All during the day, whenever the scholars worked quietly at their desks, Lydianne gazed at Ella over the top of the textbooks she was pretending to study. Her little daughter glowed with the radiance of discovery as she turned the pages of a new library book. Ella spoke out confidently when they reviewed addition and subtraction facts. After she chose crayons for a coloring sheet that featured an autumn arrangement of pumpkins, gourds, and mums, her smile reflected the joy she felt as she neatly completed her picture.
And how will Ella feel if she learns I’m her mother? Think of how confusing that will be for a six-year-old—and think of the wedge it might drive between her and Julia. If Ella became so obsessed over a rainbow in a Bible story, what might she fixate on as she tries to figure out the implications of being born to a mamm who has no husband to be her dat—a woman who gave her up?
At long last, the school day ended. Lydianne stood on the front stoop of the schoolhouse, waving as Billy Jay drove Stevie and Ella home in his pony cart. She smiled as the Flauds and Gracie left, followed closely by the Miller sisters. Relief washed over her as she sank onto her desk chair for a few moments of quiet contemplation. She wasn’t surprised when Jeremiah stepped through the schoolhouse door about ten minutes later.
“How was your day?” he asked as he carried a chair from the back and placed it beside her desk. As he removed his black straw hat, he looked as unsettled as she felt.
“We made it through. The kids are fine,” Lydianne replied with a wan smile. “I was so busy flying by the seat of my pants to keep their lessons going, I didn’t have much chance to worry about our dilemma. But I’ve come to some conclusions.”
“Like what?” Jeremiah settled himself on the wooden chair, focused on her.
Lydianne shook her head. “I never should’ve taken this teaching position,” she replied ruefully. “It’s not a gut idea for a parent to teach her child in the classroom, and now I’ve created a very difficult situation for everyone—all because I selfishly thought I could keep my secret. I’ve put you in a tough spot, as well, Jeremiah, and I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you yesterday.”
His dark eyes widened. “Care to clarify that? We, um, talked about a lot of big issues.”
Lydianne closed her eyes, praying she wouldn’t torment this generous, forgiving man more than she already had. “You were offering me options, and I threw them all back in your face because I still feel bitter about the way my sisters and their husbands treated me,” she murmured. “I need to forgive them every bit as much as they should forgive me—not that I gave them that chance when I took off.”
The bishop’s smile looked tired, but at least he was nodding. “I’m glad you can see that angle now, Lydianne.”
“And today, as I watched the joy Ella felt in her schoolwork, I knew how confused—how upset—she’d probably be if she found out that Teacher Lydianne is her mother, especially because I gave her up,” she continued with a sigh. “If I’d just had the sense to keep my job at the furniture factory—”
“The parents of our district don’t see it that way,” he interrupted firmly. “If they learned the truth, and you went through the proper steps of confession to gain their forgiveness, I believe they’d still be pleased with the way you’re educating their kids.”
“But it’s Ella I’m worried about! She’s my child, but I forfeited the right to—”
“You came here to watch her grow up,” Jeremiah put in earnestly. He reached for her hands, gently clasping them as he leaned closer. “That’s what convinced me you were the woman I wanted to spend my life with, Lydianne. When I saw you holding her close and crying, after I found her on—”
A noise made them look toward the doorway, and Lydianne’s mouth dropped open. Ella was standing just inside the schoolroom. She was wide-eyed, holding a colorful bouquet of zinnias as she gaped at them.
How long had she been there? How much of their conversation had she overheard? Lydianne had been so engrossed in talking to Jeremiah, that she’d lost all track of what might be going on around them.
“Ella! What a nice surprise,” Lydianne said as she hurried toward the little blonde. “Does your mother know you’ve come back to school?”
“Jah, she helped me pick these flowers in our yard. She’s waitin’ out in the buggy,” Ella replied quickly. “They’re a present for you, Teacher Lydianne. I’m sorry I left the playground the other day—”
“I know you are, sweetie,” Lydianne replied earnestly. It was a blessing to watch her young daughter own up to a mistake and apologize for it. “These are beautiful! Denki so much for thinking of me, Ella. I’ll put them in a vase on my desk right now.”
