by Leanne Banks
She’d just laid the gifts out when she heard the wide French doors rattle. A second later, Gabe was in the room. In black trousers and white shirt, he looked so handsome, it was impossible to arrest the breathless gasp that escaped her throat. But he looked a little tired, too, and she wondered if he’d had as much trouble sleeping as she’d had. She almost wished sleeplessness upon him. She wanted to share everything with him...including her misery.
He didn’t say anything. He only looked at her, taking his time to rake his stare from her sandaled feet to her freshly washed hair. A gust of awareness swept into the room like a seductive wind, and she couldn’t have moved even if she’d tried. Heat coursed up her limbs and hit her low in the belly. In a flash of a second she remembered every touch, every kiss, every moment of their lovemaking. And she knew, by the scorching intensity of his gaze, that he was remembering it, too.
It was hard to stop from rushing into his arms. Because they were the arms she loved. She wondered how it had happened...how she’d managed to fall in love with a man who didn’t love her in return. Who wouldn’t risk loving her in return. A man who was everything she’d sworn off and yet was everything she craved. A man who openly offered her nothing but heartache.
“Lauren,” he said finally, breaking the thick silence. “You look lovely.”
She swallowed hard and shrugged. “Thank you.”
“How are you feeling? Is your arm getting better?”
“Yes,” she said, and touched the narrow bandage. “Healing well.”
“How’s the house?”
“Good,” she replied. “Actually, I wanted to thank you for getting the builder to come around and assess the place. He’s been very accommodating and will have the repairs finished by next week.”
“No problem. He’s the father of one of the kids in the junior lifeguard program at the surf club. He was happy to help out.”
“Well, I appreciate your concern. I didn’t see your truck out front so I wasn’t sure you would be here today.”
“I’m parked out back,” he explained. “If you’d rather I left, then I’ll go.”
“No,” she said quickly. “It’s fine,” she lied, dying inside. “It’s Evie’s birthday, and Scott is your cousin. You should be here with your family.”
He stepped closer. “I’ve been thinking about you.”
She shrugged. “I can’t imagine why.”
His gaze was unrelenting. “We left things badly the other day and I—”
“It’s fine,” she assured him with way more bravado than she felt. “You said what you had to say. I’m over it.”
I’m over you....
Liar.
He nodded slowly. “That’s...good. You know, I never planned on hurting you.”
Humiliation coursed through her blood, and she had to dig herself out of the hole she was in. “You didn’t, so spare yourself the concern. I’m perfectly okay. We had one night together. The sex was great. The pancakes were not so great.” She shrugged again and plastered on a tight smile as she counted off a few fingers. “And I’m back to day three of my new vow of celibacy.”
“So...you’re okay?”
Her smile broadened. “Never better. Don’t worry on my account, Gabe. We had sex...it’s not a big deal. People have sex all the time. We had an itch, we scratched it.”
His mouth thinned. “An itch? Is that what it was?”
“Sure,” she said, and shrugged. “What else? I mean, we really don’t know one another very well, and we always seem to end up arguing. It’s better we slept together early on rather than drag the whole thing out for an age. My plans haven’t changed, and yours seem set in stone...so no harm done.”
He stared at her, long and hard, and finally he crossed his arms and shook his head. “I don’t believe you, Lauren. I think...I think you’re saying what you imagine I want to hear.”
She laughed loudly. “Maybe I just wanted to get laid...like you did.”
“Is that what you think I wanted?” he asked quietly. “To get laid?”
“Sure,” she replied, and shrugged. “You told me as much that night you came over for dinner, remember? You called me Commitment 101 and said you have casual and meaningless sex.”
His brows came up. “I said that?”
“Words to that effect.”
He smiled. “Well, I haven’t had as much meaningless sex as you’ve clearly been imagining. And before you go accusing me of doing that with you, be assured there was nothing meaningless to me about the night we spent together. You told me you don’t make love casually, and I believe that.” He said the words with such arrogant confidence, she wanted to slug him. “But I think you’re hurt and I think you’re angry. And I also think—”
“And I think you’re the most conceited jerk of all time,” she said hotly, cutting him off. A door closed in the house, and she heard voices, but Lauren pressed on, battling with the humiliating fury she felt in her heart. He didn’t want her. He didn’t need her. Why couldn’t he simply leave her alone? “I don’t care how much I want to get laid in the future, I will steer well clear of your bed. One night in the sack with you isn’t enough to—”
Lauren stopped ranting when she heard someone clearing their throat and noticed that three people were standing in the doorway. It was Scott and two others. A man, tall and handsome with fair hair and blue eyes just like Gabe’s, and a woman whose eyes were equally as blue and who looked to be around sixty. She heard Gabe groan as he turned on his heels and faced the group.
When he spoke, Lauren almost fainted on the spot.
“Hi, Mom.”
