‘Yes, she is!’ I said, grabbing Alfie, who seemed to think that Bill was calling him.
‘Oh!’ Bill saw me in the kitchen. ‘Hello, Jess. Hello, Flo. Hello, Alfie,’ he said awkwardly.
Mum turned and pulled a face at me – but then managed a smile for Bill. ‘Right, Bill. Off we go then,’ she said.
She didn’t look up at him the way she did with Sean Godfrey – but at least she looked friendly. They went off over the road together. Alfie whimpered in disgust. He’d clearly been hoping Bill might have some bacon in his pocket.
It was Flo’s turn to stare at me. ‘So what’s all that about?’ she asked, giving me a little dig in the ribs.
‘I don’t know,’ I said, opening my eyes wide. ‘Presumably Bill likes Mum and wants to get to know her better.’
‘Mmm,’ said Flo. ‘So how come you know all about it?’
‘Maybe I can predict the future.’
‘And maybe you’ve been meddling, you naughty girl,’ said Flo, but she looked amused, not cross. ‘Don’t get too excited, little Miss Matchmaker. I don’t think there’s any spark between your mum and Bill.’
‘Wait and see,’ I said, refusing to lose heart.
Flo and I watched television together, catching the last quarter of an hour of the soap that Lawrence was in. We gave a little cheer when he put in an appearance right at the end. Then we watched a programme about Battersea Dogs and Cats Home and I tried to get Alfie to pay attention.
‘That was your home once, Alfie, look! See all those other dogs and their kennels? Do you remember it?’
Alfie didn’t seem interested.
‘Oh well, this is your forever home now, isn’t it?’ I said. ‘You and me and Mum and Flo.’
I hadn’t even started helping Flo to get ready for bed when Mum came back. She looked even pinker. I hoped Bill had kissed her, but from the expression on Mum’s face it didn’t seem likely.
‘Up to bed, Jess!’ she said shortly.
When Mum was in that kind of mood it was best to do as you were told, pronto. I cleaned my teeth and put on my pyjamas, straining my ears to hear what she was saying to Flo downstairs, but there was only a faint rumble of voices. Mum sounded angry – but I thought I heard Flo laughing.
‘I’m not sure things have gone to plan,’ I said to Alfie, hugging him.
He lay on the end of the bed, thumping his tail. He woofed happily when Mum came into the room, and looked hurt when she totally ignored him. She was concentrating solely on me.
‘What on earth are you playing at, Jess Beaker?’ she demanded.
‘I’m not playing at anything, Mum,’ I said.
‘Did you or did you not tell Bill that I fancied him?’
‘Well… I might have sort of hinted,’ I mumbled.
‘Surely you know that’s not true!’
‘But you like him! And I could see that Bill liked you, so I thought I might just help things along a bit,’ I said. ‘Don’t look like that, Mum! I didn’t mean to do any harm. I thought you’d be pleased. And Bill was obviously thrilled because he came to ask you out, right?’
‘Wrong on all counts.’ Mum sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing her forehead. ‘God, it was so embarrassing! It took ages for Bill to tell me. He just kept rambling on about nothing – the weather, Indian beer, boot fairs – it looked like we were going to be discussing the price of bacon any minute. It was all so squirmy that my toes clenched inside my boots and I could hardly sit still. I thought he was just cripplingly shy – I couldn’t help feeling sorry for him. But all the time he was feeling equally embarrassed and feeling sorry for me!’
‘Why, Mum?’ I asked, astonished.
‘Because of you and your silly meddling! Bill tried to be as tactful as possible. “A little bird told me that you might have feelings for me, Tracy,” he said at last. “And I’m immensely flattered to hear that a gorgeous young girl like you likes a boring old bloke like me. If my circumstances were different I’d count myself a very lucky man, but I’m afraid I’m already spoken for.” His exact words. I practically fainted into his curry.’
‘But I asked him if there was a Mrs Bill and he said he wasn’t married. What a fibber!’ I said indignantly.
‘No he’s not. He’s a decent, honourable guy. He’s got a long-term lady friend he sees every now and then, but she lives with her ancient mother who’s got dementia so she can’t get away very often. They’re waiting till the ancient mum is no longer around. “It’s very hard,” he said, “but Iris is the love of my life and she’s worth waiting for.” He looked just like a Labrador when he said it, all big brown eyes and soulful expression. I felt I should be patting him on the head.’