Casting a curious glance at Jeremiah, the little blonde thrust the flowers at Lydianne and darted out the door. Lydianne stepped outside to wave at Julia, who sat in her rig a short distance from the building. “These are lovely! Denki, Julia!” she called out.
Julia waved before helping Ella into the rig. Then they were off.
Lydianne was relieved that Julia had shown no inclination to visit. As she found a glass canning jar in the cupboard by the sink, however, her thoughts took off much faster than the Nissleys’ horse had. “Do you suppose Ella heard what we were talking about?” she asked over her shoulder.
“I don’t know,” Jeremiah replied. “If she did, I’m guessing word will get out pretty fast. If we’re lucky, Ella will be more interested in the fact that I was here talking to you, holding your hands, than about the circumstances of her birth.”
As she ran water into the jar and placed the pretty zinnias in it, Lydianne wondered if Jeremiah intended to further pursue the topic she’d purposely been avoiding before Ella had interrupted them. The little girl’s untimely appearance had apparently jarred all thoughts of his proposal from his mind, however.
“We’ll see where this leads, Lydianne.” Jeremiah stood up and put on his hat. “If Ella was listening for very long, there’s no telling what spin she’ll put on this story.”
Chapter Twenty-One
On the very next day, Jeremiah ran into Julia and Tim Nissley in front of the Dutch bulk store. As they wheeled their shopping cart toward their rig at the hitching rail, Tim gestured for the bishop to follow them. Jeremiah sighed inwardly as they recounted Ella’s latest tale, shaking their heads.
“Where on earth would she get the idea that Teacher Lydianne is her mother?” Julia asked him softly. “That’s all she could talk about when she came from the schoolhouse yesterday afternoon.”
“We’ve not yet told Ella she’s adopted, because we believe she’s too young to handle that information,” Tim put in earnestly. “Most of all, we need to squelch this rumor before the grapevine gets wind of it and folks start to quiz Lydianne, or doubt her reputation.”
Jeremiah racked his brain for a response—a way to handle the hot-potato situation that had just landed in his lap. Only about an hour remained of the school day, and it seemed prudent to take the direct approach. “Can you folks possibly meet me at the schoolhouse when classes let out for the day?” he asked. “It would be best if Ella could go somewhere else—maybe to Gracie’s house—while we talk about this matter.”
The Nissley’s exchanged a puzzled glance.
“Jah, she loves to go to Gracie’s,” Julia remarked, “so we could arrange for Matthias to pick her up from school, or—”
“Are you saying there’s some truth to Ella’s story?” Tim interrupted in a whisper. “She’s at that age where children pretend, and I’m not sure she always knows the difference between what’s real and what she wishes would happen.”
“Jah, we certainly saw her imagination in high gear when she followed that rainbow, hoping to find the ark,” Julia pointed out. Her face, usually bright and cheerful, had taken on a few worry lines as she processed the bishop’s response.
Jeremiah exhaled slowly, praying he’d do the right thing. “Like you said before, we don’t want to confuse Ella before she’s old enough to handle the fa
ct that she’s adopted. It’s also best that we speak with Lydianne, so you’ll know the facts firsthand.”
His words caused the young couple a moment’s hesitation, but they both nodded. “I think we should straighten this out right away,” Tim agreed.
“We’ll meet you at the school,” Julia said with a nod. “Ella will think it’s a real treat to go home with Gracie—and we’ll go to the Waglers’ right now to be sure that’ll work for Rose.”
“If it won’t, we’ll ask if Ella can spend some time with Stevie at your brother’s place,” Tim said.
“That’ll be fine. See you there.”
Jeremiah entered the bulk store to buy the items on his mamm’s shopping list, hoping he’d have a few moments to warn Lydianne that the Nissleys were coming in for a very important talk. As he drove through the white plank gate near The Marketplace, however, he spotted the Nissleys’ rig parked at the side of the schoolhouse. Julia stood outside having an animated conversation with her daughter, and when Ella and Gracie’s blond heads bobbed excitedly, he knew the girls would be spending time together at the Wagler home. After he waved at Billy Jay, who slowed his pony cart to a more sedate speed when he realized the bishop was watching him, Jeremiah wasted no time pulling up beside the Nissleys’ rig.
