by Jess Wygle
“Would you like me to take you back to the hotel?” Callem asked, as he slid into the driver’s seat.
“Actually, I really need a drink,” I sighed. “Is it unprofessional to invite you to dinner?”
I wish I could have seen Callem’s expression before he answered. He kept his eyes out the front windshield. “Not at all, but you’re not paying for me this time,” he added coyly. “Where to?”
“You know this town. You’re behind the wheel. I’m just along for the ride,” I said, leaning back.
Callem nodded and we were off. We drove in silence as I sifted through emails on my phone. I made one quick call to my nurse, Amanda, to check in and before I knew it, Callem was parking the car. I stuffed my silenced phone into the front of my bag as the door opened for me and Callem’s hand appeared to help me out.
The sun had dipped behind the buildings, but golden rays still cast an orange light over the city. “We’ve got to walk a little ways. There wasn’t a spot closer than this,” Callem explained. “I hope you like Italian.”
“Oh, that’s perfect. Nothing like a belly full of carbs to end the night,” I said as we started down the sidewalk. “Did you get a lot of work done today?”
Callem nodded. “I did. I haven’t been on site here in Chicago for a couple of months and it was probably a couple of months too long. Things were a little out of order for my taste so it was a much needed visit.”
“Ah, one of those kinds of visits, huh? I’m sure your employees were glad to see you then,” I chuckled quietly.
“Um, no. They probably could have done without me or at least had more of a heads-up so they could get things in order I before I just dropped in on them. Secretly, I love to catch them off guard like that.”
He and I both chuckled lightly. “So what’s this place you’re taking me to?”
“Renaldi’s. It’s amazing. I know it well. I eat here nearly every time I come to town. It’s phenomenal.”
I spotted the large tan sign with the cursive green lettering just ahead, perched on the side of a burgundy canopy over the entrance. As usual, Callem held the door open for me. Just inside the door was the pizza-making station. One man was topping a doughy crust while another was behind him tossing the dough over his head in a theatrical display, spinning it off his fists and sending it in the air above him before catching it.
“Ello, welcome to Renaldi’s,” the host greeted us in an Italian accent. “Just the two of you this evening?”
“Yes.” I nodded before he led us to a booth in the back corner of the restaurant. The dining area had two large round tables in the middle surrounded by a few smaller tables and two rows of booths on either side of the room. The large round tables were so large, they had Lazy Susans in the middle of them, fit for a true and large Italian family.
“My name is Rafe. Would you like to start off with drinks?” the host asked, transforming himself into our waiter.
Callem looked at me. Ladies first I suppose. “I’d love a glass of, um, merlot. Let’s just start with the merlot,” I said.
“A water will be fine for me,” Callem said, turning his attention to his menu.
Rafe turned and walked under a large ornate archway leading to another section of the restaurant, disappearing out of sight. I turned to my menu also. I felt like a bit of a lush drinking on my own, but not only did Callem have a professional image to uphold, he was my driver. I suppose it was best if he didn’t indulge, even if only a little.
“What do you usually get here when you come?” I asked Callem, feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of the mouthwatering choices in front of me.
“I try something new every time,” he explained. “Let’s see, I’ve had the stuffed shells, both the chicken Angelo and the chicken Monte Carlo. The baked ziti is good. The eggplant parmigiana and spinach ravioli are good too. Their pizza though, that’s where it’s at.”
I looked over my shoulder at the two men still making the pizza pies behind me. “It sure does smell wonderful in here,” I noted, turning back to the menu as Rafe returned with our drinks.
“Would you like to order any appetizers? Baked ravioli, some cheese and garlic bread?” Rafe offered.
Again, Callem looked at me. “No, thank you,” I replied.
“Do you need a few more minutes?” Rafe asked.
“Yes please,” Callem said, without a consulting gaze this time.
“Not a problem. Take your time. I will check on you in a few minutes,” Rafe explained before turning back to the host stand.
I cupped the delicate wine glass in my hand and took a long drink. I could feel Callem watching me for a long second before averting his eyes back to his distracting menu. “Oh, that hit the spot,” I mumbled, carefully setting the glass down. “My nerves went a little crazy back there.”
“Social anxiety,” Callem said, referring back to the topic of conversation over our first meal together.
“Yes, exactly. I didn’t think it would bother me so much because I’d be in a room of colleagues rather than coeds, but I guess it’s all the same. Everyone still looks at me like a little girl. I don’t think they take me seriously. I know I’m just being paranoid, but I can’t shake that feeling of insignificance. If it’s not that, I’m an attraction. I should have had my own panel at the conference and opened it up to questions. That’s what it felt like. Everyone I met wanted to know about my bedside manner and my patient’s reactions to my age and my work load and my residency and how I got my foot in the door already. I’ve never felt so judged before in my life. Sorry, I shouldn’t be dumping all of this on you.” I picked up the glass again for another pull.
“No need to apologize. I can see why you wanted a drink,” Callem said, closing his menu and giving me his full attention.
