by Hall, J D
“Well, whenever you feel good and ready, just let me know. And try not to keep me long.”
“Don’t worry, Meredith. You would get everything that is coming to you.”
After mumbling some excuse about being in a hurry, Darryl was finally able to escape Meredith’s clutches. Talk about desperate, he mused. He only hoped that the women in cyberspace were not as insecure as she was. There was nothing he despised more in the world than a needy and clingy woman. Maybe to men like Roger that type of behavior was appealing but such a woman was getting nowhere with him.
Back at his bachelor pad, Darryl kept circling the computer as if it were surrounded by snakes. Finally when he got less anxious, he decided to work up his courage. He opened Google and type in City Cupid into the search bar. The search engine brought up more than ten thousand websites. He clicked on the very first link. He had cleared the first hurdle. He decided that the perfect solution to calm his nerves was some white wine. Glass in hand, he began to complete his online profile.
He included his age of thirty-five, his city, and that he was an accountant with his own firm. He also stated that he worked hard and was busy, but had finally decided that he needed some fun in his life. He tried to keep other personal information vague yet interesting. He made every effort to avoid outright lies. He described himself as a laid back guy who enjoyed lazy Sunday afternoons and sharing a good conversation. He also included the sports he enjoyed, and the fact that he was a one-woman type of man.
He had tried to be as truthful as possible in his profile. He clicked on send and a few minutes later he had joined a database of over sixteen million profiles. He could not believe the amount of people that were single. If so many men and women were really and truly looking for dates, they should not be any single persons around, he reasoned to himself.
He decided to narrow down his search to one or more cities. He did not feel too enthusiastic about meeting woman in the Chicago area. After all, it might complicate things because the desperate women might actually want to hook up with him. He had no intention of meeting any one of them. At last he decided on Kentucky. Yeah, that was his old home state and definitely the distance would prove to his advantage. He was only looking for friends, as his profile clearly stated. He reasoned that a friendship would be easier to maintain if the two of them did not live too close by.
There was a section to fill out about the type of women he would like to meet. He thought about it for a minute. He knew this was make or break, as it would rule out some women and rule in others. He knew what he liked in a woman, but he didn't want to sound too sappy either. He pondered over it a few minutes before he began to type.
Looking for a friendly, easy going woman, who likes to have fun. Must be active and be interested in a real relationship. Race is not an issue.
When he was finished, he pressed a little icon next to the site’s search engine and hundreds of dating profiles appeared. It was going to be harder than he thought. He decided to narrow it down to a specific location in Kentucky, his old hometown of Clover County. Now there were only twenty six profiles that matched his search. Half had gorgeous photos. Unless there were desperate supermodels in Clover Country, Darryl was convinced that they were fakes. He decided to write to all of them nonetheless. If would have been foolish for him to actually discriminate. It was not as if he was looking for a relationship. He just wanted to see what was out there and there were twenty six women from his old hometown that he could chat with. Let the games begin. He did not want to work too hard so he just wrote a generic message and copied and pasted it to all twenty six women. By then his wine was done. He decided to drink just one more glass and call it a night.
Why did she always have to be the only one on time, every time, wondered Jillian. Friday night was reserved on her calendar as Girls’ Night Out. She spent a lot of time getting herself looking her best for the occasion, yet still she had to wait for the others to arrive. She had gone to the beauty salon in another town to get her hair done in the micro braids that she saw one of her students wearing. Thankfully, school was closed that day for a principal’s holiday because it took several hours to get it done. It was definitely worth it though. She checked her makeup in her compact mirror and was certainly pleased with the results. Her ebony face in that hairstyle made her feel like a Nubian queen. She sighed. What use is it to be queen when you have no king, she thought.
She decided to forget about her lingering concern and relax. After all, it was Friday and she was going to meet up with her girls. It also gave her a change to just let loose and throw all her problems to the wind. Even though the other girls had busy lives, they had made a pact that they would always meet up on Friday nights to hang out, have drinks and of course, to discuss the men in their life.