I giggled, which was a big mistake.
‘No, it’s not funny, Jess Beaker! How dare you go round telling some stray guy that I fancy them! Surely you’re old enough to realize how that could lead to terrible consequences! Suppose you take it into your head to tell the ice-cream man or the guy in the chippy or that bloke who bought the art deco vase today that I fancy them – and then they turn out to be serial killers?’ Mum said, getting up and pacing about the room.
Alfie got up and started pacing with her, hoping she was going to take him for his last-wee walk.
‘The ice-cream man is lovely and wouldn’t kill so much as a wasp, and it’s all really young boys serving in the chippy, and the guy who bought the vase is gay – he was buying it for his boyfriend,’ I retorted.
‘Oh, you think you’re so clever, Miss Smarty Pants,’ said Mum. ‘But you must promise me never, ever to do anything so criminally stupid ever again. Why did you do it, anyway? You don’t fancy Bill, do you?’
‘Oh, Mum! Though I don’t see why not. He’s quite good looking. Sort of. And he’s very kind. And he makes great bacon rolls,’ I said.
‘Are you trying to be funny? Just cut it out, will you? Why are you so keen to pair me off with someone anyway? You were always dead set against me having a boyfriend before. Look how you were with Sean.’
‘I know,’ I said, and my voice suddenly went wobbly. ‘It’s because of Sean. I’m scared you’ll go back to him. I want to fix you up with someone else so you’re not tempted.’
‘Oh, Jess!’ Mum sat down on the bed again and put her arm round me. ‘For goodness’ sake, it’s all over with Sean, I promise promise promise.’
‘You still looked kind of pleased to see him when he brought Tyrone,’ I mumbled. ‘And look how thrilled you were when he sent those flowers.’
‘No I wasn’t! Well, perhaps I was touched. I was in love with him – we were actually engaged – so I still feel a bit weird around him. I suppose I’m pleased that he still wants me back – especially as it seems like he prefers me to Justine Man-Snatcher Littlebrain. But I don’t want him back. How many times do I have to tell you?’ Mum took hold of my head and gently waggled it about. ‘Get that into your head, OK!’
‘OK,’ I said.
Then a message pinged into her mobile.
I looked at her. ‘Who’s that?’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake!’
‘It’s him, isn’t it! It’s Sean Godfrey texting you!’
‘Don’t be so silly. It’ll be some message from a shop, a reminder about a gas bill, any old thing,’ said Mum.
‘Let me see then,’ I said, holding out my hand.
‘Don’t be so silly, Jess. I’m not having you policing my phone! I’m the adult here.’
‘It is Sean Godfrey. I can tell by your face!’
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake! I’m not going through this rigmarole every time I get a wretched text,’ said Mum. She glanced quickly at her phone and bit her lip.
‘I’m right, aren’t I?’ I said, and I leaped up and tried to snatch the phone out of her hand.
‘You do that one once more and you’ll be sorry!’ Mum threatened.
I subsided back onto the bed and put my head on my knees. The room had started to whirl around me, making me feel dizzy. I knew I was ri
ght. It really was Sean Godfrey.
‘Jess?’ said Mum.
I didn’t answer.
‘Really, Jess, stop acting like a baby.’ Mum put her hand on my back. I didn’t move. She nudged up to me and sighed. ‘OK, I think it is from Sean. But it doesn’t mean anything. I didn’t text him. I never reply. He’s wasting his time.’
‘You promised me it was all over with him,’ I murmured into my knees.
‘What? It is all over. I promised and it’s true. I can’t help it if he still texts from time to time. It’s just a load of rubbish anyway,’ said Mum.
‘Is it all lovey-dovey?’ I asked.
‘Sort of. But it doesn’t mean anything. He’s probably texting the same mush to a dozen other girls. Plus poor stupid Justine.’
I sat up straight and looked her. ‘But why didn’t you just admit straight away that it was Sean Godfrey texting you?’
‘I didn’t know for sure. And I knew you’d make a fuss,’ said Mum. She put on a silly voice. ‘Am I right or am I right?’