“I don’t even know if I want to go tomorrow. I wish the cancer care team seminar was today. It’d really give me an excuse to duck out early. That particular seminar is the only reason I came to the conference to begin with so I can’t miss it.”
“I thought you’d been to these sort of things before?” Callem asked.
“I have, but when I’d go to the other ones, I was with Dr. Sladek or with a group of students, people I knew who could shield me or deflect. I’ve never gone alone. I didn’t know so many people knew about me, either. Dr. Sladek must mention me more than I thought.”
“That would mean he thinks highly of you, wouldn’t you say?”
I shrugged. “I suppose, but just because he mentions me to his colleagues, that doesn’t mean it’s always a positive conversation.”
Callem turned his head sideways slightly. “That’s a cheery outlook you have there,” he noted.
I smirked with a sigh, shaking my head. “I know, I know. After a lifetime of being held back, even with my accelerated lifestyle, I supposed I’ve been conditioned to assume it’s my destiny to be cast in only one light. I’m doomed to be seen as a child playing doctor.”
“You’d think the stereotype would diminish with time. Experience; tenure cures everything.”
I nodded. “It’s getting to that point and my patience has been tested on the journey to tenure. I mean, you started young in your business with your father, didn’t you? Wasn’t that a roadblock for you, too?”
Before Callem could answer, Rafe had returned to take our order. I went with the fettuccini alfredo and Callem got seafood alfredo. “You know,” Callem started, picking up where we’d been interrupted. “I don’t think it was people’s trust in me because of my age. I think it had more to do with who my father was. It was a double-edged sword. Some guys had respect for me because they knew I was getting first-hand knowledge from my father, so what I knew came from him. Others saw me as the snot-nosed son of the boss who didn’t really want to be there; was only there because it was expected of me and maybe didn’t take it as seriously as my father did. You just have to prove to everyone what you stand for and what you’re working for. What’s your paradigm?”
“
My paradigm?”
“Yeah, what’s your driving force? What’s your ‘why’? Why do you do everything you do? For me, at this point in my life, I feel like every day I’m preparing for a life I’ll eventually have. Everything I have, everything I’ve built, everything I’m working for is a future with a family and stability and security. I’m building an empire, for lack of a better word, meant for people, a wife and children, that I have yet to meet.”
“Wow,” I managed. “That’s deep. How long was it before you realized that was your ‘why’?”
Callem shrugged. “I guess I never laid it out like that before. I’ve never really explained it to anyone like that before. I remember asking myself that question when I bought my first house. I had the company and I had all this money and this big empty house and I asked myself what I was doing. I don’t know if I decided that this was the path I wanted to go down or if the path chose me. Either way, I knew I was just preparing myself for a life I wanted to share with someone else. I don’t know. Does that make sense?”
I nodded quickly. “Absolutely. That makes perfect sense. You can’t really go any further with that dream until the someone you’ve been waiting for walks into your life, so it’s all about preparation until then. I get it.”
Callem nodded slowly. “What about you? Why do you do what you do?”
I pursed my lips and shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. You’d think with a question like that, it would be relatively easy to conjure up an answer, but I’m drawing an absolute blank. When I was younger and people asked me that, I probably said something like I want to save lives. I want to help people. I don’t feel like that answer is good enough anymore. Shouldn’t there be something more? Shouldn’t I have an answer like yours?”
Callem shook his head. “Olivia, you’re twenty-one years old. I didn’t know which way was up when I was twenty-one and that’s why I joined the army. Even if you did know what you were working for, it doesn’t mean its set in stone. It can be changed. There’s no shame in not knowing at this point in your life.”
Rafe came by and refilled my merlot. I took another sip as soon as he left.
“I hope I didn’t offend you,” Callem said, after I’d given him no response.
“Oh, no. No. Not at all. I don’t usually talk candidly like this. Maybe just with Erin, but she and I are the same age. The only future she thinks about is what she’s going to be doing that weekend. Erin and I live in two completely different worlds and sometimes I forget to talk about my big girl problems. This conversation is actually quite refreshing. I’m not talking about blood cell counts or MRI results or even about Erin’s newest fling. I’m talking about me. I should do this more often. It’s very educational.”
Callem smiled. “I’m sure it is. We’re both doing something we don’t normally do tonight. I don’t usually have dinner with clients.”
“You know, speaking of clients, I wish you wouldn’t see me as that,” I started. “I feel like we met on slightly casual circumstances and we’ve had dinner with each other before. I didn’t ask for your services this weekend because we’re professional acquaintances. I asked because we know each other better than that, I think, at least a little better than just a client and service provider. You don’t have to treat me like one of your clients. Just treat me like Olivia. Loosen the tie, crack a joke or two, and save the formalities for your next client. Don’t waste them on me.”
Our gazes connected for far too long. Thankfully, Rafe intervened again, presenting the two of us with steaming dishes of food that enticed the senses.
After dinner, Callem drove me back to the hotel and bid me farewell, until tomorrow. Once again, I was left unsatisfied and utterly alone. I was beginning to wonder when I’d buck up and do something about it.
2013 - Olivia
“Well, what did you say to him?”
