ran as scheduled. She never saw it. He tried to contact her through Roddy, to talk about what happened. But she declined that request, as well. She had no intention of wearing her heart on her sleeve for the curious world’s benefit.
She spent her days trying to plan a path to move forward. She looked into school to finish her degree. With the inheritance money from Nana she could do it and still be OK. The next session would be starting in the spring and she felt like she needed a plan to get on with her life, a life without Andy.
To keep busy until she had everything in place she spent her days watching her beautiful new niece, Kira, while her sister-in-law Angie went back to work. It filled a gap, and kept her out of sight.
The bond that Beth and Roddy developed grew stronger. He was a good friend. He called often ‘just to talk,’ to check in on her, to make sure she was doing OK, or see if she needed anything. Dina did the same, calling almost daily.
Phyllis called early on and told Beth that she was sorry, “Andy doesn’t know what he’s done,” she told her.
Roddy pretty much handled everything for her. She talked to him about getting out of the chalet in Colorado, but he told her to wait. “It’s a good investment.” Pops agreed. So she waited. Dina went out there for a few days and sent some of her personal things. Needa sent whatever was left in Galveston. Beth was moving on.
~ ~ ~
In early March, on a Monday afternoon, the phone rang. She was home alone and heard Roddy’s voice on the answering machine. She picked up the receiver.
“Roddy,” she said, and felt a lump in her throat.
“Hello my friend,” he said sweetly. “How’s my girl?”
“I’m doing good,” she lied.
They chatted for a few minutes and finally, he said, “Beth, I’ll be in town, tomorrow. I’d like to see you. It’s been way too long.”
March 8, 1982 ~I couldn’t help but wonder why he’d be in town, but I happily said ‘yes,’ later admitting to myself how much I’d missed him. Even though we talked regularly, it really had been too long. He asked to come before, but I avoided seeing him. I was afraid it would remind me of the hurt Andy left me with. Talking to him on the phone was different. I realized that I wanted to see him. But I needed to see him even more.
“I can make reservations somewhere for dinner and pick you up,” he told her, with a smile in his voice.
“No!” she replied sharply. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound short. I don’t want to go out. I’ll fix something here, really, I’ll be happy to do that.”
“Or I could pick something up, or have something delivered,” he offered.
“No, just come, please, just come. I love to cook and I haven’t in a while. Please just come,” she said again.
“OK then, I’ll see you tomorrow evening, say five?”
“That’s great. Roddy, I am really looking forward to the company.”
That night she was happy for the first time in a long time. She let her guard down, wondering why Roddy was really coming. It was late, the phone rang and she picked it up without thinking. She hadn’t done that in months, she screened all her calls.
“Hey,” he said and her heart stopped beating. It was Andy.
I hadn’t had to deal with the sound of his voice in my ear in a long time. I didn’t know it would shake me so, stir emotions, hurt like it did.
“Yes?” she replied.
“I’m really glad you finally picked up, can we talk?” His voice sounded heavy, sad, but she couldn’t let that affect her.
“I don’t guess there’s anything to say.” There was a long pause, “You made a choice. I’m learning to live with it,” her voice was a whisper. Her heart was breaking all over again. There was pain that hadn’t been there for a while. It had been almost three months since he left with Claire.
Andy realized at that moment that the words ‘silent’ and ‘listen’ were just different combinations of the same letters. He had to make her listen.
“Beth, let me talk, please,” he pleaded and waited. Knowing that she was about to hang up, he yelled, “Don’t hang up! Please! Hear me out, I’ve tried to talk to you for weeks!” he was shouting.
There was a huge lump in her throat. “I don’t know if I care what you have to say anymore.” Breathing became a laboring task.
There was a pause, “Beth,” he said, finally, “I’m pregnant, it’s your baby.” Another pause and she began to laugh. He succeeded. He had her attention.
“Talk,” she said wiping tears from her eyes. She poured a glass of wine as he talked. First, he told her about the tour. It was winding down and he told her how relieved everyone was for a bit of a respite.
He sounded happy sharing the success the band was experiencing, with her. She knew no details. She hadn’t turned on the television, or radio, picked up a newspaper or magazine in months. The topic of Andy and Traveler never came up when she spoke with anyone in her inner circle. It was like it was forbidden. They were protecting her. He excitedly told her about the reviews and sales of the album.
They fell back into that normal routine as she listened to him. Twenty minutes passed, and she realized how very much she missed him, missed them. She started to cry, and crying turned into sobbing.
“I miss you Bethy,” he told her. That pet name that she hadn’t heard in so long, it just made it easier for the tears to flow.
“I miss you too,” she said, “what happened to us?”