He felt a pang of regret when he entered the schoolroom. Comprehension dawned on Lydianne’s pretty face the moment she saw that the Nissleys were with him. “Do you have time to chat with us?” Jeremiah asked as the three of them approached her desk. “It seems Ella overheard quite a bit yesterday. She’s told her parents that you’re her mother, and they’re understandably . . . curious.”
The schoolroom got so quiet that he could hear Lydianne suck in a fortifying breath. “Jah, we’d best get to the bottom of this,” she murmured, gesturing toward the table where the clay animals and the model of Noah’s ark were displayed. “Let’s sit in those chairs. Denki for coming to help us with this, Bishop.”
Jeremiah sensed a deep need for guidance, not just because little Ella’s well-being was at stake, but because the woman he’d come to love—an esteemed teacher—had arrived at a very difficult intersection on her life’s journey. As they sat down together, he said, “Before we begin, shall we pray about this?”
When they bowed their heads, he carefully composed his thoughts. They were on the brink of an important, life-altering discussion. Jeremiah yearned to use this potentially heartbreaking situation as a conduit for a positive, loving outcome they could all live with—the conclusion that he and Lydianne hadn’t reached about her confession.
“Guide us, Lord, as we help Tim and Julia understand the complexities of Lydianne’s situation,” he prayed in the steadiest voice he could manage. “Help us make decisions that will be best for all of us—far better than if we humans try to muddle through this without You. Amen.”
* * *
With her eyes squeezed shut, Lydianne listened to Jeremiah’s prayer and allowed the deep timbre of his voice to soothe her. They’d come to the moment she’d anticipated with fear and dread, because so many lives would be changed by the outcome of their discussion. When she looked up, Tim and Julia were watching her closely—and why wouldn’t they be curious? Their little girl had come home from school with a story they didn’t know how to deal with—the story Lydianne had carefully kept hidden in the innermost sanctum of her vulnerable heart.
Jeremiah’s bottomless brown eyes were fixed on her, too, encouraging her and promising his support. She saw no reason to stall or to elaborate on matters that didn’t directly affect the Nissleys.
“Ella has it right,” she said softly. “I am her birth mother—”
“And this only came out because when Lydianne was holding Ella after we found her on Saturday morning, I noticed the way their facial features matched up,” Jeremiah explained earnestly. “When I asked her point-blank about it, Lydianne admitted the details of Ella’s birth. She immediately offered to make her confession in church—”
“But I never intended for this information to interfere with your family life—your relationship with Ella,” Lydianne insisted quickly. Despite her need to remain calm and in control of her emotions, a tear dribbled down each of her cheeks. “Maybe it’s best if you ask your questions instead of listening to me babble about details that probably won’t matter to you.”
Julia’s mouth had dropped open, but she seemed unable to voice her thoughts. Tim swallowed repeatedly, making his Adam’s apple bulge.
“My word,” Ella’s adoptive dat finally whispered. “Until this minute, I never noticed the resemblance. Ella does look like you, Lydianne.”
Lydianne let out a nervous laugh. “Funny, but when I look at Ella, I see her father,” she murmured wistfully. “He drowned the day before we were to be married and—and that’s why I gave her up for adoption. I wanted her to have a mamm and a dat. I knew I couldn’t support her after my family—well, they thought a baby conceived in sin was the ultimate humiliation. So, I left home, and created a new life for myself before Ella was born.”
Julia’s eyes widened as she leaned closer to clasp Lydianne’s wrist. “I—I had no idea!” she rasped. “The social worker who arranged the adoption didn’t give us any details except that the baby was to be born nearby, so we’d be able to pick her up as soon as the clinic determined that she was healthy. It was the happiest day of my life—well, almost,” she added fondly as she grasped her husband’s hand.