‘You’re not supposed to keep anything from me.’
‘Well, I’m sure you sometimes keep things from me.’
‘Never!’ I said. I thought of Jordan. I wondered if I should tell Mum about her now – but it was so complicated. Mum would be furious if she knew Jordan had tried to get me to go shoplifting with her. She’d even be mad about her snatching my ice cream. She’d be mad at me for not telling on her.
‘You never, ever keep things from me?’ Mum said. ‘Come on! What about telling Bill I fancied him!’ But this time she suddenly started laughing. ‘Honestly, Jess, whatever are you going to do next?’
I was so relieved we were friends again that I didn’t want to start complicating things. Mum and I couldn’t decide whether Alfie really needed to go out for his last wee or not, but then it started raining, coming down in stair rods so that the window rattled.
‘Cross your paws, Alfie, I’m not going out in this!’ said Mum, and she changed into her pyjamas and got into bed. ‘I hope poor old Bill’s got home already. You’d get soaked in seconds on a night like this. Glad we’re all tucked up in the warm and dry! Night night, monster matchmaker. Sleep tight.’
I couldn’t sleep. The rain poured down steadily. I wondered if Jordan was in the warm and dry like us. She’d be holed up in that beach hut, but it probably didn’t have a bed. Did she even have a pillow or a blanket? Maybe the roof wasn’t totally watertight …
I imagined her hunched up on the hard floor, drips falling on her head. She’d be hungry too, unless she’d been lucky scavenging in the waste bins, and worried every time she heard footsteps in case it was someone come to cart her off to the far-off residential home.
I had no idea what a children’s home was really like. Mum sometimes joked about the Dumping Ground: after her fights with Justine Littlewood she’d often been put in the Quiet Room.
I wondered what the Quiet Room was like. I imagined a dank prison cell with an old mattress and a horrid toilet in the corner. Mum would have yelled her head off if anyone had shut her in there, so why was it called the Quiet Room? Maybe they gagged her so she couldn’t be heard. Then they’d have to tie her hands behind her back to stop her ripping the gag off.
It was such a scary thought that I could barely breathe. Little girl Mum and big girl Jordan kept getting mixed up in my head. It was so awful I couldn’t keep still, and tossed and turned.
‘Jess! Settle down and go to sleep,’ Mum murmured.
‘I can’t!’ I said, and I burst into tears.
‘Jess? Are you crying?’ She wriggled over and took me in her arms. ‘Oh, darling, what’s the matter? You’re not still upset because I got cross with you …? That’s all over now. In fact, I’ll probably go and see Bill next Sunday and we’ll have a good laugh about it. There’s nothing to worry about.’
‘I wasn’t worrying about you and Bill,’ I sobbed. ‘Oh, Mum!’
‘What is it? You’re not still fussing about Sean, are you?’ She wiped my eyes with the edge of the sheet. ‘There now. How many times do I have to promise? He’s not part of our lives any more and he’s never going to be.’
‘Good! Though I wasn’t crying just because of him,’ I said, sniffling.
‘So what was it? Give that nose a good blow. No, not on the sheet! Find a tissue!’
I couldn’t find one so Mum went to get the toilet roll. It gave me a few seconds’ thinking time. I so, so, so wanted to tell her about Jordan. I knew it was the only sensible thing to do. But I’d sworn on Mum’s life that I wouldn’t say a word to anyone. The rational bit of me knew that making a childish oath couldn’t really have any effect on Mum, but most of me was still too scared to risk it. What if I told Mum and then she dropped dead right in front of me? Or dashed out into the road and got knocked down by a car? Or suddenly clutched her chest in terrible pain and was taken off to hospital and I never saw her again?
‘Here, blow!’ said Mum, giving me a long length of loo roll. ‘Now, cuddle up and tell me what’s on your mind, Jessica Bluebell Camilla Beaker.’
‘I – I was just thinking about … residential homes,’ I whispered.
‘You what?’
‘You know, like the one you were in. The Dumping Ground,’ I said, mopping my nose.
‘Whatever made you think of that?’ Mum asked.
I had a sudden picture of Jordan looking menacing, making a cut-your-throat gesture. Cut-Mum’s-throat.