“Not us, me, Bethy. I don’t know.” He was quiet a minute. “I am so terribly sorry. I know I hurt you. I’ve made a horrible mess of a lot of things these past few months.” He paused, “Roddy quit yesterday.”
“He what?” she asked, clearly shocked.
“He quit, right in the middle of a meeting with the record execs. He got up from the table, gathered his things and said he was leaving.” He continued, “I sat there with my mouth hanging open. Then I exploded, yelling at him. He turned and said that he didn’t know me anymore, didn’t like the person I’d become and he was just tired. He walked out. Things had become strained recently. I guess he’d had enough of me.” He sounded sad, not angry.
Quiet time passed, Beth was processing what he’d just said. She took a sip of the wine. “Hmm, he called earlier, said he wanted to see me. He checks in on me. I guess he wants to tell me about it. I’m having dinner with him tomorrow.”
More time passed, and then she heard the temper in Andy’s voice as he exploded. “I guess he wants to see you!”
The eruption brought Beth back to reality, with a big loud bang! The feelings she’d been holding back began to bubble to the surface. Suddenly, she remembered what she seemed to have forgotten as th
ey’d been talking.
“Stop it!” she shouted. “Just stop!”
“You know he’s in love with you!” he shouted back at her.
“I know no such thing, and what do you care anyway!” she yelled and slammed the phone down.
It rang again and she let it go to the machine. “It’s me, pick up.”
She did, and told him, once again; “Go to hell,” and hung up.
~ ~ ~
Over the months since Andy left Beth, Roddy’s priorities changed. His relationship with Andy changed as well. It became increasingly strained. The respect and friendship that they shared in the past had changed, because Andy had changed. Roddy didn’t like it. He made up his mind that he would be there for Beth no matter what she needed, because he loved her.
So, Roddy was making changes, making plans. He had been there for whatever Andy needed for years. He had traveled far more miles than he wanted. As Andy’s career progressed, as the band grew, Roddy knew he needed to tend to his own needs. He wanted a life of his own.
On Wednesday evening, Roddy arrived around five with two bottles of wine; one red, and one white.
“Hello my friend! I am so happy to see you!” She hugged him tightly and took both bottles, “These will work fine, red with the meal and the white with dessert,” and they shared a laugh.
“It’s nice to hear that laugh,” Roddy said.
She wondered all day whether to tell him that she had spoken with Andy, and what he told her, or wait to see what he had to say. She decided to wait. Roddy opened the wine and Beth got the glasses, while he sat down at the table.
“Want to sit in the living room, it’d be more comfortable?” she suggested, and he picked up the bottle and the glasses and they moved to the living room.
“You look great Beth,” he said as he poured. ‘Too thin,’ he thought.
“Thank you, I’m finally starting to feel like myself again,” she told him.
“I’m here because I wanted to tell you that I quit working with Andy.” He cut right to the chase.
“Quit,” she repeated, sipping the wine.
“Yeah, somehow along the way, recently, I decided that it didn’t feel right working with him anymore. I think it’s been a long time coming. I just don't know where his head has been lately. I’m finally at a place in my life where I am really just ready to move on. I’m ready for a change. New adventures, you know. Opportunities are available.”
“I see,” she said. “I have wondered the same about Andy myself these past few months.” She waited a moment and added; “He called last night.”
“You spoke with him?” his surprise was clear and she nodded. “So you already knew?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I wanted you to hear it from me. At least it wasn’t from ET or something. Seems it’s all over the news, everyone’s talking about it already. Word travels fast, but you know that,” he said sadly, as he sipped his wine.
“I haven’t had the TV on in months.”
“The reports are that we had this blow up, that I stormed out, and quit. Just quit. It wasn’t like that at all. I’ve thought about it, and thought about it. I just realized that I’d had enough, and told him I was moving on. It was as simple as that, no fight, no argument, no disagreement from me. Andy yelled. I didn’t.”
Beth asked, “What will you do?”
“I had an offer from the record label, and I decided to take it. It’s a very positive move for me, no more private management. I’ll still be involved with the guys, just not Andy solely. Less travel, fewer hours… I need a personal life, ya know?”
She was curious, now, where this conversation was going.
“Beth there’s something else I want to tell you, something I’ve wanted to share for a while. I’ve been waiting for the right time,” he rambled. “You’re so special to me.”
He leaned toward her as if he wanted to assure that she heard what he was about to say, it was something important. Andy’s words repeated in her head, “He’s in love with you…”
“Hold that thought,” she said rising from the sofa. “Let’s move to the dining room and talk there, our dinner should be ready,” she suggested. Beth served the meal she had prepared and Roddy poured some more wine.
“I’ve wanted to tell you this for a very long time,” he continued once they sat down for the meal. “I feel such a bond with you,” he said so sweetly.