Four years had passed since Jillian had a long term boyfriend, but that did not stop her from dating tons of men. Viveka, her friend and dating coach had advised her that the only way to find the man of her dreams was to go out with as many potential guys as possible. Maybe someday she would find her diamond in the rough. She did not sleep with any of the men, no matter how much she may like him. She was looking for an emotional relationship, a connection with the guy before it became physical. Or maybe she was just afraid of being naked in front of a stranger. She had put on some weight during the years. Somehow, at thirty five it had gotten harder to maintain the physique she had when she was in her twenties. She knew that to call herself fat was an exaggeration, but she was not Sport Illustrated material either.
Miley was the first to turn up. They had met on work and had become fast friends. Miley was nothing that you would expect a librarian to be. She was outgoing and quite gregarious. Jillian had invited her out on Girls’ Night and she was an instant hit with Viveka and Jessica. They all seemed to fit like peas in a pod.
“Gosh, girl, how long have you been waiting here? No men have picked you up yet?” she smirked as she dropped her purse down on the table.
“Miley, you know full well that I do not come to bars to pick up men. Only desperate women do that.” Jillian waved her hand dismissively.
“And you are not desperate? Remember, Jillian, you are no spring chicken anymore and if you intend to have children, you better hurry up before your eggs dry up.” A quirk of her brow softened her words.
“Her eggs are probably turning to ashes right now,” interrupted a deep voice behind them. Viveka embraced her two friends before finding her seat at the table. “And I think you are better off the way you are. Having children is overrated. Believe me, I should know – I have four of my own.”
The other two girls knew that Viveka was just joking. She loved her kids to death. At the mention of kids, Jillian always tried to hide her emotions. She adored kids and wanted to have a few of her own , but she also wanted to have a husband who loved and adored her. She knew that she could have a child out of wedlock, but she wanted the full package. She wanted the picket fences.
The club was beginning to fill up and was getting noisier. The girl went to the bar to order drinks. The guys there were looking at them with more than slight curiosity, however, no one approached the women. However, they were used to that. Jillian was the only black one in the group and in Clover County, she stood out like a thumb. Everyone is kind to her and she never had to feel any pressure associated with racism. Even though she was of a much darker skin color than her friends, they never treated her any differently and she quickly realized that white woman faced most of the same problems that black women face, especially when it came to relationship woes. Since she had moved to Kentucky when she was twelve years old, she had only dated white guys, well at least the racially tolerant ones. It is not that she had a preference for the lighter hue, but rather because there were not many of her color around that were available. Her family never tried to discourage her. They just wanted her to be happy. Most of all, they wanted her to be married.
“Hey, girls. Sorry for being late and for keeping you waiti
ng. What did I miss?”
Jessica tried to slide into her seat with her head bowed. The girls became appalled when they looked at her face. There were blue and black bruises around her eyes.
“My God!!! He has been beating you up again? You have to leave that man, Jessica.”
“No, it is nothing like that. I fell down. Really, I did.”
“Do not give us that bull crap. We all know what is going on here and it has been going on for too long. This has been going on for way too long. You have to walk out of this bad relationship!” said Viveka. She felt more anger than sympathy towards her friend.
The other three girls looked at Jessica and even though they kept on talking to her about it week after week, they knew that their words of advice would be falling on deaf ears.
“It is ok for you to talk, Viveka. You have got a great job. You can afford to take care of your kids. But if I leave Edison, how would I be able to support myself and Jackson? I don’t have any job or any skills. The only thing I know how to be is a wife and mother. And still that is not good enough. It is still not good enough for Edison.”
Jessica began to sob. This was how it would start, every single Friday night. Jessica’s husband had a big problem with their girls’ night out. He wanted Jessica to stay at home and tend to his needs. The other girls knew that he was just being insecure. Still, telling Jessica that was not helping the situation.