* * *
Seeing Claire Vitali in the doorway, with his brother Aaron hovering close by, was enough to quell any urge he had to kiss Lauren’s amazing mouth. Since he’d walked into the room and spotted her by the buffet, it was all he’d wanted to do. With her temper flared and her cheeks ablaze with color, he’d never seen her look more beautiful or more desirable. But she was hurting, too, and even though she denied it, Gabe knew he was responsible for the unhappiness in her eyes. He hated that he’d done that...even though he felt certain it was for the best.
The group moved into the room, and before he had a chance to make introductions, his mother was clutching at him in a fierce and long embrace. Once she’d finished hugging, she kissed his cheek and stepped back.
“It’s good to see you, Gabriel,” she said, using his full name for deliberate effect, and smiled.
Despite his shock, he was genuinely pleased to see his parent. “You, too, Mom.”
His mother noticed Lauren immediately and held out her hand. “Hello, I’m Claire Vitali.”
Lauren took her hand and introduced herself. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Gabe saw the gleam in his mother’s eyes. “And you.”
“Well, I’ll leave you all to catch up,” Lauren said, and moved across the room as if her soles were on fire. He noticed she smiled at Aaron and Scott on her way out but didn’t spare him a glance.
“I’ll go, too,” Scott said, and grinned.
“Yeah,” Gabe said. “Thanks so much for the heads-up.”
His cousin shrugged. “Our mothers swore me to secrecy. And don’t be too long. It’s my wife’s birthday, and there’s cake.”
Once he was gone, Aaron stepped toward him. “That’s one pretty girl,” his brother said with a grin, and went for a bear hug. Gabe ignored the comment about Lauren and hugged him back.
When the hugging was over and they were settled on the two sofas, he asked the obvious question. “So what are you two doing here?”
“I’m here because she insisted I come,” Aaron said, and grinned.
“I wanted to see my son,” his mother replied. “And since you weren’t returning my calls...”
Gabe glanced at his older brother, looking his usually cocky self on the opposite sofa, and scowled. “I did text and say I was busy.”
“Mom didn’t believe me,” Aaron said, and grinned again. “She wanted to see for herself.”
He looked to his mother. “See what?”
“I needed to make sure you were okay,” she said, and gave him a look of concern.
“I’m fine,” he said. “As you can see.”
His mother’s mouth thinned. “Are you really? You can tell me if you’re not.”
“You came all this way because you thought I’d had some kind of relapse?”
She sighed crossly. “I came all this way because you’re my son, and you and your brothers and sister are the most important thing in my life. I won’t apologize for caring.”
Guilt pressed between his ribs. “I’m sorry I worried you. But I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine,” she said, and frowned. His mother never was one to pull punches. “You look tired and annoyed, and you’re clearly not happy that we’ve turned up unannounced. So what’s going on with you?”
Sometimes Gabe wished he came from one of those families where everyone didn’t know everyone else’s business. Was there such a thing as caring too much? When he’d been diagnosed with lymphoma, his mother and siblings had closed ranks around him, almost to the point of smothering him with concern. And it hadn’t taken long for resentment to set in. Since then, they’d treated him differently, and it irritated the hell out of him. It was as though they’d wanted to wrap him in cotton wool and fix everything.
“Nothing,” he assured her, feeling about sixteen years old. “Everything’s fine. I’m healthy. I have a job I like, friends... You don’t need to worry, Mom. I’m a grown man, and I can take care of myself.”
“I’ll always worry,” she said, still looking grim. “It’s a given that a mother worries about her children, regardless of how old they are.” She sighed and patted his arm affectionately. “But if you say you’re fine...then I believe you. You still look tired, though.”
“I’m just not sleeping great at the moment. Otherwise, I’m in perfect health and have the results of my latest tests to prove it. Please, stop fretting.”
“So,” Aaron said, and stretched back in the sofa. “You’re fine. Which doesn’t explain why you’ve been avoiding our calls for the past month or so.” His brows rose questioningly. “What’s the story with the pretty blonde with the big brown eyes who you clearly got into bed but who now wants nothing to do with you?”
“Aaron,” their mother chastised. “That’s enough.”
Gabe’s mouth pressed tight. “My relationship with Lauren is no one’s business and I don’t—”
“Relationship?” His brother laughed and cut him off. “Ha...of course. Now I get it.” Aaron propped forward on the seat and grinned broadly. He looked at their mother. “Mom, he’s not sick...he’s lovesick.”
Gabe found the urge to crash tackle his big-mouthed brother. “Shut up.”
“Aaron.” Their mom said his brother’s name again, this time quietly. “Go and eat some cake. I’d like to talk to your brother alone.”
“I’m right,” Aaron said with a grin as he stood. “I know I’m right.”
Once Aaron left, Gabe faced his mother’s stare. “Is that true?” she asked gently.
“Is what true?”
She made a face. “Lauren... Are you in love with her?”
Gabe got to his feet and paced around the sofa. “No.”
“But you’re involved with her?”
“Not exactly. It’s complicated,” he said, and shrugged. “And I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, that’s always been your problem, really...not talking,” his mom said, and sighed. “Just like your father. Not talking about your illness...not talking about what happened at the hospital when you went back to work...not talking about why you broke up with Mona...not talking about why you needed to put an ocean between your old life and your new one.”