“What is it?”
“I told you that I needed a personal life.”
She braced herself, again hearing Andy’s words. “Yes?”
“I’ve met someone.” He paused, and a sense of relief washed over her.
“He’s a really great guy, his name is Vince.”
“Oh my!” She tried to swallow the wine.
“You don’t approve,” Roddy said, sadly.
She had to laugh. Roddy’s face expressed displeasure in her reaction. She held up a hand, "Wait, Roddy, wait,” she said and regained her composure. “I am not laughing at you. I love you, I would never hurt you. It’s just that, well, I’m laughing because when I spoke to Andy last night he told me you were in love with me.”
“He what?” Roddy asked, shocked.
“He did. Last night I told him you were coming here.”
Suddenly, Roddy was laughing. “I do love you, Beth, since the very first time I met you, but I’m not in love with you, I’m gay. I thought you knew, and I assumed that Andy did!”
It was an enjoyable evening spent with a good friend. They finished both bottles of wine as Roddy told her about his new partner. Beth realized that she was very glad for his company. It had been a long time since anyone but family had been there and longer since she had laughed. He left close to midnight with a promise to talk to her soon. After he left, she realized how blessed she was to have his friendship.
~ ~ ~
Roddy left, happy for the time they had shared. He missed her more than he really knew. He left with a revelation as well. As he drove, he thought about the last few months. He realized that the ‘new, different Andy’ he had experienced recently was the man who had evolved from his loss. He was so lost without Beth that he lashed out at those closest to him. He felt tremendous sadness when it hit him.
Andy made a mistake. But he was having a harder time living with it than Roddy realized until the evening he spent with Beth. It saddened him that Andy allowed himself to get to that place, sadder for Beth because she loved him so much.
97
Rock and Roll Never Forgets
Chapter Thirteen
Beth was sleeping soundly, and at 1:33 the phone rang. She didn’t answer it, she knew who it was. She let the answering machine pick up. First she heard the piano and sat up hugging her knees to her chest to listen, and then she heard Andy’s voice, singing.
Been to hell and back,
So sad, so true
You’re not here
Gotta get to you
He sang until the tape ran out, and then the phone rang again.
“What?” she said as she lifted the receiver.
“How’d you know it was me?” he chuckled. “Did you like the song? It came to me last night after you hung up on me.”
They talked for hours.
~ ~ ~
Beth had two days to get ready. Andy was coming on Friday evening. She needed to get her head straight, to think, and know her thoughts clearly. It had been months since she had seen him, and she was more nervous than the first time they were alone. She agreed to meet with him, to talk. They had to settle things, one way or another. They needed to do it. She didn’t know where the conversation would go, but she knew it was right to do it. It was time to figure out what came next, or get it over with and really move on.
She told Kimmy that Andy was coming, but no one else. She wanted her to know. She knew Kimmy would get it when no one in her family would, and she did. She needed to work it out; on her own, with Andy. It was important enough to her to find out why it broke
, and to know if there was any chance to salvage their relationship.
Her family was always very protective of her. It would have been hard for them to move past the hurt and pain that Beth had experienced. Andy and Beth talked about it and agreed that he would come to the condo. She didn’t want to have to deal with anything, or anyone else. The whole situation was enough wonder and worry for her.
March 22, 1982 ~ As I waited, I paced, and paced, and paced. I was a nervous wreck, and as I planned and prepared for his arrival, it was more emotional planning, I didn’t do anything special. This wasn’t a social call, it was a meeting. I slipped on jeans and a t-shirt. I wasn’t going to make a big deal of his visit in any way.
When I heard the knock I took a deep breath, and tried to find some kind of composure, some kind of strength to mask the nerves that were running rampant… I went to the door and saw Andy through the peephole. I pulled a nervous hand through my hair and repeated to myself; ‘Breathe Beth, breathe…’ I wiped anxious, sweaty palms on my jeans and opened the door.
“Hey,” she said as casually as she could. He swept in and leaned to kiss her.
‘Just a kiss on the cheek’, he thought, but she stepped aside. He came in with a full shopping bag and Beth wondered how on earth he could get into a market and shop unnoticed. Knowing that, she appreciated the gesture.
“Thanks for letting me come,” he said to her as he started to unload the bag. First he removed a bundle of Beth’s favorite Calla Lilies. She took them and found a vase as he continued to unpack the groceries; wine, cheese, crackers and fruit. He made himself at home, knowing where glasses were, cork screw, whatever he needed. He took the cheese and sliced some and put it on a plate with some grapes. Beth placed some crackers around the plate and took it to the living room and placed it on the coffee table. Still they did not talk.
Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) Page 11