‘I was imagining what it must have been like for you,’ I said quickly. It wasn’t really a fib.
‘Ah, you sweetheart,’ said Mum. ‘But there’s no need to be so upset. The Dumping Ground wasn’t really that bad.’
‘What about when they tied you up in the Quiet Room?’ I asked.
‘They didn’t tie me up!’
‘But they locked you in …’
‘I don’t think they even did that. It wasn’t like a punishment place. It was just a little room where you were taken when you needed to calm down,’ Mum explained. ‘It had a sofa and some old teddies, and some crayons and paper if you wanted to draw. I mostly just wanted to yell, so I suppose they should really have called it the Noisy Room.’
‘Did you get put in there a lot?’ I asked.
‘I suppose. I was a bit of a handful. Well, some of the time. I wasn’t so bad before Justine Littlewood came along. Me and Louise used to go around together and share stuff and trade secrets, and it was OK. But Justine spoiled it all, and it wasn’t much fun having zero friends.’
‘I thought you and Peter Ingham were friends.’
‘That was all on his side. He used to follow me around and act like I was the bee’s knees. It was really irritating,’ said Mum, laughing. ‘Funny how he’s turned out. He’s OK now, isn’t he? I hope we bump into him again – I’d like to be proper friends with him. Shame he’s gay – he’s someone I could fancy now.’
‘Really?’ I said, surprised. ‘But he’s a head teacher and you always say you can’t stick teachers.’
‘I know, I know. But that’s stupid. Mr Harper seems a lovely chap. I think you’ll love it at his school. Even I would have loved it if I’d gone to a school like that when I was little,’ said Mum.
‘But you still don’t like Mary much, do you?’
‘She’s OK-ish. I just don’t like her trying to boss me around and tell me what to do, even though I know she means well.’
I had a sudden flash of insight. ‘It’s because you want Cam all to yourself,’ I said.
Sometimes it’s better to keep quiet.
‘It is not!’ Mum said indignantly, and ranted for several minutes about daughters who think they know it all.
‘Maybe you need the Quiet Room now, Mum,’ I risked saying.
‘You cheeky little whatsit!’ she said, but she laughed too.
Then we cuddled down together. The rain was still making the windows rattle, so I put my head right under the covers. I started muttering all the poems and song lyrics
I could think of to blot out thoughts of Jordan.
‘What’s with the mumbling?’ Mum asked sleepily.
‘Just sending myself to sleep,’ I said.
‘Well, you’re keeping me awake!’ she said, but she gave me a hug. ‘Night night, darling.’
‘Night night,’ I said, and at long last I fell asleep.
IN THE MORNING when Mum went to help Flo get washed and dressed, I sprang out of bed too. We didn’t have a duvet, just sheets, a couple of blankets and an old-fashioned silky eiderdown. Two blankets. We didn’t need both of them, not in the summer, and Mum said she wanted to get a proper duvet anyway. The blankets belonged to Flo, but I was sure she wouldn’t mind if I took one of them.
I untucked it from the rest of the bedding and rolled it up as small as I could. I wanted to take a pillow too. I was willing to sacrifice my own, but Mum would have noticed, and I couldn’t find any going spare in Flo’s airing cupboard. I made do with an old cushion embroidered with puppies. I thought Jordan might like it, seeing as she loved dogs so much.
I couldn’t squash the blanket and the pillow into the canvas bag. I hid them in the wardrobe, and then managed to pinch a big black bin bag from under the kitchen sink. I took a new loaf of bread too, and a tub of cream cheese and a carton of orange juice, managing all this while Mum was helping Flo. I put them in the canvas bag, not wanting to risk them in the bin bag with the bedding.
I charged upstairs with my loot and then ran back down again to make toast with what was left of the old loaf, set some bacon to sizzle in the pan and put the kettle on. By the time Mum and Flo had come in I’d made us all bacon sandwiches.
‘What a little darling,’ said Flo, munching appreciatively.
‘They’re very good.’ Mum glanced at me. ‘You’ll have to set up business with Bill after we’re married.’
‘What?’
‘Joke,’ said Mum. ‘It’s just our Jess here got hold of the wrong end of the stick.’
We Are the Beaker Girls Page 12