Hush

by Jess Wygle

  “Have you ever been married?”

  “No, not me. I’m married to my work.”

  “No children either?”

  Callem shook his head. “Nope.”

  I nodded slowly. “Is that something you’re opposed to?”

  “No, not at all. It’s just never happened for me. I’ve dated, casually since Camilla, but nothing strong enough to even consider that step.”

  I smiled. “I hear you.”

  “What about you? Lose any promising prospects?”

  “Not really,” I cringed. “I’m kind of like you. I’ve never dated much. There were a few guys while I was doing my residency, but nothing promising. I don’t think I could ever be with another doctor anyway.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s a very demanding, consuming profession. I’d either feel cheated or feel like I was cheating him out of me; cheating on him with my job, you know? It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

  “But if you found a doctor you fell for, like actually fell in love with, do you really think you’d turn that away?”

  That was a good question. I bit my lip. “Well, I don’t know love. I’ve never loved someone in that way. The love I have for Erin and her parents, that’s hard for me to consider it love. I think it’s more like a deep appreciation and sense of gratitude. I don’t know if I’d even know what love was if it hit me in the face. I was robbed of that, uh, innate, primal, instinctive love you get from a family. Sure the people I lived with throughout my life were caring and kind and generous, but it takes so much more than that to love and I just didn’t get it. I’m not a bad person for it, I’m just inexperienced.”

  “Undereducated,” Callem added.

  I chuckled. “Exactly. So it’s hard for me to know what I would do in that kind of situation since I’ve never had to deal with or fight with or debate with my rational thoughts versus the thoughts of someone in love. I’ve heard love makes people crazy, but what would I know,” I said playfully, rising a hearty laugh from Callem.

  It was then I realized we had both finished our meals and were lounging in an awkward pause in conversation. The server brought the sleek black folder containing the bill. He was about to hand the folder to Callem before I intervened.

  “Thank you for dinner,” Callem said as I slipped my credit card in the folder and dangled it over the edge of the table.

  “You’re very welcome. I know this is overkill, but I’m still not over how wonderful you were last night. I cringe at the idea of what could have happened and you’re in my debt for it.”

  “Not anymore,” Callem said, tapping the folder with his forefinger. “You’ve just wiped the slate. We’re even.”

  “I hardly think a piece of fish cooked and served to you is payment enough.”

  “It’s more than enough, especially when you couple it with your company.”

  I turned my head, smiling. “You’re too kind.” Another silence. I racked my brain rapidly, scrounging for a conversational topic, but came up empty handed, like usual. I’m no good at this.

  As Callem pulled up outside the office, dropping me off at my car, I didn’t want to get out of his car. I didn’t want to say ‘good-night’. The scariest thing was I didn’t understand why I felt this way.

  “Just remember, you can call me if you need anything. A ride home from somewhere or someone to upgrade your security system, anything really,” Callem said as he pulled alongside my Toyota.

  I nodded slowly. “Well, this was fun. Thank you for the ride. I’ll see you around.” I didn’t know what else to say as I pried myself from his car. He waited until I was in my car and it was started before he drove off.

  I leaned my head on the back of the seat, exhaling deeply. “What the hell is wrong with me?” I whispered.

  2013 - Olivia

  Breathe. Just breathe.

  How did it come to this? How could I have been so blind to all of it? I sat on the edge of the bed, staring into an invisible abyss. My eyes stung from the crying I’d done. My skin was still crawling with disgust. I wish I could take it off and send it to the dry cleaner. That still wouldn’t wash off the years of lies and deceit. My hands hadn’t stopped shaking since I put the pieces together.

  I looked at the clock. I’d been sitting in this spot for almost two hours, memories racing through my mind. So many things I’d missed. So many things that made sense now. So many questions I had unanswered that I probably didn’t want to know the answers to.

  He’d be home soon. He’d realize I left.

  He’d realize I knew.

  I stood up, walked over to the phone, and dialed Erin. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

  “Hello,” Erin answered after a few rings.

  “Hey,” I said lightly.

  “Hey, who is this?” she asked.

  “It’s Liv,” I said. Even though I called her from the hotel phone and she didn’t know the number I was calling from, I figured she still would have known it was me. I must have sounded awful if she didn’t recognize my voice.

  “Oh, hey stranger. Haven’t heard from you all week. Where are you? Did your phone die?”

  “Ugh, no I left it at home.” I leaned back on the bed against the headboard, taking meditative breaths to keep from weeping into the phone.

  “Oh, alright. What’s going on? How are you doing?”

  Loaded question. “I don’t know,” I whispered.

  Erin could finally hear the distress in my voice. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head. “Cal and I are fighting,” I said carefully. “I don’t mean to bother you with this, but I wanted to call.”

  “Liv, what are you talking about? What happened?”

  “Well, I’m not at the house. I left for the night. There are just some things I need to figure out and I had to get out of the house, but Cal doesn’t know where I am.”

  “He doesn’t know where you are? What the hell happened?” Erin asked more firmly.