“I just told him I didn’t know where you were and that he needed to leave,” Erin explained to me over the phone.
“Did he ask to come in? Was he pushy?”
“No, he didn’t ask to come in. He didn’t seem angry or anything like that. He just seemed concerned and a little desperate.”
“Erin, you were supposed to call me. You weren’t even supposed to talk to him.”
“What the hell did you want me to do, Liv? My car was in the driveway. He knew I was home. You still haven’t told me what you two are fighting about. It can’t be that bad. He looked more upset than anything. He’s worried about you.”
He’s playing her just the way he played me. It sort of made me nauseous to hear her defend him. “It doesn’t concern you. Honestly, it’s better you don’t know. Was Red there?”
“Yeah. It was the two of them. He just kept telling me he wanted to talk to you. He said he was really worried about you and wanted to know where you were. I told him I didn’t know. He asked if I’d talked to you and I told him I had, but you had been really short and vague and just wanted me to know you were okay.”
“Oh, Erin. You shouldn’t have told him that.”
“He’s not an idiot. He knows you and I talk nearly every day. He would never have believed me if I told him I hadn’t heard from you in three days.”
“That’s why I wanted you to call me and not talk to him. Then you wouldn’t have to lie. I could have just told him to leave you alone.”
“It’s fine. He left. He asked me to call him if I heard from you and to try and find out where you are. Have you even left the hotel since you checked in?”
I sighed. “Not really. I took a walk last night just to get some fresh air, but the hotel has a gym and a restaurant so I really don’t need to leave.”
“Olivia! You’ve been there for three days! You’ve got to get out of there. You’re probably going crazy. Why don’t you come over for dinner or something?”
I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. “I’m sure he didn’t believe you at all today. He’s probably going to have someone watching your house.” I said more than I should have.
“What are you talking about? You’re not a fugitive, Liv. You’re his wife. Why would he patrol my house? That’s a little excessive, wouldn’t you say?” Her tone reflected her mounting concern.
I sighed heavily. I shouldn’t have even said that. Something like that would just open up a can of worms and another conversation of Erin asking questions I couldn’t even answer. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even involved you.” I really shouldn’t have. Her repeated nagging was becoming tiresome.
“Well, that’s unavoidable. I’m sure the first place he thought to look for you was my house. He was probably just giving you some time to cool down before he came looking for you. He was probably hoping you’d come home on your own. Is it really that bad that you have to hide from him in a hotel room for half a week? How long do you plan on staying there?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know. I have so much to, there’s just, it’s hard to explain. I don’t want to get you involved any more than you need to be so I just really can’t talk about it,” I snapped in frustration.
“That shit freaks me out, Olivia. You’ve got to give me something so I don’t completely lose my mind over here.”
My patience was growing thin. “Erin, please. Stop asking or I’m going to stop calling. I’m not going to tell you, I’m sorry. I know you’re my sister and I’ll tell you everything when it’s safe, but take my word for it when I tell you it’s better not to know.”
There was a silence. “Alright, well when you want to take me up on my offer, let me know. You know where to find me,” Erin said shortly.
“Don’t be mad at me, okay? I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Have a good night,” Erin said quickly before hanging up the phone.
I couldn’t blame her for being mad. I would be just as frustrated with her if the roles were reversed. It must be killing her to know Callem and I are in such a heated quarrel without knowing the cause.
I d
idn’t worry myself with Erin for too long because my biggest problem was Callem. I’m sure he knew exactly where I was and it was only a matter of time before he came knocking on my door. What was I going to do when that happened? How far was I going to take it? Would he get physical with me? Would he make a scene in the hotel? My stomach turned thinking about it.
One moment at a time. That’s how I’ve been handling this since I left. That’s how I’d have to keep handling it. I walked to the door and secured the dead bolt below the door handle as well as the security bar, just in case.
2006 - Callem
“Welcome back boss,” Red said, as I strolled into the office Tuesday morning. “How was Chi-town?”
He followed me into my office. “It was a mess. Those guys do not like me anymore. They’re all in an uproar. I want someone back there in a month to check on things again, preferably you because you know how I like it.”
“That’s not what I was talking about,” Red said slyly, slipping into the chair in front of my desk. “I mean how was your doctor friend?”
I paused for a second. “She’s in big trouble,” I finally said.
“You didn’t?”
“No,” I spat. “No, Don Juan. I didn’t sleep with her. Doesn’t mean I didn’t want to and I’m pretty sure she was thinking about it. She asked me to dinner both nights which was hard to turn down. You forget the person you’re talking to when you’re with her. You forget she’s just a baby. She’s so,” I didn’t know where to start, but didn’t know why I was telling Red all this. I felt like a crushing school girl.
“Holy shit, Cal,” Red mumbled. “What are you saying? This doesn’t have anything to do with Camilla, does it?”
I inhaled deeply. “It’s so weird because all weekend I kept telling myself to keep Camilla out of my mind. She looks so much like Camilla, but doesn’t act like or think like her. She’s who I would’ve seen Camilla as now if Camilla was still alive, but looks like a twenty-one year old Camilla. Does that make sense?”