“Enough talk about me. I know I am killing all the fun. Jillian, tell us about your latest date. You know we always find that amusing.” Jessica smiled as she wiped away her tears.
Jillian started to laugh. She always had some humorous story to tell of her dating woes.
“Well this week, I met up with this guy Ben. I really thought you know, this might be it, because when we met online he was so polite and he seemed really interested. When I showed up at the restaurant, he was there waiting for me, and I thought, great, he's punctual and respectful, I like this guy. He looked good too. He was wearing a suit, his hair was perfect, I thought I hit the lottery finally,” she sighed heavily as all of her friends waited in anticipation for the punch-line. They had gotten so used to Jillian's horror stories that it had become a bit of a game for them to try to guess what would go wrong.
“So we went into the restaurant and he led me to this table, and as we were walking toward it, I noticed this young blonde thing was already sitting there.”
“Oh no,” Viveka rolled her eyes.
“I figured, no big deal, someone was seated at the wrong table, we'd find another one, but he kept walking right up to her and then pulled out a chair for me, like I was supposed to sit down beside her.”
“Seriously?” Miley gasped.
“Yup, so I said, Uh, is this the wrong table? Still trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. And he got this weird look on his face, and the woman batted her eyes at me. He says, you seemed so nice, so open to new things. I thought maybe you would understand. And I said, understand what? Mind you, we are in the middle of a crowded restaurant. So he walks over to the blonde and puts his hand on her shoulder, and says, this is my wife. She always had a fantasy about having a threesome with a black woman and I want you to be her birthday present!”
All the girls at the table cried out in shock and amusement. Miley nearly fell off her chair with laughter. “Happy birthday to her! I hope you gave her a good time!”
Jillian glared playfully at her friends. “Well, I did say happy birthday to her. And then I ran!”
Their raucous laughter drew attention to their table.
“Jillian, you have had so much rotten luck using online dating. Why don’t you just quit and follow the more traditional route?” asked Miley.
“And what route is that?”
Jillian was curious because thought she had tried everything.
“Well maybe meeting someone in church or at the gym or even at work,” replied Miley with a shrug.
“Heck, my Sundays are for myself so there is no way I am going to church to hear any long drawn out sermon. Don’t get me wrong. I open my bible from time to time, but you all know that the church has become a business by making faith and religion into a commodity. No, no, no. No preacher man is going to take my hard earned money,” she laughed sharply.
“Stop being such an ass, Jillian,” said Jessica.
“I am being quite serious,” retorted Jillian. “And do not even mention the gym! Those guys in there are looking for the same thing that I am looking for. Other guys!”
The night was really starting to heat up. The drinks made their tongues a little looser. They were having fun just poking fun at Jillian. She did not mind though. She could take a joke, even though the joke was on her. Besides, talking about her problems with her friends was cheaper than having to pay a therapist. Not that she thought that her situation was that bad.
“I agree with Jessica that you are being foolish,” stated Viveka. “I think Jillian is afraid of meeting a real man. That is why she is so obsessed with internet dating. She always picks the losers. That way when she goes out on a date with them, she can just tell herself that there are just no good men out there.”
“That is so not true!” exclaimed Jillian.
“Oh yeah? What about Brian?” asked Viveka.
“What about him?” Jillian asked. Suddenly she felt the urge to pick at her perfectly manicured fingernails.
“Why did you ever decide to go out with him?’ Viveka shook her head.
“I would let you know that Brian had a lot of potential!” Jillian replied defensively.
“What potential are you talking about? The guy was forty five and still living in his parent’s house,” Viveka snickered.
“He had a very progressive job,” remarked Jillian.
“As a sanitation inspector? Shucks, Jillian, that is just a glorified way of saying garbage man.”
“Hey, Brian was not the garbage man. That was Frankie.”
“Frankie? Isn’t that the one whose fifteen minutes of fame came from his appearance on the Maury Show? You are not the father!”