  “I really don’t want to worry you. I’m calling because he may come by your house looking for me or he might call. If he calls, don’t answer it, please. If he comes by the house, just call this number and I’ll call him for you. Please, he’s going to be upset and I don’t want him to take it out on you or say something he wouldn’t normally, when he’s got a level head.”

  “You’re kind of scaring me here. Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

  “No, no, nothing like that. I don’t want to get into it. I’m so exhausted from it and it’s not your problem. I don’t want to bother you with my marital issues. Everything is going to be okay. I just need some time to myself.”

  “I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m a little freaked out. I just wish you’d tell me. Despite what you just said, do you want me to come stay with you? We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about. We can just lounge around together, order room service, order some movies.”

  “No. I just want to be alone. Please, just call me if he tries to reach out to you and I’ll call him.”

  “Where are you at?”

  “I’m at the Omni downtown. Don’t tell him where I am. I don’t want to make a scene here.”

  “You know, none of what you’re saying is comforting me. Did you catch him cheating or something? You can tell me, just to ease my mind.”

  I scoffed quietly. “Please, honestly, I didn’t call to talk about this fight. There’s a reason why I’m not telling you. It’s,” I paused. I didn’t even know how to dumb it down. “It’s between Callem and me. Please respect that and know I wouldn’t put myself in a dangerous or volatile situation. I’m safe. Cal would never hurt me, you know that. I just need some time.”

  Erin was quiet for a moment, though I could hear her scoffing lightly on the other end. “Alright. Just promise me you’ll call if things get out of hand or if you decide you want me there with you. Seriously.”

  “Alright, I promise. Remember, don’t talk to Callem.
Just call this number back if he tries to find me through you. Ask for room 831. I’ll be here all night. I’ll call you tomorrow if I don’t talk to you later.”

  “Alright. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  I hung up the phone just as the sobs started to spew out of me. This would be the end of us. This secret; this lie would destroy everything we had together. It will never be the same. As badly as I had to walk away from him, I didn’t want to. Did that make me selfish or naive, maybe a little of both?

  I knew what I had to do. I knew what needed to be done and I dreaded it with all my might. Why did he do this to me? Look what he’s made me do. How could I hate someone so much that I was so deeply in love with? I hated myself for it more than I hated him. No matter how awful the offense, you can’t erase the feelings and the memories you’ve held so close to your heart.

  My stomach flip-flopped. I could just imagine him at home, looking for me, wondering where I was, unaware he’d been caught; he’d been found out. I can just imagine his disbelief when he realizes what I’ve discovered. He’ll be so angry. He’ll be beside himself. He’ll look for me. He’ll want to explain, no, he’ll want to distract me from the truth. He’ll want to make excuses. He’ll want me back.

  He won’t get a chance. He ruined everything.

  I had to be strong. He knows me better than anyone. He knows I’m weak. He knows if he tries hard enough he can get what he wants from me. He knows. He’s always known. Is that why he picked me? Is that why he got away with it for so long? Because my eyes weren’t open? Because I didn’t ask questions?

  I took a deep breath, wiping the tears off my cheeks. The storm was nearly at my doorstep.

  2006 - Callem

  I hadn’t thought about her in the three months, not since we’d last seen each other for that quick bite to eat. There hadn’t been any other reason to see each other, not until my phone rang. “Callem Tate,” I answered.

  “Callem, hello,” a sweet voice cooed on the other end. It took me a second to realize who I was talking to. “It’s Olivia Reinbeck, how are you?”

  “Dr. Reinbeck, uh, Olivia, I’m doing well, thank you. And yourself? It’s been awhile.”

  “I’m doing great and yes, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it? Have I caught you at a bad time?”

  “No, not at all.” If she had called me a half hour earlier, it would have been a bad time. I just dropped off a client at the airport and was heading back to the office. “To what do I owe this call?”

  “Well, I’m calling about business. You see, I was asked to step in for one of my colleagues for a conference going on in Chicago. I’ve never been to Chicago, not that I’m incapable of going on my own, but I thought it’d be easier to have an escort, you know, reliable transportation to get me to and from the conference and the hotel and the airport. It’s probably too short of notice to ask for your assistance, but I thought I’d try. You’d mentioned you had a lot of other men working for you so I didn’t know if there was someone available.”

  “Oh, I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem. When’s the trip?”

  “This weekend, just for the weekend. I fly out of LAX on Friday morning and then back Monday.”

  I smiled. “Well, today’s your lucky day. I’m going to be in Chicago this week working out of our office there. I’d be more than happy to pencil you in while I’m there.” I lied. I had no such arrangements to go to Chicago, but she’d just given me a great excuse to check on the boys over there. “Do you have an itinerary you could send my way so I have an idea of your schedule and how much transportation you’ll need?”

  “Absolutely. The office is expensing your services so I can send you the billing information as well.”

  “That’d be fine. Do you have my email?”

  “Um, yes, I see it’s here on your card.” She kept my card.

  “Great. Just send me the addresses and your schedule and I’ll confirm pick-up at the airport Thursday night. Are you traveling alone or is another colleague going with you?”

  “I’ll be alone for this trip. I really appreciate you squeezing me in on such short notice. I would have called earlier, but I just found out about it last night and was kind of scrambling to make all the arrangements.”