His shoulders tensed. “You know why I left.”
“Because you blamed yourself for that woman and her baby dying,” she said gently. “Even though it wasn’t your fault. Even though you weren’t there.”
“I should have been there. I was on duty.”
“You were sick,” his mother reminded him.
“Yes,” he said hollowly. “I was. And I went back too soon. I did everything I would have told a patient to not do. I ignored what was best and did exactly what I wanted, and because of that a young woman and her baby died. I am to blame, Mom. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to get it clear in my head, or how often I’m told the inquiry didn’t find me culpable.” He pointed to his temple. “In here I feel the blame. In here I see her husband weeping over her body. Because I was arrogant and thought I could trick my broken body into being what it once was.” He sighed heavily. “But it’s not. And it might never be. I won’t pretend anymore. And I certainly won’t drag anyone else into that place if I do end up back where I was.”
His mother’s eyes glistened. “You mean Lauren?”
“I mean anyone,” he said pointedly. “I saw what it did to you, Mom...watching Dad slowly fade away. It was hard to sit back and for a time watch you fade away, too.”
“Gabe, I didn’t—”
“We should get back to the party,” he said, and held out his arm. “Before that lousy brother of mine eats all the birthday cake.”
She blinked a couple of times. They weren’t done. But his mother knew not to push too much. Gabe led her into the dining room and noticed that everyone was there, standing around the table as Evie prepared to blow out the birthday candles...everyone except Lauren.
Had she left?
He ducked out of the room and headed outside. She was in the front yard, standing on the cobbled pathway by the wishing well, partially hidden by large ferns, arms crossed and clearly deep in thought. Everything about her reached him deep down, into a place he’d never let anyone go.
Are you in love with her?
His mother’s words came rushing back. He’d denied it. Because he didn’t want to face what it would mean to truly love a woman like Lauren. Aaron had called him love-sick, and in a way that’s exactly how he felt. He couldn’t define it, couldn’t put into words what he was feeling when he was around her. It was like a fever that wouldn’t break. A pain that wouldn’t abate. His chest hurt simply thinking about her. And his damned libido seemed to be on a kind of constant red alert.
Was that love?
He hoped not. He didn’t want it to be. He was no good for Lauren.
“Are you making wishes?” he asked as he approached.
She shook her head. “I don’t think I believe in them.”
“You’re going to miss out on cake,” he said.
She turned her head sideways. “I’m going to skip the cake. And the party.”
“Are you planning on walking home?” he asked, stepping a little closer.
“It’s not far,” she replied. “A few blocks.”
“In those heels?” He stared at her feet for a moment. “I’ll drive you home if that’s what you want.”
“No,” she said quietly. “You should stay here with your family.” She uncrossed her arms and turned toward him. “Your mother seems nice.”
“She is nice.”
“And clearly worried about you,” she said, and smiled wryly. “I told you to call her.”
Gabe shrugged. “I know you did. I should have listened. She was convinced I had...you know...relapsed.”
“Well, she must be relieved to know you’re fine. And I’m sorry if your mother and brother overheard our conversation before,” she said, and Gabe noticed her cheeks were pinkish. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper.
”
“My mom’s cool. And don’t worry about Aaron. He’s a jerk, too,” he said, and grinned a little. “You’d probably like him.”
Lauren rolled her eyes. “I’ve decided to give up on handsome and charming men. Too much trouble.”
“Maybe there’s something safe in that middle road you were looking for.”
“Maybe,” she agreed. “Anyhow, I’m going home now.”
Gabe reached for her instinctively. He took her hand and wrapped his fingers around hers. “I’m...I’m sorry, Lauren.”
She didn’t pull away. She didn’t move. She only looked up at him, and in the fading afternoon light, he could see every feature. The morning after the night they’d made love, he’d watched her sleep, and in that time he’d memorized every line and curve of her face. He wanted to make love to her again. And again. He wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss her beautiful mouth. But she wasn’t his to kiss.
“I know you are,” she said so quietly, her voice whispered along the edge of the breeze. “I am, too. I’m sorry you think you’re not worth the risk. And I’m sorry you think I’m not strong enough to handle whatever might happen. I guess after what happened with Tim, you have your reasons for believing that. But you’re doing exactly what Tim did. He didn’t trust me enough to try.... He didn’t trust me enough to let me in and share the time he had...and you don’t trust me, either.”
Gabe’s insides jerked. “It’s not about trust.”
“It is.” She pulled her hand from his and reached up to gently touch his face, eyes glistening. “But do you want to know something, Gabe? I would have rather had five years, one year, one month with you...than a lifetime with someone else.”
Chapter Thirteen
Lauren moved back into her house on Wednesday afternoon, and since the new fence was now complete, she had less chance of seeing Gabe. Which was exactly what she wanted.
She also made a few decisions. She talked with her mother about The Wedding House and agreed that they’d look to finding a buyer within the next twelve months if she was still keen to sell. In the meantime, Lauren had decided to cut back her hours at the store and return part-time to college to get her accounting degree.