Their laughter resounded throughout the bar. Girls’ Night was always fun for Jillian, even though they were discussing her dating life and poor decision making.
However, somehow, what Viveka had said stuck in her head. Was she deliberately sabotaging her happiness by choosing men that were way below her standards? Was that because she considered herself to be a low value woman who did not deserve to have a great guy? She always avoided making contact with guys who were too much of a great catch. By great catch, she meant the profiles with a handsome photo or an educated man with a good job. She did not even mind if he had a child or children. At her age, it would be unreasonable for her to expect to meet a man without some history, even if she did not have any children herself. She made up her mind at that moment that she was going to actually write to an eligible guy, even though deep down in her heart she felt that those profiles had to be fake. After all, a guy like that, with money and looks, would have too many options and was not likely to be wasting his time looking for love online. Still, it would not hurt to try, she decided. After all, the only thing she had to lose was her time and she had plenty of that.
The night ended coolly for her after that conversation. She spent most of the time thinking about her dating habits. When she got home, she put on her computer. After much pondering, she resolved that it would be in her best interest to quit online dating once and for all and to try to find a man the traditional way. Viveka had offered to set her up on some blind date with eligible men. She began to contemplate to deleting her profile, as an act to symbolize her commitment to leaving online dating behind. She had actually deactivated her profile several times in the past after emotional arguments with her then-online love interests, only to reactivate it a few days later after realizing how immature she was being. Now she was planning to delete it completely. That would mean no turning back.
She had a few new messages. Some of the pi
ctures were lousy but she decided to check them anyway. There was a particularly dull one from someone from Kentucky and other one from a guy from Maine who mentioned his addiction to public displays of affection. Oh, I won’t miss this at all, she thought after breathing a sigh of frustration and then of relief. Then there was one from a man in Chicago. She could see that he was new to the dating site. She had never come across his profile before. Then again, some guys had been known to create multiply identities. He claimed to be an accountant and business owner. Wow, a professional, she thought. She decided that she would respond to this last one and then, the next day she would delete her account. What could it hurt to just leave one final message before exiling herself from online dating?
Thank you for your interest in my profile. I see you are from the big city. Why are you interested in meeting someone from my small town? Nothing exciting happens here. Take care!
She clicked enter and her message was out in cyberspace.
A few moments after sending the message, she wondered if she should have just deleted her account. She remembered all of her mistakes that were discussed during Girl's Night, and it had left her with a sickly feeling in the pit of her stomach that she might never find someone. One thing was for sure, she did not want to be like Jessica who stuck with the wrong man, or Viveka, who couldn't find one to measure up to her standards. She just wanted the traditional falling in love and starting a family. Did that really make her so strange? She didn't think so. She turned off the computer and finished showering in record time. She opened the top drawer of her dresser and pulled out her nightwear. Her hands fingered a soft red lingerie she had purchased four years before. When would I finally be able to wear it, she wondered. She replaced it and chose a cotton nightdress instead. When she got in bed that night, she was confident that she was destined to meet her soul mate sometime soon.
Darryl woke up the next morning feeling more groggy than usual. He was not a morning person at all for that matter. However, the main reason that he was feeling that way was because he had stayed up later than normal the night before, checking the online dating site to see if he had received any replies to his messages. It had become a little bit of an obsession. He had gotten a few responses, but each one was a clear no go. One had three kids and made it obvious that she wanted a father for them. That was a little too fast for Darryl. He did intent to have children one day, but he wasn’t really sure if he was up to raising another man’s kids. There was a lot of drama that came with that and he was at a stage in his life where he could do without such pressure. Getting to know a woman should be exciting, not a burden. Then there was one from a woman who claimed to be interested in fun, but her description of fun had more to do with traveling to exotic places and hiking mountains. None of those activities appealed to Darryl. The rest were just off for other little reasons. He was feeling a little discouraged as there were only about six women who did not respond to him.