  “That’s not a problem. It happens more than you think. You have to be flexible in this industry.”

  “Great. Well, I’ll send everything your way and I look forward to hearing from you on Thursday.”

  “Sounds good.”

  As soon as I hung up with Olivia, I called Red. “Hey it’s me. Look, I've got a change of plans. I’m going to Chicago tomorrow. I’m taking one of the jets and I won’t be back until next week.”

  “Why, what’s going on?” Red asked me.

  “Just got a client going out there. I’ll just work out of the office when I’m not on the road. Can you take care of my meetings while I’m gone? I can dial into them in case anything comes up you can’t speak to.”

  “Yeah, I’ve got it under control. Who’s the client?”

  “Remember that doctor from a couple of months ago?”

  “The one who almost got date-raped by that pop star? Yeah, yeah I remember her,” Red said chuckling lightly. “Isn’t she like a teenager or something? What are you so interested in driving her around for?”

  “It’s not like that. I just want to help her out. She’s never been to Chicago and her company is picking up the bill so why turn down the work?”

  “Uh huh, you’re not convincing me, especially when you’re trying so hard to dodge this conversation. Is she cute?”

  I shook my head. Typical Red to think with his dick. “To be honest, she looks like Camilla, a lot like Camilla. I was kind of freaked out the first time I saw her. It was like seeing a ghost. That’s how much she looks like Camilla.”

  Red paused for a second. “Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?”

  “I haven’t thought that through yet.” I sighed. “It’s probably a little bit of both. I know that has a lot to do with why I felt so compelled to look out for her that night at Staples and why I’m dropping everything to do her a favor. Now that I think about it, it’s probably a bad thing, a really bad thing.”

  “Nah, I’m sure it’s alright. You’re not as dumb as you used to be and if she’s a doctor, I’m sure she’s a lot smarter than Camilla was; smarter than you, too.”

  I nodded. “Right, well call me if you need anything from me. I’m going to be heading out of town as soon as the jet is ready. Oh, and could you call Todd and let him know I’m headed his way.” Todd was the manager at the Chicago branch and would probably like a little bit of heads up before his boss drops in for a surprise visit.

  “Will do, boss. Safe trip.”

  Red and I have been working together for so long he understood what it meant when I told him about the resemblance between Olivia and Camilla. He knew Camilla and he knew her well. He knew what she meant to me and what it did to me when I lost her.

  Let’s just hope I’m not making attempts to have that back through Olivia. Olivia isn’t Camilla. I couldn’t forget that. I can’t let my past cloud my eyes and my mind.

  I sighed heavily. Oh, this was a bad idea.

  2013 - Callem

  “How much did she see?” Red asked as he and I stood in front of the open safe.

  “All of it,” I spat, stuffing the documents and files back into the safe. “She saw everything. Why the fuck was this thing open? How could you have been so careless?”

  “Cal, that’s beside the point,” Red said calmly, trying to calm me with his cool tone. “You’ve been tiptoeing around this for seven years. It was only a matter of time before she found out.”

  I squeezed my jaw. I had it in my mind to grab Red and beat the life right out of him. “Not like this. I didn’t want her to find out this way. Don’t try to defend yourself. You know you fucked up royally.”

  Red cocked his head to the side. “Come on, man, I would never choose
her over you. You know that. You know me. You’re not thinking straight right now, alright? We’ll figure this out. We’ll find her and then you can work this out. Okay? We just need to get our shit together. We’re professionals, remember? We’ve done this before. She can’t hide. We’ll just start with Erin, the cab companies, and we’ll go from there. If she’s not at Erin’s then she’s at a hotel. There’s no one else to call; nowhere else she’d go but those two places. You know she wouldn’t involve her parents in this. And if she’s at a hotel, she used a card to get a room. This is a cake walk for us.”

  “We need to get rid of it. All of it,” I mumbled, eyes glazed over as I stared into the safe. “Torch it all. She’s my wife, but she’s also a liability now. I’m not worried about finding her. I know that’s not the problem. The problem is getting her back. She won’t want me now.”

  “She doesn’t get to make a choice,” Red said quietly. “We can’t take that risk. She’s seen enough to,” he paused, “well, it doesn’t matter because we’ll get her back, one way or another. It may not be pretty. It may not be neat, but we have to do what we need to do, right?”

  I looked at Red for a long moment.

  “Are you prepared for that, Cal? Are you prepared to do what we need to?”

  “Don’t fucking talk to me like that,” I whispered, dropping my gaze. “We are going to do everything we can to ensure it doesn’t get to that point, do you understand me? We’re brothers, right? Thick and thin, we’ve got each other’s backs, but I promise you, I promise you I will kill you myself if you touch her. I will.”

  Red’s lips pursed. I hit a nerve and I could see that in his eyes. He nodded slowly. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, man. For both our sakes, let’s hope it doesn’t go that far. I’d rather it go as far as last time than it come to that.”

  And now he’d hit a nerve with me. I pulled back and slugged Red right across his face. The blow surprised him and he flew backward, falling into the wall. Before he could right himself, I was on top of him, pulling him to his feet by his shirt.