Swiping at her eyes, Lydianne silently thanked God that neither parent facing her seemed overly upset about the details they were hearing. They were startled, of course, but she saw no sign of resentment or anger.
“I wasn’t supposed to know where my baby went—or who was adopting her—except I caught sight of the adoption papers on the clinic counter,” she admitted with a hesitant smile. “When I saw that you lived in Morning Star, opportunities just seemed to open up for me here—like the job at Martin Flaud’s factory, and the house I found to rent.”
She let out a long, apologetic sigh. “I knew better than to tempt myself by coming here, but I just had to watch my little girl grow up. I never intended to interfere—or even reveal who I was. I’m so sorry that this story has caught you by surprise.”
“But what a story it is!” Julia said as tears flowed down her cheeks.
“What do we do about this situation?” Jeremiah asked. He gazed at each of the Nissleys in turn, allowing them time to consider the consequences of whatever they might decide. “If Lydianne confesses to her unwed pregnancy in church and is then shunned, as the Ordnung says she should be, everyone will know she’s Ella’s mother. I didn’t call her to her knees this past Sunday because Lydianne and I both want to do what’s best for Ella—and for your family.”
Lydianne couldn’t miss the way Jeremiah had spoken as though the two of them were on the same page—involved in this situation together. But it was no time for romantic fantasies. A young family’s future was at stake.
After a few moments’ consideration, Tim cleared his throat. “Ella will be devastated if Teacher Lydianne is shunned and suddenly has to stop teaching,” he said. “And as a school board member, I can’t think of any immediate replacement our district’s parents would respect and trust the way they do Lydianne.”
Lydianne blinked. Tim’s support was more than she’d hoped for, considering the way he’d learned of her situation. Before she could comment, however, he continued in a voice that rose with conviction.
“Glenn’s told me repeatedly that Billy Jay is so much happier because Lydianne pays him the attention he needs,” Tim stated. “The Waglers—and Julia and I—are delighted that Gracie and Ella are already reading. Even Clarence Miller, who’s a hard man to please, says his two teenage daughters want to become teachers because Lydianne has inspired them.”
Lydianne’s mouth dropped open, even as Jeremiah shot her a look that said I told you so.
“And Ella will be so upset if folks aren’t supposed to accept things
directly from your hand or include you in activities for weeks while you’re under the bann,” Julia put in with a shake of her head. “She won’t understand why everyone’s being mean to you, shutting you out.”
Lydianne nodded, catching the agreement in Jeremiah’s eyes.
“She can’t wait to come to school each day, to see what you’ll teach her next—because she loves you dearly, Lydianne,” Julia continued eloquently. “If she couldn’t hug you or talk with you—because a bann would mean you couldn’t be in this classroom interacting with students—Ella might just refuse to come to school! And we can’t have that.”
Lydianne nodded. She’d thought about those very matters, and the way they might affect a bright, eager six-year-old. Truth be told, it would tear her heart in two if she didn’t get to see Ella each day. How would she get through six weeks without hearing her daughter’s voice or basking in the sunshine of her dear smile?
“I’m so sorry this has happened, all because I selfishly wanted to be near my child,” Lydianne whispered. “I shouldn’t have moved to Morning Star, thinking I wouldn’t be found out—and I certainly shouldn’t have accepted the teaching position—”
“Oh, don’t go saying that,” Tim interrupted firmly. “Nobody I know would accept that sentiment, and they’d be sorry to see you leave. But, well—I don’t see any way around dismissing you, at least for the length of your bann.”
Lydianne nodded sadly. She had no idea how she’d support herself for six weeks while she awaited the decision of the church district about whether to allow her back in the classroom, either.
Julia glanced away, blinking back tears as she considered another angle to this situation. “I’m delighted that Ella loves you so much as a teacher, Lydianne,” she murmured. “But she’ll understand this whole adoption situation more completely when she’s older. Maybe someday I’ll be stronger, too—better able to share her with you because you’ve given us such a blessing, Lydianne. But right now . . .”
First Light in Morning Star Page 18